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Taskmaster (NZ) S06 E05 2025
Taskmaster (NZ) S06 E06 >> https://dai.ly/x9pufic
Taskmaster (NZ) S06 E06 >> https://dai.ly/x9pufic
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00:00Pull!
00:02Pull!
00:12Yes!
00:14Oh, ma'am.
00:16Au revoir!
00:20Yeah! Oh, no!
00:26Ah!
00:30Yeah!
00:34Nau mai piki mai and welcome
00:36to Taskmaster.
00:38My name is Jeremy Wells and if you're watching
00:40this on demand, please
00:42feel free to skip ahead six seconds
00:44to when this introduction is over
00:46and we finally get to the good bit
00:48when I tell you that I am
00:50the Taskmaster.
00:54With me on stage tonight are
00:56five winners of life
00:58and losers of tasks
01:00please put your hands together
01:02for Alice Sneddon,
01:04Brie Thomasell,
01:06Jack Ansett,
01:08Jackie Van Beek
01:10and
01:12Pax Asadi.
01:14And
01:16next to me, as always,
01:18because every principal first violinist
01:20needs someone by their side playing
01:22second fiddle.
01:24It's the one, the only,
01:26Paul Williams!
01:28I am ready for a prize task,
01:30I am ready for a prize task, Paul.
01:32What have we asked the contestants
01:34to do tonight?
01:36This week, we've asked our contestants
01:38to bring in the two best things
01:40that rhyme.
01:44I think we should start with Jack.
01:46Um, musicians, they rhyme.
01:48Would we all agree?
01:50Yes, yes. So, I DM'd
01:52a whole lot of them
01:54and I guess just through my high profile
01:56I managed to get
01:58Susie Kato!
02:04Yes, and famous
02:06New Zealand rapper
02:08Young Sizzle.
02:10Um...
02:12Young Sizzle looks a lot
02:14like young Jack Ansett.
02:16Oh yeah, we hear that all the time.
02:18So they make rhymes.
02:20Yeah.
02:21Oh, but their names don't rhyme.
02:22No, they don't, but they rhyme.
02:24If you've made that one up,
02:26why not go to the effort of giving them
02:28a name that rhymes with Susie Kato?
02:32It feels like I'm really gonna say
02:34see you, see you later to five points here.
02:36But...
02:37Jackie, what did you bring in?
02:38Two things that rhyme.
02:40A nail and some male.
02:42Hmm.
02:43Now, the nail is self-explanatory
02:45and the male, a little bit of a back story.
02:48So, I have a wonderful marriage.
02:51Um...
02:53And my husband and I communicate
02:54very well about all of the big things.
02:56With the small things, not so great.
02:58End of last year, we get a parking ticket,
03:00didn't really sit down and talk about it.
03:02Neither of us paid the fine.
03:04Then, I come home,
03:05there's a letter from Bay Corp
03:06on the table opened.
03:08Threatening court action,
03:09if I don't pay it.
03:10So, yet again,
03:11Jessie and I don't communicate about that.
03:14Um, but we both pay it.
03:17And then, we got sent this letter.
03:19I've never seen a form from Bay Corp
03:21saying, please stop paying.
03:24And I am willing to give this
03:26to the person who wins this F.
03:28And if you can be bothered filling out the form,
03:30you get the refund.
03:31Wow.
03:32Great.
03:33That's good.
03:34Yeah, that's good.
03:35So generous.
03:36Okay.
03:37Pax, what did you bring in?
03:38We all agree that immigration is a good thing.
03:40Absolutely.
03:41Yeah.
03:42Paul was saying something.
03:43Yeah, I know Paul's beliefs.
03:45I know Paul's beliefs.
03:46But I believe that without immigration,
03:48you guys would mostly just be eating mashed potatoes.
03:51Shepherd's pie.
03:52Yeah.
03:53Like, we hate white people food.
03:55You hate mashed potatoes?
03:56We pretend to like it for employment reasons.
03:59Anyway, so what I've brought is two things
04:02that my people have brought to New Zealand
04:04that have enhanced the culinary experience.
04:06And that is rice and spice.
04:11They're wrong.
04:13They're wrong.
04:15Saffron.
04:16Honourly with you, I do not know what saffron is.
04:19And you know what, Jack?
04:21That checks out.
04:24Alice, what did you bring in?
04:25Yes.
04:26Well, Jeremy, I think you'd agree
04:28one of the things we share in common is a love
04:30for 90s sitcom star Christina Applegate.
04:35Yeah, there she is.
04:36Truly the best at what she does.
04:38I mean, could you name a better actor in her field?
04:42There you go.
04:43That's exactly my point.
04:45And you know, I thought,
04:46what could possibly rhyme with her
04:49that would live up to the standard that she sets?
04:51And then it hit me.
04:53Christina Applegate and the Sistina Chapel, mate.
04:58Oh, yeah.
05:00So, are you saying that that's the Sistina Chapel?
05:03Like the...
05:04No, I'm saying Sistine Chapel,
05:06but I'm doing the respectful thing
05:07and doing a bit of an Italian accent.
