- 4 months ago
In this episode, the unusual meets performance. Jeremy drives the Nissan Cube, while James revisits the classic Jaguar XJS. Richard tests the Cadillac CTS, and the Renault Clio 182 also gets some track time. There’s also a feature on alternative fuel—Richard investigates cars running on methane. Guest star: Terry Wogan. Strange, practical, and utterly Top Gear.
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MotorTranscript
00:00Tonight, we ask, can you run a car on a poo?
00:08Have the Americans made something which can go round corners?
00:11And the new Jaguar XJS, is it any good?
00:19Hello. Now, there are lots of different types of car made all over the world
00:24which aren't offered for sale in Britain.
00:26So tonight, we thought it would be a good idea to have a bit of a snout around
00:30to see if any of them are any good.
00:37This funny-looking little thing is the Nissan Cube,
00:41and it's the best-selling car in Japan.
00:44The trouble is that stuff which goes down well in Japan
00:48won't necessarily work here in Britain.
00:50I mean, there are vending machines on the streets of Tokyo,
00:54where you can buy dirty knickers.
01:00I think the first of many problems this car might have,
01:04if it were to come over here, is the way it looks.
01:08You see, a Ferrari is aggressive and beautiful,
01:12so it covers the two most important bases in car design,
01:16sex and violence.
01:18It doesn't matter whether it's a Ferrari or a Ford,
01:21that's what we want, something which excites the ancient part of our brain,
01:25something that makes us a little bit frightened.
01:34This isn't frightening at all,
01:36and that's because it's as square as Sophie Ellis Baxter's head.
01:40The square simply isn't a frightening shape.
01:44Square is not a frightening concept.
01:48A house. Square.
01:50Not scary.
01:52Cheese. Square.
01:54Not scary.
01:56And then there's this place.
02:00Tunbridge Wells.
02:01The cube seemed to fit right in here with its mild blue rinse
02:12and its chocolate box cuckoo-clop looks.
02:18There is one thing to be said for the cube's styling.
02:21If you don't like it from this side,
02:23you perhaps think this pillar's a bit thick and heavy
02:25and you don't like these vents,
02:27simply look at it from the other side,
02:30where we find a window instead of a pillar
02:33and no vents at all.
02:34This is the first car I've ever come across
02:37that's different on one side than the other.
02:40Apart from the Rover 800, of course,
02:42though that was different by accident.
02:44They just didn't build it properly.
02:46So, what about power?
02:53Well, underneath the lopsided body,
02:55it's actually a Nissan Micro.
02:59That means you get a not-at-all-scary 1.4-litre engine,
03:03which results in a relaxing 0-60 time of 13 seconds
03:07and a soothing top speed of 103.
03:11Actually, I'm lying.
03:18It isn't soothing at all.
03:20It's very noisy
03:21and it's got the worst automatic gearbox ever in the whole world.
03:27Every time it changes down,
03:29it's like you've been hit up the back by an articulated lorry.
03:33And it's got an overdrive.
03:35I haven't seen one of those for 40 years.
03:38Welcome back to the 70s
03:40with the smooth sound of the Nissan Cube.
03:43You can have the Cube with the CVT gearbox,
03:46but that's not really to be recommended.
03:49If you go for one of those,
03:50it'll sound like they're filming an episode of Bonanza under the bonnet.
04:01Oh, no, there's a corner
04:03and that brings me on to the second worst thing
04:05about the driving experience.
04:07Turn the wheel and you have no sense
04:11that it's actually connected to the tyres in any way.
04:17As a car, then,
04:18as a machine for stirring your soul
04:20and titivating your primeval instincts,
04:23the Cube is absolutely hopeless.
04:26But as a tool,
04:28well, that's a slightly different story.
04:34It is very cheap.
04:35The price for the base model is just £8,500,
04:39which isn't bad when you bear in mind
04:40that it comes with air conditioning
04:42and power steering
04:44and a stereo
04:44and a lot of space.
04:48For such a small car,
04:50it really does have an enormous boot
04:52and you can make it bigger still
04:54by pulling the rear seat forwards
04:56or by folding it away altogether.
04:58In the front,
05:02there are so many cubby holes,
05:03it's difficult to know
05:04how you might fill them all.
05:06I mean, you've got a glove box here,
05:07obviously,
05:08and then another glove box here
05:10for the other glove.
05:12Then there's a sort of slot here
05:13and pockets in the doors.
05:15And then if we pull the bench seat down,
05:16we find a slot here
05:18for my char-grilled chicken
05:19with chestnut and sage sauce.
05:22Underneath that,
05:23we've got another one
05:24for tin salmon and scissors.
05:29Drinks, no problem.
05:30Cup holder here.
05:31Another one here
05:32and two more down here.
05:34They really have thought of everything.
05:36I mean,
05:36when you put the key in the ignition,
05:37for instance,
05:38it beeps to tell you
05:41you've just done that.
05:42And then,
05:43when you put it into reverse,
05:46there's a new beep
05:47to say you've just put it in reverse.
05:49And then when you turn the engine off,
05:50another beep.
05:54Isn't that marvellous?
05:59There is one thing missing, however.
06:01You get no beep or buzzer
06:03to remind you as you drive along
06:04that you look like a complete burke.
06:11All you really need to know
06:12about this car
06:13is that if you've got a black and white cat
06:15and your name's Pat,
06:17it is available in red.
06:20So is that really
06:21the best-selling car in Japan?
06:23Yep.
06:23Nation of postmen, I think.
06:25Yeah, it would seem so.
06:26But if you're a postman over here
06:27and you want one,
06:28you could presumably import.
06:30Absolutely.
06:30There's a company
06:31who'll bring one over,
06:32cost you here,
06:32would cost you after the shipping
06:33cost and tax and so on,
06:35between £11,000 or £12,000.
06:37Or you can have one
06:38with an electric motor in the back
06:40to make it four-wheel drive.
06:42Why?
06:42What are you going to do with that?
06:46Couldn't take it shooting, really,
06:48because the pheasants
06:48would just die laughing.
06:49Well, that might be a good thing.
06:52So if you did bring one over,
06:53you're going to have to get it serviced
06:55and all that sort of stuff.
06:56So is that going to be possible?
06:57It is, actually.
06:58I rang up a Nissan dealer this week
06:59to find out whether they could
07:00actually do this
07:01and they said,
07:02probably not the four-wheel drive one.
07:03But the guy said,
07:04ooh, a Cube,
07:05never had one of those,
07:05but I'll give it a go.
07:06That's sporting.
07:07Fine, so can you do
07:08my daughter's eye operation?
07:09Yeah, I'll give that a go as well.
07:10Why not?
07:12And now the news.
07:13And we begin this week
07:14with a gentle reminder
07:14about the Top Gear
07:15Motoring Survey 2004,
07:18the biggest survey
07:19of its kind
07:20in the world.
07:21If you're in a car
07:22registered between
07:232000 on a Y plate
07:24and 2003 on a 52 plate,
07:27we want to hear from you.
07:28We want to know
07:28all about your car.
07:30Is it reliable?
07:31Is your dealer polite?
07:32Or maybe you've bought
07:32the Mercedes-Benz A-Class.
07:34You can use your experience
07:35to help others.
07:36And also you will be making
07:37a very valuable contribution
07:38to this programme
07:39because we'll be bringing you
07:40the results of all this
07:41in the autumn.
07:43Log on.
07:43bbc.co.uk
07:45forward slash
07:46Top Gear.
07:48Click on the survey button
07:49and you're off.
07:50Right, good.
07:51Help us out with that.
07:52Rest of the news.
07:53A big one this week,
07:54a Fiat Marchetta.
07:56Marvellous little car,
07:57wonderful thing,
07:58little Italian soft top.
08:00Went out of production
08:00for a while,
08:01stopped selling it in Britain.
08:02It's back.
08:04Hooray.
08:04Hooray.
08:05We've got a picture
08:05of the new one here.
08:07Is it different?
08:08No, the only thing
08:08they've done with it
08:09while it was being not
08:10been made is dropped the price.
08:11It's now £11,995
08:13which is extremely good value
08:15for a car like that.
08:16Can I just say?
08:17What?
