- 4 months ago
Luxury meets comedy in Episode 7. Jeremy pilots the mighty Mercedes CL65 AMG, while James & Richard become minicab drivers in south London to test the practicality of big hatchbacks—the Ford Focus C-Max and Renault Scenic. Jeremy also takes the rare and exotic Spyker C8 around the test track. Guest: Lionel Richie. Big engines, big laughs, and pure TG extravagance.
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MotorTranscript
00:00Tonight, James and Richard try their hand at minicabit.
00:06Roger, thank you.
00:08I drive a smoking jacket from Holland.
00:11And our reasonably priced car says hello to Lionel Richie.
00:19Hello and welcome to this £145,000 Mercedes-Benz.
00:26Now, David Beckham, if you're watching, you can't have one, okay?
00:30In fact, you can't have any new cars and no new hairstyles and no new tattoos.
00:35All we want from you for the next two years until the World Cup is for you to practice taking penalties.
00:43Right, now, let's get on with it.
00:46Find out what this thing's like.
00:48From the outside, this looks like an ordinary Mercedes CL.
00:53Good looking. Cool. Nice car.
00:54And with a broken headlamp, even on this press demonstrator, we can see it's built like an ordinary Mercedes 2.
01:04It even has the traditional Mercedes voice-activated computer, which doesn't understand a blind word you're on about.
01:11Let me show you.
01:13Dial number.
01:16Dialing.
01:17I haven't told you what to dial yet.
01:20Dial number.
01:23The number, please.
01:2501785.
01:270785.
01:29No, you missed the 1.
01:32Pardon?
01:33You missed the 1.
01:36The number is deleted.
01:38Please continue.
01:41See what I mean?
01:432, 0, 2.
01:46Where did that come from?
01:49Pardon?
01:50And so it goes on.
01:54Despite appearances, though, this is not an ordinary Mercedes CL.
01:59What it is, is the most powerful production car in the world.
02:07Mercedes has taken its 6-litre V12 engine, which is not the kind of thing you find in a motorised pepper grinder,
02:14and upped it to 6.5 litres.
02:18And then they added not one, but two turbochargers.
02:23The end result is 738 foot-pounds of torque.
02:29God didn't have that much when he made the world.
02:34Of course, there are a few problems.
02:39Like getting it from 0 to 60, for instance.
02:42I've got all those torques and all that latent rage pent up under the bonnet.
02:48So let me show you now what happens when you try to get the car rolling.
02:52Into drive.
02:55Ready?
03:00Eventually, you do start to move, but only after your tyres have been transferred from the wheels onto the road.
03:07Of course, you can stop that happening by turning on the traction control.
03:15Great!
03:15But all this does is rein the engine in, slow it down.
03:19So why have all the power in the first place?
03:22And there's a similar problem with the top speed.
03:25To keep the Green Party happy,
03:27all the main German car companies have an agreement
03:30that none of them will make a car that goes faster than 155 miles an hour.
03:36So despite the volcanic power in here,
03:39it's no faster at the top end than any other Merc or BMW or Audi.
03:44So, if the top speed's governed by a gentleman's agreement
03:47and the acceleration from 0 to 60 by the laws of physics,
03:50what's the point of this car?
03:52Cheaper, smaller engine versions are just as quick.
03:58Except when it comes to the business of overtaking.
04:02Right, we've snuck up behind the Peugeot.
04:05Oh, I've got 50 feet.
04:07That's plenty of space.
04:09There we go.
04:12Hold the camera steady.
04:14Two cars to get by here.
04:15Ready?
04:17There we go.
04:19And one, two, three seconds would pass both of them.
04:22See this backrest?
04:24There's more examples of Mercedes-Benz build quality.
04:27Still doesn't matter.
04:28We're just pinning that with the power.
04:30Here we go again.
04:40And that's the amazing thing.
04:42When you're going 30 miles an hour, it goes...
04:45And when you're going 130, it goes...
04:48And that's the only difference.
04:51Of course, underneath the pretty body, everything's had to be toughened up.
04:56The driveshafts are made from granite.
04:57The computer-guided suspension has been reprogrammed.
05:00And you have the sort of brakes used to stop tanks.
05:04You have to doff your cap to Mercedes because they have done an incredible job.
05:11I mean, you put your foot down.
05:13No drama.
05:14No fuss.
05:15No real noise.
05:16And boof!
05:17You're in our growth.
05:20It is hysterically fast.
05:23The thing is, though, that most people who buy cars this powerful like them to look sensational as well.
05:30And this doesn't.
05:36Because it's so like an ordinary Mercedes, your friends will never know about the monstrous power that lurks within.
05:43And that means you're going to have to clear your throat and tell them.
05:49Hello?
05:51Excuse me?
05:52Hello?
05:53You in the red top?
05:55I've had a look round the car park, and I couldn't help noticing that my car is considerably more powerful than all of yours.
06:04How about that?
06:19I don't want to be entirely negative about this car because, I must admit, I do derive a certain bullish thrill from its huge power reserves.
06:30It's that sense that, no matter what comes up behind you, you can simply blow it into the weeds.
06:37Shouldn't enjoy that, but I do.
06:45Secretly, I love this car.
06:48I know the quality's appalling, as usual, with Mercedes these days.
06:52And I know it's daft and pointless, but so's a tequila slammer.
06:57Doesn't stop you enjoying one from time to time, though, does it?
07:00So that thing, then, is more powerful than the McLaren Mercedes SLR and the Porsche Carrera GT.
07:11Yep, it is.
07:12It's amazing.
07:12And they're putting this engine in the SL now, and I think that will be capable of time travel.
07:18Quite possibly.
07:19If you can get it to move at all, as you demonstrate.
07:21See, that is the issue.
07:23You see, you can put as much power as you like under the bonnet.
07:25And they have put as much power as they like under the bonnet.
07:28But that power has to get onto the road.
07:31And you've only got the bit where the tyres actually touch the road.
07:35And look.
07:36Look.
07:37It's nothing, is it?
07:38You could fit that contact patch from both tyres onto a piece of A4 paper.
07:43All that power, just that little bit.
07:45And that really is the whole problem with this German horsepower race that's been going on.
07:48Oh, it's a civil war.
07:50It is.
07:50Oh, yeah.
07:51It started with a BMW M5, 400 brake horsepower.
07:53Audi joined in with 473 brake horsepower.
07:57And then VW recently, of course, with that twin turbocharged W12 and the Continental GT.
08:02552 brake horsepower.
08:04Exactly.
08:05So really, this, then, is now the chief tyre shredder.
08:08Yep.
08:09This is currently in the lead.
08:10And that really brings us onto a big and important question.
08:13It's on the lips of the nation.
08:15I can feel it.
08:15How many people do you suppose it would take to beat this in a tug-of-war competition?
08:24Any thought?
08:25200 people?
08:271,000.
08:28300 people?
08:281,000 people?
08:30Well, according to the scientific bobs who work behind the scenes on Top Gear, they reckon
08:34it could be beaten by just eight.
08:37That's stupid.
08:39So they asked me to go out there and find out.
