- 2 weeks ago
In this episode, Herman hires Louise's friend as an office intern. The situation becomes complicated when he discovers he has to fire the intern. As with every episode of the series, the events are filtered through Herman's internal psyche, featuring the characters representing his Intellect, Sensitivity, Anxiety, and Lust.
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00:00That woman's not wearing underwear.
00:02Is that all you can think about? Food and sex?
00:06Yes. Please. Focus. Look out!
00:16Hey, it's Jack!
00:19No time for small talk. We're late.
00:22Petty, hold the elevator.
00:24Petty.
00:30I think Louise is so sweet.
00:35I think this woman is wearing underwear.
00:37I think there's too many people in this elevator.
00:40And I think you are all idiots.
00:42Let's go to work!
01:00Research.
01:11Yes, sure, I can get the...
01:12Yeah, research.
01:13Yes, I have checked that twice, and the answer is the same both times.
01:16More work! I can't take it anymore!
01:18There is so much work. If this keeps up, I'm going to have to do some of it.
01:21Get away! Get away! Get away from my desk!
01:24I've never seen her like that before.
01:26Well, what do you expect? I can't take it anymore either!
01:29Why do they have the weeklies, monthlies, annuals, and bi-annuals all come out at once?
01:32Don't they know what it's doing to us?
01:36Now, you I've seen like that before.
01:39Herman! You have to do something! You have to go talk to Mr. Bracken!
01:42You're right, Louise. This is ridiculous.
01:44I'm going in there. I'm not afraid of him.
01:47You don't think he'll hit me, do you?
01:50Mr. Bracken, I have to talk to you.
01:52It's just unfair of you to expect us to do all this work.
01:55Whatever you say, Herman.
01:58Mr. Bracken, have you been using markers in an unventilated room again?
02:04No.
02:05You remember how stressed out I got about this time every year?
02:08Well, I've got a relaxation technique.
02:10Every time I feel the pressure building up,
02:12I think about my last Hawaiian vacation and it calms me right down.
02:18So, what was it you wanted, Herman?
02:20Mr. Bracken, there is just too much work
02:22and you can be a little more understanding and compassionate
02:24and hire a few temps or interns or something just until...
02:26You think I have time to hire an intern?
02:29What the hell is...
02:30I tell you what, Herman, you hire an intern.
02:40I trust you.
02:41Call personnel and arrange it.
02:43Now, I'm giving you a great deal of responsibility.
02:45Don't you screw it up.
02:46Don't you screw it up.
02:47Because if you screw it up, you're going to bring more problems into my life.
02:50And you don't want to bring more problems into my life.
02:52Because I've got enough problems in my life.
02:54Do you hear that?
03:00A great deal of responsibility.
03:02He said he trusts us.
03:04The only thing I heard was, don't screw up.
03:06The last thing I heard was,
03:07Ooh, baby, I love it when you touch me there, it makes me tingle.
03:13That was three weeks ago.
03:15The last thing I heard.
03:19What happened? What did he say?
03:20Don't worry, he said we're going to get extra help in the office.
03:23Hey, Herman.
03:24Boy, you guys got a ton of work down here.
03:26Yeah, yeah, but that's going to end.
03:27I get to hire an intern.
03:28Oh, this is great.
03:29I have the perfect person.
03:30Who?
03:31My grandma.
03:32She has another job, but she's getting a little too old for it.
03:35Yeah, what does she do?
03:36She works for a moving company, but she can't really cut it anymore.
03:39Last week, she dropped a baby grand down ten flights of stairs.
03:43Totally jacked up her back.
03:44She's in a brace and everything.
03:45You think she'll be able to make it in tomorrow for an interview?
03:48I don't know, that might be tough.
03:49She's helped me move.
03:57Isn't it great, Herman?
04:02All those people are waiting to be interviewed for the internship.
04:04Well, this is pretty exciting.
04:06Let me help you, Herman.
04:07We can play good cop, bad cop.
04:08I'll be the bad cop.
04:09Louise.
04:10Oh, please, Herman.
04:11I've always wanted to be the bad cop, and I can do it.
04:13Really, I can.
04:14Look.
04:15Maybe later, Louise.
04:18And then, when I turned 13, my family moved from Buffalo to Cleveland, which was extremely
04:27exciting, especially because now we were closer to Pittsburgh.