05:10Oh, wow.
05:11Sorry, Brie. Apologies.
05:12I'm okay with it.
05:13Okay, great.
05:14Sistine Chapel!
05:15I think go harder.
05:16Yeah, go harder.
05:17Yeah, go harder.
05:18Yeah.
05:19Brie, what did you bring in?
05:20This is easy for me
05:21because my two favourite things in the whole world
05:23actually rhyme,
05:24which is art
05:26and, of course,
05:27fart.
05:28Oh.
05:30Oh.
05:31Hold on, that's just a jar.
05:32Now, hold on, hold on.
05:33You might think that
05:35this is just a fart in a jar.
05:38And on one hand, you'd be correct.
05:40But it needs more context as to why it is art.
05:51Oh, my God.
05:56Incredible.
05:57That's amazing.
05:58It's an art fart.
06:00Wow.
06:01Yeah.
06:02No, that's five points right there.
06:04Yes!
06:08Pax, four points for you.
06:10Yes!
06:11Anything that nourishes billions is worth four points.
06:13I agree.
06:14Susie Cato and Young Sizzle,
06:17I'll give you three points for that, Jack.
06:19Wow.
06:20Nice, Jack.
06:21Nail and nail.
06:22Jackie, it rhymes,
06:23so I'll give you two points.
06:25And then one point for Alice
06:26because it didn't even rhyme.
06:27Oh, wow.
06:28So at the start of episode five,
06:30Brie is running away with it in first place
06:33and Alice is leaving it where it is
06:35and having a lie down.
06:37Right.
06:38Let's get to the first proper task of the episode, Paul.
06:42It's one that will separate the poses from the athletes.
06:54What are you doing?
06:55You could have done this before I came through the sheet.
07:01There's nothing on it.
07:03What are you doing there?
07:05It helps.
07:06That's what you do, isn't it?
07:07Oh, okay.
07:09Take the most...
07:12Mind-blowing photo...
07:13On the camera on the tripod.
07:15Most mind-blowing photo wins.
07:18The camera will take one photo exactly...
07:24Five minutes after Paul says the phrase...
07:27Great day for it.
07:29I can't read the next bit.
07:31Maybe we could just read it from the task in your pocket.
07:33No.
07:34Should I just give you this one?
07:36Oh, that's nice.
07:37Your time starts during the next task.
07:41Oh, wow.
07:42So I don't do it now.
07:43I do it during the next task.
07:44I have to take the most mind-blowing photo.
07:45Mm-hmm.
07:48Okay.
07:49See you soon.
07:50See you soon.
07:55Hello Jack.
07:56Hello Alice.
07:57Welcome.
07:58You don't need to welcome me.
07:59Well, I just did.
08:00You're welcome.
08:01No, no, you're welcome.
08:02You're welcome.
08:03You're welcome, man.
08:04Welcome.
08:06You welcome.
08:13Kick the ball into the caravan.
08:15Fewest kicks wins.
08:17You may attempt this as many times as you want.
08:21However, if you start again, all prior attempts are wiped.
08:25You must start from the spot in the study.
08:28You have 20 minutes.
08:29Your time starts now.
08:34So in terms of the task, Paul.
08:36Yes.
08:37There's two parts to it.
08:38There is.
08:39Kick a ball into the caravan, as few kicks as possible.
08:42And then during that task, at some point, I'll say the phrase, great day for it.
08:46And then they have five minutes to get to the lab and take the most mind blowing photo.
08:49Okay.
08:50Excellent.
08:51Right.
08:52Whose minimum kicks and maximum looks are we going to see first?
08:55By the way, Paul.
08:56Mm-hmm.
08:57You're welcome.
08:58All Jokes Asadi is one of my favorite comedians.
09:03Please welcome Pax Asadi.
09:05Yeah.
09:07Get in.
09:08Get in.
09:10That's one kick.
09:11Yes.
09:12That's five.
09:13That's six.
09:14You've got 14 minutes.
09:15Okay.
09:16That turned the wrong way at the end.
09:17That's seven.
09:18Get over.
09:19Glenfield Rovers.
09:20Under 12's top goal scorer.
09:21It went in.
09:22That was good, eh?
09:23Yeah.
09:24It went in.
09:25That was good, eh?
09:26Yeah.
09:27Yeah.
09:28Thanks, Paul.
09:29Wait.
09:30You don't want to try anymore?
09:32Do another one and wipe that one.
09:33No way.
09:34That was a great day for it.
09:37That's the phrase.
09:38What is?
09:39Either it's a great day for it.
09:40Either it's a great day for it, or it's a good day for it.
09:42No way, good!
09:43No way, good.
09:44You don't want to try anymore?
09:45Do another one and wipe that one.
09:46No way.
09:47It's a great day for it.
09:53That's the phrase.
09:55What is?
09:55Either it's a great day for it or let's go fishing.
09:58And I feel like you haven't said let's go fishing,
10:00so it must be that it's a great day for it.
10:02Let's go fishing.
