- 4 months ago
Top Gear kicks off Season 4 with an epic cross-Europe race in Episode 1. Jeremy Clarkson takes the Aston Martin DB9 on the road to Monte Carlo, while Richard Hammond and James May attempt to beat him using high-speed trains. James secretly test-drives the City Rover. Meanwhile, Jeremy pushes the Lotus Exige around the Top Gear test track and finds himself trying to shake off an Apache helicopter’s mechanical interest. Special Guest: Fay Ripley. Expect glamour, speed, and Top Gear’s signature stunts.
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MotorTranscript
00:00Tonight, an awful new car from Rover, a brilliant new car from Aston Martin, and the Apache helicopter gunship.
00:13Can it get missile lock on a Lotus Exige?
00:19Hello, good evening, welcome to the new series, and phew, frankly.
00:24We thought 2004 was going to be the dreariest year ever for new cars.
00:30We thought we were going to have to fill the show up with Britain's noisiest windscreen wipers and when cup holders attack.
00:40But we were wrong. 2004 is an amazing year for new cars. It's a complete blizzard of horsepower.
01:24Wow, now with all that coming up this series, where do we start? What do we start with today?
01:42I know exactly what I'd start with. I'd start by sacking the man who thought of that, well, I'm not going to call it music.
01:48What, the strokes on that?
01:50It was, honestly, a dog makes a better noise than that if you tread on it.
01:54It's fantastic. You are so old.
01:57Me old? He's the one that wants to start the whole programme. I'm talking about trains.
02:01This time of year, all those middle-class dinner parties, people are talking about how to get to the south of France.
02:06What's the quickest way? And the answer is, you get on that new train, you go straight through the tunnel to Gay Paris,
02:12then you change onto the TGV, which is the fastest train in the world, I think, all the way to the south coast of France with a gin and tonic.
02:18I agree, actually. Those trains are incredible. 186 miles an hour, and some people reckon it's actually a quicker way to the south of France than a plane, let alone a car.
02:29Swaddle.
02:30No train can be faster than cars. Not possible. Okay? And to prove the point, I organised an epic race.
02:40This was the route. We were going to meet at 8 o'clock in the morning, here at the studio, in the middle of Surrey,
02:46and then we would race to the south of France. Okay?
02:50Now, they would be on one of their very fast trains, and I would be in a very fast car. Which one? That's obvious. The new Aston Martin DB9.
03:01Okay, the rules of this are very simple. They're not allowed to use any form of car, I'm not allowed to use any form of train,
03:22and the winner is the first one to the Café de Paris, Casino Square, Monte Carlo. See you, chaps.
03:31Well, it'll probably get to the end of the lane before us.
03:38Once we're on that train, there is no way can that car beat us to Monte Carlo. It is impossible.
03:44In an ordinary car, I agree, it may well be impossible, but this is no ordinary car.
03:55The old DB7, really, that was just a jag in drag. It was an XJS in a party front.
04:01This is completely different. It's made in a brand-new factory, using space-age materials and sci-fi production techniques.
04:13Is that heavy?
04:14Yeah.
04:15No, I mean, like, really heavy.
04:17Yeah.
04:17You get a sense of that modernness in here. I've got loads more space than you used to get in the DB7.
04:26And look at the dash. It's aluminium. It's pale woods. You get dials like you get on a Techno Marine watch.
04:32You get a split-screen sat-nav. You get hands-free phone.
04:38It's as bang-up-to-date and as modern and as clean and as crisp as the departure lounge of the Swiss airports.
04:45By the time the boys had walked the two miles to the local bus stop, I'd covered 40.
04:55Everything was going fine until I reached the outskirts of Dover, where I hit traffic.
05:01Get out of the way in your police lorry!
05:05Why are you cluttering up our roads with Latvian milk?
05:09Morning.
05:10Can I have two to Guildford, please?
05:11£5.60, please.
