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00:00Thank you, thank you, thank you. Lovely to see you all.
00:05You are so welcome to the show. Hey, everyone, it's Halloween.
00:09Oh, I know. The spookiest night of the year.
00:13I couldn't be more scared if I was Alan Carr walking across a rickety bridge.
00:20And that is very scared.
00:22And we've got a great line-up for you tonight singing for us later.
00:25We've not won but two brilliant music acts.
00:28It's Mumford & Sons with Hozier.
00:32They're joining forces for the new single, Rubber Band Man.
00:36But first, who's joining forces on my sofa tonight?
00:39Well, he's one of the nation's favourite comedians who won the Glitterball Trophy
00:43and the BAFTA for his inspiring journey on Strictly Come Dancing.
00:46His new autobiography is called Keep Laughing.
00:49Please welcome Chris McCausland.
00:53Hi, Chris. Lovely to see you.
00:56There you go.
00:58There you go.
01:00Whoo!
01:02This BAFTA-winning actress shot the fame in Sex Education
01:05and recently stole every scene as Chelsea and the White Lotus.
01:09Now she's back on the BBC with a new series of Daddy Issues.
01:13It's a first-time welcome to Amy Le Wood!
01:17Yay!
01:19I love you so much.
01:24Hi, Harry.
01:25Have a great day.
01:26Amy Le Wood's here.
01:28At the age of 15, this extraordinary woman survived a brutal attack by the Taliban
01:34to become an advocate for education and women's rights and a global icon,
01:38not to mention the youngest recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.
01:42Her latest memoir, Finding My Way, brings her incredible story up to date.
01:46It is a pleasure to welcome Malala Yousafzai.
01:50Hello!
01:51So nice to see you.
01:52Come in, have a seat.
01:53I know!
01:54And we've loved this actor from her breakout role as a footballing tomboy invented like
02:07Beckham to her Oscar-nominated roles in Pride and Prejudice and The Imitation Game.
02:12Now she's turned children's author with her book I Love You Just The Same.
02:16It's a warm welcome back to Keira Knightley!
02:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:21Hello.
02:22Hello.
02:23Mwah and mwah.
02:24Have a seat there.
02:25Woo!
02:32Really nice to see you all.
02:34Welcome back to Keira and Chris.
02:36A first-time welcome to Malala and Amy.
02:38Hello.
02:39Hello.
02:40Now, we've had Oscar winners and BAFTA winners, all sorts, on the show.
02:43You are the first person to sit on that couch who's won a Nobel Peace Prize, Malala.
02:52So, how does it, like, do they bring it round on a cushion to your house?
02:56How do you get it?
02:58No, they just announce it on television.
03:00OK.
03:01Yeah, and I was actually at school.
03:03I was in my chemistry class and my school's deputy headteacher walked in
03:07and called me outside and she informed me that I had won the Nobel Peace Prize.
03:12Did you ask whether it was for chemistry?
03:14LAUGHTER
03:15Well, I knew I was good.
03:17LAUGHTER
03:18But she usually calls you when you are in trouble.
03:20Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:21So I was like, you know, not too bad today.
03:24And then I finished my school day because I thought if you receive the Nobel Peace Prize for education,
03:31you have to finish your school day.
03:33Very wise.
03:34That's insane, to be honest.
03:35I mean, like, just...
03:36Yeah.
03:37Like, since the last time I was here, come on, I won Strictly come dancing,
03:40I won a BAFTA for it, and then you've had me sat next to someone
03:44who's got a Nobel Peace Prize.
03:46LAUGHTER
03:48Yeah.
03:49Everything does kind of pale at doing good with LeWoods.
03:52And, apparently, there are good vibes.
03:55This show's got to go well.
03:56Amy LeWood, you've done research.
03:58Yes.
03:59I always do research.
04:01OK.
04:02From the stars.
04:03OK.
04:04This is a good astrological mix.
04:06Oh, is it?
04:07Yes.
04:08Very good.
04:09So you've researched us all?
04:10Yes.
04:11I mean, I might not remember now because it's scary and my mind's gone blank.
04:13OK.
04:14LAUGHTER
04:15And we're all looking at you going, go on, then.
04:17Yeah, I know.
04:18Just to make it up, that's what all the good ones do.
04:20Yeah, yeah.
04:21You two are Aries, right?
04:23Yes.
04:24Are you?
04:25Yeah, you're mine.
04:26The passion, the energy, you know, you keep the fire going.
04:29That's awesome, that's awesome.
04:30You're cancer, aren't you?
04:31I am cancer, yeah.
04:32You're the mother of the zodiac.
04:33Oh.
04:34Hello, children.
04:35Yeah.
04:36LAUGHTER
04:37Yeah.
04:38So it's a lot of nurture and emotional intelligence and, yeah.
04:43So...
04:44What are you?
04:45I'm an Aquarius.
04:46Oh.
04:47Yeah, which is like the weird one.
04:49Yeah, it is.
04:50Chris, you're a Gemini, aren't you?
04:51I am, yeah.
04:52Yes.
04:53We're quite similar.
04:54Aquarius and Gemini.
04:55OK.
04:56But Gemini's are very chatty.
04:57Gemini's are very chatty, so that's good.
04:59Yes, it is.
05:00Right, I mean, it helps, doesn't it, yeah?
05:01Yeah.
05:02It's a chat show.
05:03Yeah.
05:04I mean, she's predicted I'm going to be chatty.
05:06LAUGHTER
05:07She's seen it in the stars.
05:08Can I just say, Amelia Wood, thank you very much for making the effort to do that.
05:12Yeah.
05:13You know, not many guests do, so thank you very much, yeah.
05:16APPLAUSE
05:17Well, listen, it's a bit of a book club tonight because three books to talk about as well as Amy's television show.
05:25So let's get started with Keira Knightley.
05:27She has written a children's book, a beautiful thing.
05:30It is called I Love You Just The Same.
05:33I've got an angle until we get to see the gold lettering.
05:35Nice.
05:36Yeah.
05:37It's...
05:38Good oohing.
05:39Good oohing.
05:40Thank you very much for the oohing, yes.
05:41It's out now.
05:42And so this, it's a children's book, but it was inspired by your own children.
05:45Yes, my own children.
05:46So my oldest daughter didn't like sleeping at all.
05:49And so she didn't sleep through the night until she was five.
05:51And as part of that, we went through, like, various different strategies.
05:56Can I just say, anyone pregnant now is going, what?
05:58Yeah, don't worry.
05:59You know, it happens, but not always.
06:01But anyway, you know, it happened with her.
06:03And so we got to a point where I would say to her, OK, at bedtime, I will draw you a picture at night.
06:09And so when you wake up, you'll see the picture and you'll know that I've been thinking about you.