08:42Personally, I think it's a silly idea, but there we go.
08:48Let's see what happens.
08:49That's big talk.
09:19As soon as they'd pulled me on to the wet grass, I'd had it.
09:45What? Come on. Seriously.
09:48Seriously. Seriously, that was the Norton tug-of-war team from Stoke-on-Trent.
09:53They're European champions, and they're not even heavyweights, and they did it.
09:57And I was on tarmac, and they were on grass, and I gave it full power.
10:01You didn't, you were really giving it everything.
10:02Yeah, I know. You saw the wheels were spinning, and as soon as they start to do that, they had me easy-peasy.
10:07Eight blokes against 612 brake horses.
10:09Exactly.
10:09They must each have, like, about 80 horsepower each.
10:11Absolutely. So the conclusion that we can draw from what we've done today is that if you're looking to buy the talkiest car in the world, buy eight burly blokes.
10:21Absolutely. Well, that's one way of testing the car, but another would be to see how it does in a straight drag race against its two main rivals, the Bentley Continental GT and the Aston Martin DB9.
10:32And we will be doing that later in the show. So if you're seven, you're not going to bed yet.
10:38And now, the news. And the news is the new BMW M5. Here it is, look.
10:44That's going to be available from the beginning of next year at about £60,000.
10:48V10 engine, 507 horsepower, which, interestingly, is about 31 more than its Mercedes rival, the E55.
10:55Of course, being a new BMW, not the best-looking car in the world, but there has never been, I think I'm right in saying, a bad M5.
11:02No. I think you're right. In fact, it'll be brilliant.
11:04It will be very, very good. Right, the new Audi A6. We've actually got one here in the studio, just out.
11:10It's marginally bigger than the last one, five inches longer and about two inches wider.
11:15Prices start at £24,500, rising to about £43,000.
11:20Yes, and the power.
11:20The power is, well, this is the most powerful one here, 4.2 litre V8, 330 brake horsepower.
11:26What a bunch of faves.
11:27I know. How did it get here? I can't believe it.
11:29How did it get here with such a miserable amount of horsepower?
11:31What if there'd been a hill?
11:33Exactly.
11:33That's a French power output.
11:35It is pitiful. However, they've thought of everything else but the power.
11:39The list must have been pretty long because they've actually got to the point where, on
11:43this car, I kid you not, you can change the pitch of the reversing warning beep.
11:48Oh, now, hey, can I just say, while we were off air, some scientists at Lancaster University
11:55announced that a train uses more fuel than a car.
12:01Well, of course it does. It's enormous.
12:03Yeah.
12:04Thing is, though, they've worked out that an intercity train uses more fuel per passenger,
12:09even when it's full, than a car.
12:12So, in other words, a car is more environmentally friendly than a train.
12:19This is a fact. It's not conjecture.
12:21And, what's more, you know the new really fast trains that are coming along, the ones that
12:25will do 200 miles an hour?
12:26They use more fuel per passenger than an airliner.
12:30So trains are rubbish, then?
12:32Trains are rubbish.
12:33If you want to save the planet, don't go on one.
12:35No. Go in your car.
12:37The marvellous thing is, though, is that, having been presented with this evidence
12:42that trains aren't as environmentally friendly or as economical as we have been led to believe,
12:47you would imagine environmentalists would say,
12:49crikey, thanks for the heads up, we must shift emphasis, get everyone in their cars.
12:54But, no.
12:55Friends of the Earth, and I've got the quotes here, have now said, as a result of this,
12:58the greenest journey is one that isn't made at all.
13:02Oh, for crying out loud.
13:04Well, that's just ridiculous.
13:06How far do you think mankind would have got if nobody had ever made a journey?
13:12Exactly.
13:12That's stupid, Captain Scott.
13:13Well, it would have been Scott of the Attic.
13:15Yes.
13:16I found the source of the Amazon.
13:18It was under the dining table.
13:20Oh, there's another thing.
13:22You know, in the run-up to Euro 2004, a lot of people believed that David Beckham had done
13:27some practice and been, you know, training, and they put flags on their cars to kind of
13:33show their support for the team, because we were in with a shout, we thought, anyway, of winning.
13:37While everyone had flags on their cars, somebody has done some research on how much drag that created.
13:45I'm not joking.
13:48Yeah, seriously.
13:49He said you'd lose with two flags four brake horsepower, and that means that in the run-up
13:54to the tournament, 4.5 million gallons of fuel was wasted by people flying flags.
14:02I actually know the man who did this survey, okay?
14:06I will spare him his blushes, I won't say his name, but I will tell you, he has face hair.
14:11Okay?
14:12So I've done a calculation of my own.
14:15If a moustache weighs two grams, and we think it does.
14:19Sounds fair enough.
14:20So if you get into a Ford Fiesta, you will increase its weight by 0.000036 of a percent.
14:28With you?
14:28Which means that you'll increase the fuel consumption, complicated equation here, by 0.000083 miles
14:36to the gallon.
14:36So over a year, normal mileage, your moustache is costing you an extra five pounds in fuel.
14:45Now that is the-
14:45Costing five pounds to run a moustache for a year?
14:48That is the kind of information you simply don't get on other shows.
14:51This is absurd.
14:53And furthermore, furthermore, Bill Oddy, David Bellamy, their beards are killing the planet.
15:00Yeah, all the weight in the beard.
15:02They've got to lose the beards, and it's no good them taking the train.
15:07No, because they're just wasting more fuel.
15:08They're wasting more fuel.
15:09Either have a shave or walk.
15:11Look at David Attenborough.
15:12He doesn't have a moustache.
15:13He's a proper environmentalist.
15:16Grand Prix today.
15:18Yes?
15:19All of the world was there.
15:21Yes.
15:22Except one person who was at the Eastbourne Motor Show.
15:27With Richard Hammond, TV motoring presenter.
15:36You missed the Grand Prix because you were at the Eastbourne Motor Show.
15:41Hey, it was an event.
15:42With over 300 new cars on display and over 300 brand new models.
15:47And nearly as many people.
15:48Oh, there was-
15:49Commercial vehicles, a wide range of exhibitors, a children's play area, and a hamster's wheel for you.
15:55I'm buying a car.
15:59I'm serious.
16:00I need to get money.
16:02The Eastbourne Motor Show and the organisers who've just cancelled your cheque.
16:09Oh, my car.
16:10Oh, fantastic.
16:12So you enjoyed that, did you?
16:13Yeah, it's great.
16:13I preferred the Grand Prix, but there we go.
16:16That's the news for this week.
16:18And now, before we move on, I'd like to talk about crashing.
16:22We've had a go at that.
16:24We've tried it.
16:25Ourselves.
16:25Yes.
16:26In this series.
16:27But for a scientific way of doing it, you need to turn to the Euro NCAP people.
16:33They're an independent body.
16:35They test cars, and then they tell you how safe they are.
16:38They do.
16:38And we've got the results for this year's crop of cars here.
16:43Now, the essence is, when it started a few years ago, they had a five-star safety rating, which they thought would be unachievable.