08:17It is good value
08:18but I had one of those.
08:20Loved it.
08:20I paid £11,500 for it.
08:22They were more expensive then.
08:24And a year later
08:25I was struggling to sell it
08:26for four.
08:28Ouch.
08:29They will lose
08:30a lot of money.
08:31I'm enjoying that actually.
08:32I'm enjoying that moment.
08:33Not only that,
08:34the insurance costs a fortune
08:35because it's left-hand drive.
08:36It's still only left-hand drive.
08:37It is still only left-hand drive.
08:38I'm just wanting to say
08:39be careful.
08:39It might look cheap
08:40but you will lose money on it.
08:41Anyway,
08:41you probably thought
08:42the Lamborghini Murcielago
08:43couldn't get any more flashy.
08:46No?
08:46Well, it can.
08:47Here is the Lamborghini Murcielago
08:49convertible.
08:51Oh.
08:52Gentlemen of the adult
08:53entertainment business,
08:54your car has arrived, I think.
08:57Dirk Diggler would have
08:58one of those, wouldn't it?
08:59With leopard skin seats.
09:00The interesting thing is though
09:02that Lambos have always been
09:03very, very vulgar
09:05but I was reading a piece last week
09:06by the editor of Tackler magazine,
09:08in the Observer.
09:09Authorities.
09:10Yes, absolutely.
09:11It says that vulgarity
09:12is now in.
09:14So you?
09:14I've been ahead of the wave.
09:16It's your time.
09:17It's here.
09:18Because I put electric gates
09:20in at my house the other day.
09:21I thought,
09:21that is disgusting.
09:22Not the other day.
09:23He's had them a while
09:24and boy has he copped some flack for it.
09:26But now I'm going to have
09:27big sort of coat of arms
09:29put into them in gold as well.
09:31Nice.
09:32And I'm going to have
09:32like a monogram
09:33on the bottom of my swimming pool
09:35and one of those.
09:37Splendid.
09:37You would love this thing
09:38I saw in the States
09:39the other week.
09:40It was a sort of small bath
09:41with a plug on it.
09:42It's a home gold plating kit.
09:45Oh.
09:46So you just gold plate stuff?
09:48Well, what you do,
09:49well, the idea is
09:49that you take the badges
09:50off your, well, your Lexus,
09:52frankly,
09:52and you put them in,
09:53plug it in,
09:53and ten minutes later,
09:55they're gold.
09:56Wow.
09:57I'd put my dog in it.
09:59I'd do my hands.
10:01I'd have gold hands.
10:02I think that would be,
10:02honestly, you can really
10:03just gold plate anything.
10:04I should have bought it for you.
10:05I don't know why I didn't.
10:05It would be a disaster
10:06you'd get drunk and drunk
10:06because I have a gold house.
10:07I could gold plate my gates.
10:09Your electric gates.
10:09Gold plate.
10:10Electric gates.
10:11That's pretty vulgar, Jeremy.
10:13As somebody said to me
10:13when I put them in,
10:14well done, Jeremy,
10:14you brought a little bit
10:15of Cheshire to the Cotswolds.
10:18Great news for a Renault enthusiast.
10:20If you think the Scenic's too big
10:21but the Clio isn't tall enough,
10:23they've come out with
10:23something called the Modus.
10:25We've actually got it
10:25in the studio over here,
10:27and you can think of this
10:27as a sort of extra tall
10:29five-door Clio.
10:30You know this fashion
10:31for hatchbacks being made
10:32much taller,
10:33like the Ford Fusion
10:34and the Fiat Eder,
10:35and so on.
10:37Ten to sixteen thousand pounds
10:38on sale in Britain
10:39in the autumn,
10:40but the most interesting
10:40thing about it
10:41is it's got,
10:42this is a unique feature,
10:43a shopping chute.
10:45A what?
10:46A shopping chute.
10:47What, like a laundry chute
10:48in a skyscraper?
10:49Yeah, it's a chute for shopping.
10:50How's that going to work
10:51if you bought eggs?
10:52Or plates?
10:53It's just going to smash.
10:54It'll just go down and break.
10:55All right,
10:55shall I demonstrate?
10:57Well, yes,
10:57because it's not a shopping chute,
10:58it's a ludicrous idea.
10:59No, it's not.
11:00Look,
11:00now,
11:01this is the back of the Modus.
11:02If you're loading something big,
11:04flat-pack furniture,
11:05in-laws,
11:05or whatever,
11:06it's a normal hatchback.
11:07Yeah.
11:08Okay?
11:08That's a boot.
11:08You're in a tight space.
11:09That's a boot.
11:10Yes.
11:10You're in a tight space,
11:11or you've just bought
11:12a vase or something.
11:14Shopping chute.
11:15It's just a cat flap.
11:16The thing about Renault
11:18is they're very good
11:20at the moment.
11:20They're very,
11:21very good on safety.
11:22Very.
11:23Their styling's interesting,
11:25let's say.
11:25I quite like it.
11:26And they're very good cars,
11:27except the build quality
11:29is appalling.
11:30There are shanty towns
11:31in South Africa
11:32that are built better
11:33than Renault's.
11:35I know what you mean.
11:36The problem is on the interior,
11:37mainly, isn't it?
11:38Yeah.
11:38Oh, it's appalling.
11:38Yeah.
11:39You know when you get
11:39one of those big tins of biscuits
11:41at Christmas,
11:42family assortment,
11:43when you've eaten all the biscuits,
11:44there's like a really,
11:45really floppy plastic tray.
11:47It's like corrugated paper, yeah.
11:49Well, to Renault,
11:49that's a dashboard.
11:51All they do is they just
11:52fit the speedo
11:53where the jammy Dodgers were
11:54and stick it in the car
11:55and you're so young.
11:57You know when BMW
11:58bought Rolls-Royce,
11:59you remember that?
12:00Yes.
12:01They said,
12:02it is entirely English.
12:03It'll be based in England
12:04and it'll be staffed
12:05and run by English people.
12:07Well, the managing director
12:07this week,
12:09a chap called Tony Gott,
12:11has,
12:11how can I put this,
12:13left suddenly
12:14and unexpectedly.
12:15And he's been replaced
12:17by a chap called
12:18Carl Heinz Kalpsell.
12:21Good English name.
12:22That's the 7th Earl
12:23Carl Heinz Kalpsell
12:24of Chatsworth, isn't it?
12:25Possibly.
12:26And the interesting thing was
12:27when that factory opened,
12:28the underground bunker
12:29they built down in Sussex,
12:30I went to have a look round
12:32and do you remember that film,
12:33The Eagle Has Landed,
12:35where German paratroopers
12:36had taken over a village
12:37and were pretending
12:38to be English?
12:39It was just like you
12:41going around going,
12:41so tell me,
12:42how do you fit the dashboard on?
12:43Is it glue or is it screwed on?
12:45Can I just say
12:46I like HP sauce?
12:48Once this morning
12:49I heard a cuckoo.
12:52Because you know,
12:52the way to find them out
12:53is what they used to do
12:54in the war.
12:56MI6,
12:57if they thought someone
12:57was a German spy,
12:59drag him in,
13:00say,
13:00we think you're a German spy.
13:01Good Lord,
13:02no I'm not.
13:02I was eaten
13:03and then I was in the guards.
13:04You can check on my family history.
13:06It's impeccable.
13:07All right then,
13:07if you say you're English,
13:08what's this?
13:09And show them a picture
13:10of a squirrel.
13:12Ah,
13:12it was a marmosette.
13:13No,
13:13don't be ridiculous.
13:14This is much smaller
13:14than a marmosette
13:15and it has a big bushy tail.
13:16So what is it?
13:17Well,
13:18if it's not a marmosette,
13:18it must be a
13:19squirreville.
13:22There's no German,
13:24no matter how well
13:25they speak English,
13:26can say squirrel.
13:26That's what they should do
13:27with the next roles.
13:29Call it the squirrel.
13:30That's what Aston Martin did.
13:32When they got a German boss
13:33and they knew he was coming,
13:34they called the car
13:35the vanquish.
13:37Can't say that.
13:38Who is watching
13:39the manager director
13:39now is brilliant.