06:14And so every single night she'd ask for a drawing and it would be, like, of a bird or of a cat.
06:18And then eventually she'd be like, OK, can I be in it?
06:20Can my sister be in it?
06:21And then one day she said, can you draw a bird and can it take the baby away?
06:27And I was like, wow, OK, yes, I can.
06:30So I drew this picture.
06:31And at the end of this five months, we had, like, I mean, so many images.
06:35And I said to her, OK, I'll put them into a book for you.
06:37And she said, no, they're boring.
06:38They're just in black and white, you know, as children do.
06:40So, you know, brilliant, OK.
06:41So I spent, like, another couple of months trying to colour them in.
06:44And then I put them up on the wall and I just kind of kept playing with them.
06:47And this story kind of came out of it of this girl whose baby sister gets taken away by a pigeon.
06:54And she has to go on a magical adventure to find her again.
06:57Of course she does.
06:58Yes, because I had to get the baby back.
07:00And I like that it's a pigeon because apparently there was some pushback by the publishers.
07:05Yes.
07:06They thought the pigeon was not appropriate.
07:07No, they felt that it shouldn't be a pigeon and it should be a lovely mysterious bird.
07:10I felt very strongly about the pigeon, but apparently lots of people don't like pigeons.
07:13But I like a pigeon.
07:15I'm a big fan of a pigeon.
07:16So there are pigeons.
07:17And can I just say, so, you know, it's not like they didn't use your pictures.
07:20These are your pictures in the book.
07:21They are my pictures in the book, yes.
07:23And can we just admire her pigeon ranking?
07:25Admire my pigeons.
07:26Look at those.
07:28Lovely.
07:30It's so detailed.
07:35It's very detailed.
07:36So it's, I actually, I draw a lot anyway.
07:39And it's partly, I'm dyslexic, so I find learning lines quite difficult.
07:43So I normally record the lines that I'm doing and I listen to them and listen to them.
07:46And when I'm listening to them, I'm drawing the whole time.
07:49So I think they have to be quite detailed, otherwise the lines don't go in my head.
07:53So normally I'm drawing kind of pictures of, I don't know why, but it's old men with wrinkles.
07:57Hello.
07:58I'll do one of them.
07:59It sounds like you've done it already.
08:02Yeah.
08:03But so this was the first time that I've had to do something not old men with wrinkles and it had to be something other.
08:08But it was actually, I was doing it the whole time I was doing Black Dove season one.
08:11So I was...
08:12I can only just say, I'm very aware, Chris, that I'm showing illustrations that you can't see.
08:16Yeah.
08:17Because isn't true, in life you use AI.
08:19Yeah, yeah.
08:20No, a lot of people use AI to kind of create images these days.
08:22That's what you hear about.
08:23But I use it the other way and I can use it to take photographs and it will describe things to me.
08:28Whether it's just anything in a room, a drawing my daughter's done.
08:33Literally, it will describe things to me with so much more patience than any human has.
08:38LAUGHTER
08:39And honestly, it's...
08:42APPLAUSE
08:43I can ask it, like if I'm shopping for something and there's like a jumper on the internet, I can get it to describe it to me.
08:52And it never says to me, I'm watching CSI, can you come back in an hour?
08:56LAUGHTER
08:57Unlike me wife, you know.
08:59It's phenomenal, but I get it to describe my daughter's drawings and things like that.
09:05It's really, it's really incredible.
09:07And you mentioned there you were working on this book, Kira, while you were doing Black Doves.
09:11Were you literally drawing these pictures on set?
09:14Yeah, so there was about a three-year period where I was just doodling myself.
09:18And then when we went to the publisher and they said yes, I then had about a year to do it.
09:22But they literally said yes the week I started Black Doves.
09:25So I was kind of doing the whole thing at the same time.
09:27And you still chose pigeons?
09:28I still chose pigeons.
09:29LAUGHTER
09:30Yes, I like pigeons, yes.
09:32Brothers and doves, sorry, that was...
09:34Oh, I should have done.
09:35But, you know, they're kind of similar.
09:36They are, aren't they?
09:37Yeah, they are.
09:38But also, I love the idea of this woman wandering off to draw lovely pictures of cats and flowers.
09:43I mean, it was literally, that day was a pigeon day.
09:45Oh, where?
09:46Yeah, yeah, yeah, so...
09:47We're looking at a picture of Kira covered in blood.
09:49Yeah.
09:50Yeah, I think all of the other actors on set were a bit kind of going,
09:53what on earth is going on?
09:55I'm like, here's a lovely goldfish and here's a lovely inner as I'm looking like that.
09:58It was a bit much.
09:59Well, writing, writing is in Kira Knightley's blood.
10:02Because your mother was a very successful playwright and novelist.
10:05Yeah, she was.
10:06She was a successful playwright and scriptwriter.
10:08She also wrote a couple of novels.
10:10I'm not sure that they did that well.
10:12But they were, they did, they did make it.
10:14Wow, wow.
10:15Sorry, Kira's mother.
10:16Sorry, Mum.
10:17She would say it herself, but they did make it to the school library.
10:20And one of them was the most taken out book in our school library because it had a sexy bit in it.
10:25Oh, wow.
10:26And I didn't realise until I was like, wow, it's amazing how many people,
10:29and then suddenly I got to the sex scene and it was a sex scene written by my mother in the school library.
10:33Wow.
10:34It's all a little bit much.
10:35Well, talking of the library, we went to the library and we found your mother's book.
10:38Oh, hello.
10:39There you go.
10:40Is it?
10:41It's called Night Night.
10:42Night Night.
10:43There's your mum on the back.
10:44There she is.
10:45Yeah.
10:46Lovely.
10:47And you're not joking.
10:48Like, it opens.
10:49Is it a sex?
10:50Is it?
10:51Because I don't remember it.
10:52I don't know.
10:53Would you call this a sex?
10:54Now, somebody didn't enjoy it overly.
10:55What is it?
10:56We don't know what it is.
10:57Oh, my God.
10:58It's just a stain.
10:59It's a stain.
11:00It's a stain.
11:01It's a stain.
11:02There's a brown stain on the front, you know.
11:06It's fine.
11:08I wonder what AI would say.
11:10Yeah.
11:15But it begins.
11:17Yeah.
11:18This is literally the first sentence of your mother's book.
11:21Oh, no.
11:22Yeah.
11:23In the middle of the ballroom, in the middle of the ball, Francis began to unbutton all
11:26the tiny pearls down the front of her Cinderella ball gown.
11:29Oh.
11:30Cinderella didn't have tits with milk in.
11:32She shouted to all the other guests.
11:34Well, no.
11:35No.
11:36That would do it, wouldn't it?
11:37Yeah.
11:38In the school library.
11:39Absolutely.