04:39And on and on, my mother would drone, endlessly babbling about nothing at all.
04:47I'm Bobby.
04:48You're hired.
04:49I really have no experience with this kind of work.
05:00I don't know how to type, and I've never used a computer before.
05:04I hope that won't be a problem.
05:07I got no problem.
05:10We have been given a big responsibility.
05:13It's too important to think about with our, uh, with our...
05:20With our you.
05:23So you'll be in touch?
05:26Well, I certainly hope so.
05:32I'll let you know.
05:34Sherman.
05:35Mr. Crawford.
05:36Rumor tells me that there's a job opening in the research department.
05:39Well, as a matter of fact, I'm interviewing right now.
05:41Oh, good, good.
05:42Because I have this, uh, friend who needs a job.
05:44Oh, does she type?
05:45No.
05:46Does she file?
05:47No.
05:48Does she take dictation?
05:49No.
05:50What does she do?
05:51Well, there's not much call for that sort of thing around the research department.
05:57What about stamps or sealing envelopes?
06:00We just send them down to the mail room.
06:02Aha!
06:03The mail room.
06:04Aha!
06:05That's very impressive, Grandma Nichols.
06:08Um...
06:09There's not much call for heavy lifting around the research department.
06:22Well, Herman, have you picked an intern yet?
06:25No, not yet.
06:26Oh, that's good, because there's someone I want you to meet.
06:28She's a friend of mine from my support group, Women Who Cry Too Much.
06:31Sure, Louise, I'd be glad to interview a friend of yours.
06:34Oh, that's great, because she's right over here.
06:36Helene?
06:37Helene, meet Herman.
06:39Hi, Herman, I'm Helene.
06:40Hi.
06:41Of course, you already know that, because Louise just told you.
06:42Maybe I should have shut up now already.
06:43What do you think?
06:44Well, I think it's very nice to meet.
06:45I know.
06:46You know what?
06:47I get really hyper when I'm nervous, which I am now, right?
06:48Like you couldn't tell.
06:49Okay, anyway, the answer to your question is yes.
06:52Helene, I didn't ask you a question yet.
06:54Okay, good point.
06:55Ask me a question.
06:56What was your last question?
06:57Twelve!
06:59I jumped the gun again, didn't I?
07:00Was I close?
07:01Uh, not really.
07:03Why don't you just try to relax a little?
07:05Relax.
07:06Relax.
07:07If it were only that easy...
07:08Well, okay, if my being relaxed will get me this job, I promise you I'll have my prescription
07:12refilled.
07:14I have to be careful, though, because last time I got too relaxed, I had to have my stomach
07:17pumped.
07:18Well, let's not worry about relax then.
07:24Do you have a resume I can see?
07:26You bet I do.
07:27Please get that for ya.
07:34Well, your typing skills seem to be quite good.
07:37There are other candidates I'm considering, of course, but, um, I'll let you know.
07:41Okay.
07:42I'll wait over there.
07:43Um, actually, Helene, I was thinking more along the lines of letting you know tomorrow.
07:47Oh, that's okay.
07:48With all the suspense, I'm not gonna sleep much tonight anyway, so I'll just be over there.
07:53So, Herman, what do you think?
07:55Well, there's a small problem.
07:56What's that?
07:57She's nuts, Louise.
08:00Herman, give her a chance.
08:01She's gone through some tough times lately.
08:03All she needs is a break.
08:04Someone to believe in her again.
08:05You have the power to change her life.
08:07Don't do this to me, Louise.
08:08She's a good person, Herman.
08:09If you don't help her, who will?
08:13Louise is right.
08:15We can really help this woman.
08:16Now's our chance to show that we're compassionate.
08:18Let's hire Helene.
08:20What?
08:21That woman is a lunatic.
08:23This is our chance.
08:24To prove to Mr. Bracken that we are capable, not compassionate.
08:26Let's hire the guy in the suit.
08:28He was the most qualified.
08:29Now, now, now.
08:30Let's not forget that fine young woman, Bobby.
08:35I like Louise's friend.
08:36Why?
08:37She's a walking bundle of neuroses.
08:39Yeah.
08:43Louise's friend wins.
08:44We're giving the job to the person who needs it the most.
08:46It's the right thing to do.
08:47Okay.