16:49No car would ever do that.
16:50Yeah.
16:51Renault Laguna was the first to do it.
16:53This year's results.
16:54Five stars has been awarded to the Vauxhall Astra, the Renault Megane Convertible, the Volkswagen Golf, the Peugeot 407, the Saab Convertible, Volvo S40,
17:04and the Toyota Corolla Verso.
17:07They've all got five stars.
17:09Kind of nearly all cars, really.
17:11It's getting a bit like those A-level results every year, isn't it?
17:13When all of a sudden everybody gets it.
17:14Have you ever been to school?
17:16Yeah.
17:16Have 30 A-levels.
17:17I've got 10 this year.
17:18Absolutely.
17:18So what they've started concentrating on now is pedestrian rating, is how safe you are if you get hit by one of these things.
17:24In essence, and I'm choosing the top two here, if you find yourself in the middle of a dual carriageway,
17:30and there are two cars coming towards you, a Honda Jazz and a Vauxhall Astra, leap in front of the Jazz.
17:37Yeah.
17:38This would be my suggestion, because you're going to be okay.
17:40In front of the Astra, it's kind of curtains, really.
17:43That's useful advice.
17:44Yeah, it is, except for one thing.
17:47I don't really care about pedestrians.
17:50It's not going to be a popular view, that one, Jeremy.
17:51It's not, but let me explain.
17:53You see, the thing is, the Vauxhall Astra, okay, sticking with these two cars, five star for people in the front, four for people in the back, one star for pedestrian ratings, okay?
18:03So you think, okay, Honda Jazz, slightly less safe in the front, slightly less safe in the back, much better for pedestrians.
18:10Now look, in order of people I care about, my children are number one.
18:15I'm number two, me, number three, James coming out of the pub a bit drunk, you know, run him down.
18:24I don't care.
18:24Exactly.
18:25Yeah.
18:26Exactly.
18:27Actually, though, we have got these results here.
18:29Yes, well, we've got them.
18:30Well, we've got them.
18:31If anybody here has got a car, they'd like to know how safe it is, officially.
18:35Not for pedestrians, obviously.
18:37Who cares about this?
18:38Well, we'll tell you how safe it is.
18:39Anyone got a car?
18:40What have you stolen this week?
18:42A Renault Clio.
18:45A Renault Clio you've stolen.
18:46Which one is it?
18:47A 96.
18:48A 1996 one he's nicked.
18:50Two stars, you've had it, mate, sorry.
18:51Two stars, don't, yeah, go and nick something else.
18:54Yeah.
18:54Would be my suggestion.
18:55How is it on?
18:56That's good advice, you could save his life.
18:58Yeah, exactly.
18:59You know, just, I don't like that.
19:01Anybody else got their hands up?
19:03Yeah, lots of hands coming up now as we start.
19:05Yeah, what have you got?
19:06Westfield.
19:07Well, they're not going to bother.
19:08How many of those have you got?
19:09Do you think that Euro NCAP are going to bother testing away?
19:12Did you buy that for safety purposes?
19:15No.
19:15No.
19:16So shut up and don't ask any of those silly questions.
19:19An X-Trail.
19:20A what?
19:21An X-Trail.
19:21A Nissan X-Trail.
19:23I bet that's...
19:23This is an interesting area.
19:24I was looking at this.
19:25This is off-road.
19:26It's a good car, the X-Trail.
19:27Four stars.
19:28Is four stars and two stars if you run someone over.
19:32And that's interesting because all of the off-road cars, apart from that, the Honda CR-V and the Volvo XC90 kill you.
19:40The Suzuki Vitara.
19:41The Suzuki Vitara.
19:42The Suzuki Vitara is...
19:44Don't, I mean, where is it?
19:45Pedestrian safety.
19:46Are you ready for this?
19:46I've got it here.
19:48Suzuki Vitara.
19:49Pedestrian safety.
19:50Nought.
19:52Don't even go near...
19:53Don't walk...
19:54Don't rush past it.
19:55Well, I'm dead.
19:56You see, if I'd done that, it would have killed me.
19:58Exactly.
19:58If you were near a Vitara, you're dead.
20:00Yeah.
20:01Anybody else?
20:02Alpha 1.56.
20:03Alpha 1.56.
20:05That's going to be near the front here.
20:06Alpha 1.56 is the only one they've done.
20:09Oh, dear.
20:09Three star.
20:11Yeah.
20:11Three star.
20:11In fact, you're better off...
20:13If you're going to have an accident, get out, run around in front of it and let it run you off.
20:16That's an interesting thing.
20:20It's just, I'm going to hit a tree.
20:21Get in the way, you're safer.
20:23Yeah.
20:24Oh, hang on a minute.
20:25What Mercedes?
20:25It'll break...
20:26C200.
20:27A C200.
20:28That'll break down before you get to the scene of the accident.
20:31Four stars, something like that.
20:32What year?
20:33Old one.
20:34Old one.
20:34Because if it's a new one, it's a five-star car, the new one.
20:37Oh, amazing.
20:3794.
20:39Cheerio.
20:41I see you.
20:42Just really slowly.
20:43Don't leave after him tonight.
20:45You're going to be stuck around.
20:45I was going about three miles an hour.
20:47That's probably enough now, is it?
20:49Yeah, I guess boring after a while.
20:50Let's move on.
20:50Yeah.
20:52Now, you may have noticed recently a new trend in hatchback design.
20:56Cars like this VW here.
20:59They are essentially still hatchbacks, but they're a bit taller and quite a lot more expensive.
21:05Now, their makers will tell you that they're a lot more versatile, a lot more practical, and all the usual old two.
21:11But are they actually any good?
21:13Well, to find out, Hammond and I had to subject them to years' worth of hard abuse.
21:19But we had one evening.
21:21So, how are we going to do that?
21:27How are we going to give them a lifetime's use in half a day?
21:33Easy.
21:34We're going to take them minicabbing on a Friday night in South London.
21:39Our shift starts at four in the afternoon, but it goes all the way through to the fighting and kebabs hour of one in the morning.
21:47So, let's have a look at the minicabs that we'll be driving for nine hours.
21:53I'm going to start with the Renault Scenic.
21:56It's got five seats.
21:58It's very well equipped.
21:59But it costs 18,500 pounds, two grand more than the equivalent Renault hatchback.
22:07There are loads of cubby holes in here, some of them quite obvious, such as this one, and some not so obvious, such as this one.
22:18And the centre console can be made to slide backwards and forwards, so you can trade rear legroom for cup holders.
22:26And there's more.
22:27There are three individual rear seats.
22:30They all slide, they all fold, or they can all be removed completely so that you can moonlight as a van with a helpful driver.
22:41And this is Ford's version.
22:44It's called the C-Max.
22:45It's based on the next Focus, and it too has got five seats and a hefty price tag of 16,500 pounds.
22:53It's a tall car, presumably for tall people.
22:58It seats five, but if there's only four of you, then the rear two-seat passengers have got a treat, because you can roll that middle seat forwards, actually take that out completely, then the outer two slide backwards and together, which is clever.