11:40Yeah.
11:41They loved it.
11:42We'll be returning it to...
11:44Where do we go?
11:45I think Redbridge Library we got it from.
11:46OK, good.
11:47Yes.
11:48Maybe do something about that, I would say.
11:50Putting it back on the shelves.
11:52Yeah.
11:53Maybe.
11:54Yeah.
11:55Tip-ex that bit out.
11:56Just a reminder that Keira's book, I Love You Just The Same, is out now.
12:01Now...
12:02APPLAUSE
12:04Malala Yousafzai has a new memoir called Finding My Way.
12:13It is out now and this documents kind of the second half of your life, really,
12:18since you came to this country, isn't that right?
12:21Yeah.
12:22And this is my coming-of-age story and these are the most personal reflections I have ever
12:27shared.
12:28This is about my time in school, in high school when I was a lonely student to then becoming
12:34a reckless college student and navigating my way as a young woman.
12:40So, I have shared a lot about my personal experiences, about belonging, friendships,
12:45love, mental health and many other topics.
12:48And my hope is that when somebody reads this book, they know that they're not alone.
12:53So, that's the message I want to spread.
12:55Yeah.
12:56APPLAUSE
12:59And, if you don't mind, I mean, because what happened to you, the murder attempt was
13:04sort of 15 years ago, so there might be some people who don't remember, who don't know.
13:08Can you briefly remind us of what happened and how you ended up in this country?
13:13Yeah, my life completely changed.
13:15When I was only 11 years old, extremists took over our hometown and when they announced
13:20a ban on girls' education, that's when I started doing my activism because I knew that
13:25I could not have a future without an education, then they attempted to kill me.
13:31I survived that attempt and my life took a whole different pathway after that because
13:36I was moved to the UK for my treatment.
13:38I received surgeries here and I started my high school here.
13:42And then, you know, I felt so lucky that I went to college and I completed my degree.
13:47And that was the moment when I felt that I had won because the people who tried to silence me
13:52and stopped me from learning failed and I actually completed my education.
13:56But I have the same dream for all of you.
14:01Because, you know, in the book, you leave hospital, you go to high school, but as you say,
14:06it was when you went to university, that's when you kind of, not reinvent yourself,
14:10but just kind of wanted to become, you know...
14:13A normal, a normal person, yes.
14:15And did you feel, because, you know, you were so famous and, you know,
14:19when you showed up at university, did you feel that everyone had an expectation
14:22of who Malala was going to be?
14:24100%, but I didn't want it to be that way.
14:27So that's why I remember when I was packing for university,
14:30I wanted to pack all the things that made me look like a normal college student.
14:35And I knew that if I wore my traditional shalwar kameez,
14:38the Pakistani traditional outfit, I would stand out.
14:41And then people would see me as the public figure Malala.
14:44So I wanted to wear, like, jeans and jumpers,
14:47anything that's just, like, basic and normal.
14:49So I went on Google and I looked up, like, casual style 2017,
14:55and then I searched up Selena Gomez casual.
14:59Now, so you googled it.
15:01So this is Selena Gomez here.
15:03Yes.
15:04And you sent us these pictures.
15:05Yes.
15:06And that's Selena Gomez.
15:07And this is Malala channelling where she is.
15:09Wow!
15:10It's good.
15:11We've got another one here.
15:12This is...
15:13Now, when I saw that, I thought,
15:14Malala didn't wear that, did she?
15:15But she did.
15:16Went very zippy.
15:17Look at you.
15:18Oh, hello.
15:19Yeah.
15:20Yeah.
15:21And when you were walking around Oxford,
15:26you know, were you very aware...
15:28Were the paparazzi or were you getting a lot of attention?
15:32I was aware that there are people sort of following me around.
15:35You know, I wanted to be a normal student in college,
15:39but, of course, I knew that if...
15:41You know, like, some people are just looking for some excuse
15:43to create a whole controversy out of it,
15:46seeing me in a club or, you know, having fun with friends.
15:49But, yeah, then a whole controversy came out
15:51that was quite surprising to me.
15:54So I was out that day for rowing,
15:58and I was wearing skinny jeans and a bomber jacket
16:01and my headscarf.
16:02That's where I was.
16:03I regret going for rowing that day, of course,
16:06because I had signed up for everything at college
16:09and I said, oh, let's try rowing as well
16:11because I want to be this active student,
16:13I want to make friends,
16:14I don't want those, like, lonely high school years.
16:16And I realised that for rowing,
16:18you have to be up at 5am
16:20and you need to know how to swim,
16:22and I couldn't swim at the time.
16:26But then, walking back from there,
16:28somebody took a photo of me wearing skinny jeans
16:30and I got this call from my parents telling me
16:33that they were really concerned
16:35because people are criticising me for wearing jeans,
16:38that this is not a traditional outfit
16:41and somehow I am shaming the country and the culture.
16:44But I told my parents that I'm not in college
16:46for some pilgrimage or some, you know, cultural representation.
16:50I'm here as a student and I reminded my dad
16:53that when my brothers came into this country,
16:55they switched to the Western clothing right away.
16:59They wear jeans and tops, but nobody criticised them.
17:03It's only women and girls who are being criticised,
17:05so it's not fair.
17:07APPLAUSE
17:09Every time that anything like that happens though,
17:11you just text them a photo of the Nobel Peace Prize.
17:14LAUGHTER
17:17Yes, as I was saying.
17:19Yeah, no comment needed.
17:21But in terms of being scrutinised by, you know,
17:23the public and paparazzi, Keira Knightley, you had it,
17:26like, there was kind of a peak moment in your fame
17:29when the paparazzi just decided they were obsessed with you.
17:31Yeah.
17:32And you came up with a devious plan.
17:34Oh, yes, my devious plan was for about two years
17:36I wore exactly the same clothes every single day.
17:39Very good.
17:40I mean, actually, when I was out, I had, like,
17:42about four stripy T-shirts and two pairs in the same jeans.
17:45So, you know, I did actually change my clothes,
17:47but every single time I went out, it was a uniform
17:49and if they were following me, I would just stop.
17:51So I wouldn't have anyone follow me.
17:53So I'd just stop and I'd stand there completely still
17:55and it would be hours and hours and hours.
17:58LAUGHTER
17:59But eventually I think I just freaked them out
18:01and they stopped following me.
18:02Wait a minute, so would they, if you stood there,
18:03would they just continue to take pictures of you?
18:05Yeah, for hours, five hours one day.
18:07It was five hours stood on a thing like this.
18:09And I honestly do think I freaked them out.
18:13They were like, I don't understand what's happening here.
18:16Imagine people walking past going,
18:18that statue of Keira Knightley's in a weird place, isn't it?
18:20LAUGHTER
18:21Don't you put the statue there?