13:40We have the
13:41squirreville.
13:49Right,
13:49if we can move on,
13:51we had a great idea
13:52a year or so ago.
13:53We wanted to find out
13:54how many motorbikes
13:55you could jump over
13:56in a bus.
13:58So this is what happened.
13:59Have a look at this.
13:59This is how it went.
14:09We thought it was
14:10a great idea.
14:11We didn't do
14:12desperately well.
14:14And then along
14:14come the Australians.
14:15They decide
14:16they can do better,
14:17but everything they do
14:18has to be bigger
14:19and better
14:20and with more
14:20shrimps in it.
14:22So they decided
14:22to have a bash
14:23in it themselves.
14:24And here's what they did.
14:32It was quite impressive.
14:33You've got to give...
14:34I mean,
14:34we wanted to show you
14:35that just to show
14:35we're big enough
14:36to say yes,
14:37they were better.
14:38I mean,
14:38they're still smarting
14:38over the rugby,
14:39obviously.
14:41But, hey,
14:42well done then.
14:43Yeah.
14:43Now,
14:44Liverpool.
14:45They could,
14:45of course,
14:45have just knocked it down
14:47and started again,
14:47but they didn't.
14:48They gave it
14:48a lick of paint,
14:49they fitted
14:50some new plumbing
14:50and then they
14:51installed a couple
14:52of trendy cafes
14:53and now it's
14:54a European capital
14:55of culture.
14:56So,
14:56if they can do that
14:57with a whole city,
14:59can it be done
15:00to a car?
15:01The XJS was launched
15:10in the 70s
15:11and when it was launched,
15:12everybody hated it.
15:14After the beautiful E-type,
15:15it was disappointing
15:16to say the least,
15:18especially as early ones
15:19were usually finished
15:20in Midlands brown.
15:22But gradually,
15:23this shape,
15:24like cheese,
15:25matured very nicely.
15:27And you know what?
15:35These looks are actually
15:36a bit of an accident.
15:38You see those buttresses
15:38at the back?
15:40They're not actually
15:40supposed to be there
15:41at all.
15:42When the car was first
15:43designed,
15:43it was going to be
15:44mid-engined.
15:45But then they changed
15:46their mind and they thought,
15:47no, no,
15:47we'll put the engine
15:47in the front.
15:48But no one thought
15:49to take the buttresses off.
15:51And yet,
15:53they're part of what
15:54makes it a masterpiece.
15:57But there's something
15:57that puts me off.
15:59You see,
15:59in all its 21 years
16:01in production,
16:02Jaguar never
16:03made a good one.
16:06In the beginning,
16:07it was built by
16:08work-shy lefties
16:09who spent more time
16:10standing around a brazier
16:12than they did
16:12loosely screwing
16:13your new car together.
16:15So it broke down
16:16all the time.
16:19In fact,
16:19early XJSs
16:20were so bad
16:21that when British
16:22Leyland offered them
16:23to their senior managers
16:24as company cars,
16:26even they said no.
16:28And at the end
16:29of its 21-year life,
16:31it still wasn't right.
16:34I'll show you
16:34where Jaguar went wrong.
16:39This is a suspension bush
16:41and it's made out
16:42of a really rubbish rubber
16:44so it completely
16:45mucks up the feel
16:46of the car.
16:47This is an electrical connector.
16:49Now,
16:49there are hundreds
16:50of these on the XJS
16:51and they're of a really
16:51poor quality.
16:53So after about
16:53five or six years,
16:54they all corrode
16:55and the whole car dies.
16:57And it's the same
16:58all over the place.
16:59The door seals,
17:00they let water in
17:00so the doors rust
17:01from the inside.
17:02The engine components
17:03are built down to a price
17:04and strangle all the power.
17:07Jaguar had the recipe
17:08for a perfect shepherd's pie
17:10and then made it
17:12with dog meat.
17:13This one, though,
17:16is different.
17:21For a start,
17:22I've been driving it
17:23for several hours now
17:24and everything still
17:25seems to be working.
17:26More to the point, though,
17:27it feels like
17:28no other XJS
17:29I've ever driven.
17:31This one feels
17:31fantastic.
17:34That's because
17:35it's special.
17:36It's been given
17:37a once-over
17:37by a tiny
17:38Hampshire firm
17:39called
17:40Knowles-Wilkins
17:41Engineering.
17:43Knowles-Wilkins.
17:44You can just see
17:45the spitfires
17:46on the office wall.
17:48Now, this is not
17:49a restoration job.
17:50It's something
17:51far cleverer.
17:53Modernisation.
17:54They take a good
17:55used XJS
17:56and they turn it
17:57into the car
17:58it should have been.
18:00They completely
18:01rebuild the suspension,
18:03the steering,
18:04the entire
18:05electrical system
18:06and they find
18:07an extra 50 horsepower
18:08in that V12
18:09engine
18:10and when they've
18:10done all that
18:11they've re-trimmed
18:11the interior
18:12and they've put
18:12some lovely new
18:13paint on it.
18:15Now, the whole package
18:16will cost you
18:17about £35,000
18:19which is a huge
18:20amount of money
18:21for an XJS
18:22but
18:22it's an XJS
18:24that works.
18:34This is amazing.
18:36Now, I've driven
18:36loads of XJS's
18:37but this is the first
18:38time I've ever
18:39really felt like
18:39I'm involved in
18:41the process.
18:43This really nice
18:44sense that it's
18:44all really tightly
18:45set up.
18:47My dad had one
18:48of these and I
18:48always wanted it
18:49to feel like this
18:50but to be honest
18:51it just didn't.
18:52It felt a bit like
18:53sitting on a sofa.
18:57And listen to this
18:58engine, this V12,
18:59this is just fabulous.
19:00Doesn't that?
19:01really lovely
19:02distant rumble.
19:04That's so
19:05pucker.
19:07Of course,
19:07there are people,
19:08the sort of people
19:08who go to an autojumbo
19:10looking for a new bumper
19:11who will say that
19:12this is wrong,
19:13this is interfering
19:14with Jaguar heritage.
19:15But I say,
19:16rubbish,
19:17this is a brilliant idea.
19:19All the character
19:20of the car
19:21is still here.
19:22All the funny touches
19:23like these comedy
19:24instruments
19:25and these novelty
19:26stalks that move
19:28the mirrors around
19:28and that huge bonnet.
19:31It's a bit like
19:32owning a 15th century
19:33house.
19:34You keep the thatched
19:35roof,
19:35you keep the leaded
19:36glass,
19:37but you fit
19:38modern central heating.
19:39You have one of
19:40those smoke fridges.
19:41Of course you do.
19:42Come on.
19:44I love this car.
19:45It's a piece of
19:46England's heritage
19:47that's had the full
19:48National Trust
19:49treatment.
19:54After hundreds of
19:55lovely miles
19:55in this Jag
19:56from Hampshire
19:57and through Wales
19:58I've now come
19:59to Liverpool.
20:00I wanted to come here
20:02because self-made
20:03Scousers love
20:04their Jags.
20:05But then I remembered
20:06that none of the
20:07professional Scousers
20:08Tarby, Scylla,
20:09McCartney
20:10actually lives here.
20:14Well, maybe they
20:15should come home
20:16and have a look
20:17at this waterfront.
20:20That
20:20is a World
20:23Heritage site
20:24like Stonehenge
20:25and the Parthenon.
20:27So if ever there
20:27was a World Heritage
20:28car,
20:30this is it.
20:31Now I can see
20:41it shines like
20:42a new car,
20:43but does it feel
20:44like one
20:44and smell like one?
20:46Yeah, it does.
20:46It feels like
20:47a new XJS,
20:48but better.
20:49And the thing
20:49you'd really like
20:50is that they can
20:51pull exactly
20:51the same trick
20:52with the Series 3
20:54XJ12.
20:55What, the one
20:56with the pepperpot
20:56alloy wheels?
20:57Exactly.
20:58And the world's
20:59best ride,
21:00if I remember.
21:00So you could be
21:01comfortable
21:01and have a new
21:02Oh, that's fantastic.
21:03It is, it's brilliant.
