Journal #8
I met up with him
3 days ago I met up with him in person. We did not talk about us, we talked about what we missed in each other’s lives. Was this the right thing? I worked so hard to get out of this season but in the end I placed myself back into this season.
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Why Lord. Tell me you have something better in stored for me. Am I just hindering my own process of moving on? I would always say yes to him, Lord you know that.
Even now I am on call with him but its clear that he doesnt want his friends to know that we are still in contact. I know, he knows, Lord even you know that he has not changed. He doesn’t want to tell his friends about me in fear that it will happen again. He’s not confident and truthfully neither am I.
Lord please please please tell me what to do. Or do it for me. Do the things I’m afraid of doing like fully ending it with him. Lord if this is not for me given by you I dont want it as cruel as it sounds. I want a God given give, a God given love where two people grow closer to you together. I dont want the short end of the stick of “love’. I want a Godly relationship. Someone to attend sunday services with me, praying together and for each other, talking about our testimonies toegther. Lord this is what I want and if he isnt capable of this please remove him from my life. I am willing to wait for the one who does these with me.
I still pray that he will too eventually find someone to do all these with. Lord I just want a sneak peek of what you have in store for me. You love me so so much and I know you will not forsake me but Lord I just pray that I know what is going on between him and I. What are your plans for nthe both of us. Tell me Lord.