08:48Helene, when can you start?
08:50Wow.
08:51I think it'd be best if I start right now.
08:52I could take that desk, since it seems to be free.
08:55Okay.
08:56What do you want me to do?
08:57Well, why don't you start by typing this letter for me,
08:59while I get together some files for you.
09:00Okay.
09:01Good.
09:02Good.
09:03That's very good.
09:04Let's do that.
09:06Okay.
09:07Thank you, Herman.
09:08You are wonderful.
09:09You've done the right thing.
09:12Sherman?
09:13I got a bone to pick with you.
09:15Sir?
09:16At your insistence, I got my friend a job in the mailroom.
09:18In the first hour, she had a paper cut on her tongue.
09:20Now she has to do that thing with her tongue with her hand.
09:30Hey, sorry I couldn't hire your grandmother.
09:32Hope she didn't take it too hard.
09:33No, it's okay.
09:34She got another job, actually.
09:36It's her dream gig.
09:37She's a roadie from Motley Crue.
09:41I'm serious.
09:42Heavy metal is her favorite music.
09:43It is?
09:44Yeah, well, it's the only music she can hear.
09:48So who did you hire?
09:49Um, she's a friend of Louise's.
09:50Ah, how's she doing?
09:51Well, when I left last night, she was still working and starting to get the hang of things.
09:54Good.
09:55I hope she works out.
09:56I gotta run.
10:03Oh, good, Herman.
10:04I'm glad you're here.
10:05Where's the fire extinguisher?
10:07And I hope that wasn't his favorite chair.
10:12Okay, now what the hell happened here?
10:15I've been working.
10:16And I had to work at your desk because my desk reminded me of that kid's table they made me sit out for Thanksgiving dinner.
10:21I don't know why they did that, Herman.
10:23I was the only kid there and there was plenty of room at the other table.
10:27Wow.
10:28You know you really have a way of bringing things out of me?
10:33You mean you did your laundry in the office?
10:35No, Herman, on that point, I must correct you.
10:37I did Hetty's laundry.
10:38I need to get this place cleaned up before Mr. Bracken gets back.
10:40Now move.
10:41Okay, shut up.
10:42Helene, just put the books away.
10:44Good morning.
10:45God, what a mess.
10:47Get your underwear out of here.
10:49Herman, you didn't need to do that.
10:50That's the intern is here for.
10:53Hetty, Helene is not your personal slave.
10:56She'll hear you.
10:59Were you at least able to get most of the articles checked?
11:02Oh, God, no.
11:03I didn't even start checking the articles.
11:04I spent the whole night getting organized.
11:05Okay, well, I'll do them.
11:06Just give them to me.
11:07I can't do that.
11:08Why not?
11:09Okay, forget about that.
11:11At least give me that letter I gave you to type.
11:13It has to go out this morning.
11:14I spent a couple of hours on it.
11:16It's almost half done.
11:18It was only two pages.
11:20Helene, your resume said that you could type 60 words a minute.
11:25Oh, that is a typo.
11:30Six words a minute?
11:31They're monks that can do calligraphy faster than that.
11:35Okay, perhaps I made a slight boo-boo.
11:37Okay, let's nip this in the bud and tell Mr. Bracken she has to be let go.
11:41So, her position is going to become available.
11:43Let's see.
11:44Who should we hire?
11:46Who should we hire?
11:51I have an idea.
11:53And then it turned out.
11:57It wasn't 87 degrees.
11:59It was 86 degrees.
12:02So the joke was on both of us.
12:04Good morning, everyone.
12:08Mr. Bracken, I need to speak to you.
12:09Okay, coming to my office.
12:12Oh God, your office?
12:15Ow, haven't you ever given a pedicure before?
12:19What do you want to talk to me about?
12:21It's about Helene, sir.
12:22Herman, I'm telling you, having her here certainly set my mind at ease.
12:26I haven't had to go to Hawaii since yesterday morning.
12:34What happened to my chair?
12:38Helene set it on fire, sir.
12:39She is absolutely incompetent.
12:41She can't type.
12:42She has no organizational skills.
12:43And she's created such a mess, it's going to take us two days to get back to just where we were yesterday.
12:48So, what do you want me to do about it?
12:49I think you're going to have to fire her, sir.
12:50Wrong, Herman.