21:03And the best thing
21:04is, is that
21:05when I saw an XJS
21:07the other day
21:07it was a convertible
21:08and it moved me
21:10with its beauty.
21:11And this is the thing
21:11about Jaguars
21:12is when the XJS
21:13came out,
21:13as you said in the film,
21:14it was awful.
21:14I don't think
21:15they come too soon.
21:16Yes, they do.
21:17They, they,
21:18they do.
21:20They just,
21:21they're basically,
21:22the cars come out
21:23and you go,
21:23that's awful.
21:24And then 10 years
21:25down the line
21:25and you go,
21:25actually,
21:26no, it isn't.
21:26Yeah, they mature
21:27and the E-type
21:28is actually better
21:29looking now
21:29than it ever was.
21:30Absolutely.
21:31And then last week
21:31we were on that
21:32beach in Wales
21:33with an XK.
21:33Remember when that
21:34came out eight years ago?
21:35Spindly.
21:36It's on stilt.
21:37Now you look at it,
21:38fantastic.
21:39So in about
21:39sort of 15 or 20 years
21:40time,
21:41we'll look at the S-type
21:42and we'll think
21:43that's really awful.
21:46We will.
21:47I think the S-type
21:47is basically like
21:48Beaujolais Nouveau.
21:50Awful when it came out
21:51and then just gets
21:51steadily worse
21:52as fine parts.
21:54That's a shame.
21:54Have you got a guest then?
21:56Yeah, we'll meet a guest now.
21:57Now you've brought
21:57the S-type up,
21:58time to move on to a guest.
21:59And he is a broadcasting
22:00colossus.
22:01There's no other word.
22:02Started out working
22:03in a bank
22:04and he is now,
22:05without doubt,
22:06the most influential
22:07man in music.
22:09Ladies and gentlemen,
22:10Terry Wogan!
22:10I'm pale but determined.
22:27Pale but determined
22:28and also with a gammy leg
22:29but still able to influence
22:31the sale of records.
22:32This is a popular myth.
22:34I don't, you know,
22:36I get about,
22:37I suppose,
22:38eight million people
22:38listen over morn.
22:40More than anyone else
22:41in the world.
22:42But what else
22:43have they got to listen to?
22:46The thing is that
22:47it's because I've been
22:49doing it for so long.
22:51I'm like the wallpaper.
22:52I'm like,
22:53I'm like a dirty old
22:54rug in the kitchen.
22:58Nobody ever really listens
22:59to what I'm saying.
22:59Nevertheless,
23:00I can fight back on that
23:01because I rang a friend
23:01of mine last night
23:03who works for Sony
23:04who said basically
23:05if you have a record
23:06of the week
23:07and play it
23:08home dry
23:09you can make an artist
23:11even at your age.
23:17It's one of the very few
23:18things I can do
23:19at my age.
23:19Could you break an artist?
23:23People like Peter Andre
23:24for instance.
23:25I'd like to see him smashed.
23:26I thought you meant
23:30break them
23:31into the popular
23:33smash them
23:33into little smithereens.
23:34Get them out
23:35of the public consciousness
23:36with his wax chest.
23:39Could you do that for me?
23:41If I said pretty please?
23:42There's many a thing
23:42I would do for you
23:43but Peter Andre
23:44is a very, very dear
23:45personal friend of mine.
23:47How do I know that
23:48to be rubbish?
23:51Eurovision Song Contest.
23:52No, no.
23:52I never talk about that.
23:54Unfortunately I do.
23:58You said it was corrupt.
24:01I didn't really.
24:02What I said
24:02I didn't say
24:04it wasn't corrupt either.
24:07The thing is
24:08that when you see
24:09two countries
24:10that have been
24:11at each other's throats
24:12for hundreds of years
24:14since the fall
24:14of the Ottoman Empire
24:15and who have only
24:17just stopped
24:17having a war
24:18with each other
24:18giving each other
24:21deux points
24:22you have to ask
24:24the question
24:25is the voting
24:26completely above board?
24:29I'm here to tell you
24:30I'm sorry
24:31I don't believe it.
24:32What surprises me
24:33about your views
24:34on the Eurovision Song Contest
24:35is that you're surprised
24:36by this.
24:38I, well it's...
24:39Because we have
24:40you know there's a
24:40European
24:41car of the year
24:43award made every year
24:44where every single year
24:47Fiat wins
24:48because the Italians
24:49can only vote
24:50for Fiat.
24:51Yeah, it is relevant
24:52to the Eurovision Song Contest.
24:53Italy haven't taken part
24:55in the Eurovision Song Contest
24:57for some years now.
24:58Have they not?
24:59No, because they left
25:00in a pet
25:00about ten years ago
25:02because they didn't win.
25:04But have you ever
25:05heard Italian music?
25:07Shocking.
25:08Well, all...
25:08I mean Vivaldi
25:09was all right
25:09but you know
25:10after that...
25:11All European music.
25:12The thing about the Eurovision
25:13is it doesn't reflect
25:14any national tastes
25:16in popular music.
25:17Spanish popular music
25:18is quite modern.
25:19French popular music
25:20is quite modern.
25:21But when it gets
25:22to Eurovision time
25:23they decide
25:24that they have
25:25to have a song
25:25that reflects
25:26national pride
25:27and dignity.
25:28So the Spaniards
25:29will always have
25:30a touch of flamenco
25:31in it
25:31and people
25:32stamping at the feet
25:33all that kind of stuff.
25:35And who's going
25:36to vote for that?
25:39Oh, now you're
25:41a...
25:41I hope you don't mind
25:42my saying really
25:43the original
25:43grumpy old man.
25:46What is it
25:48that baffles you
25:49most on the road
25:50then?
25:51So many things.
25:53One of the things
25:54that disappoints me
25:54on the show
25:55is that when
25:55the M4 bus lane
25:57was first painted
25:57Ah, grand work.
25:58You were...
25:59You were a champion
26:00of having it torn up.
26:02You've just dropped it
26:03as though...
26:03No, because I don't
26:04travel on the M4 anymore.
26:06I...
26:06Luke Hamm.
26:07No, you...
26:07The thing is
26:08it's still there.
26:10But what can I do?
26:10And people go
26:11yeah, there's a bus lane
26:12on the M4.
26:13Don't people realise
26:14the unbelievable stupidity
26:16of that.
26:16Listen, listen.
26:21Nobody cares
26:22what you think.
26:24I know.
26:25But she's right.
26:26I know.
26:28I know.
26:32So why don't you...
26:33They don't care
26:34what I think either.
26:35They do.
26:36No, no.
26:36They do.
26:37Let me tell you
26:38a little known fact.
26:39That is true.
26:41The man
26:42who was in charge
26:43of the bus lane
26:44on the M4
26:46Was fat.
26:48And received
26:49an honour
26:50from the Queen
26:51last year.
26:52They gave him
26:53an OBE.
26:55Well, Prescott
26:55was responsible.
26:56No, the...
26:57The technocrat
26:58or whoever it was.
26:59The man with the red paint.
27:00The man who was in charge
27:02of the whole idea
27:03and put it into place
27:05and running so smoothly
27:07he got an OBE for that.
27:09Well, it is.
27:09It's always empty.
27:10Certainly no buses on it.
27:11Well, it's on the outside lane.
27:14Exactly.
27:15And how do you put bus stops
27:16when it's the outside lane?
27:17How do people get there?
27:18How could you flag down a bus
27:19from the central reservation
27:21of the M4?
27:21It's all right.
27:21You've never seen a bus on it.
27:22There isn't.
27:22No, no.
27:23And another thing.
27:24Matrices.
27:25Matrices.
27:27Matrixes.
27:28Matri...
27:28Matriades.
27:29His sister.
27:29Signs.
27:30Signs.
27:31Those signs over the motorway.
27:32Why do they expect anybody
27:33to believe anything they say?
27:36When they're up there
27:37sometimes for as many...
27:38A week.
27:40Fog.
27:44You see the RSPB thing last week?
27:46Oh.
27:46The Royal Society
27:47for the Prevention of Birds.
27:49Protection of Birds.
27:50That's them.
27:53That's the one.
27:56They're the one.
27:58I don't know why I said that.
27:59Protection of Birds.
28:00They are fantastic.