23:10Then, at the front, there's the centre console.
23:14It doesn't move around or anything, but it's like one of those puzzles.
23:17Open the top, and there's a bit of storage space, and then you open it up again, and look, there's loads!
23:22That's somewhere to sleep.
23:23And then, finally, this, a kind of convex bus driver's mirror, so you can see what the kids are doing in the back.
23:31I reckon that might come in handy in my night of minicabbing.
23:40It's going to be a cold night, which should be good for business.
23:46The minicab office reckons it's going to get about 150 calls.
23:50Hello, cab service.
23:54468, where are you going?
23:55So, before we clock on, we'd better fill up minicab style.
24:01That should do it.
24:08So, I'll tell you what really amazes me about this.
24:11When I went for the test, I had to fill in a huge form that said, I hadn't murdered anybody, I wasn't psychotic.
24:16And you could drive a car.
24:17I could drive a car.
24:18I wasn't going to overthrow the British government.
24:20And then I had a medical.
24:21At no point did anybody issuing this ask me if I had a sense of direction.
24:27Well, we'll soon find out, because here we go.
24:33UK98, are you ready?
24:34This is me.
24:35You want 388 Wimbledon Park Road, 24 Mary.
24:40Roger.
24:43UK99, you want Rettlingham Road, off Merton Road.
24:47Rettlingham Road.
24:48OK, here we go.
24:53Minicabbing.
24:56Unlike Hammond's minicab, my Renault actually has sat-nav.
25:00But I'd be cheating if I used it, because, A, it's a £1,000 option and no minicab would have it, and, B, it would mean I actually knew where I was going.
25:08So, instead, I've got a plastic stick-on compass, and, of course, the trusty old A to Z, which is now more like a beta Z.
25:18I've got the heat.
25:20I've got the heaters on.
25:21Really quite incredibly furnace-warm.
25:25Next, then, right.
25:26I think that's important.
25:27Cack!
25:28Back the other way.
25:31Besides powerful heaters, the C-Max also has a cracking stereo.
25:35Good enough to find that station that only seems available in minicabs.
25:40There we go.
25:43There we go.
25:45Oh, yeah.
25:49Right, this should be it on the left.
25:50It is.
25:57I've got to say, a bit gloomy in here, but there's loads of space.
26:00If I got a call from control right now saying the Pope needed picking up from a nightclub, no worries.
26:06Straight in it.
26:09Barry?
26:11In truth, I'm probably not the one to test for headroom, but my first customer, that was a different matter.
26:18I'm the cow.
26:19Now, you're really tall.
26:22I am.
26:22So?
26:23Do you want to know how tall I am for stats?
26:24You have tall, are you?
26:25Six, five and a half.
26:27I've got a slightly bad feeling about this one.
26:30And have you got room?
26:31I am probably with headroom in a lot of these cars.
26:33And, you know, there's a little bit of headroom problem here, but, you know.
26:36It's not bad.
26:37Are there any perks to being a pathologist?
26:40When I did find my first fare, she happened to be a fencer with a bag of nice, long swords.
26:46An ideal test, then, for the scenic.
26:49Would its boot swallow them up?
26:52No.
26:52No.
26:53Cheers, Mark.
26:54Nice to meet you.
26:57My first fare.
27:01Bet you James carries their bags to the car.
27:03I didn't mean to do that for you.
27:05Is it heavy?
27:05A little bit, yes.
27:06It does have to be, but anyway, to be honest.
27:08And he'll open the door.
27:10He's more your chauffeur than your mini-cover.
27:14And the swords, sadly, had to go in the front.
27:19Right, sorry about all that.
27:19I'm a bit new to this.
27:21I'm not a real mini-cover.
27:23I'm on TV, really.
27:24This isn't my real job.
27:27Repplingham Road, OK.
27:30It's a Renault Scenic, with very versatile seating.
27:33You'll find that if you grab hold of the little lever, you can slide it backwards and forwards.
27:37This?
27:39No, no, no.
27:40That's the front armrest.
27:42Repplingham.
27:42I was just there!
27:45I've just turned round!
27:49Oh, cool!
27:50Is that cool?
27:52Yeah.
27:52Just like you were in the...
27:53You could turn it into a big bed, or something.
27:56Oh, God.
27:57What if they're all drunk?
27:59So, are you being recorded to contest if you would be good as a presenter?
28:03No, no, I am a presenter.
28:05Do you mind?
28:05Sorry, sorry.
28:06This isn't my real job.
28:07Don't tread on me radio, or I'll be stuck.
28:10At last, a car full of people, including a couple of burly rugby player types.
28:16Where on top of you?
28:16Um, oh, right.
28:18Where are we going?
28:20Ones of common.
28:20Ones of common.
28:21Um, straight ahead.
28:23It's not on.
28:23Cool, thank you.
28:25We're testing this car as a minicab.
28:28It's quite good.
28:29It's quite...
28:30It only takes four, though.
28:30He's got loads of gadgets on that steering wheel.
28:34We've got stereo stuff.
28:36Is that for each seat, those...
28:38Yeah, that's for him.
28:39Yeah, my ass is burning off.
28:41Yeah, because I left his seat at the wrong five.
28:43You see, I thought that might...
28:45It was the wrong thing to do now.
28:48So, they were impressed by the seat heater.
28:51But as for the space, well, it was two in the back, one in the front, just like in an ordinary hatchback.
28:56I did get an interesting tip, though.
28:58Some Colston Bassett Stilton.
29:00Very nice, thank you.
29:01Some Cashel Blue.
29:04Now, the minicab way of driving is a good test of a car's engine, because you go everywhere in fifth gear.
29:11All night.
29:11But this isn't actually a problem, because the Scenic is fitted with a 1.9-litre diesel engine, 120 horsepower, and very gutsy.
29:20So, hours and hours without changing gear at all.
29:24My C-Max also has a diesel engine, 110 horsepower, 1.6, and it's good, too, if not quite as strong as the Renaults.
29:33Let's take in fifth.
29:34Here we go.
29:35Yeah.
29:35Great, thank you.
29:39Hello.
29:39Capital minicab job.
29:41OK, right, thank you.
29:42Yeah.
29:42Thanks for coming.
29:46Is it coming?
29:46After several hours minicabbing, we'd learned that the Renault was the comfy one, and the Ford was the sporty one.
29:53And we'd also learned that none of our passengers, drunk, sober, short, or tall, were blown away by the interior space.
30:00But on the key issue of whether these MPVs were more useful than hatchbacks, James and I were drifting apart.
30:09The thing I find a bit odd about this car is that it costs about £2,000 more than a normal hatchback, and I can't really see the point of having it.
30:17I mean, I quite like it. It's smooth, it's comfortable, but what am I actually going to do with it?
30:24I know James is going to go on about being a single bachelor, and he doesn't need the space and all the rest of it, but I've got to say, I get it, I do get it.
30:31Because if you've got to get dogs and kids and everything else, even out of a car, just having big doors and big opening makes it a lot easier.
30:43UK98, UK99.
30:45UK98 receiving you?
30:46Yes.