12:51You hired her, you fired her.
12:53Mr. Bracken, I can't fire people.
12:55Excuse me, Herman.
13:02I have to go.
13:04Damn.
13:09Rain.
13:17Morning, Herman.
13:18Hey, Louise, Louise.
13:19I have to talk to you about Helene.
13:20Oh, yes.
13:21She called me last night.
13:22She says this job has changed her life.
13:23And it's all because of you.
13:25This is the first time she's been happy since her dog committed suicide.
13:30Her dog committed suicide?
13:32That's what she claims.
13:34Yeah.
13:48So, I think I'll just buy her dinner, a few drinks, and tell her she's fired as nicely and compassionately as I can.
13:53Yeesh.
13:54There she is.
13:55Wish me luck.
13:56Oh, hey, listen.
13:57I never fired anyone, but I have done my fair share of women.
14:01Don't let her order steak.
14:04What difference does that mean?
14:05If she orders steak, she will be given a steak knife.
14:08Don't be ridiculous.
14:10I learned the hard way.
14:12I was hoping you wouldn't have to.
14:17Hi, there.
14:18Hi.
14:19You know, this is really great.
14:20Here's the break.
14:21I've been working so hard on that Supreme Court article.
14:23Oh, did you finish it?
14:24Finish it?
14:25I'm trying to find it.
14:27I hope it wasn't your only copy.
14:30Billy!
14:32Aim!
14:33Fire!
14:35Elaine, let me begin by saying I think you're a really great person.
14:38Thank you, Herman.
14:39You've got a lot of energy and enthusiasm.
14:41I mean, you've got a lot going for you, and I really do like you.
14:46And this is really going to be hard for me to do.
14:48Oh, well, I think I know where you're going with this.
14:50You do?
14:51Yeah, and let me just tell you that I have a very strict personal policy against dating someone I work with.
14:56Oh, wait.
14:57Wait, you don't understand.
14:58No, Herman, don't try to talk me out of it.
14:59I'm flattered and all.
15:00And you're sort of cute.
15:01I just don't think it's a good idea.
15:02Helene, you're fired.
15:06What?
15:07I'm fired?
15:09Just because I wouldn't go out with you?
15:11That's sexual harassment, Herman.
15:13You will not get away with it.
15:14Helene!
15:15Helene, wait!
15:17Not too smart harassing her right before you fire her.
15:29Herman.
15:30I checked the company bylaws on sexual harassment.
15:33This hearing is nothing to worry about.
15:35Well, that's great, Mr. Bracken.
15:36Apparently, all they can do to you is suspend you from your job or recommend criminal prosecution.
15:41But that's a worst case scenario.
15:44That's terrible.
15:45That's why they call it a worst case scenario.
15:51Hi.
15:53Tell me, Herman.
15:54Tell me you didn't do it.
15:55I didn't do it, Louise.
15:57Okay.
15:58I believe you.
16:01Tell me again.
16:03Louise.
16:04I want to thank everyone for coming to this hearing.
16:06I'm Diane Shaw from Personnel, and as soon as Mr. Waterton arrives, we can start.
16:11Well, nice to have a hot young babe like you on this sexual harassment panel.
16:17Mr. Crawford, I don't think you understand what sexual harassment is.
16:21Oh, well, maybe after the hearing we can go to my place and you can show me.
16:27Mr. Crawford, you are a married man.
16:30Ah, you're right. What was I thinking?
16:31We'll have to go to your place.
16:34Mr. Waterton, good afternoon.
16:35Sorry I'm late. I know how important the hearing is.
16:39Now, what are we doing here?
16:45Oh, sexual harassment.
16:50I like it.
16:54Um, I'll make that I don't like it.
16:57Now, let's begin.
16:59And in all this time, has Herman ever harassed you?
17:03No.
17:06Have I ever harassed you?
17:09No.
17:10Would you like me to?
17:16No.
17:18I have no further use for this witness.
17:24Ms. Newman, has Herman ever harassed you?
17:26He harasses me constantly.
17:28And let me say, I'm glad to finally have the opportunity to air my grievances.
17:32Well, now we're getting somewhere.
17:34How has Herman harassed you?
17:35He says things to me.
17:37Things like,
17:39Hedy, do your work.
17:40Hedy, stop making personal phone calls.