28:01They are the quango
28:03to end them all.
28:04Whenever they need a few quid
28:06they come up with something like
28:07the Osprey is missing.
28:11Oh, well,
28:12we better get some money
28:13for that then.
28:14And now the thing is
28:15the Commoner Garden
28:17house sparrow
28:18disappearing.
28:20Why?
28:21We think
28:22there are less bugs about.
28:24So,
28:25what do we do?
28:26Get out of your car
28:27and kill as many bugs
28:28as you can.
28:29This means there'll be
28:30even less sparrows.
28:31They do.
28:32They want us to count
28:32how many bugs
28:33there are
28:34splattered on our number plates.
28:35Have you ever heard
28:36anything so ridiculous
28:37in an audience?
28:38No, it's how many there are
28:39by how many you've killed.
28:40Yeah.
28:41You're killing them.
28:42The birds need them.
28:43You're killing them.
28:43They're telling you
28:44to go out and kill them.
28:45Do you swerve
28:45to avoid rabbits?
28:47Never.
28:48Do you?
28:48No.
28:49Foxes?
28:50No.
28:50No?
28:52Children?
28:54I do.
28:55I do children, yeah.
28:57I have swerved
28:57to avoid children before.
28:59You see, you're too soft
29:00for this game.
29:02Deer.
29:03What about a nice,
29:04what about Bambi
29:05standing there?
29:06Oh, terrific.
29:09Can take your chassis away.
29:12Because they're big.
29:13You have to watch it though
29:14because they might come up
29:15and over.
29:16There's a 50-50 chance
29:17with a deer really
29:18that you're going to go.
29:19Do you know the rule
29:20that if you do knock down
29:20a deer,
29:21you have to drive on.
29:22But the next fella
29:23coming along
29:24can pick it up,
29:25put it in the boot
29:25and have it for dinner.
29:27Is that true?
29:28Yeah.
29:28Well, you can't eat one
29:29if you run it over.
29:30No, no.
29:30The first person
29:31to run it over
29:32has to go on their way.
29:34The second person,
29:35discovering it,
29:35dead on the road,
29:37has it for din.
29:38No, you see,
29:39I have no idea.
29:40This is a motoring rule
29:41which has passed me by.
29:42I'm feeling remiss.
29:44It may well be something
29:45I've made up.
29:45I don't know.
29:46No.
29:49Cars.
29:50You've had the rollers,
29:51obviously.
29:52You say that
29:53as if you don't like rollers.
29:54You don't like a roller.
29:55You think it's a bit of a
29:55Jack the Lad car,
29:58do you?
29:58No, it was the
29:59pro-celebrity golfer thing.
30:00It was the Tarly Brewster.
30:01I used to play in that.
30:02Exactly.
30:03And you had a roller
30:04and that was what really went wrong.
30:05I had a roller, yeah.
30:06Did you have a pink V-neck jumper?
30:08I might have had.
30:11Anyway, you've got no roller now.
30:13No, I've got a Bentley.
30:14Ooh, which one?
30:16The Arnage Red R.
30:18Now, you see,
30:18that's a nice car.
30:20Don't you patronize my Bentley?
30:22I'm not.
30:23It's a brilliant car.
30:25It's a fantastic car,
30:26but would it have stood you
30:27in good stead on the track?
30:29Yeah,
30:30because it would have been
30:31about ten times faster
30:32than the little crappy car
30:34that I've scored.
30:35True enough.
30:36True enough.
30:37Who'd like to see
30:38Terry's lap?
30:39Not me.
30:40Yes.
30:41Okay, run the tape.
30:42Here we go.
30:44That's some wheel spin.
30:45That was a very energetic start.
30:47Oh, yeah.
30:48Quite well.
30:50What a face.
30:51Let's go fast as we can this time
30:52for the final fling.
30:55That's not that fast, Terry,
30:56if I might be so bold,
30:57and nor is that.
30:59It may not look fast,
31:00it's deceptive.
31:01That's not deceptive,
31:02it's just not fast.
31:03It's just extremely fast for me.
31:05Your window's down.
31:06I'm a speed king.
31:10That's not a very speed kingy.
31:12That is extremely fast.
31:14Funnily enough,
31:15it was Jodie Kidd
31:16adopted a similar technique
31:18of sticking close to the...
31:19Oh, here's the hammerhead.
31:20And she was very fast,
31:21but...
31:23That was not a wheel,
31:26that was me screaming.
31:27Slow and steady wins the race.
31:32Nobody's going to die in this car,
31:33I promise you that.
31:34I have never been so bored
31:39in my life.
31:41This is a very, very wide thing,
31:42you don't need to break.
31:45I'll be the judge of that.
31:51Okay, here we come,
31:53up to the last corner now,
31:54breaking,
31:54no need for that,
31:55you weren't going fast enough.
31:57Round it.
31:58I was...
31:58I virtually mowed down
32:00several cameramen.
32:01I imagine it'd be
32:09probably up there somewhere,
32:11wouldn't it?
32:12What, the 147 sort of thing?
32:15Or you being more realistic,
32:16maybe a 149, 150?
32:19Quite frankly,
32:19if I do better than Richard Whiteley,
32:21I'll figure I've done quite well.
32:23Terry Wogan.
32:25You sounded like Eamon Andrews
32:26there for just a moment.
32:28You thought you were going to say,
32:28this is your life.
32:29I'm not.
32:32Although it was a lifetime
32:33watching that lap.
32:36Terry Wogan.
32:37Yes, E?
32:38Two minutes.
32:41You're hoping I don't say more
32:43than two minutes six,
32:44because that would be worse
32:44than likely.
32:45Yeah.
32:46You're safe.
32:47It's two minutes,
32:48four seconds.
32:50So...
32:50Damn quick.
33:00I'm not certain
33:02that round of applause
33:03was entirely justified.
33:06I wasn't going all out.
33:08You can say that again.
33:10But Terry,
33:11it's been a joy
33:12having you here.
33:13Oh, fine.
33:13Man after my own heart.
33:15I've loved it.
33:15Ladies and gentlemen,
33:16Terry Wogan.
33:19Thank you very much.
33:20Thank you very much.
33:27Okay.
33:29Okay.
33:30Now,
33:30this week,
33:31we're looking at cars
33:32that we don't actually get
33:33in this country,
33:34which is why,
33:34earlier on,
33:35Jeremy drove that weird
33:36Japanese cube,
33:38sort of,
33:39van back thing,
33:40which I don't think
33:40we really want anyway.
33:41No,
33:41I think we're sort of,
33:42we're pretty well sorted
33:43for city little Japanese cars.
33:45Yes,
33:45we are.
33:45Many small hatches
33:46as we need.
33:47However,
33:47I thought there might be
33:48a little gap in the market
33:50for executive saloons.
33:52You see,
33:52it used to be very easy.
33:53You just went straight
33:54to the Germans.
33:55But in recent years,
33:56something's gone a bit wrong.
33:58The new 5 Series
33:59from BMW
33:59is kind of weird.
34:01The Audi A6
34:02has grown a goatee
34:03and the Mercedes E-Class
34:04is just,
34:05well,
34:06dull.
34:10And that's why
34:15I'm in Holland.
34:16I haven't come here
34:17to score some drugs
34:18to make the E-Class
34:19look more exciting.
34:20I've come here
34:21to look at this.
34:25It's the new Cadillac,
34:27the CTS.
34:28Pretty soon,
34:29they'll be selling this car
34:30here in Holland
34:31and in France
34:32and Germany
34:33and all across Europe.
34:36But not in Britain.
34:40That's not really surprising
34:44because the last Cadillac
34:45to be sold
34:46in the United Kingdom
34:47was the STS
34:48and that was
34:49rubbish.
34:51And I do mean
34:52rubbish.
34:54It handled
34:55and looked
34:55like a pig.
34:56There was no reason
34:57for that car
34:58to be on sale
34:58in Great Britain
34:59at all.
35:02But this new one
35:03is much more intriguing.
35:07Look at that pointy face.
35:09It's scary.
35:10And all these unusual
35:11creases and slashes.
35:14You see,
35:14Cadillac realised
35:15its average owner
35:16was 112 years old
35:18and so they had
35:18to do something
35:19to frighten them off.