18:23Yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:24Madame Dessau's had a clear out.
18:26LAUGHTER
18:27I like that there's something so bloody-minded about it.
18:30I know, it was, it was a bit.
18:31And, you know, and again, it was quite fun going,
18:33oh, this is what freaks you out.
18:35If you run away, that doesn't freak you out.
18:37But if you stand still and just stand there,
18:39completely freaks them out.
18:40Yeah.
18:41Now, the second half of Manala's book is a love story.
18:45Yes.
18:46So tell us about Asir.
18:48Yeah, I met him through some friends in college
18:52and the moment I saw him, I knew he was a good-looking guy.
18:55There he is.
18:56Can I just ask Manala, how long does he spend doing his hair?
18:59That is some careful hair.
19:01Forever.
19:02Yeah.
19:03It's true, it's true.
19:04I mean, I'm like, why are you in the toilet for hours?
19:06Like, you know, how much gel do you need to put on your hair?
19:09LAUGHTER
19:11But...
19:12But you met him and you thought, hello.
19:13Yes.
19:14And the first experience was go-karting.
19:16And I had a mini-crash at go-karting.
19:19And I, you know, made it into a big deal.
19:23He was beside me and I told him, I said,
19:26you don't understand, I think I had a concussion.
19:29LAUGHTER
19:30But he was trying to make me feel normal.
19:32He was being funny.
19:33He reminded me that I was driving at five miles per hour.
19:36LAUGHTER
19:38But we immediately connected.
19:40He has a good sense of humour.
19:41He laughed at my jokes, which is important.
19:44Yes.
19:45Yes.
19:46And how difficult is it to, you know, to date Malala?
19:49Because you have security with you all the time.
19:51Yeah, I took him to this movie, Toy Story 4,
19:54and I was like, relax, you know, we're together,
19:56enjoy the popcorn.
19:57And he said, there's, like, bodyguards behind me.
20:00LAUGHTER
20:01You want me to relax?
20:03So, yeah, I understood it from his point of view, of course,
20:06but I said, you know, just be yourself.
20:10Yeah.
20:11Forget about those, mate.
20:12Exactly.
20:13At any moment, just get rid of him.
20:15One of the time.
20:16Oh, yes, they started looking after me.
20:19Yeah.
20:20Especially after, like, the Nobel Peace Prize, yeah.
20:22Wow.
20:23Wow.
20:24And is that kind of forever in your head?
20:26Do you kind of think that's it now?
20:27I've just got security?
20:28So far, yes.
20:29Yeah.
20:30So, um...
20:31Wow.
20:32And I don't want to spoil the ending of the book,
20:33but you are a married lady now.
20:34Yes.
20:35And I've suddenly been struck by a question.
20:37What star sign is Asa?
20:39He's a Virgo.
20:40Is that a good one?
20:41Very good.
20:42Yeah.
20:43Very good.
20:44Okay.
20:45Yeah.
20:46But he was a premature baby, and he was supposed to be a Scorpio.
20:48Oh.
20:49But both would have worked for you.
20:51Yeah, I think...
20:52Yeah, both would have worked.
20:53Maybe like a bit of a mix.
20:54He has traces of a Scorpio.
20:55Okay, that's good.
20:56That'll keep you on your toes.
20:57Yeah.
20:58Yeah.
20:59Yeah.
21:00Amy Lou Wood has spoken.
21:01Yes.
21:02And Chris, you're married to a Brazilian woman.
21:05Yeah.
21:06And now you decided...
21:07No, you decided to do quite a big romantic gesture,
21:11I think quite early on.
21:13Well, I was never good at languages as a kid in school,
21:17and obviously, you know, she speaks Portuguese with her family
21:19and stuff, so I thought, well, I'm an adult now.
21:21I want to learn her language and kind of, you know,
21:25be part of that culture, really.
21:27And I thought, well, I can just speak it with her when she's
21:29at home as well, and I'll learn really fast and it'll progress.
21:32So two months in, I'm learning the language and she's...
21:35coming home from work and in the end, she said,
21:38please stop.
21:40She said, I can't handle this.
21:42I'm at work all day.
21:43I'm coming home.
21:44She said, it's like speaking to a toddler.
21:46Because I was like...
21:48She'd come home and was like, today is Wednesday.
21:51I have fought a hat.
21:54I am a businessman from Sao Paulo.
21:59And, you know, Malala, this book, a lot of it's about you adapting
22:09to Western society, but it's also a story about your parents.
22:12Yes.
22:13And how they've adapted and changed a lot.
22:16Yeah, my mom especially.
22:18She was very new to the UK culture.
22:20She couldn't speak English initially, so she had to adjust to everything.
22:25But my mom was also, you know, very strict.
22:29She wanted me to be strict to the Pakistani traditional culture.
22:32And so we...
22:36So when I met Prince Harry, we were taking a photo together.
22:41So he put his, like, arm around my shoulder, if you don't mind, like this.
22:45And my mom goes off to him and she says, remove.
22:49Like...
22:51She just, like, shoves off his hand.
22:53And a bit of a background to this.
22:55So, you know, for my mom, it was always a concern that her daughter is safe
22:59because in patriarchal cultures, you know, girls are not allowed
23:04to be outside their homes or, like, to see another guy or...
23:09So she was just always worried.
23:10She said, I'm not ready to, like, receive another backlash
23:13and, you know, see another controversy happening.
23:15And then there was another moment where I took a picture with David Beckham
23:19and, again, we were, like, you know, standing sort of close together.
23:22And, again, my parents were, like, freaking out
23:24because they were receiving calls from our conservative relatives
23:28that, you know, why is Malala standing next to a man?
23:31And I said, firstly, I'm 17.
23:33Secondly, that's David Beckham.
23:38So...
23:39But my mom and I, like, we are becoming more of friends now
23:43and she...
23:45You know, she's...
23:47Now, like, I just like watching her focus on herself.
23:51She's learning English.
23:53She loves shopping.
23:54I mean, she's...
23:55She's at John Lewis more than at home.
23:57LAUGHTER
23:59And, yeah, she loves Pilates.
24:00So she's exploring these new things.
24:02So I'm very happy for her.
24:03And we should say that, of course, your work continues
24:06with the Malala Fund and you're building schools
24:09and you're... Yes.
24:10..you're getting your message out there still.
24:12Yeah, we work in a lot of countries, including Afghanistan,
24:15where education is banned for girls.
24:17We're supporting online learning and underground schools.
24:20And we're also working in Pakistan, of course.
24:23We have invested more than $15 million in education activists.
24:28And we built a school there in my parents' village.
24:31And there was no high school for girls there.
24:34So we wanted to make a difference in our community.
24:37And I met the first class of girls who graduated this year
24:41from that school.