10:03What?
10:04I'm super keen for fishing.
10:05Paul, get in here.
10:06I can't remember how much time I had.
10:08I'm not sure either, sorry.
10:11Let's just practice.
10:11Three, two, one.
10:14That's good.
10:16Okay, now what do we do?
10:17Well, I don't know when it's going to go off,
10:19so do we have to constantly jump?
10:22I guess so.
10:23I also don't know if the phrase is let's go fishing
10:27or it's a good day for it because you said both.
10:32Was that it?
10:34Yeah.
10:35Okay, so what was going to be mind blowing
10:43about two guys on a mop?
10:45Um, uh, nothing.
10:49I'm quite happy with my kicks though.
10:51Yeah.
10:52Glenfield Rovers, under 12?
10:53Under 12's top goal scorer.
10:54Yeah, I can see why.
10:55What sport was Glenfield Rovers?
10:57Soccer.
10:58Oh.
10:59Burn.
11:03What does that mean?
11:04I've said all I need to say.
11:08All right, get ready.
11:09We're going to take a photo of you as soon as the ad break is up,
11:13so you better be back here by then
11:15and you better be looking your best.
11:17Your time starts now.
11:19Welcome back to Taskmaster.
11:35Right, what were we doing, Paul?
11:37Our contestants were trying to complete two tasks at once.
11:41They had to get the ball in the caravan with as few kicks as possible
11:44and five minutes after I said the phrase great day for it,
11:47they had to pose for the most mind-blowing photo in the lab.
11:50Right, whose kicks and snaps are we going to see next, Paul?
11:54It's ladies' night.
11:56Go off, queens.
11:58It's time for my gals, Alice, Bree and Jackie.
12:02Shall we start?
12:03Mm-hmm.
12:06Would you consider this a kick?
12:11Is that a kick?
12:12Didn't think so.
12:15OK, I'm going to start again.
12:17Oh, shit.
12:19Shit.
12:24Because my foot's not...
12:26Oh, shit.
12:28Oh.
12:32Shit.
12:33No, that's gone badly.
12:35OK.
12:36Great day for it.
12:37Oh, come on.
12:39Great day for it.
12:43It's a great day for it.
12:44It really is.
12:45OK.
12:49That's four.
12:50So what are you doing, setting a timer?
12:52Yeah.
12:54That's five.
12:55I'm going again.
12:59Don't look at me like that.
13:04You've got 14 minutes 45.
13:06It's far out.
13:07Time management.
13:14Oh, pretty good, Paul.
13:16OK, let's go.
13:17Photo time, Paul.
13:19Three.
13:21Let's go take a photo.
13:24Are you sure?
13:25Positive.
13:26Oh, shit.
13:26Will we know if the photo's been taken?
13:30It'll be flash.
13:31Oh!
13:37Oh, no.
13:38I don't think this is possible.
13:39Ah!
13:41Oh!
13:44That's going to be one hell of a fight.
13:49OK, quick, Paul.
13:50Back up here.
13:51OK.
13:53Not bad.
13:56Rugby plays do it.
13:58Oh, man.
14:04This might be my greatest moment on Taskmaster yet.
14:10Count me down from 10.
14:12You want to wait till there's 10 seconds left?
14:14Yep.
14:15So you're trying to give yourself more pressure.
14:17Yeah.
14:20Eight.
14:21Seven.
14:22Six.
14:27Happy with that.
14:32Brie, you went for the down on your knees blowing technique.
14:38You wanted a mind blowing photo.
14:40I gave you the opposite in the other task.
14:44Jackie, in terms of kicking the ball.
14:46Yeah.
14:47Can you define what a kick is?
14:49So what I was attempting to do there was I wedged it in between my two ankles.
14:53Kept the contact going.
14:54So I'd started the kick, but I hadn't finished the kick.
14:57So it was still kick one.
15:01That's one kick.
15:02Yeah, no, we get the idea.
15:04But I was really excited about my photo.
15:06I'm feeling pretty good about my photo now.
15:10Before we get to the photos, how about kicks?
15:12So Pax was nine kicks.
15:14Mm-hmm.
15:15Alice, her final attempt, five kicks.
15:17Wow.
15:18Wow.
15:19Brie, five kicks.
15:21Wow.
15:23Jackie, there was some hopping.
15:25A little.
15:26But seven kicks.
15:27Yeah, I really thought my nine kicks was good.
15:29It is good, Pax.
15:30Just not as good as five.
15:31Yeah, or seven.
15:32I'll tell you what the good news is that there's still one person to go.
15:36And he is unbelievably uncoordinated.
15:40Ready, and set, and go.
15:43Okay.
15:44First kick.
15:47I'm going to hit it over there.
15:51I'm just going to do what we call in the business a trick shot.
15:53Okay.
15:58Don't count that, Paul.
15:59I'm counting every kick.
16:01Whoa, okay.
16:03And we go down.
16:04Kick the bull into the caravan, they say.
16:06Yes.
16:07Simple task.
16:09Great day for it.
16:13Oh, shit.