35:21It's either there
35:22or they've already
35:23put all the dents
35:24into them
35:24that they'll pick up
35:25eventually
35:25in a Florida
35:26rest home anyway.
35:27But the other thing
35:30that will scare
35:31the old folk
35:31is this.
35:33The pace.
35:363.2 litre V6
35:38220 brake horsepower
35:390-60 in 7.6 seconds.
35:44It's got a fantastic
35:45automatic gearbox
35:46even though
35:47this is going to be
35:48the first Cadillac
35:49ever to be put on sale
35:50with the option
35:50of a manual one.
35:53It probably pulls
35:55really well up hills
35:56but we're in Holland
35:58so, you know.
36:02So, it's so far
36:04so surprising
36:05but that doesn't
36:07earn it a place
36:07over on our shores
36:09yet.
36:10First,
36:10it's got a take on
36:12this.
36:13The corner.
36:14The corner is as strange
36:16to Americans
36:16as a small meal
36:18or a president
36:18who can spell.
36:20American cars
36:21run off and cry
36:22when they see one.
36:24So, to confront
36:25their natural fear
36:27of Benz
36:27Cadillac went to
36:28somewhere
36:29with lots of them.
36:34The Nürburgring
36:35Nordischliefer
36:36in Germany.
36:37This is where
36:38Porsche and BMW
36:40hone their cars.
36:41With 13 miles
36:42of corners
36:43this legendary circuit
36:45is the toughest test
36:46a car's chassis
36:47can face.
36:49Whatever they got
36:50up to there
36:51it worked
36:52because watch this.
36:54Okay, so here we go
36:55approaching
36:55a corner.
36:58Don't be scared.
37:03Amazing.
37:04It's gone around
37:05a corner
37:06at more than
37:07five miles an hour
37:08without jumping
37:08into a bush.
37:09But it's better
37:10than that.
37:11Turn off the
37:12traction control
37:13and all of a sudden
37:14we could do
37:16a lot more.
37:22There we go.
37:27This thing isn't bad.
37:29And it's American.
37:32That's amazing.
37:33It could almost be
37:37a BMW 5 Series
37:39for 3 Series money
37:40because if the CTS
37:42did come to Britain
37:43it would only cost
37:4425 grand.
37:47But sadly
37:48it's in here
37:49where everything
37:50really does start
37:52to come unraveled.
37:53The last time
37:54I saw plastics
37:54like this
37:55it contained
37:56Tic Tacs.
37:57It is dreadful.
38:01But that's not
38:02really a surprise.
38:03The Americans
38:03just don't get luxury.
38:06To them
38:06luxury is just
38:08making something
38:09bigger.
38:10It was just
38:11too much
38:12to expect Americans
38:13to do
38:14quality
38:15and corners.
38:18And then
38:19there's some good
38:20old-fashioned
38:21stupidity in action.
38:22For instance
38:23the handbrake release
38:24is a small black
38:25plastic lever
38:25down here
38:26to my left.
38:27The bonnet release
38:28is a small black
38:29plastic lever
38:29down here
38:30to my left
38:31about an inch away.
38:33You can see
38:33what's coming.
38:34The routine is
38:35start engine
38:36into gear.
38:37There we go.
38:45But two annoying
38:46flies in a jar
38:47of otherwise
38:48very pleasant
38:49ointment
38:49are not enough
38:50to put me off.
38:52The CTS
38:54is also working
38:55very hard
38:56to be cool.
38:57This car
38:58has been
38:58in the matrix
38:59and bad boys
39:00too.
39:01Cadillac
39:02is shaking
39:02off its image
39:03of Bob Hope
39:04in golf trousers.
39:05In fact
39:06the average age
39:07of a Cadillac
39:07owner
39:08has now dropped
39:09from 65
39:10to 59.
39:12Well it's
39:13a start.
39:15The CTS
39:16isn't just
39:17a good
39:17American car
39:18but it's
39:18a good car
39:19full stop.
39:20This time
39:22the Cadillac
39:23deserves
39:24a ship's
39:24passage
39:25to blighten.
39:28No it doesn't.
39:29What?
39:30I don't want
39:30a Cadillac.
39:32Why not?
39:32Cadillacs
39:32are for pimps
39:33and pensioners
39:34and that's
39:34an end of it.
39:35That's going to be
39:36great.
39:36They're going to put
39:37a big V8 in it
39:38and do a V version.
39:39It'll be cool.
39:39Don't care.
39:40Don't like
39:40any American car.
39:42Now you're just
39:43being silly
39:43and all sweeping
39:44about.
39:44The badly made.
39:45Listen.
39:47Have you ever
39:47heard that
39:48sounds like a
39:48wheelie bin?
39:49Yeah.
39:50Plastic
39:51wheelie bin.
39:52They're badly
39:52made out of
39:53very very cheap
39:54materials.
39:55All American
39:56cars are the
39:56same.
39:57Alright well
39:57look this brings
39:58us on to what
39:58we want to do
39:59now which is
39:59look further at
40:00this evening's
40:01theme of cars
40:01we don't get
40:02and over here
40:03we've had a
40:03very good idea.
40:05We've got a pile
40:05of cars that we
40:06don't get over
40:06here and we've
40:07got two dust
40:08bins.
40:09In this one
40:09are going to
40:09go the cars
40:10we don't want.
40:10This is sophisticated
40:11this is and this
40:12one the cars
40:12we don't want.
40:13Exactly.
40:14Okay and I'm
40:14going to start
40:15with another
40:15American car
40:16and it's this
40:17the Pontiac
40:19Solstice.
40:21Yeah.
40:22It's fantastic
40:23look at that
40:23little two-door
40:24two-seated coupe
40:25the reason why
40:27that looks
40:27just can I get
40:28what do you
40:28reckon of that
40:29can you see that
40:30that is a nice
40:31looking little car
40:31isn't it?
40:32What do you think?
40:33Nice car.
40:34Yes.