24:42And it was amazing that their lives have changed completely.
24:44Wow.
24:45It's an amazing story.
24:48And Malala's book is called Finding My Way.
24:51Malala Yousafzai, everybody.
24:53Thank you so much.
24:57And now, Amy Lou Wood, you bring us the second season
25:01of the hit sitcom Daddy Issues.
25:04So BBC One, BBC Three and BBC iPlayer in November.
25:07So, first season, it was a big hit.
25:10Yes, I'm just finding it funny that that's what's following that.
25:13I know.
25:14As I did it, I felt sorry for you.
25:17I felt sorry for you.
25:18No, I was just in such a deep moment of contemplation
25:21about your amazingness.
25:22And then I was like, yes, this thing.
25:24It's more amazing that everything Malala just said
25:28followed Cinderella's tits are not full of you.
25:31Oh, yeah, that's true as well.
25:33I wasn't going to dwell on that, Chris.
25:35It's a broad church.
25:40Yes, exactly.
25:41All human life is here.
25:43Yes.
25:44So, Daddy Issues.
25:45Yes.
25:46Daddy Issues.
25:47It's important, Amy Lou Wood.
25:48It is very important.
25:49It matters.
25:50So, first season, Gemma, obviously, with...
25:54She's pregnant.
25:55Yes.
25:56But now, the baby's happened.
25:58So what's going on in Gemma's life?
25:59Baby's happened.
26:00I love that.
26:01Yes, the baby's happened and she's feeling quite lost, quite unanchored.
26:06She doesn't really know what her new identity is.
26:10She feels an amazing amount of gain from baby Sadie but also loss of her old life.
26:16And she's missing her dad because her dad's moved out of the flat because her mum's moved in and her dad's terrified of her mum.
26:22So we kind of meet her when she's trying to get her dad back and get her mum out.
26:28Would you say her dad is played by the amazing David Morrissey?
26:30David Morrissey.
26:31Yes.
26:32He's so brilliant.
26:33And it's actually bad how funny he is.
26:36It's bad.
26:37We can't get through the day.
26:39When I can get through a day without ruining a million takes, people actually come and say well done to me.
26:45The crew come up and go, you owned the corpse like six times today.
26:49Well done.
26:50It's just so much fun.
26:51And, of course, it's filmed in your hometown, Sockport.
26:54Yes.
26:55Yes.
26:56It's lovely.
26:57Yeah.
26:58I didn't say anything.
27:00I know.
27:01I know.
27:02I don't know why.
27:03I'm always like, Stockport jokes coming.
27:04No!
27:05Did you actually film it there or is it just set there?
27:07No, we film it there and it's really...
27:09The first season I had people coming over going like, I know your auntie.
27:12You know, it's like, it's very cosy and nice but also we get a lot of hecklers.
27:18Whenever we film on a certain street in Stockport it's like, what's it going to be today?
27:22So it's fun.
27:24It's like a Greek chorus.
27:26Constantly in the background.
27:28We've got a clip.
27:29This is you as Gemma sort of getting back out there after the birth of your baby.
27:33Yes.
27:34Mmm.
27:36Now that is a tasty snack.
27:39Oh, if you're getting a snack, Gemma, I would love some peanuts.
27:42Yeah.
27:46Bye.
27:47Hey.
27:48Hi.
27:49Do you have a friend, Belkine?
27:50Mm-hmm.
27:51She's not had any tea, so...
27:54I'm Hodge.
27:56Poor Hodgson.
27:57People call me Hodge.
27:58I'm Gemma.
27:59People call me Gemma.
28:01Ah!
28:02Ow!
28:04You're having a heart attack.
28:06Well, let's hope so.
28:08So tell me about yourself then.
28:10Well, I'll work in...
28:11Actually, no, I can't do that.
28:12I need to whimper.
28:13Mmm!
28:14Mmm!
28:15Cherry!
28:16Oh.
28:17Yeah.
28:21Hi.
28:22Hey, babe.
28:23My boobs are about to explode.
28:24Oh, right.
28:25Are they fake?
28:26No, you bellend.
28:27They're full of milk.
28:28Oh, my God.
28:29Why?
28:30She's just had a baby and she's missed a feed.
28:32How do I make it stop?
28:33You need to get the milk out.
28:34Erm...
28:35Shall I get a pen lid and a knife?
28:36Why?
28:37Like when people's throats swell up, stab the pen lid and release the pressure.
28:41You want to perform a tracheotomy on her taste?
28:43Well, I don't know.
28:44How do men know so little about the female body?
28:47Come on, babe.
28:52There he acts!
28:53I know!
28:54Did he do his work?
28:55Yeah!
28:56It's like, Keira's mother would love that scene.
28:58Really?
28:59Love it!
29:00It's like she wrote it.
29:01I mean, it is.
29:02It's in the stars.
29:03It's written in the stars.
29:04It's in the stars.
29:05It's written in the stars.
29:06And, Keira Knightley, you have a personal connection with daddy issues.
29:09My husband does the music.
29:10He does!
29:11Yeah.
29:12So, I've actually seen it all and it's really good.
29:15Oh, good!
29:16Because I haven't seen him.
29:17No, I live with your face in my house because he works from the house, so I've literally...
29:21I've seen it all.
29:22It's great.
29:23Wow!
29:24And the music's really good.
29:25The music's really good, isn't it?
29:26The music's really good, yeah.
29:27Do you choose not to watch it, Amy?
29:28No, I've seen the first one.
29:29Oh, yeah.
29:30But I haven't...
29:31Sorry, I don't know why I screamed.
29:32I've seen the first one.
29:35Yeah.
29:36But I haven't seen the second yet.
29:38Oh, great!
29:39Not out of choice, I've just not been sent it.
29:41Oh!
29:42So, Keira, you can film it.
29:43I have seen the second.
29:44It's great.
29:45I've seen it.
29:46It's been sent it to me!
29:47Why can't I see it?
29:48I really feel like you should be able to see it.
29:50Yes!
29:51I'll ask for it.
29:52Yeah.
29:53And, er...
29:54Malala, should we go and have a drink?
29:56And, Amy, here you are, back on the BBC, er, and it...
30:01I...
30:02I...
30:03You're probably very sick about talking about The White Lotus,
30:05but that show, The White Lotus...
30:06What?
30:07Which show?
30:08Oh, I know.
30:09We did all love it.
30:10But, like, that...
30:11The attention that that show brought you...
30:12Yes.
30:13Has it kind of changed your life?
30:14Yes.
30:15Yeah.
30:16Yes.
30:17Cos, like, there's movies happening now and all sorts, yeah.
30:19It's very intense.
30:20It's very intense.
30:21It is...
30:22People kept saying, your life's going to change,
30:23your life's going to change, and I was...