05:14£5.60!
05:16If I don't catch this 10 o'clock ferry, I'm out of the race.
05:20That's a design I perfected on the school bus.
05:23Three, two, one, throw.
05:30Thank you very much.
05:31That was excellent.
05:34Yes!
05:35We are in business!
05:37OK, I'm about to get on the Seacat, which will get me to France in 60 minutes.
05:43But before I get on, I have one concern about the car.
05:47It is spectacularly good-looking.
05:50And it is very modern.
05:52But in my lifetime, Aston's have always been very British cars.
05:56Big, heavy, dark, damp, green, like kind of jet-propelled stately homes.
06:01Merlin-engined shire horses.
06:02And I'm not sure this is.
06:06May be a good car.
06:07May well be a great car.
06:10But is it an Aston?
06:14Jeremy, hello.
06:15Where are you?
06:15I'm at the docks.
06:17I'm about to get on the boat.
06:18He's already at the docks.
06:19Where are you?
06:21Yeah, we're in Guildford Station.
06:22So you're only at Guildford, and I'm at the Channel?
06:25Give it a few hours, and we'll be at least 150 miles ahead.
06:28I promise you, I'm going to win this.
06:30You're not.
06:31The car cannot beat the train once we're on the other side of the Channel.
06:34I still think we're going to win.
06:35What a nice day.
06:52It is a gorgeous day.
06:56Look at that!
06:58I wonder where they are now!
06:59I'm all right, really, no.
07:12Right, it's quarter past eleven UK time, which means Jeremy has just driven off the Seacat.
07:19We're only at London Waterloo, but we're going on to the Eurostar, all the way to Paris.
07:24This is where we catch up.
07:29At last, the French motorways.
07:36Now I can really open the taps and find out if the BB9 is a proper Aston.
07:42This car absolutely flies.
07:47It's got a 6.0-litre V12 engine that develops 460 brake horsepower.
07:54It's actually more powerful per tonne than a Vanquish.
07:58That means it does 0-60 in four and a half seconds.
08:05Top speed?
08:07190!
08:10What I'm trying to say is that it's definitely got the power of an Aston.
08:15It also makes a fabulous noise.
08:18Listen to that.
08:20This is how you beat the French.
08:22Shouting at them.
08:25But when you settle down to a cruise, it stops shouting.
08:37Starts to saying a gentle ballad.
08:40Naturally, being an Aston, it wasn't long before it attracted some attention.
08:50Mate?
08:51Yes, hello, Jeremy.
08:52I've got the gendarmes just all over me.
08:55I think he's been nicked by the Rosses.
08:57Oh, I have.
08:58Have they stopped you?
08:58They just keep coming alongside, and they're just going, quicker, quicker.
09:03Rubbish.
09:03You're making it up.
09:04This is the great thing about driving, is the police come along in France, and then just want you to go quicker.
09:11How's that, Mr. Jean-Dalors?
09:12Well, so far, Jeremy's had it pretty much all his own way in his Aston Martin, while we've carried heavy bags, wars, called buses, and gone on small trains.
09:23Now, though, things change because we're on the big train.
09:25So, we'll hit nearly 200 miles an hour on the way from here to Dover, then it's 60 miles an hour through the tunnel, and then best part of 200 miles an hour all the way across France.
09:34I wonder if that's him.
09:35It is.
09:36Excellent.
09:38Bonjour, Monsieur Clarkson.
09:40May, I want to know where you are.
09:42We are on the Eurostar train in enormous comfort.
09:46Looking forward to the first class lunch.
09:49Would you like a drink?
09:50I think it could be champagne.
09:51I'll have champagne as well.
09:52Thank you very much.
09:54As they headed for the channel tunnel, I was already in champagne country.
09:59But it wasn't me who needed a drink.
10:06This is not good.
10:07I've got the fuel warning light on.
10:09This is going to be a Formula One style pit stop, this is.