16:14Sorry, Paul.
16:15It's 20.
16:20Do you reckon I should try that again?
16:22Probably.
16:23I'm going to try it again.
16:24Okay.
16:25Through the kitchen.
16:27Shit.
16:28Through the kitchen.
16:30Through the kitchen.
16:32Through the...
16:38Through the kitchen.
16:40Okay, then.
16:41Have you got that?
16:43Shit.
16:44Yes.
16:45Through the kitchen.
16:47Yes!
16:48Yes!
16:50Two.
16:52That's three.
16:53Yes, yes, yes.
16:54Three.
16:55Four.
16:57Oh!
17:07That was the most successful moment in the history of this
17:13show.
17:15Oh!
17:17Yes!
17:19Oh!
17:20Thanks, Paul.
17:21Thank you, Jack.
17:23Oh!
17:28I don't even care.
17:30Great work from you, Jack.
17:31Great kick.
17:32Yeah.
17:33But you obviously missed the second part of that task.
17:36Are you happy with that?
17:37It was an abstract shot.
17:40I don't know if you know much about the photography field, Jeremy, but sometimes silence speaks volume.
17:46Yeah.
17:47So in terms of the kicks.
17:48Jack.
17:49Four kicks.
17:50Wow.
17:51Yeah, well that's good.
17:53Right.
17:54He restarted 22 times.
17:55Yeah.
17:56Okay, so one point for Pax.
17:57Yep.
17:58Two points for Jackie.
17:59Three points for Bri and Alice.
18:01And then five points for Jack.
18:03I think that's fair.
18:06Okay.
18:07Should we take a look at these mind-blowing photos and judge them?
18:10Yes.
18:12Wow.
18:13I look like I'm birthing Paul.
18:16And that's pretty mind-blowing.
18:18Jackie, what have you got on underneath that jacket?
18:20Nothing.
18:21Good.
18:22Okay.
18:23It's pretty clear to me.
18:24Obviously, Jack is one.
18:26Okay.
18:27Alice is two.
18:28You and Pax on the mop.
18:31Three.
18:32Okay.
18:33Bri birthing you four.
18:34Yes!
18:35And Jackie, with no clothes on, with an overcoat.
18:38Five.
18:39Okay.
18:40Thank you very much.
18:41Thank you very much.
18:42Okay, so how has that affected the overall scores then?
18:44Leading episode five with 12 points, Bri Thomas-L.
18:50It's early days.
18:51Early days.
18:52Let's keep it moving, shall we?
18:54What have you got next for me?
18:55Hear my voice, I entreat.
18:57It's time for another task.
19:05Oh, Paul.
19:06Paul Williams.
19:07Hello, Paul.
19:08Ooh, patriotic.
19:09Mm-hmm.
19:10Boom.
19:11Improve our national anthem.
19:12Biggest improvement wins.
19:13You have 40 minutes.
19:14Your time starts now.
19:15Oh, boy.
19:16How does it go?
19:17God of nations.
19:18At thy feet.
19:19In the bonds of...
19:20Maybe we bleep every word or reference to thing that I'm not comfortable with.
19:24God?
19:25Beep.
19:26From the shaft?
19:27What shaft are we talking about?
19:28Shaft?
19:29Absolutely not.
19:30The national anthem, when does it play?
19:31Before epic sporting moments.
19:32Do you remember an epic sporting moment?
19:33Oh, boy.
19:34Oh, boy.
19:35Oh, boy.
19:36How does it go?
19:37How does it go?
19:38God of nations.
19:39At thy feet.
19:40In the bonds of...
19:41Maybe we bleep every word or reference to thing that I'm not comfortable with.
19:43God?
19:44Beep.
19:45From the shaft?
19:46What shaft are we talking about?
19:47Shafts?
19:48Absolutely not.
19:49The national anthem, when does it play?
19:51Before epic sporting moments.
19:54Do you remember an epic sporting moment from any of my tasks recently?
20:00I think we need to scrap the English.
20:03Do you speak any other languages?
20:04I speak Farsi.
20:05Okay.
20:06Which is the language of Iran.
20:07I think New Zealand would be, like, on board with that.
20:09I feel like we go for, like, a pitbull type of vibe.
20:12Because nothing gets me more hyped than Mr. Worldwide.
20:16Agreed.
20:17Kula!
20:18You don't look particularly excited about watching this task, Brie.
20:25This is the one task that I hope would be cut from the show.
20:29Brie has said that to us in the Green Room Times.
20:31She says it every morning.
20:33I've lived here for eight years and I've done a lot of stuff that I thought would get me deported,
20:38but I'm pretty positive that this will be it.
20:42I've also done a lot of stuff that could get me deported,
20:44but I was born here, so you can't do anything about it, suckers!
20:48Whose anthem are we gonna hear first, Paul?
20:51It's Alice Sneddon.
20:52The New Zealand National Anthem.
20:57It's just not good enough.
20:59I have reconstructed it.
21:01Both to give it a sicker beat and to get rid of any language I deemed offensive.