30:49It's a ladies' hang night.
30:50Call me POV, make sure you get the right people.
30:53Two cars, your contact name is Bonnie.
30:56I just hope nobody's sick.
31:00There's a man with his girlfriend being sick on him.
31:02That's nice.
31:03It's quarter to one.
31:07Are you waiting for a taxi? Or two taxis?
31:10Are we going to swap cars, mate?
31:12Well, I'll have a go in yours.
31:14There you go.
31:15There you go.
31:15Um, somebody gave me some cheese.
31:18Really stinks.
31:19Red car, red car, red car.
31:23Smells nice in here.
31:25Good evening.
31:26Do you mind if I come back a bit?
31:27My colleague is rather short in the leg.
31:29Along the right there.
31:30No, right there.
31:31No, that one, that one's...
31:32That's my belt.
31:34Who's the lucky girl?
31:35It's me.
31:36Oh, and who's the lucky fella?
31:38His name's Pete.
31:40Does he realise how lucky he is?
31:42While James was going for the Leslie Phillips award, I was trying a bit of hen night road testing.
31:47I want to ask your opinion on this car.
31:50On the car.
31:50Smooth.
31:51Smooth.
31:52Spacious.
31:53It is spacious.
31:53Look at this legroom.
31:54It's lots of legroom.
31:55Plenty of legroom.
31:57Rear legroom, you said, is not that good behind me.
31:59It's ordinary.
32:00It's nothing special.
32:01A good, um, what do you call it?
32:04Suspension.
32:04Suspension lesson, darling.
32:06This car is actually much harder than the Renault in front.
32:09Yeah.
32:09I was just about to say that, because that's actually French and very soft and feels quite
32:14luxurious, whereas this feels a bit more sporty, I suppose.
32:18Ah.
32:19Yes, the unmistakable sound there of a woman pretending to be interested.
32:24Meanwhile, my lot had really focused in on what mattered to them.
32:28We have a drinks tray.
32:29Oh, do we have a mini bar?
32:31Is there a mini bar in there?
32:31Here is it.
32:32That's good.
32:32Is there a vodka?
32:33So, are you going somewhere else tonight?
32:36No, that's the end of our shift.
32:38You're our last job.
32:39I mean, you're going, so you can come party with us afterwards.
32:44No, generous as their offer was, we had to decline the champagne and jacuzzi, because
32:49we had something much more interesting to do.
32:52Come to a verdict on these people carriers.
32:58So, we've driven them.
32:59What do you think?
33:00Well, I think I'd have the Renault.
33:03Well, I reckon the C-Max is gloomy.
33:06I mean, it really is dark and miserable.
33:08It's like living in a piece of coal.
33:10They're all about the interior, and the Renault interior is simply better.
33:13It's also got a stronger engine.
33:15Yeah.
33:15If I had to have one of those, I'd have the Renault.
33:17But I do have a bit of a serious issue, which is that, compared with the equivalent straightforward
33:22hatchback in each range, these are about £2,000 more.
33:26I still can't quite work out where the £2,000 goes.
33:30I'm thinking, for example, tonight.
33:32At what point did I really feel that I needed the Scenic rather than just a McGann?
33:36The dueling girl with the swords, I still couldn't get those in the boot.
33:41Your tall bloke, he still couldn't really fit in the back properly.
33:44I agree.
33:45I think it's a slight con in that respect.
33:47I think maybe it is.
33:48So, we're agreed.
33:49Of the two, we'd have the Renault.
33:50Yes.
33:51We can kind of see the point of many MPVs as an updated hatch.
33:54But they're just not worth it.
33:56We can't square the price difference.
33:58£2,000 extra just smacks a bit of a rip-off.
34:02What are you paying for?
34:09Now, I just have this to say, really.
34:12I kind of see what you're saying.
34:14Yeah.
34:14Big door's kind of quite useful.
34:16It does make a difference.
34:17But I also see what he says, which is that £2,000...
34:21That's a lot of money.
34:22It is a lot of money.
34:23And I'm kind of erred toward you, really.
34:24The only way cars like this, in my opinion, make sense is if they've got seven seats.
34:30Exactly.
34:30Then they work.
34:31Five, what's the point?
34:32And that actually rules out the Ford, for starters.
34:35I think that means you've got this VW.
34:37The VW Touran.
34:38Grand Scenic.
34:39And the Toyota Corolla.
34:40And the Vauxhall Zafira.
34:42Yeah.
34:43And that is an easy choice, because you can't have the Volkswagen, because it's got the dreariest
34:48interior in the world.
34:49It is like driving around in Eeyore's bottom.
34:52You can't have the Renault Megane, because I had one the other day, and my children reduced
34:58it to its component parts in eight seconds flat, so flimsy.
35:02That will happen.
35:02Vauxhall Zafira is not bad, actually, surprisingly.
35:06But the best, Toyota Corolla.
35:08The Verso, that one over Yon.
35:10It's got very clever back seats, pull up out of the boot floor.
35:13Not that nice to drive.
35:14The engine's a bit drear, but it's very well made.
35:15And that would be the car I'd choose, I think.
35:17Yeah.
35:17It's all been beautiful.
35:18Good.
35:19Right, let's meet our guest, shall we, for this evening.
35:21He's sold 100 million albums.
35:24He's won five Grammys.
35:26He lives in a $25 million mansion in Beverly Hills with 17 bathrooms.
35:31He's going to be opening this year's Olympic Games and be playing to a televised audience
35:35of two billion people.
35:37He is a global superstar.
35:40The only person to have had a number one in America for nine consecutive years apart from
35:45Irving Berlin.
35:46Ladies and gentlemen, it makes no difference to us.
35:49He's still going to go around the track in a Suzuki Liana.
35:52Here he is, Lionel Richie.
36:02How are you?
36:05Very well.
36:06Very well.
36:07Very well.
36:09Very well.
36:09So I'm singing at the opening of the Olympic Games.
36:11Well, I'll tell you, the Olympic Games, nothing compares to what I went through today.
36:18Oh, on the lap?
36:20In the Liana?
36:20Nothing.
36:21You wait till you get out to Greece, you'll be singing in a building site.
36:23Oh, please.
36:24You're going to love that.
36:25Oh, please.
36:26Now, I want to talk about cars.
36:28You never sell a car.
36:30No.
36:31You've still got, then, the first car you ever bought.
36:33I had the first car when I was in college, the Datsun 280Z, 2 plus 2.
36:40280?
36:41I couldn't afford the XKE.
36:44Oh, you wanted an E-Type?
36:45I wanted the E-Type Jaguar.
36:47At that particular time, I couldn't afford it.
36:50And so the Japanese came along and basically copied the style.
36:55They copied the style badly, I would suggest.
36:57Yes, of course.
36:58It's a discount version of the SKE.
37:01But anyway, what I'm saying to you is it was a fabulous car.
37:04I kept that one.
37:05And you still got it?
37:06Still have it to this day.
37:07And so all the cars you've ever had over the years, you've all still, you've still got them.
37:11The second car was, of course, the Mercedes, 450 SEL.