10:12Here we go.
10:15Oh, let's see.
10:16Wahey.
10:16Where's the fuel filler cap button?
10:20I'll have the white Bordeaux.
10:22Why don't they put them in the same place?
10:24Have you ever seen a more stupid place to put a fuel filler cap release?
10:29I suppose Jeremy could probably have a pasty or something on them or a pork diamond.
10:33And a burger or a croque monsieur.
10:39Come on!
10:41Finally, French soil.
10:45Vive la France.
10:46So that's it.
10:47Jeremy, we're coming to get you.
10:49That was a fraught filler.
10:51It's a place to put it when you're in a race.
10:58We brought with us a sophisticated and clever tracking device that would enable us to see
11:03precisely where Jeremy is at any given time in his Aston Martin and also plot his speed and his course.
11:07He's there, where the steam will is, and he's doing, um...
11:10He's doing 84 miles an hour.
11:12It's a bit weedy, actually.
11:13And we're going to be doing 200 miles an hour all the way.
11:15Frankly, he doesn't stand a chance.
11:18But our cockiness is short-lived.
11:20As the train approaches Paris, Jeremy is already 172 miles south of us,
11:26and we have to get across the city to change trains.
11:29If we get this train, if we do it on time, we're all right.
11:33If we miss it...
11:35James and I have just 50 minutes to catch the connection to Nice.
11:41It's one minute to four French time.
11:43They are now, as we speak, arriving in Paris.
11:46James, just think of Jeremy arriving before us.
11:49The just quantity of smugness.
11:52My soul is prepared.
11:53It's just eating the petrol in one big lump.
11:55All 20 gallons.
11:57Vroom!
11:57Mmm, that was delicious.
11:59You're going to need some more of that.
12:01We're not allowed to take a taxi,
12:04so we have to use an incomprehensible underground system,
12:07from Garda-Nord to Garda-Leal.
12:10Harry, Leon, down there.
12:12Right, I've done the calculations on my phone,
12:15and it's doing 19 miles to the gallon.
12:18Bearing in mind we're only cruising,
12:20you'd have to say, drinks like an Aston should.
12:23And James refuses to run on television.
12:27So, James and Richard are now on an underground train.
12:31We've got two stops.
12:32We've got 15 minutes to do anything.
12:33I admit, it is a bit tight.
12:36Hammond, will you hurry up?
12:37No, don't!
12:38Shut up.
12:41We're catching a train.
12:42I just wanted to ring you up and make life difficult.
12:45How long have you got to go to catch that train?
12:47Minutes, if we don't catch this train...
12:49If you don't catch the train, you lose the race.
12:51And the longer I talk to you, the less likely it is we'll be on the train.
12:55And now I've lost James.
13:02I know, we always do that.
13:04And there's a very good reason for it.
13:05It's because a lot of seven-year-old boys that watch the show
13:08are sent to bed halfway through.
13:09So, if you're watching and you're seven,
13:13you've got my permission to stay up and see how that pans out, okay?
13:17You're not going to bed.
13:18But now, the news.
13:19Absolutely.
13:20There's been a lot happening, obviously.
13:21You've had recent experience in this.
13:22We've just seen it.
13:24French police have been having a bit of a crackdown
13:26on speeding on their motorways.
13:29Now, they have been focusing a little bit on British drivers, it must be said.
13:33In a recent weekend, out of 126 drivers stopped,
13:36113 were actually British drivers, which is charming.
13:41But, I mean, they...
13:42Well, did...
13:42Are you saying...
13:43I'm not joking.
13:44They came alongside me, and I looked across,
13:46though, I'm in trouble here, and they were just going...
13:48You really thought they were...
13:52Did it not occur in your big, woolly head
13:55that maybe it was a trap?
13:58No, you see, I trust the French.
13:59So they weren't a bit Brock.
14:04Exactly.
14:04What sort of trap?