30:25I was kind of going, but I don't want it to.
30:27I just want to play this part.
30:28But then...
30:29And I kind of thought everyone was being dramatic,
30:32and then I realised they weren't being dramatic.
30:34It's a big...
30:35You know, I was going to go and get coffee on my street
30:38that no-one knows where I live, and then all of a sudden
30:40I'm being filmed.
30:41It was just that stuff.
30:42So, are you...
30:43Are you getting the Kira thing of people...
30:45Yeah, and I've just thought, that's what I need to do.
30:46I just need to stand still.
30:47You won't get your coffee, which is annoying.
30:50No, but I...
30:51Yeah, but they could just replace the coffee in my hand.
30:53Oh, there you go, yeah.
30:54Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:56Yeah.
30:57But here's the thing.
30:58There were lots of fan theories about, you know,
31:00because we knew something bad was going to happen.
31:02Yes.
31:03And there were lots of fan theories about what might have happened.
31:04Yeah.
31:05Somebody worked it out.
31:06I did.
31:07You did.
31:08OK, I've got a thing where I always guess what's going to happen
31:10in a TV show, and it causes big problems between me and my husband.
31:13Of course.
31:14Because quite often I'm right, and then I ruin the whole thing.
31:16So now I have to write it down on a piece of paper
31:19and hide it somewhere.
31:20Woo!
31:21So when I think about it, I write it down,
31:22and then it's hidden in a book.
31:23And then at the end of it, if I'm right,
31:25if I'm wrong, I just forget about it.
31:27But if I'm right, I go, look!
31:28I got it!
31:29I got it!
31:30And I was right.
31:31I killed you off.
31:32Before you got killed off, I was like,
31:33she's gone, she's too nice, she's gone.
31:35Of course, well done.
31:36Yeah, thank you.
31:37But didn't you guess who did the shooting?
31:40No, I didn't guess who did the shooting,
31:42but I guessed the dad thing.
31:43No!
31:44I guessed that he was the dad of the other guy.
31:46Wow.
31:47And I guessed that early on too.
31:48I was like, please.
31:49Because I know Malala, you watched White Loras as well, didn't you?
31:50Yes, I didn't guess anything.
31:54It was a terrible surprise.
31:56That's fine.
31:57And, Amy, you also had an impact on Malala,
32:01because one of your first jobs, I think, you binge-watched.
32:04I know.
32:05Sex Education.
32:06And Ikea.
32:07And I watched it.
32:09It's so cool!
32:11Very cool.
32:12Yeah.
32:13But I...
32:14It sounds different when you say it, Malala.
32:15I know.
32:16Because I truly watched it as an educational show.
32:19I actually learnt a lot.
32:21Like, honestly.
32:22I'm glad to have been of service.
32:23Yeah.
32:24Yeah.
32:25That's so cool.
32:26Was that your first ever screen job?
32:29It was, yes.
32:30Yes.
32:31Which was quite daunting, I imagine,
32:33to be straight out of drama school and...
32:35Yeah, it was very daunting.
32:36And we all kept being like,
32:37it's just going to go under the radar.
32:39And we're happy with that.
32:40It's going to be under the radar.
32:41And then it wasn't under the radar.
32:42No.
32:43But you won a BAFTA for it.
32:45Yes.
32:46There you go.
32:47Yeah.
32:48And probably, you know, filming these things,
32:53it did look fabulous.
32:54You know, you were staying in a fabulous hotel.
32:56You just did the women in Cabin 10.
32:58Cabin 10.
32:59How expensive was that superyacht you were filming on?
33:01It was something like 160 million for the superyacht.
33:03Wow.
33:04If you've got that in spare change,
33:05you can buy that superyacht.
33:06Wow.
33:07And was it fabulous?
33:08No, I was really excited because I was like,
33:09oh, I never get to, you know, film anywhere glamorous.
33:11And now it's a superyacht and there'll be champagne.
33:13It'll be gorgeous.
33:14And instead it was like, we were crammed together.
33:16We weren't allowed to touch anything.
33:17You weren't allowed to sit on anything because it was too expensive.
33:19You weren't allowed to walk on the carpets because they were too expensive.
33:22So we were all sort of like that.
33:23We weren't allowed to drink anything.
33:24And there was a woman whose job it was to fluff up the carpets.
33:29So she was a carpet fluffer, one might say.
33:32Wow.
33:33And if you put your toe on it,
33:34then you got hit on the back of your leg to get off the carpet.
33:37I had such hatred over this piece of carpet.
33:40It was quite extraordinary.
33:42But it was always fluffed.
33:44Wow.
33:45That's her job.
33:46I mean, I think she was chairs as well.
33:48So the chairs...
33:49But it appeared a lot of carpet fluffing.
33:52And we all know what a fluffer is traditionally.
33:55Yeah.
33:56If you get hired as a fluffer
33:58and then you realise you've only got to do the carpet,
34:00you've been made up.
34:01LAUGHTER
34:03We're not explaining, Malala.
34:05LAUGHTER
34:06Do you know what a fluffer is?
34:08No, leave it!
34:09What's a fluffer?
34:11Oh, OK.
34:12Remember the star sign said it was going to go well?
34:14Yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:15Yeah.
34:16Leave it.
34:17OK.
34:18I think the Gemini's being too chatty.
34:21Exactly!
34:22Exactly!
34:23Just a quick reminder, AV's latest show, Daddy Issues,
34:28kicks off on the BBC next month.
34:30OK.
34:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:33We turn to Chris McLaughlin.
34:38His autobiography is called Keep Laughing.
34:41It is also out now.
34:43And I'm struck, you know, you are a young man, Chris.
34:46So, a life story, a memoir, why did you decide to do it now?
34:50I mean, Penguin asked me if I wanted to do it towards the end of last year
34:54and then they, a stroke of genius on there, they put it on sale,
34:58on a pre-order before I'd started writing anything of it.
35:01LAUGHTER
35:03I mean, I'm a procrastinator at the best of times, there is nothing like a book being on sale
35:07that doesn't exist to make you write a book.
35:09LAUGHTER
35:12That would motivate you.
35:13Oh, do you know, I'm 48 and, like, you can write a book at any...
35:17It depends what it's about, doesn't it?
35:18But, you know, there's kind of three parts to it, really, I suppose.
35:22And, you know, losing me sight for 25 years,
35:26becoming a comedian and getting to do telly
35:29and then, obviously, Strictly, really,
35:32which felt like a really kind of positive good end
35:35for that kind of part of the story.
35:37Yeah.
35:38And I heard you talking and you thought that writing that first 25 years
35:42was going to be the difficult bit, describing your sight getting worse.
35:46Yeah, well, I mean, talking about, like, being a kid
35:49and losing my sight and stuff, and I was like,
35:51well, who doesn't want to read this, this is...