21:08I should have done a mihi.
21:10A f*** at thy feet in the bombs of love we meet.
21:23Eviating.
21:24Hear our voices.
21:26We ask of you.
21:29F*** our free land.
21:34Pacific's triple star
21:38From the
21:40Of
21:41And
21:42Make
21:44Her
21:46The
21:47Far
21:48New
21:51Z
21:52E
21:53Land
21:56Firstly, let me congratulate you for adding that sick beat.
22:05Could we go through some of the words that you took issue with and cut out?
22:10Yeah.
22:11Firstly, the word nations, which is quite important, I guess, if it's a national anthem.
22:16Well, I just think, you know, what's nationalism ever done for us?
22:21What about the word guard?
22:23Guard was gone.
22:25Um
22:28Um, cause I think, why be guarded?
22:31Vulnerability is the most powerful thing that you could ever have.
22:35I hear you.
22:36Like guarding from the truth.
22:37And then you replace the word meat with meat.
22:40Yeah, that's just a personal preference.
22:43I'm ready for another anthem, Paul.
22:46Draped in a flag with the Union Jack, it's Union Jack Ansett.
22:50God of nations at thy feet, in the bonds of love we meet.
23:05Hear our voices, we entreat.
23:10God defend our free land.
23:16God, Pacific's triple star.
23:22From the shores of stride and war.
23:27Come on, come on, come on.
23:30Come on, come on.
23:31God defend New Zealand.
23:44I think I, along with a lot of people at home, will be asking the question there Jack, in what way is that an improvement?
24:00My amazing kick was included.
24:02What's happening at any sporting event you're turning up to, say the All Blacks are playing.
24:06Yeah.
24:07You sing the anthem and then on the big screens they play you kicking a ball in Taskmaster into a caravan.
24:12Jack, Jack, be honest.
24:13Is it just because you wanted us to see your awesome kick again?
24:16Cause it was an awesome kick.
24:17I just think you guys are all ganging up on the young guy because I'm an easy target.
24:21And that is a reflection on you as comedians.
24:22You get the low hanging fruit.
24:23Only you could make being a straight white man in comedy.
24:28The low hanging fruit.
24:29I'm just not listening.
24:30You guys carry on.
24:31I'm just going to play on my phone.
24:32Carry on.
24:33We've got three more national anthems to go.
24:34But first, let's enjoy the global anthem of ads.
24:37It's time for the national anthem.
24:39We've got three more national anthems to go, but first, let's enjoy the global anthem of ads.
24:50It's time for more of them.
24:51I'll see you in a moment.
25:05Tenao kato kato.
25:06Welcome back to Taskmaster.
25:08The five comedians are working as hard as they can to win Susie Cato and Art Green's fart.
25:15What were we doing before the break, Paul?
25:17Our comedians were attempting to improve the national anthem.
25:20So far, we've seen Alice Nedden censor half the words and Jack Ansett turn the celebration
25:25of our nation into the celebration of himself.
25:28Excellent stuff.
25:29And as always, please address all of your complaints to those comedians directly.
25:33Thanks very much.
25:34Who's up next, Paul?
25:36Up next, with some light treason, it's Pax Asati.
25:39Are you ready?
25:40Yeah.
25:41Are you proud of what we've created?
25:42I'm not sure what you've created.
25:44Well, I'm going to be honest with you.
25:46I've gone in like a slightly different direction.
25:48Okay.
25:49But still, I think middle New Zealand and the South Island are going to love it.
25:53And you wholeheartedly endorse everything I'm about to sing, yeah?
25:56I don't know what you're about to sing.
25:58But just yes or no?
26:00Yes.
26:01Okay.
26:02I'm Rebel the Flag.
26:03Music!
26:04Music!
26:34So, Pics, did you improve the National
27:04anthem or did you write an anthem for a new quasi-Iranian military dictatorship yeah it's
27:11a national anthem for a new um state that is located in Newlin where I live the beret was an
27:20interesting move it felt quite Gaddafi-esque it suited you way too much yeah yeah and you know
27:28I miss Gaddafi oh sorry I miss Gaddafi I think I'm ready for another anthem
27:40wobble-dee-da-ba-dee-free-ish is Jackie Van Beek hello you may not recognize me but my name is
27:47Jackie Van Beek I'm just wearing a wig we are going to sing the national anthem for you but this version
27:52will be entirely in gibberish a language that everybody loves and knows okay hit it paul give
27:58me my starting note
28:03you may be a road worker
28:19you may be a road worker
28:23who's very happy
28:25ooh
28:27got it put up
28:29okay
28:31ringo bra
28:32who
28:33who
28:34who
28:36bra
28:37thank you
28:38who
28:39who
28:40who
28:41who
28:42who
28:43who
28:44who
28:45who
28:46who
28:47who
28:48who
28:49who
28:50who
28:51who
28:53who
28:59fucking
29:03who
29:04who
29:14who
29:15who
29:16who
29:17who
29:18She's here to answer the question we've all been asking for years.