14:05Well, I mean, I carry on Mr. Clarkson,
14:07and then there's a battery of cameras just under the next bridge to knobble you.
14:11No, you see, that's not possible.
14:12You're not thinking.
14:14Because the French still use policemen to monitor speeders.
14:18It's a crazy idea, but I like it.
14:19They're not cameras.
14:20It's quaint.
14:21Yeah, it's old-fashioned.
14:22But it works.
14:22Yeah.
14:23Right, the latest thing from America,
14:25robotic traffic cones.
14:27Eh?
14:27Yep.
14:28These are traffic cones.
14:30No, they're not.
14:31They're small people in them.
14:33Go on, how do they do that?
14:35That's not true.
14:36No, they are completely remote control.
14:39The idea is that they go up to some roadworks,
14:41and they set themselves out,
14:42and that way,
14:43I'm not making this up,
14:44that way roadworkers don't get run over by cars
14:47when they're putting out cones.
14:49That's rubbish.
14:49That is rubbish.
14:50It is.
14:50I know what.
14:51I've done it in America.
14:52It's because if you drive into an American,
14:54let's be honest, they're not small people.
14:55Stony.
14:56That is your car.
14:58All those road workers going,
14:59look at this.
15:00Under here, I got me a Nissan,
15:02got me a Honda,
15:03got me a Humvee under here,
15:04got me a Mitsubishi in my Buck Creek.
15:08That's what it is.
15:10That's ridiculous.
15:11No, actually,
15:12I think this is a very important invention,
15:15and it could change the face
15:16of British drunkenness.
15:18because,
15:20wait for it,
15:22if you come out of the pub
15:23and you put one of these on your head,
15:25you'll end up in the middle of a contraplice system.
15:28But how much are they?
15:30Well,
15:30they're very expensive.
15:31They've got sat-nav in them
15:32and all that sort of thing,
15:33but they think
15:34if they make lots of them,
15:35they'll get the price down
15:36to less than 200 quid each.
15:37200 quid each?
15:38You need billions.
15:39It is 28 billion of them.
15:41No,
15:42not for roadworks.
15:42I've put an order in for a dozen.
15:45My thinking is,
15:46if I'm going into town the next day,
15:48I send me cones off
15:49in the middle of the night
15:50to reserve the car constraints for it.
15:52Hey, that's brilliant.
15:53We ought to talk about
15:54a few of the cars
15:55that have been launched
15:56or are about to be launched.
15:57First of all,
15:58there's an e-BMW,
15:59and this is interesting
16:00because they're going smaller.
16:01They've got a car
16:01that's going to rival the Golf.
16:03It's called the One Series,
16:04and we've got a picture of it
16:05here.
16:07Oh, dear.
16:08Now, James,
16:10you've been a defender
16:10these last couple of years
16:12of BMW's new styling.
16:14What do you think of that?
16:15It looks as if
16:16a very fat person sat in it.
16:18Yeah, saggy, sagged Prescott.
16:21Yeah.
16:23That is ugly.
16:24But, interestingly,
16:26it has one thing about it
16:28that's worse than its styling.
16:30Is it the price?
16:31The price?
16:32Nope, it isn't the price.
16:33It is the performance.
16:350 to 60,
16:38in this,
16:38the ultimate driving machine,
16:41is 11 seconds.
16:43Oh, well,
16:44that's not even moving at all.
16:46That's from the 1960s.
16:47Can we just demonstrate
16:49how long 11 seconds is?
16:51Okay,
16:51the new BMW sets off.
16:54Ready?
16:54Steady?
16:56Go!
16:56Go!
16:56Go!
16:56Go!
16:56Go!
16:56Go!
16:57Go!
16:58Go!
16:58Go!
16:59Go!
17:00Go!
17:00Go!
17:01Go!
17:02Go!
17:03Go!
17:04Go!
17:05Go!
17:06Go!