40:34Looks like
40:34the Teppi has
40:35got the point
40:36it looks like
40:37a TBR
40:38the reason it
40:38looks good
40:39Richard is
40:39because it
40:40looks European
40:41fine
40:42but the difference
40:43is
40:43the difference
40:44is it
40:44has a 2.4
40:45litre engine
40:46from which
40:46the Americans
40:47have managed
40:47to extract
40:48170 brake
40:51horsepower
40:52170 brake
40:55horsepower
40:56from 2.4
40:57litres
40:57we don't want
40:58that
40:58no way
40:59while you're
41:00on the subject
41:00of Pontiac
41:01okay
41:02yes
41:02ah
41:04I was really
41:05hoping you
41:05wouldn't do
41:06that
41:06this is the
41:07Pontiac
41:08Aztec
41:09yes
41:09this has a
41:103.4
41:11litre engine
41:12185
41:14brake
41:14horsepower
41:15I will
41:15concede
41:16it looks like
41:16a badly
41:17built
41:17conservatory
41:18it's horrendous
41:19it is
41:20absolutely
41:21shocking
41:21and this
41:22is the
41:22source of
41:22rubbish
41:23look at that
41:23look at it
41:24awful
41:25absolutely
41:26terrible
41:27ugly
41:28exactly
41:29we don't
41:29want that
41:30all right
41:31another
41:31American car
41:31you've got
41:32to let
41:32this one
41:32through
41:32it's
41:33the
41:33Hummer
41:33the H2
41:34you drove
41:34this on
41:34the program
41:35you said
41:36you loved
41:36it
41:36we'll have
41:37one of
41:37them
41:38in fact
41:38while I'm
41:38out
41:39here's
41:39another
41:39one
41:39another
41:39American
41:40car
41:40the
41:41new
41:41Mustang
41:42now
41:42come on
41:43that
41:44you've
41:44got to
41:44want
41:44that's
41:45magnificent
41:45you want
41:45that
41:46no
41:46it doesn't
41:47look like
41:47it
41:47no
41:48no
41:48no
41:49you don't
41:49want it
41:50anyone here
41:50want the
41:51Mustang
41:51and it'd be
41:52sensible
41:52here
41:52absolutely
41:53yes
41:54you'd like
41:54the Mustang
41:55you're
41:55Dutch
41:56yes
41:57your opinions
41:58worthless
41:58what do you
42:01reckon
42:01I prefer the
42:02old one
42:02you prefer the
42:03old one
42:03but nevertheless
42:04the problem
42:04is it is
42:06already old
42:07this looks
42:09fabulous
42:09has a live
42:10rear axle
42:11just like a
42:12Morris Marina
42:13so here in the
42:15civilized part of
42:16the world
42:17that's a no
42:18what about this
42:19that's cool
42:19this
42:20it's the
42:21pontiac
42:22what's it
42:25no it's not
42:25it's a
42:25Chevrolet SSR
42:27that rocks
42:27okay
42:28now this is a
42:29pickup truck
42:29yes
42:30which has got
42:30a roof
42:31like a Mercedes
42:32SLK
42:33that kind of
42:33folds away
42:34that's cool
42:34you'd drive that
42:36would you
42:36yes
42:36you live in
42:37Gloucestershire
42:37I do
42:38and you drive
42:38around in a
42:39purple convertible
42:40pickup truck
42:41not the purple
42:43one obviously
42:44there we go
42:45I'm sorry
42:45that's a
42:46no
42:46interestingly enough
42:48it's not just
42:48American
42:49there are some
42:49European cars
42:50that we don't
42:51get over here
42:51they don't make
42:52it over the
42:52channel
42:52I've got a car
42:53we don't get
42:54it's from
42:54Lancia
42:55the name is
42:55the thesis
42:55which isn't a
42:56bad name
42:56that's not the
42:57problem with the
42:57car
42:57the problem
42:58is this
42:58look at it
42:59it's
43:00idiots
43:01they've looked at
43:02the S-Type Jag
43:03and gone
43:04nice
43:04good look
43:05yeah
43:06we'll have a grill
43:07like that
43:08and they've messed it up
43:08because they've got one
43:09off for Riley
43:10by the looks of things
43:11it's an absolute howler
43:12there is one European car
43:14that is interesting
43:15that
43:16it's alright
43:16yeah
43:17it's a Renault Logan
43:18okay
43:18it's made in Romania
43:19and this is on sale
43:21throughout Eastern Europe
43:23and the Uxtan sort of
43:24countries
43:25and
43:26do you know how much
43:27it costs
43:28before you last
43:28go on
43:29£3,200
43:30how do they do that
43:32it's got no electric
43:33windows
43:33no power steering
43:34no stereo
43:35no central locking
43:36it is just a car
43:37basically it's what
43:38we want from phones
43:39what
43:40all you want
43:41from a mobile phone
43:42is it to be full
43:43of mobile phone technology
43:44I don't want
43:46to be able to
43:46video my genitals
43:47and show them
43:48on Italian internet
43:49you're showing your age again
43:50Jeremy
43:51I don't want that
43:52the point is
43:52I reckon
43:53there's a huge number
43:54of people in this country
43:55that would buy a car
43:56for £3,200
43:57I had nothing
43:58I was just a car
43:59no I think we should have that
44:00we want that one
44:01we should definitely
44:01have that one
44:02good
44:03okay
44:03that's sorted
44:04right
44:04now
44:04last year
44:05we showed you
44:06how you can run your car
44:07on chip and fat
44:09while I got wondering
44:11what about poo
44:13could you run your car
44:15on one of those
44:16there's a lot of
44:18frightening stuff
44:20talked about the world's
44:21energy resources
44:22oh they'll all run out
44:23tomorrow
44:24and we'll have to live in
44:25caves and eat soil
44:27that sort of thing
44:28thankfully
44:28Top Gear
44:29has the answer
44:30and she's called
44:32Mabel
44:33cows are amazing creatures
44:38not only do they give us
44:40milk and burgers
44:41but every day
44:42a single cow
44:43produces 50 kilograms
44:44of poo
44:46and poo
44:49gives off methane
44:50it's a cheap
44:52endless supply
44:53of energy
44:53it's a basic fuel
44:55and in theory
44:56it can be used
44:57to run a car
44:58I think you can see
45:02where this is going
45:03we needed to find out
45:06if you can run a car
45:07on number twos
45:08which is why we're here
45:09at a slurry farm
45:11here's how the process works
45:13the cow does a poo
45:16the poo is scooped up
45:20and put into a special tank
45:21called a digester
45:22it's a bit like a brewing kit
45:24and it turns the poo
45:25into compost
45:26for spreading on fields
45:28whilst it's in the digester
45:31the poo generates
45:33lots of methane gas
45:34and normally
45:35the methane
45:36given off by this process
45:37goes to waste
45:38but not today
45:39we're keeping the gas
45:43and feeding it
45:44into this compressor
45:45which squashes it
45:46to make it more dense
45:47so that it'll fit
45:48into a car tank
45:49now
45:53the car
45:53has already been converted
45:55to run on compressed
45:56natural gas
45:57which means
45:58it should go for this methane
46:00probably
46:01so here it is
46:04the world's first
46:05cow poo powered car
46:07and to see if it works
46:08we're going to have a drag race
46:09against this
46:10identical rover
46:12running on
46:13old fashioned petrol
46:14we've also got a third car
46:17one which runs on methane
46:19extracted from human waste
46:21our mankind's number twos
46:23faster than cow flatulence
46:25in theory
46:27methane should be methane
46:29but never let it be said
46:30that we're not thorough
46:31in our science
46:32this is it
46:35in just a few moments
46:37we might be about
46:38to change the world
46:40here we go
46:41that's it
46:47it works
46:49we are running
46:49on poo
46:51come on poo power
47:11half a second
47:15oh no
47:16petrol's
47:17romping away
47:18people poo is beating
47:24cow poo
47:25no
47:28come on
47:30it's a cow
47:33i am frankly amazed
47:55that no big oil company
47:56has built a refinery
47:57to harness the power of cow pad
47:59well they haven't
48:00so
48:00right so if we want to do this
48:02we have to do it in a sort of
48:02self-sufficient good life way
48:04yeah
48:04yeah if you want to
48:05yeah you would
48:06okay
48:06how much is a cow
48:08about 700 quid
48:09okay
48:10now i'm going to need about 1500 litres of fuel a year
48:12how many cows do i need for that
48:13you'll need about 4 cows
48:14okay times 4
48:15to be honest this is ridiculous james
48:17because cows cost a fortune to run
48:18it's about 545 quid a year
48:20okay each
48:21and then you need land
48:22six acres
48:22which is about 300 quid
48:24and then you'll have to buy the digestra and all the rest of it
48:26which is about 1500
48:27oh trust me it doesn't
48:28it was just a joke
48:29i was playing
48:30it is beginning to look pretty expensive
48:31yes and then you've got depreciation
48:33no cows don't depreciate
48:34but i'll tell you what they do do though
48:37they make milk
48:38how much milk do you get from a cow
48:39you're a yokel
48:40come on
48:40about 1200 quid per cow per year
48:42alright times 4
48:43it's not that simple to be honest mate
48:46yes it is
48:46it's not a sensible idea
48:48right 1500 litres of petrol
48:49costs now
48:501500 quid
48:51yes
48:511500 litres of poo power
48:54you're only 30 quid down
48:56no
48:56you are a genius
48:57no
48:57you've got it all wrong
48:59because you have to have a milking parlour
49:00and somebody to milk the cows
49:01and then you're going to have a field full of cow pats
49:03that you've got to gather up and put it