37:15I have to tell you about the story about the Commodores and how we got the Mercedes, which was interesting.
37:19We went in and we had such major success on the second album that we decided for Christmas we'd give ourselves cars.
37:30So I went down to the same dealership that I bought my Datsun.
37:33It was a Datsun Mercedes dealership.
37:35He said, son, can I help you?
37:38I said, yes, sir.
37:38I'd like to buy seven Mercedes.
37:44And he said, seven.
37:47I said, yes.
37:47He said, step into my office, son.
37:49Sonny.
37:50And he said.
37:51Good salesman.
37:51He said, any number I can call to verify the fact that you can buy these cars.
37:56I said, yes.
37:57Call the Bank of America's president in Los Angeles, California.
38:01I gave him the number.
38:01He called up and here's what he said.
38:05I have a Lionel Ricci.
38:10It gets worse.
38:12I have a Lionel Ricci here who claims he's with a group called the Commanders.
38:17He said, I want to know, can he pay for the.
38:30Mr. Ricci.
38:31And you got your seven Mercs.
38:34Fantastic.
38:35Because we've actually got a photograph of you here from the, from the Commanders days.
38:39Oh, my God.
38:40Oh, my God.
38:43You see, I don't see what's wrong with that.
38:46That's a look which I shared with you about this period.
38:49Well, the reason I had to move out of my Datsun 280Z into a Mercedes was because when I bought
38:59the Datsun, the headroom was right here.
39:02Yeah.
39:03Your hair's going to look like an anvil.
39:05Right.
39:05So I couldn't, I was driving like this.
39:07And so I realized now I have to get a larger car for the Commodore Afros.
39:12And of course.
39:13Absolutely.
39:14The Afro is an important part of the car buying decision, really.
39:18At that particular time, it was.
39:20Now we just pray for the hair to be on the head.
39:23I know.
39:23I have to keep my hand like this at all times.
39:25You understand?
39:25At all times.
39:25Yeah.
39:26I've got the hair hole.
39:27Oh, yeah.
39:27Oh, yeah.
39:28Nevertheless, you were looking at our Bentley when you were down here.
39:30Yes.
39:31We had a Bentley Continental today.
39:32You saw it.
39:33You had a go.
39:33Was it fun?
39:34I must tell you, I, I, pretty special car.
39:39It's quite an amazing car.
39:40I love the car.
39:40And we went around the track.
39:42I'm actually thinking about it.
39:43And they tell me that before I get it, I should try to test drive one other one.
39:47That's the Vanquish.
39:48If you don't like the gearbox in the Vanquish, have a look at the DB9.
39:53I can't believe I'm sitting here giving Lionel Richie car advice.
39:56But have a look at the gear.
39:57If you don't like because it's got flappy paddles, have a look at the DB9.
40:01Very good.
40:02Now, of course, you came here today to try your hand at driving what's possibly the crummiest car you've ever driven.
40:09Now, you didn't have as much practice as most of our guests.
40:14Let's be honest.
40:16No.
40:16And it didn't go as smoothly, shall we say, as it does for most of our guests.
40:22No, that's right.
40:23Who'd like to see what happened on your first practice lap?
40:27Yeah.
40:28Okay, let's run the tape.
40:29Here we go.
40:31You've got a gear there.
40:34Oh.
40:34Oh, my God.
40:37There.
40:38The wheel.
40:42Crash.
40:46We find this, frankly, more scary than you do because you have a suing culture in America.
40:55Now I can answer your question.
40:57Am I going to get a Bentley?
40:59Yes, I am.
41:00The BBC is a very impoverished organization.
41:04We would like to humbly apologize.
41:07No, I assure you.
41:08And we will be finding the man responsible and tearing off his gentleman's area.
41:12Yes, I understand.
41:13But let me just say this to you.
41:14When I first came here, they kept saying to me, you know, Simon.
41:19How?
41:20Yes, Simon.
41:21Sitting at the top of our leaderboard.
41:22They said, he is the leader here.
41:25And I thought about it as I saw the wheel in front of me as I'm driving.
41:31I said, Simon obviously had something to do with this.
41:35Yeah.
41:35He's capable.
41:36He was down here last night in a balaclava with a wheel.
41:39Now it all starts to be...
41:40You follow me?
41:40I could see.
41:41Yes, I think if you're going to sue anyone, sue him.
41:43He's a damn sight richer than the BBC.
41:46That's the way I'd like to look at it.
41:47Anyhow, we managed to find a backup, Liana.
41:50We carry such things.
41:51Actually, since David's soul came here, he managed to break two.
41:55I heard.
41:56There was a rumor.
41:57Yeah.
41:57He got in one, smashed the clutch, and then got in another and smashed the clutch.
42:01In this...
42:02Wait, hold it.
42:03I think it's because he says that he's not used to driving on the wrong side, as he called it.
42:06This is my first time driving on the wrong side.
42:08And I found myself going into the curve, and I go, break, break.
42:11And I'm opening the door.
42:13I know what you mean.
42:16Anyway, I suppose most of the names on here mean absolutely nothing to you.
42:19I mean, Jordan mean anything?
42:21Yes.
42:22Who do you think that is?
42:22The car racing guy.
42:24No.
42:26Not Eddie Jordan.
42:27Not Eddie Jordan.
42:28An entirely different species, really.
42:33Yeah, anyhow.
42:34Well, we'll see how you get on, because we've, I think, got the lap ready.
42:37Who'd like to see that?
42:39Okay, here we go.
42:40Let's see what Lionel was like out there with all four.
42:43He's got the wheels on his car, and you're away.
42:49Okay, here we go.
42:50There's a new angle there, right around the first corner.
42:52That's looking pretty tidy.
42:57Are you a keen driver, would you say?
42:58Well, there's the answer.
43:02No need to answer.
43:03Yes.
43:03Well, but the idea of driving like this is insane.
43:07I have to say, this is extremely important.
43:10Apart from the gear changing, this is extremely good.
43:13As I hit the hole in there.
43:15As I hit the hole in there.
43:18Now, here we go.
43:19Here we go.
43:20Here we go.
43:20This is one.
43:20Flat out.
43:21Flat out.
43:22Flat out.
43:22Flat out.
43:23Good man.
43:24There we go, Lionel.
43:26Good man.
43:27And singing.
43:28And flat through here as well.
43:29Flat through there.
43:30Flat.
43:31Straight out.
43:31That's, yeah.
43:33And you only have three passes left.
43:34The passes, the passes now.
43:35Here we go.
43:36Second to last corner.
43:37This is the one.
43:37This is the one.
43:37This is the trickiest corner there is.
43:39Beautifully held and into gamble.
43:42One.
43:44Love it.
43:46Love it.
43:54You know what?
43:55Here's what bothers me.
43:56Rich tea.
43:57Why am, I saw that, by the way.
43:59Why am I sweating now?
44:01And I'm not in the car.
44:03I got, I have to tell you.
44:04Not as much as I'm about to make you sweat.
44:07How do you think you did?
44:09Oh, I mean, I mean.