17:07Go!
17:08Go!
17:09Go!
17:09Go!
17:10Go!
17:10Go!
17:11You know what's even more embarrassing about this?
17:13They will sell millions of them.
17:15Millions and millions of people will go out and buy it
17:17because it's a BMW.
17:18You should really have on the back window
17:19more on on board.
17:21You've got ages to read it, haven't you,
17:23as it crawls past.
17:24That's terrible.
17:26More cars that have come along this year.
17:27Do you remember when Ford promised us the Focus RS?
17:31They said it was going to be a road-going rally car
17:33with four-wheel drive and 300 brake horsepower
17:35and, well, it never happened, did they?
17:37No, they left the homework on the bus.
17:38Yeah.
17:39We had all the plans, docked, docked.
17:41Abducted by aliens on the way to school.
17:42It never arrived.
17:44Well, this, ladies and gentlemen, is the Fiesta RS.
17:48Now, if you like the look of that, don't hold your breath
17:50because that won't happen either.
17:52But if you do want a hot-ish Fiesta, this will.
17:57We've got one in the studio, actually.
17:58It's called the Fiesta ST.
18:01Now, it's a smart-looking little thing.
18:02It's arriving later this year.
18:04It's going to have a two-litre, 150-brake horsepower engine,
18:07lots of little sporty, sparkly bits on it.
18:08Kind of a modern take on the XR2, really.
18:11Nice little thing.
18:12It has one big problem.
18:14It's name.
18:15ST.
18:16You can't call the car an ST.
18:17Why not?
18:18Girls.
18:19What?
18:21See, they're laughing.
18:22You know.
18:23You know.
18:24Whisper it to me.
18:25I know.
18:26You'll be embarrassed.
18:27Come on.
18:28Whisper it to me.
18:29Sanitary towel.
18:30It's a sanitary towel.
18:31That's what ST stands for.
18:32Does it?
18:33Every girl goes up to the office and says,
18:34I'll be an ST.
18:35And, of course, the worst thing is,
18:36if they do a diesel version, it'll be an STD.
18:38I've got another car that's coming along in August.
18:42It's the new Mini Cabriolet.
18:44They're going to be doing versions of it.
18:46This is the Cooper version, actually.
18:47Well, what's the noises for?
18:48Do you like it?
18:49No.
18:50Heck, I do, actually.
18:51I think that looks great.
18:53Maybe it's the shirt.
18:55How much is it going to cost?
18:58It's going to cost, well, there'll generally be about 2,500 more than the equivalent hardtop.
19:03So that the Cooper S, the supercharged version, will be about 17 and a half, 15 and a half for the Cooper, about 13 and a half, I think, for the Mini one.
19:10That's horrible.
19:11It's not a cheap small car.
19:12It's an expensive small car, and I like that.
19:14It's a Metro-sexual car.
19:16A what?
19:17Metro-sexual.
19:18It's the new thing.
19:19It's for the chap.
19:20He doesn't want to be too butch.
19:22He doesn't want to have, you know, like a big 4x4.
19:24And he spends quite a lot of money on hair products.
19:26Don't point at me.
19:27He's interested in shirts.
19:29Probably wears cowboy boots, that kind of thing.
19:32He's a blend of gay and not gay.
19:34Well, he's not a Metro-flaming sexual.
19:36You are a Metro-sexual, but I can see you in one of those.
19:38How would you know what a Metro-sexual is?
19:41I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.
19:45You're probably right.
19:4617 and a half grand is where it all goes a bit wrong for me, to be honest.
19:50I think that's a great little car.
19:51I look forward to driving one.
19:52So, there.
19:53Now, while we were off having our winter hibernation, Rover got together and did a deal with some car company that nobody's ever heard of in India.
20:02And they got a new car together.
20:05This is it.
20:06It's called the City Rover.
20:08And it's not, well, it's not really the sort of thing that we're on Top Gear would usually bother with.