49:04it doesn't work mate
49:05it was a joke
49:06i'm sorry
49:07leave it
49:07how much is for humans
49:09leave it
49:10it doesn't work
49:11okay now as we heard earlier
49:13renault's aren't the most beautifully made cars
49:16that money can buy
49:17but they have been working over the last few years
49:19to make their cars as safe as humanly possible
49:21so
49:22the new espace
49:23has a five star safety rating
49:25the new mcgann unbelievably
49:26has a five star safety rating
49:28the new laguna
49:29has a five star safety rating
49:31and the new clio
49:32doesn't
49:34what they've done
49:39is taken the old clio 172
49:41and added 10 more brake horsepower
49:43to create the clio 182
49:46so that's 182 brake horsepower
49:50in a car
49:51that's small enough to be a slipper
49:53it is hugely fast
49:580-60 takes 7 seconds
50:00and it keeps on going all the way
50:02to 140
50:04of course
50:08as we found
50:09with the very first Golf GTI
50:11putting loads of power
50:12in a little car
50:13does affect its cornering habits
50:15push
50:18and it turns into a tripod
50:20this looks insane
50:24and that's because this car just
50:26is
50:27the whole drive train
50:33feels as though it's come
50:35from a tunnel boring machine
50:37it feels rough
50:38and industrial
50:39then there's the noise
50:42which never really goes away
50:44even if you put it in fifth gear
50:46and slow down to
50:4730 miles an hour
50:48it's still
50:49I think this could probably get wearisome
50:56after a while
50:57trying to control this bucking
51:09three-legged bronco
51:11with blood pouring out of your ears
51:12is hard enough
51:13but it's made harder still
51:15by the driving position
51:17the steering wheel is far too large
51:21you can't get your feet on the pedals
51:23if your shoe size is more than a nine
51:25the lift is the seat itself
51:28you sit bolt upright
51:29and if you move the lever
51:31you go flat on your back
51:33and I think probably on balance
51:36it's better to go for the
51:37bolt upright option
51:39still this isn't the end of the world
51:42because the car will almost certainly fall apart
51:45before it makes you deaf and mad
51:47the cheapness of this thing
51:50beggars belief
51:52I mean you wouldn't fit carpet like that
51:54in a student bedsit
51:55and if you tilt this forward
51:57you can see painted metal
51:58exposed screw heads
52:00and this
52:00the parcel shelf
52:01couldn't have been less flimsy
52:02if they'd made it out of tracing paper
52:04then there's the boot lid
52:05which I think they did make
52:07out of tracing paper
52:09in the front
52:11you think
52:12ah yes
52:12but I've got strips of aluminium
52:15it's as well made as Zurich airport
52:17but it isn't
52:18it's plastic
52:20and so is this
52:21and so is that
52:23you get the impression
52:25this really isn't
52:26a quality product
52:28so badly made
52:31noisy
52:32a bit ungainly
52:33uncomfortable
52:33and cheap
52:35things are not looking good
52:38but
52:39they're about to pick up a bit
52:41you see
52:42the Clio feels cheap
52:44because it is cheap
52:45it's only 14,700
52:47and it's impossible
52:48to go faster than this
52:49for less
52:51even with the Pack-A-Mac plastics
52:54and dog kennel carpeting
52:56it is good value
52:57and it gets better
53:01because for 200 pounds extra
53:03you can have what's called
53:04the Cut Pack
53:05this gives you
53:07better tyres
53:08better suspension
53:09and these 8 spoke
53:10alloy wheels
53:11inside lots more
53:15is on offer
53:16air conditioning
53:17CD
53:17set nav
53:19cruise control
53:20a trip computer
53:21this then is
53:25no stripped out
53:26road rocket
53:27far from it
53:28it is amazingly
53:29comfortable
53:30even with the firm
53:31suspension
53:32it just glides
53:33over bumps
53:33and potholes
53:34but the best thing
53:37about it
53:37is its character
53:38the thing is
53:41nobody gets a job
53:42in the car industry
53:43because they want
53:44to make safe cars
53:46so all the time
53:48those poor souls
53:49of Renault
53:50have been beavering away
53:51with their crumple zones
53:53and their airbags
53:54there's been this
53:55pressure building up
53:56for them to go
53:57berserk
53:57and make something
53:59that's mad
53:59and you can sense that
54:02you can feel
54:03the excitement
54:04in this car
54:05it's kind of like
54:09a Motown pop song
54:11really
54:11tinny
54:12short
54:13quick
54:13uncomplicated
54:15nothing like
54:15Verdi's Requiem
54:17three minutes
54:18bish bash bosh
54:19big smile on your face
54:20the end
54:21yes it's riddled with faults
54:24yes the exhaust system
54:25goes through the spare wheel
54:27well so there's no spare wheel
54:28yes it's badly made
54:30and a bit mental
54:31but none of this matters
54:32for one very good reason
54:36it makes you feel
54:40happy
54:42you know what
54:47in many ways
54:48this car reminds me
54:49of that Rover MG ZT 260
54:51that we had on last week
54:52kind of loads of faults
54:54but really really lovable
54:56yeah you just love it
54:57I know what you mean
54:57and I've thought about that Rover a bit
54:59and I reckon
54:59bear with me
55:00that that Rover is like
55:01a 14 year old
55:03collie dog
55:04you know the kind of
55:05the bit whiffy
55:05bit you know
55:07old
55:07couple of warts
55:08deaf
55:09yeah
55:09yeah
55:10sits in a corner
55:10faithful old friend
55:12you couldn't shoot it in the face
55:13oh no
55:13no no no you couldn't
55:15no exactly
55:16this isn't like that
55:17no
55:17if you stick with the dog thing
55:19please do
55:20this would basically
55:21jump up at visitors
55:22and get mud all down their trousers
55:24and dig big holes in the lawn
55:25it's a little puppy
55:26it is a puppy car dog
55:27you'd leave it in the garage at night
55:29and you'd put down squares of newspaper
55:30and then in the morning
55:31there'd be a little pile in the bit
55:32that you hadn't put newspaper on
55:33you couldn't smack it
55:35no with his little face
55:37it would do that ear
55:37it should have
55:38two ears
55:39little cockey
55:40as standard
55:40yeah
55:41and it would go and bury its instruction manual in the garden
55:44that's what it would do
55:45and then you'd open the door to the vicar
55:46and there would be the cleo
55:47clumped to his leg
55:48and you couldn't
55:50he's a puppy
55:51I'm sorry about that
55:52it's my cleo
55:53anyway
55:53obviously it needs to be house trained
55:56and luckily we have just the man for that
55:58bring him on
55:59Barbara Stighouse
56:01okay he's scrabbling off the line
56:05traction control
56:06computer is off
56:07leaving just the raw processing power of the Stig's foot
56:10first bend
56:11tire squeal
56:12as he loads up the right front wheel
56:13very very cleanly out of there
56:16shocking music pelting into Chicago
56:26that is unbelievably neat
56:28not just 182 brake horsepower
56:30the cleo also has nearly 150 torque
56:32so it really lugs out of the bends
56:35hammerhead normally shows up front wheel drive cars
56:38this one though has got special Michelin Exalto tires
56:41they were actually developed
56:46specially for this car
56:47and clearly they are working
56:49this car has the power to weight ratio
56:51of 168 brake horsepower per ton
56:53same as a Lotus Elise
56:55this is looking very good
56:56there he is
56:57cocking his little wheel there
56:59waiting for the vicar to come
57:00and of course the line in
57:03one minute 33.8
57:06which actually is pretty good
57:08that's not bad
57:09it's only half a second
57:10off that 3.2 litre
57:12golf
57:13Labrador
57:14and way faster than the Mad Dog Alpha 147 GTA
57:17rabid thing
57:18that's not bad for a little puppy
57:19no
57:19very very good
57:20now next week we aren't here
57:22no
57:22the week after we aren't here
57:23and the week after that we aren't here
57:25but then Mr. Beckham finishes kicking footballs around
57:27and we're back
57:28which is July the
57:29July the 11th
57:3011th
57:31so we'll see you then
57:32thank you very much
57:32good night
57:40and Terry Wogan the Speed King
57:42is back behind the wheel of his breakfast show
57:44weekday mornings from 7.30
57:45only on BBC Radio 2
57:47talking to Pixel Zero
57:51next week we are back to viable
57:54this week we are still on skype
57:55this week it is shut down
57:56up
57:57this week we have the owner...
57:58multiple times from 2063 on theography of Microsoft
57:59And this week we're all here
58:01but here we have been talking about
58:02too many newbies
58:02thanks for having some legendary
58:04through the хотите
58:04newbies
58:05this week we had been
58:05very close
58:06this week we have been thinking about
58:07and we have been talking about
58:08and what are you doing
58:09this week we played
58:11you
58:11we have been thinking about
58:12this week I'll give up
58:13it up
58:13I'll be seeing you
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