44:10Somewhere down here with Richard Whiteley,
44:12who's basically a deck chair, a plumber.
44:15Two minutes six, or up with Simon Cowell at one minute 47 there.
44:19Well.
44:22Realizing that I was cut down in the prime of me, of me driving.
44:28In other words, I was sabotaged.
44:30The rain, the tire.
44:33I would think three, four.
44:36Well, I'm sorry.
44:36On that basis, you're once, twice, three times a loser.
44:42But, but you have nothing to be ashamed of.
44:47Oh, yes.
44:47You did, after just three laps of practice in a three-wheeled car.
44:51And I think.
44:52One minute, 50 seconds, which means you've tied with me.
44:57Oh, boy.
44:58That's pretty good going.
45:03That's a very good time.
45:05Ladies and gentlemen, Lionel Richie.
45:07Now, while we were off the air to make way for that spectacular display of sporting prowess in a football, a rugby, the tennis, and all the rest of it.
45:26Cricket.
45:26Yeah, it was worthwhile.
45:28The chief constable of North Wales said it was Jeremy Clarkson's fault that there weren't enough speed cameras in this country.
45:36Could you believe that?
45:37Not enough.
45:38It's not a concept that you get your head around.
45:40No, I drive down the A40.
45:41I never think.
45:42You know what it could do?
45:43There's one there, and there's one like five yards away.
45:44You could slide another one in there.
45:45Yeah.
45:46I don't think that either.
45:47No, and it's not just more that he wants.
45:48He wants them hidden in bushes, and we respect his opinion.
45:52Do we?
45:52Yeah, we do.
45:53Of course we do.
45:54We recognize that, you know, there are nice people in the world and him.
45:58Anyway, the thing is, though, that we thought now would be a good time to expose some of the speed cameras' shortcomings.
46:06Here we are, the cameras poised and ready, and here comes a young twocker.
46:10He's in a stolen car, he has no insurance, and he's so off his face on drugs,
46:15he's actually incapable of exceeding the speed limit.
46:18So he's completely safe.
46:20Look, no flash at all there.
46:22Now, who's this?
46:24Why, it's Osama bin Laden, the world's most wanted man.
46:28He hasn't been apprehended yet because he's realized that if he sticks to 30 miles an hour, he'll be quite safe.
46:35Yes, there we are.
46:36All that police enforcement technology, and it can't catch the world's best-known terrorist.
46:42Ah, but look what we have here.
46:44It's a little old lady on her way to the village fate, with some cakes.
46:49Whoops, she's inadvertently strayed up to 34 miles an hour, and good, it's got her.
46:54What a maniac.
46:57Perfect.
47:00You see, you see, there's the problem.
47:03Speed cameras are only any good at catching speeding drivers.
47:07They're absolutely useless at anything else.
47:09Absolutely, we've got some figures here which make for quite grim reading, okay?
47:13In 1994, which was when speed cameras came along roughly, 156,000 people were caught speeding, okay, by the cameras.
47:21By 2002, it was one and a half million, and it's still going up.
47:25So you would expect that this massive increase would have a dramatic effect on the number of casualties.
47:31Yeah.
47:32Well, last year, after a long, sustained period of falls, it went up.
47:37And these, I mean, these are actual cold, hard facts.
47:39Absolutely.
47:40More people are dying, more cameras, more people die.
47:42My big issue, really, is that in the last four years, there's been an 11% fall in the number of traffic policemen.
47:50That's the problem, really.
47:52Because it's no good saying cameras are a substitute.
47:54They're not.
47:55Let me just put this simple fact here, okay?
47:57It was a policeman in a routine traffic check who caught the Yorkshire Ripper.
48:05Right, can anybody here name a Dutch car company?
48:09No?
48:09Well, there is one.
48:10Spiker.
48:11Now, 100 years ago, Spiker was making stuff like this.
48:15They moved on to this sort of thing.
48:17And then in the First World War, they made some rather splendid fighter aircraft, like this one.
48:22They even made a golden coach for the Hollish royal family.
48:26And this sort of thing made them the Rolls Royce of Dutchland, a byword for sumptuousness and velvet and the Baroque.
48:32But I'm afraid it didn't do them any good, because by 1925, they'd gone bust.
48:38Well, fortunately, they're back.
48:40And they've built a car.
48:42And Jeremy's been driving it.
48:49This is it, the C8.
48:51And I'm sure you're wondering at this point, how on earth can such a thing have come out of Holland?
48:58Ah, well, you see, there are two Hollands.
49:02One where everyone goes on holiday in a caravan, and there are tulips.
49:06And then you've got the other, which is full of drunk Liverpudlians vomiting on Filipino girls.
49:13So, want to guess which part of Holland this is from?
49:17Yep, it's an Amsteadanner.
49:20And there are other examples of this Dutch schizophrenia as well.
49:25Rembrandt.
49:26He was Dutch, and all he ever painted were businessmen in darkened rooms doing accountancy.
49:31But Van Gogh was also Dutch, and he went to the south of France and cut his ear off.
49:36So, is this a Rembrandt or a Van Gogh, do you think?
49:43Well, I certainly don't see any ears.
49:46This, then, is the latest example of Holland's mad side.
49:50It's a drug-crazed pornographer with a penchant for euthanasia and a boyfriend.
49:55The most amazing thing about it is its interior.
50:02I've never seen anything like this before.
50:05It's absolutely stunning.
50:09The second most amazing thing about it is the price.
50:12I sort of thought it would be a million billion,
50:15but actually, it's only $134,000.
50:18Kind of Ferrari money.
50:20The third most amazing fact is that one of the four backers behind the Spiker project
50:28is the guy that came up with Big Brother.
50:31And the fourth most amazing thing is that it weighs just 1.2 tonnes.
50:42When you peel away the aluminium body, it's easy to see why.
50:47There really isn't much left.
50:49Just the engine.
50:51It's a 4.2-litre Audi V8,
50:53and you'd imagine that that would be enough
50:55to give the featherweight car plenty of oomph.
50:59But oh no.
51:01The guys from Holland bought the engine from the sensible Germans.
51:05Had a bit of a smoke.
51:07Fiddled around with the engine management system,
51:09upped the power from 360 to 400.
51:13Slothered it in.
51:14Now it goes like stank.
51:15Because it has the same power output as a Ferrari 360,
51:20but only weighs the same as a toaster.
51:23It'll get from 0 to 60 in 4.3 seconds.
51:30And on to a top speed of 187.
51:33And if that isn't enough, the engine is also available with some blood.
51:45Yeah, they're working on a twin-turbo version with 525 brake horsepower.
51:54So, plenty of power and plenty of speed.
52:03But not much in the way of luxury.
52:05There's no in-built phone,
52:08no satellite navigation,
52:09and while there is air conditioning,
52:11there are no vents to deliver the cooling air to your face.
52:15There's no airbag either,
52:19but being impaled on this wheel,
52:22what a way to go!
52:25My main concern about the spiker, though,
52:27is the handling.
52:29It's really not very good.
52:31The brakes are a bit wooden,
52:33and all you get in the corners
52:34is 500 yards of squealing understeer.