20:13No, we would never film that and waste your evening showing it to you, okay?
20:16But we thought it would be our duty to actually drive it, find out what it's like.
20:19So, we called up Rover, said, can we borrow one?
20:21Nothing unusual in that.
20:22You phone Porsche.
20:23Ferrari, anybody.
20:24They just give you a car.
20:25You try it.
20:26Absolutely.
20:27We'll bring it round tomorrow.
20:28Phone that Rover.
20:29We're not lending that to you, mighty.
20:30Yeah.
20:31Seriously.
20:32That's what they said.
20:33Not until Hellfreeders are, but you're not driving one of them and that's that.
20:36And that confused us.
20:38Because why would they be so secretive?
20:40What were they hiding?
20:41That meant either it was rubbish or it was catastrophically bad.
20:47Exactly.
20:48So, we came up with a challenge.
20:51Bear in mind, we'd normally have just ignored it.
20:53Yeah.
20:54But we had to, well, how bad is it?
20:56So, what we did was we said to James, James, get dressed up as a kind of Rover customer.
21:02Go down to a Rover showroom, okay?
21:07And borrow one of these, take it on a test drive and see if you can film a Top Gear report in full without the salesman noticing.
21:17And this is what happened.
21:19Right.
21:20The dealership's just over there.
21:22I haven't seen the car yet, but I do have the brochure and it looks jolly exciting.
21:27It's based on an Indian car called the Tata IndyCar, which is imported to Britain and then rebadged as a Rover.
21:34The engine started life in a Peugeot about 400 years ago, but of course, it doesn't say any of that in here.
21:39It says it's stylish and exciting.
21:42Well, let's find out if it is, because here, in my tie, I've got a secret camera.
21:53My pretend girlfriend also has a secret camera hidden in a mobile phone.
21:57And we've cunningly positioned undercover camera people all round the test route.
22:02Right, if we're not back in 20 minutes, turn over to Heartbeat.
22:07Now, we can't identify the dealer for lots of boring legal reasons,
22:11but the good news is I'm in.
22:14Hiya.
22:15The bad news is I haven't quite got the hang of this tie camera.
22:19So, this is the City Rover.
22:22But then we got our act together, because we had a Top Gear road test to do,
22:26starting with interior accommodation.
22:29That is quite good rear leg grip.
22:33That is a most capacious boot.
22:35So, nice and roomy, but as for interior quality, oh dear.
22:39So, I think that Rover have to acknowledge that they can't quite match their German rivals
22:44when it comes to interior quality.
22:46This does feel like a car from the early 80s.
22:49This gear knob, for example, is very, very sharp.
22:52The dealer was hovering and obviously thinking I was one of those nutters who talks to himself.
22:57But I still had to deliver my verdict on value for money.
23:01Now, this is the base 1.4 litre Solo.
23:04It's £6,500, and for that you get pretty much nothing.
23:10Manual.
23:11There's no central locking, there's only one airbag.
23:13And the radio comes with a cassette player, not a CD player.
23:16I have to say that the Daihatsu Charade, or the new Fiat Panda, is rather better equipped.
23:22Because I know the area quite well.
23:24Can I, I worked out a little route that's about 15, 20 minutes.
23:26Is that okay?
23:27Yeah.
23:28Now for the test drive, and the salesman insists on coming along in the back.
23:33Would he notice that I was talking in a bizarre road testing manner?
23:37But the gear change is rather old fashioned on this.
23:40It reminds me a bit of the Mark 1 Vauxhall Cavalier I had in about 1981.
23:47To test the brakes, where better than a zebra crossing?
23:50And cue the top gear pedestrian.
23:56Oops, sorry.
23:59That's a brake test.
24:00They seem to work.
24:04Next, ride and handling.
24:06There's no convenient twisty B road round here, so we have to improvise.
24:13Even at low speeds it rolls about badly.