35:53And also, I'm a bloke from Liverpool who grew up in Liverpool in the 80s,
35:56I'm quite close, I dig a hole, I bury things in
35:59and I put a front on for people to see, you know,
36:01and once you've kind of cried on the telly
36:04in front of 10 million people, you feel a lot more open about things.
36:08LAUGHTER
36:09And so I thought that would be the hardest bit to write
36:12because I know what I'm like and...
36:14But it actually ended up being, like, the most...
36:17what I thought was the most kind of interesting and original part.
36:21And then when you get to the stuff about being a comedian,
36:23which I thought would be the stuff that was easiest
36:25because it's what I do and it's what I love
36:28and you can be really funny about being a comedian and stuff,
36:31you kind of get to that bit and you go,
36:33this is the bit every comedian's got in their book.
36:35So this is actually...
36:36It's harder to make this bit from an original perspective,
36:39if you know what I mean, compared to the whole first bit,
36:42which is really just, you know, my own story
36:44that no-one else has, really.
36:46Well, as you say, the book has a fabulous conclusion
36:48with your triumph on Strictly.
36:51And Strictly, that is something you are justifiably
36:54really proud of, aren't you?
36:55Yeah, I mean, it's mad, you know,
36:58because it wasn't on my radar and I knew nothing about it
37:01and it was...
37:02But it's the most proud of anything I've ever been, you know,
37:04and it's everything I've ever done in comedy,
37:08apart from that very first gig, which was a dare to give it a go,
37:11but everything else has been incremental.
37:13It's always...
37:14You know, last time I was on, Graeme,
37:16I was talking about making a Christmas film with Lee.
37:18I'd never done a... With Lee Mack, I'd never done a film before,
37:21but it's still within my wheelhouse.
37:23It's expanding your comedy chops, you know,
37:25and doing something that's very much within what your job
37:29and your skill set is, whereas this was so far out
37:32of my comfort zone.
37:33It was such an unknown.
37:35And it was so intensive and consuming and terrifying,
37:39the most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life.
37:41And for us to kind of maintain it for four months
37:44and for it to connect with people the way that it did,
37:47it's... Honestly, I couldn't... I couldn't be prouder of it,
37:50you know, so, yeah.
37:51It feels like a good work there.
37:52It should be, absolutely.
37:53APPLAUSE
37:54And...
37:56Very quickly, because there's a story you tell,
37:59you used to do material about your daughter.
38:02How old were you when this happened?
38:03Was she two or something?
38:04So, the first kind of break I had on mainstream telly
38:07was live at the Apollo and I had this bit of material
38:10about my daughter being a baby and her doing a poo in the bath.
38:13And she kind of noticed it floating past her
38:17and she handed it to me and asked me what it...
38:20She said, what's that, Daddy?
38:22And I had to sniff it to find out.
38:25Oh, my God!
38:26Oh, my God!
38:27And the joke was kind of...
38:29I kind of...
38:30I told the story but I kind of put myself into her head
38:33as if she knew what she was doing.
38:34Like, you know, just saying to her little toy penguin,
38:36watch this, Mr Penguin, I'm going to ask him
38:38with its ice cream or whatever, yeah.
38:40And I did this bit of material.
38:42It's the only bit of my stand-up my daughter saw,
38:44like, for years of mine when she was older,
38:47and she thought that's all I did for a living.
38:49She just thought I went out and I told rooms full of people
38:51that she shit in the bath.
38:53LAUGHTER
38:54And then when she kind of...
38:56She learnt that, like, obviously I went out
38:58and that's how I earned money
39:00and I paid for, like, you know, food and everything,
39:02and all because I went out and I told this story.
39:06And she was like, God, thank God I did that shit in the bath
39:08and we'd have nothing...
39:09LAUGHTER
39:11She said to me, and she must have been about ten at this point,
39:14and she said to me...
39:16I said I was going out to do a gig in London,
39:18and she said, can I come, Daddy?
39:20I said, no.
39:21She said, when can I come?
39:22I said, when you're 18, yeah?
39:23And she said, and you can be on stage
39:25and you can tell everybody that I did a poo in the bath
39:27and then at the end I can come on and go,
39:29hey, everybody, it was me!
39:31LAUGHTER
39:33APPLAUSE
39:35OK, it's time for music.
39:46This Grammy-winning British band has had three number-one albums
39:49and headlined Glastonbury,
39:51and are joined tonight by an Irish superstar,
39:53collaborating for the first time on their new single,
39:55Rubberband Man, it is Mumford & Sons with Hosier!
39:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:02APPLAUSE
40:04When you can't win
40:15The losing
40:17And the beggars start choosing
40:20The chaos in your head
40:22Calls or cracks to start
40:24Showing
40:26All-knowing
40:28All-blowing
40:29With the light
40:30Dying
40:33To raise
40:35The dead
40:36Oh
40:39You're a world away
40:42But you're still the same
40:45I know you by your heart
40:47And I will call you by your name
40:49And it's a long way
40:51From the crack
40:53To the break
40:55You know that I remember everything
40:58You know that I remember everything
41:08Steady yourself
41:10In your tumbleweed words
41:12Be a street corner preacher
41:14Or just feed the birds
41:16But don't hold to yourself
41:18With hard mortar and stone
41:20Be a rubber band man
41:23Beak the water
41:25Beak the water
41:26Your bones
41:28Dying
41:29Just to live
41:33Now
41:34You're a world away
41:37But you're still the same
41:40I know you by your heart
41:42And I will call you by your name
41:44And it's a long way
41:46From the crack
41:48To the break
41:49You know that I remember everything
41:51You know that I remember everything
41:53And I said forever
41:55You said get back in the car
41:57Nothing lasts forever, babe
41:58You know it breaks my heart
41:59And I'll call you anything
42:01That you like
42:02You know it breaks my heart
42:03And I'll call you anything
42:08That you like
42:10And I am free
42:11And I'm able
42:12To call you the second
42:14That you die
42:16And I am free
42:19And I'm able
42:23To call you the second
42:27That you die
42:31Just to live
42:34Live now
42:38You're a world away
42:41But you're still all the same
42:44I know you by your heart
42:45And I will call you by your name
42:48And it's a long way
42:50From the crack to the break
42:53You know that I remember everything
42:57And I said forever
42:59You should get back in the car
43:02Nothing lasts forever, baby
43:05You know it breaks my heart
43:06You're a world away
43:08But you're still the same
43:12You know that I remember everything
43:16A new ink on your skin
43:22Red lips in the dark
43:25Nothing lasts forever, baby
43:27You know it breaks my heart
43:29Put a shiver on your skin
43:32Do your hair in the car
43:34If nothing lasts forever, baby
43:37Can we make a start?