29:22What if instead of being written by the Irish poet Thomas Bracken in 1876,
29:27our national anthem was written by the Cuban-American rapper Pitbull?
29:31Finally, we'll know for sure, here she is, Brie Tomasell.
29:40We're going down under for this one!
29:43With a hug, who is it?
29:45We love ya!
29:49Mrs.0610 in the house!
29:52And that's Paul Coolo!
29:58Coolo!
29:59Team of legends, Cody's neat!
30:01Hear our voices, we entreat!
30:03Beyonce defend our free land!
30:06Guard our pies and local tans!
30:08From those wallabies and English clans!
30:11Beyonce defend New Zealand!
30:16Go Paul!
30:17Let's see you shibby!
30:20New Zealand!
30:27We out!
30:29Stay golden, pony boy!
30:31That was impressive work!
30:32I mean, I never would have thought of rhyming tans with New Zealand.
30:41I'm a lyricist.
30:42Why was Beyonce defending New Zealand?
30:45That's the only question I have to ask.
30:46Look, I had a full blown panic attack writing the lyrics and it was the only person I could think of.
30:53Replacing God, I believe.
30:54Oh, okay.
30:55Yeah.
30:56So, for me, it's who did the least damage to the National Anthem.
31:01Not who improved it.
31:02I don't think anyone improved it.
31:03Okay, I'll be honest.
31:04Not only did I did audible, audio damage, but I also probably did a lot of political damage.
31:09So, um, that's an issue.
31:10I'm pleased you say that and that's why I'm going to give you one point.
31:14Jackie, I'll give you two points.
31:16Jack, three points for you.
31:17Okay.
31:18I think every sporting triumph that we've ever had was humiliated by what you did.
31:23Okay.
31:24But still, that's fine.
31:25Four points for you, Alice, because it wasn't as crap as the other ones.
31:30And then, believe it or not, Bree, you're going to get five for Vibe.
31:38We need to take a quick break so that we can formally write to the New Zealand government
31:42and apologise for what we've just done.
31:44We'll see you after this.
31:58Kukumaya, welcome back to Taskmaster.
32:00The only show brave enough to admit that writing the New Zealand national anthem is harder than it looks.
32:05I think it's best that we move on to another task, Paul.
32:08Jeremy, this task involves clowns, but enough about the contestants.
32:13Here it is.
32:17Hi, Paul.
32:18Hello, Jack.
32:19How are we?
32:20Not good.
32:21Oh.
32:22Uh-huh.
32:23Jackie.
32:24Oh!
32:25You found your siblings.
32:26It's not nice.
32:27I was just going to go and check out the gold rush.
32:28Time for a task.
32:34Alrighty.
32:35Get a ball into a clown's mouth.
32:36That's disgusting.
32:37If attempting from the closest spot, you may use the spoon.
32:41If attempting from the further spot, the clowns will not be moving.
32:42If successful from the further spot, your time will be halved.
32:54You may not move the spots.
32:55Both feet must be on your spot.
32:56Your time starts now.
32:57Okay.
32:58Can I do one and then decide to do another one?
32:59You can switch.
33:00Sweet.
33:01So this doesn't seem too difficult, this task?
33:02No.
33:03Really straightforward.
33:04Get one ball in the clown's mouth.
33:05Okay.
33:06Who's feeding the clowns' mouth first, Paul?
33:07They're the only parents this season, so hopefully they've had some experience feeding
33:08a human being.
33:09They've had some experience feeding a human being.
33:10They're not going to be moving.
33:11They're not going to be moving.
33:12They're not going to be moving.
33:13If successful from the further spot, your time will be halved.
33:14You may not move the spots.
33:15Both feet must be on your spot.
33:16Okay.
33:17So this doesn't seem too difficult, this task?
33:20No.
33:21Really straightforward.
33:22Get one ball in the clown's mouth.
33:23Okay.
33:24Who's feeding the clown's mouth first, Paul?
33:26They're the only parents this season, so hopefully they've had some experience feeding
33:31a human being.
33:32It's Jackie and Pax.
33:34Quick question.
33:35If I throw you the ball, you could pop it in for me?
33:37You could try.
33:38Here we go.
33:39So just pop.
33:40Okay.
33:41That's not very cooperative.
33:42It's a confidence game.
33:45Maybe it'd be better if I closed my eyes.
33:50Oh!
33:51Get in the mouth!
33:53It's a weird thing to yell.
33:54Paul, could you just put the scurry around and collect the balls for me, please?
33:56Can I change my choice?
33:57You can.
33:58Just a couple more tries.
34:02Okay.
34:03I've changed.
34:04Okay.
34:05I think I'm going to change tack.
34:06Can I have the clowns moving and not use the spoon?
34:08You may use the spoon, but you don't have to.
34:11Okay.
34:12Well, now that you say that, I want to use the spoon.
34:14Okay.
34:15I'm going to throw.
34:16All I can hope is that everyone else is unbelievably uncoordinated.
34:21Come on, man.
34:22Okay.
34:23A spoon.
34:24This is going really badly.
34:25Time for scrummy.