52:38Don't be taken in by the F1-style suspension
52:49or the racing harnesses
52:51or that elaborate pedal box.
52:57The spiker shouts the Ferrari's shout,
53:00but were the two to meet,
53:01the red car would simply pass the duchy on the left-hand side
53:05and be gone.
53:05This, then, is not for the hairy-chested,
53:09gung-ho, playboy racer
53:11who likes to go everywhere sideways.
53:13Its appeal is more subtle than that.
53:19This is a car you wear rather than drive.
53:24You pull on your Manolo Blahnik shoes,
53:27you grab your Lulu Guinness handbag,
53:30clip on your Georg Jensen earrings,
53:32and then step outside into your spiker CA.
53:35I mean, look at the interior,
53:45the frameless windows,
53:47the exposed gear linkage,
53:48the upholstery, quilted,
53:50like a smoking jacket.
53:52It's like sitting in a fashion accessory.
53:55I mean, look at this horn.
53:56It's not the sort of aggressive thing you get on an Italian car,
53:59that,
53:59get out of my way,
54:02earthling horn.
54:03It's more
54:04the kind of thing you
54:06use to attract the attention of
54:08other people in your tax haven.
54:12Morning, Valentino.
54:13So, it might not work as a rival for Ferrari and Porsche and Lambo on the track,
54:21but it works brilliantly,
54:22parked outside the best restaurant in town.
54:25It really is one amazing-looking thing.
54:32My only slight reservation,
54:34and it is only slight,
54:35is this grille,
54:36which makes the front of the car
54:37look like a fish.
54:38Not a cod or a shark,
54:41not a kind of swimmy one,
54:42more a sort of bottom feeder.
54:44But then it is Dutch,
54:46and they like that kind of thing.
54:47This, then, is more than a car.
54:53It's your lover also.
54:57Sure.
54:58Uh, it's no good, then?
54:59No, no, no.
55:00It's fantastic.
55:00I mean, let's be honest.
55:01There are plenty of people
55:02who like to look good at 40
55:04rather than driving around
55:05like their hair's on fire at 400.
55:06Well, you, exactly.
55:08Classic case in point.
55:10Have we got any dealers?
55:11They don't actually have any dealers,
55:12but they do have, like,
55:13a mate who sells to friends.
55:16Ah, yes.
55:16That's what I mean.
55:18Right-hand drive?
55:19Yes, they'll do it in right-hand drive,
55:20and they say that since I drove it,
55:22they've done something about the brakes,
55:24and they also say that
55:26they've done something
55:26to kill that understeer.
55:28So to find out if it worked,
55:31we handed it over to our colleague
55:33and our driver also.
55:35The shtick.
55:38OK, a little smoke off the line,
55:40and away he goes.
55:41Now, the shtick's got the hard top on,
55:43which should help the aerodynamics,
55:44make it faster on the straights.
55:46This is the first bend, though.
55:48Looks like the tail's coming out a bit.
55:49That is surprising.
55:53Oh, yes, of course.
55:54It's golden earring.
55:55Crazy Dutch music
55:56and a crazy Dutch car.
55:59Coming up to Chicago.
56:02And it's trying to oversteer again,
56:05by the looks of things.
56:06Big question is, really,
56:07how will the Spiker fare round hammerhead?
56:10A bit wobbly under braking.
56:11This is the real test of understeering cars.
56:14Oh, he's gone very sideways there.
56:16Oh, very sideways.
56:20Seems like in their attempts
56:21to get rid of understeer,
56:22the Spiker seem to have brought on roll oversteer.
56:25Mind you, he's flat through follow-through.
56:29Still flat.
56:31Not a lift.
56:31Two more corners to go.
56:33Time over the first half,
56:35suffered for the oversteer.
56:36Can he make it up in the last little bit?
56:38A bit more sliding there in Gambon.
56:39And across the line,
56:40in one minute, 27.3.
56:44So that goes there.
56:47That's not bad for a smoking jacket.
56:49No, really, look,
56:50I mean, it's quicker than a Subaru Impreza than you.
56:52It's quicker than a DB7 GT.
56:54That's remarkable.
56:55It is, what,
56:56one and a half seconds slower
56:57than a Lamborghini Gallardo.
56:59But then if you look at it,
57:00look at it this way,
57:01if this were the cool wall,
57:02I mean, it would be kind of in your ear.
57:05Yeah.
57:06Really.
57:07That's not the end of the track action
57:09because earlier on,
57:10Jeremy drove this.
57:11It's the most powerful production car in the world,
57:13the Mercedes CL65.
57:15What we want to know now
57:17is how it will fare
57:18in just a simple,
57:19straight,
57:20half-mile drag race
57:21against its two main rivals,
57:23the Bentley Continental GT
57:24and the Aston Martin DB9.
57:27What do we think?
57:28Anyone got any thoughts?
57:30You think the DB9?
57:31The Merc.
57:32The DB9.
57:33The DB9, the Merc.
57:34You see, this is the thing.
57:35The DB9's problem
57:36has only got 450 brake courseback.
57:38I mean, only.
57:39Whereas the Merc and the Bentley
57:40are a lot more powerful.
57:42But it is light.
57:42The Aston is very, very light.
57:45Anyway, you think the Merc?
57:46Well, we've seen how powerful that is.
57:47Anyone think the Bentley?
57:48You think?
57:50The Continental.
57:50You think the Continental GT.
57:52That weighs a bit more than your house.
57:55Yes.
57:55But it is four-wheel drive,
57:56as you say.
57:57So it's got good traction off the line.
57:58But it is turbocharged,
57:59but then so is that.
58:00It's a good one, this,
58:01because it really is difficult.
58:03It did.
58:03We were completely stumped.
58:05We really were.
58:05This morning we arrived here.
58:06We had no clue
58:07which one was going to win.
58:11So we had to go find out.
58:25There's nothing to do.
58:26We've just got to sit here.
58:28Keep your foot down.
58:29That Mercedes is incredible.
58:38It's all a bit embarrassing, really.
58:42Oh, I've finished.
58:45That is pathetic.
58:47And last again.
58:51That is, um...
58:53That has been really, really fast.
58:58I tell you,
58:58from where we were,
58:59from behind the drone,
59:00watching that thing pull away,
59:01it was just...
59:03It just keeps powering up.
59:03There is.
59:04There's a traction control moment,
59:05and I'm going the same speed as you,
59:06as the traction control kind of...
59:08Hang on a minute,
59:09a lot of power coming here,
59:09sorts you out,
59:10and then it just goes,
59:11whoff,
59:11and he's gone.
59:12I thought I'd left the Bentley's handbrake.
59:14The thing is, though,
59:16we've proved it's the quickest,
59:18but which one would you actually buy, James?
59:21The Aston.
59:22The Aston.
59:22Aston.
59:23Aston.
59:24Aston.
59:25A nice, clear-cut finish to the programme.
59:27See you next week.
59:28Good night.
59:29Good night.
59:30Good night.
59:47Good night.
59:49Good night.
59:55Good night.
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