43:42Welcome!
43:44Muppet of Doug with Hosey here!
43:47Beautiful job!
43:48I think Marcus and Hosey are coming over to see us!
43:53Come on over, there you go!
43:57Hi Marcus, I'm really nice to see you again!
43:59Thank you!
44:00That's Chris McCrosley!
44:02Oh!
44:03Hello!
44:04Hosey are coming in!
44:04Amy LeBourne, Malala, Kira!
44:07That's Marcus and Hosey are!
44:11There you go!
44:13Have a seat too!
44:14Have a seat too!
44:15Have a seat too!
44:16Lovely!
44:17Lovely!
44:18Thank you so much for that performance!
44:19What a gorgeous, gorgeous thing!
44:21And star signs?
44:23Star signs?
44:24Star signs!
44:25And Pisces!
44:26Oh yes!
44:27Yes, I thought so!
44:28Really, my boyfriend thought you were a Pisces!
44:30What does that mean he's going to sing a song?
44:31Oh yes, they are the dreamers!
44:32They are the dreamers!
44:33Marcus, what are you?
44:34Aquarius!
44:35Same!
44:36What does that mean?
44:37Weird!
44:38Cool!
44:39It's really worked out so far!
44:40Now, I have to say, that rubber band man is off this just announced album, Prizefighter.
44:56I haven't seen that yet!
44:57There you go!
44:58That's how new it is!
44:59So, how did it happen?
45:01How did the two of you get together, the band and you get together?
45:05Yeah!
45:06It was our first collaboration on record.
45:08We've known each other for a long time.
45:10We've collaborated live a number of times.
45:12Oh!
45:13Friends for a long time.
45:14And then we sent Andrew a bunch of demos for this new record we were working on.
45:20Yeah.
45:21And you listened and...
45:22Yeah!
45:23Gave some notes?
45:24No!
45:25I sent the entire album, in fact, which was like...
45:27I think that's so rare when you do a collab like this.
45:29And to be given the whole body of work, and I think you just said, just listen through
45:33and if there's something that connects, that you connect with as well, if there's a song that you love.
45:37So, it was a real treat I got to listen to.
45:39And why this song?
45:40I just love the...
45:42I think the lyrics are stunning.
45:43I didn't even know where the...
45:45Oh, yeah.
45:46So, there's a weird story behind the lyrics of this song.
45:49Tell us the story.
45:50It's very Aquarius, actually.
45:51Oh, yeah!
45:52I get that, I get it.
45:54Brandi Carlile, who's a mutual friend of ours.
45:57Love Brandi Carlile.
45:58Who we love.
45:59I think she had a dream about me in a non-weird way.
46:04And wrote me a text message with a bunch of lyrics, which became the verse for Rubber Bandman.
46:11She's like...
46:12She's like a sister to many of us.
46:14Yeah!
46:15And sort of like a soothsayer as well.
46:17And she had these words that she felt were for me.
46:20And it was the verse lyrics for Rubber Bandman, so I turned it into a song.
46:23Wow!
46:24Yeah.
46:25And a very nice time for Hosea, because you've just finished...
46:28A very long tour.
46:29Yes, yeah.
46:30I've been out of a suitcase just about three years, maybe just over three years.
46:33Yeah, so I'm winding down and the guys are getting ready for a hurricane.
46:38It's very sweet of him to be up for this.
46:40Yeah, but no, it's a nice...
46:41It's supposed to be on the holidays.
46:42Delighted, no, delighted.
46:43Isn't that just a nice little thing to do?
46:45And as you say, Mark, you're touring this year and it goes right into next year.
46:48Yeah.
46:49It's no three-year tour though, is it?
46:51Well, not yet.
46:52Yeah.
46:53Oh, yeah, you're getting there.
46:55Listen, we've loved having you on the show.
46:57Thank you so much for that performance.
46:59And good luck with the collaboration and the new album.
47:02Very good.
47:05Right.
47:06That is nearly it.
47:08Before we go, it's just time for a quick visit to the big red chair.
47:12Who do we have?
47:13Hello.
47:14Hello.
47:15Hi, what's your name?
47:16I'm Jennifer.
47:17Jennifer, lovely.
47:18Where are you from, Jennifer?
47:19Central New York State.
47:20OK.
47:21Central New York State.
47:22Very specific, I like it.
47:23If I do a map.
47:24And do you live there still or live here?
47:26No, no, I live there.
47:27Oh, right, so you're just on holiday?
47:29Yeah, we just arrived this morning.
47:31Oh, my goodness.
47:32Wow.
47:33How long are you staying for?
47:34A week.
47:35OK.
47:36Touring around or just in London?
47:37No, we're going to tour around a little bit.
47:39OK.
47:40Now, where are you heading?
47:41From here, we're going to head up to the Cotswolds for a few days.
47:43What a lovely idea.
47:44Off you go with your story.
47:45OK.
47:46So I'm a veterinarian and one day this guy brings his dog in to see me because he's been vomiting.
47:57The dog's been vomiting and I do some diagnostics and I ascertain that this dog has something
48:02stuck in his small intestine and needs surgery.
48:04So I take the dog to surgery, remove what it is that's blocking him.
48:09And the next day I'm getting the dog ready to go home.
48:11The wife comes in to pick him up.
48:13And I give the owner what I took out of the dog's intestines, which was a pair of women's
48:20panties.
48:21And they're not minivan panties.
48:23They are Lamborghini panties.
48:26And so I give her these panties in the plastic bag and I said, this is what you paid for, essentially.
48:32And she looked at them and she said, these aren't my underwear.
48:38Great story.
48:40There you go.
48:41You can walk.
48:42I'm not even done.
48:43I can walk.
48:44Oh, is there more to it?
48:45Oh, there's more.
48:46Oh, let's go with more.
48:47Yes.
48:48So it's me, the dog and this homicidal woman and I look at the dog and I'm thinking,
48:53buddy, I don't know who's going to get you in the divorce, but you ain't no man's best
48:59friend right now.
49:00You can walk.
49:01You can walk.
49:02Go, go, go, go, walk.
49:03Yes, very good.
49:04Lovely.
49:05That's good.
49:06And that's really all we've got time for.
49:08You don't have to go on the red show yourself and tell your story.
49:11You can contact us via our website.
49:12This is the very address.
49:13And please say thank you to all of our guests.
49:15Mumford has hunted hosier.
49:16Chris McCausland.
49:17Amy Lou Wood.
49:18Malala Yousafzai.
49:19And Keira Knightley.
49:20Join me next week with top superstar Ed Sheeran, comedian Jack Whitehall, salt burn star Rosamund
49:38Pike, and Hollywood leading man Glenn Powell.
49:40I'll see you then.
49:41Good night, everybody.
49:42Bye.
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