34:26This is much harder than it looks.
34:27This is really bad.
34:28Time for scrummy.
34:29Yes!
34:30Stop the clock.
34:31Ah!
34:32I mean, beat that.
34:33Thank you, Jack.
34:34Okay.
34:35Open past.
34:36Open past.
34:38I imagine, Pax, that that ball would've been.
34:39That's the worst.
34:40But it's gonna be a good time.
34:41I didn't even know what to say.
34:44I'm not sure what to say.
34:45I'm not sure what to say.
34:46I'm not sure what to say.
34:47I'm not sure what to say.
34:48I'm not sure what to say.
34:49I'm not sure what to say.
34:50I mean, beat that.
34:52Thank you, Jack.
34:53Okay.
34:58I can pass.
35:04I imagine, Pax, that that ball would have been on the ground a couple of times, actually, before you fed it to Paul.
35:09Yeah, that ball went to a lot of strange places before it went to Paul's mouth.
35:12But, um, that task was weirdly difficult.
35:16Yeah.
35:17But the mounting frustration from even just watching that task was incredible.
35:21Yeah.
35:22Jackie, you were clearly struggling with the throwing, but then at one stage you thought maybe you'd be better if you closed your eyes.
35:28Often I am.
35:29If I just kind of free my mind, close my eyes and just go for it.
35:32Yeah.
35:33I have seen her drive.
35:34It's terrifying.
35:36So in terms of times, Paul, what are we looking at there?
35:39Jackie, 3 minutes 41 seconds.
35:42Happy with that.
35:43Wow.
35:446 minutes 3 seconds.
35:46Not as good.
35:47It felt longer.
35:50So both went from the closest mat.
35:52Who have we got next, Paul?
35:53Bree and Jack.
35:56I'm just going to try, get a few in.
36:02From my softball days, Paul.
36:04Do I have to have both feet on the mat?
36:06Ah, yes.
36:07Okay.
36:08Don't worry, Paul.
36:09We won't need too much more of those.
36:10You know what I love, Paul?
36:11I love a montage.
36:12Cue montage.
36:13Hoo-yah!
36:14Hoo-yah!
36:15Gah!
36:16No quid of Paul.
36:17When I get this in, I want it played at my funeral.
36:24Can you see to that?
36:25What, kill you?
36:26What?
36:27Do you want to, like, just Google some quotes, like, about success?
36:30There might be a few Dumbledore quotes.
36:31It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
36:46Wow.
36:47You getting hungry, Paul?
36:48Yeah.
36:49Yeah, I'm pretty hungry too.
36:50I'll tell you who's very hungry.
36:51Yeah.
36:52This guy.
36:54You guys want me to cave and do the spoon, don't you?
36:56I'm not caving.
36:57I know.
37:01Thanks, mate.
37:02Thank you, Bree.
37:03See ya.
37:04Bye.
37:05Oh, my God.
37:06They're getting another, um, memory card.
37:07That's how you know you're taking for too long.
37:08Ah!
37:09We're in those quotes, Paul.
37:10Happiness zone.
37:11Ah!
37:12Yeah, I've got a plan.
37:13I'm gonna get some blocks.
37:14And I'm gonna make a funnel.
37:15Okay.
37:16Okay.
37:17Oh!
37:18Oh!
37:19Oh!
37:20Oh!
37:21Oh!
37:22Oh!
37:23Oh!
37:24Yeah, I've got a plan.
37:25I'm gonna get some blocks.
37:26And I'm gonna make a funnel.
37:28Okay.
37:35Oh!
37:36Oh!
37:37Just need to push it in.
37:38Push it in, push it in.
37:40With one more.
37:41Come on, one last push.
37:44I've stopped the clock.
37:47Oh my god.
37:56Jack, what was it about this task that made you bring up your death multiple times?
38:01I don't think that footage reflected how painful that was.
38:05I will forever be haunted by hearing you say push it in, push it in, come on, just one more push.
38:11Brie, you look like a clown had done something to you at some stage.
38:15Like the idea of biffing them that hard, did you think that was going to help them go in?
38:19Honestly, I could not wipe my ass for three days.
38:23My arm and shoulder was so sore from like throwing so many balls and then I'm not joking,
38:30got it in first, go with the spoon. Who would have known?
38:33Oh, okay.
38:35So Brie took 29 minutes and 36 seconds, which was 186 attempts.
38:41Jack, 55 minutes and 8 seconds.
38:43Oh, not bad.
38:45Which was 639 attempts.
38:47Oh, jeez.
38:49But he did get it from the furthest spot, which means it's halved 27 minutes and 34 seconds.
38:55I mean, I've got to say the funnel was quite a feat of ad hoc engineering.
39:01Thanks for the compliment.
39:02Well, I would actually like to say a couple more things.
39:03Oh, you will?
39:04Okay.
39:05The task did say both your feet had to be on the spot.
39:08Oh, for God's sake.
39:11Roll tape.
39:14I wouldn't say that's in the mouth.
39:16It's in the mouth.
39:18It's in the mouth.