17:42Hedy, you can't go home, it's only 3 o'clock.
17:45It's terrible. It's just terrible.
17:51How long have you worked in research?
17:53I don't work in research.
17:54What is your connection to this case?
17:59I interviewed for the internship, but I didn't get it.
18:02What are you doing here?
18:03Mr. Crawford asked me to come.
18:10Why did you ask her to come?
18:12Damn it, woman, look at her!
18:13Look at her!
18:20Waterton, your witness.
18:22I'll take her.
18:27How would you say Herman is with women?
18:30Oh, great.
18:31I would say, next to me, no one scores more than Herman.
18:38And then he went on about how much he liked me, and when I told him that I had a very strict personal policy against dating in the workplace, he fired me.
18:46Guilty.
18:48Guilty.
18:49Guilty.
18:52If I could just say something here.
18:55I know that sexual harassment is a serious thing, and that in most cases women have serious complaints.
19:01But in this case, it's just a misunderstanding.
19:04The only reason I fired Helene is because she was doing a lousy job.
19:08Now, Helene, in the day and a half you worked in research, how many articles did you check?
19:13None.
19:14And how many letters did you type?
19:16None.
19:17And how many fires did you set?
19:19Three.
19:21Three? I only knew about two.
19:23Okay, two.
19:25So you see, I submit that I had to fire Helene because she was unable to do the job.
19:29Well, if I wasn't doing well, then why didn't you just tell me?
19:32I was trying to be nice. That's the only reason I said all those things to you. Before I fired you, I was trying to be nice.
19:38You were?
19:39Yeah.
19:40And that's why I didn't want to criticize you about not doing all your work.
19:43Okay, well, maybe I wasn't a great researcher, but you were a lousy boss.
19:48You know, if someone isn't doing well, you should really just tell them.
19:51You're right. I was a lousy boss.
19:58What do you know? I made a mistake. First time for everything.
20:01So you could just drop all the charges.
20:03Are we all in agreement?
20:04The charges are dropped, and Herman is a lousy boss.
20:09Agreed.
20:10Agreed.
20:11Agreed.
20:13This concludes the proceedings. Thank you very much.
20:17As always, there'll be refreshments and shuffleboard on the Lido deck.
20:24Herman, we both learned something today.
20:28Yes, sir. I learned that if you want to be a boss, you can't always be nice.
20:32And I learned there's a Lido deck in this building.
20:37Herman, I'm really sorry about all this.
20:40I'm sorry I doubted you.
20:41Well, I'm sorry I wasn't more understanding.
20:43Louise, I'm sorry that I let you down.
20:44I'm sorry it didn't work out.
20:46Yeah, let's just say that we're all sorry.
20:48Herman, will you give me another chance?
20:50I don't think any of us is that sorry.
20:52Well, a lot of times I'll just say,
20:56Hi, baby. I'm president of a company. Is that coming out too strong?
21:01No.
21:02Mr. Waterton, and you too, Mr. Crawford.
21:05Both of us at once?
21:10You've got a stronger stomach than I do.
21:12I don't think I could stand to see Waterton naked.
21:16No, you idiot.
21:18I have something to say.
21:20Herman may be innocent, but there was sexual harassment here today.
21:24The two of you behave towards me in a thoroughly inexcusable and unprofessional manner.
21:29And you're not getting away with it.
21:30You'll both be hearing from my lawyer.
21:35Bitch.
21:46Nice ass on her, though.
21:51I don't think you guys heard a single thing she said.
21:54I have to tell you, as a man, I was offended by your behavior.
22:01Bitch.
22:05Nice ass on him, man.
22:13If you think you had a bad day, try being one of the last six people on Earth.
22:18Catch the new comedy TV Guide Calls, Delightfully Sick.
22:22Whoops is just one half hour away.
22:25Now stay tuned for the sexiest new comedy on television, Flying Blind.
22:30He went out.
22:32Where to help her.
22:33So stop.
22:35There were opportunities to have.
22:36We have to take care.
22:37We have only some reasons to have at least some folks.
22:39Oh, haven't you done my job?
22:40Who does sportsivo.
22:41He went out?
22:42We'vele prepared.
22:43We人's been a Kathar.
22:45We're best.
22:46You made a wonderfulNA cake Anastasia as a character
22:49People!
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