39:20It's in the mouth.
39:22It's in the mouth.
39:24That's definitely disqualified.
39:26Oh!
39:28If it's any consolation, lovely calves.
39:32They look great.
39:33Lovely calves.
39:34They look great.
39:35It's break time now, but we'll be back soon with more from the mouthy clowns and also the rest of the task.
39:41We'll see you shortly.
39:54Welcome back to Taskmaster, where comedians are trying to force food into the mouths of clowns
39:59in what I'm sure for one young viewer at home is a formative moment and the beginning of a lifelong fear.
40:05Who's the contestant heading to clown town next, Paul?
40:08It's Alice Sneddon.
40:09Your time starts now.
40:11Okay.
40:16Can I change my mind?
40:17Yeah.
40:18Do you think that'll be a good time?
40:31No.
40:32What would you consider a bad time?
40:34Anything above 10-15 seconds.
40:36Okay.
40:37Thank you, Alice.
40:39I mean, so easy.
40:40That's how you do it.
40:41But you had to use the spoon!
40:42No.
40:43No.
40:44Okay.
40:45I think it's if you may use the spoon.
40:46Every time I succeed on this show, Jack loses years of his life.
41:02If it was a soccer ball, I would have just...
41:06So, Jack disqualified.
41:08Brie, 29 minutes 36.
41:10Pax, 6 minutes 03.
41:12Jackie, 3 minutes 41.
41:14Alice, 2 minutes 28.
41:16So that's zero points for Jack, two points for Brie, three points for Pax, four points for Jackie,
41:21and five points for Alice Sneddon.
41:25Good show.
41:26Good show.
41:27Okay.
41:28How are the episode scores going, Paul?
41:30In first with a four-point lead over second, it's Brie Thomassell.
41:37Okay, you guys.
41:38Head up onto the stage for the final task of the show.
41:46Okay, Paul.
41:47Who's reading the task tonight?
41:49Pax Asadi.
41:50Count the popcorn popped.
41:52Closest to the correct amount wins.
41:54Simultaneously, the taskmaster will conduct a pop quiz.
41:58You must pop a balloon of your assigned colour to submit an answer.
42:01Each correct answer will offset your popcorn count five pops closer to the correct amount.
42:06Each wrong answer will take your answer five pops further away from the correct amount.
42:12Okay.
42:15Are you ready?
42:16Yes.
42:17In what ocean is the Bermuda Triangle located?
42:22Pax.
42:23The Atlantic Ocean.
42:24Correct.
42:25What is the name of the main character in the movie Home Alone?
42:30Brie.
42:31Kevin.
42:32Macalester.
42:33Correct.
42:34The Grand Canyon lies in which American star?
42:37Yes.
42:38Arizona.
42:39Correct.
42:40Which band is made up of members with the names Larry, Adam, The Edge, and Bono?
42:47Oh!
42:48Maroon 5!
42:49No.
42:50How many states are there in the United Arab Emirates?
42:55Alice.
42:56Twelve.
42:57No.
42:58Have there been less or more than 1,628 All Blacks?
43:05Jack.
43:06Less.
43:07Correct.
43:08The numbers are on the flag of the Ivory Coast.
43:12Pax.
43:13I'm dizzy.
43:15Orange, white, and green.
43:19Orange, white, and green.
43:20Correct.
43:23Oh, that was horrific.
43:26Landed it.
43:28Wow.
43:29On your spots, please.
43:30Write your answer, please.
43:35Okay.
43:36Alice.
43:37236 pops.
43:39Brie.
43:40I just went with 301.
43:41Whoa.
43:42Oh, God.
43:43Jack.
43:4476.
43:46Jackie.
43:47Closer to what I had, I had 107.
43:51I went with 200.
43:52Okay, we've got all those.
43:53Mm-hmm.
43:54Come on down and we'll score it.
44:00So, the correct number of popcorn.
44:02Mm-hmm.
44:03371.
44:05Oh.
44:06So, after the quiz adjustments.
44:09Alice, 231.
44:11Jack, 81.
44:13Pax, 210.
44:14Jackie, 107.
44:16And Brie, 306.
44:21Lot.
44:22That means one point for Jack, two points for Jackie, three points for Pax, four points for Alice, and five points for Brie.
44:28Wow.
44:29Wow.
44:30Honestly.
44:31So, let's talk about the episode scores then, Paul.
44:34The winner of episode five is Brie Thomas L.
44:39Congratulations, Brie.
44:41Please go and enjoy your rhyming item.
44:44Get out of there, Jack.
44:45Yeah, Jack.
44:46Tumana hao, au kero.
44:47Oh, so sorry.
44:48That's a bad start.
44:52We can do better.
44:53Ding dong.
44:54Did anyone order a task?
44:55Oh, f***.
44:56Blimey.
44:57Who's that?
44:58I'm getting a vibe that you might be a cricket fanatic and not so much a kind of duck archery fanatic.
45:01I'm getting a vibe that you might be a cricket fanatic and not so much a kind of duck archery fanatic.
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