24:16But what really bothers me is the ride, which, amazingly, manages to be bouncy and jarring at the same time.
24:24It's so awful that in front of the dealer I come over all polite and British.
24:30It does seem to ride quite smoothly.
24:36So, to sum up, the interior is low rent, the ride is poor and you don't get a lot for your money.
24:44The only pluses are, it's big inside and the 84 horsepower engine does pull well.
24:49But, Lord, is it noisy.
24:55Anyway, time for an ambitious finale.
24:57Will the salesman rumble our top gear comparison test as we bring on the Fiat Panda?
25:03Yeah, that's a Panda.
25:08Yeah, that's a Panda.
25:09I think that is actually the basic active Panda.
25:11That's quite interesting because I think the Panda's slightly better equipped.
25:14You do get electric windows.
25:15You do get power steering as standard.
25:17You do get central locking.
25:18It's got two airbags as well because it's got one for the passenger.
25:21And it's about £200 cheaper, £6,300.
25:27Right, by now he really does think I'm barking, so it's back to the dealership.
25:32And there you go.
25:33One completed road test, one unsuspecting dealer, but only one verdict.
25:37I think I like the Panda more, though, if I'm really honest.
25:44That was fantastic!
25:48That was great.
25:49But, hang on, we've got to be sensible at this.
25:51Was that a proper Top Gear test?
25:55Yes!
25:56It was.
25:57Okay.
25:58Did he really not rumble you?
25:59You looked so shifty.
26:00I couldn't believe it.
26:01I kept expecting him to say,
26:02you've got a Camry in your tie, haven't you?
26:04I know.
26:05He was so chuffed that someone would come round to drive his car,
26:07he'd been sitting there.
26:08Well, at all.
26:09First time it ever happened.
26:10Okay, but if it's a proper Top Gear report,
26:12you've got to give us a verdict.
26:13Okay.
26:14So, was it rubbish, or was it truly dreadful?
26:18Okay, this is important.
26:19That is the worst car I've driven on this programme.
26:22Okay.
26:24Actually, it's quite funny when you think about it.
26:26All those years, we were exploiting India,
26:28and now they're getting their own back on us with that thing.
26:32Okay.
26:33Time now to meet our guest for the evening.
26:36Before she became a household face on cold feet,
26:39she was once eaten by Robert De Niro.
26:42Ladies and gentlemen, Faye Ripley!
26:48Hello.
26:49How are you?
26:50Good.
26:52Have a seat.
26:53Eaten by Robert De Niro?
26:58Well, strictly speaking, I wasn't eaten.
27:00I was actually strangled.
27:02Oh, strangled was it?
27:03It was a very sophisticated way to die.
27:04What was that in?
27:05That was in Frankenstein.
27:07To be honest, it was actually the stand-in for Robert De Niro,
27:11that did me.
27:12Oh, so you weren't even...
27:14Helena Bonham Carter got Robert De Niro.
27:18I got Fred, or whatever his name was.
27:22And then they cut you out of the film?
27:24Yeah, they did, yes.
27:25I looked this up on the internet.
27:26This was your big break, wasn't it?
27:27Your big...
27:28It was, yeah, it was.
27:29The big break, and it just says in the credits,
27:31in fact, I've got it here,
27:32Faye Ripley, ready?
27:33Yeah.
27:34Have you seen what this says?
27:35No.
27:36Whore, scenes deleted.
27:39Welcome to my life.
27:42Well, I was about to say, it's going to cars.
27:44Was the start to your motoring career a little more auspicious than that?
27:48I had a Mini as my first car.
27:51Well, I never had it.
27:52I mean, it was on its way to me, parked in Tottenham Court Road.
27:56It was nicked, in fact.
27:57Well, before you got it?
27:58Just before I got it, yes.
28:00Oh!
28:01So what did you replace it with?
28:03A Mini.
28:04A Mini.
28:05Of course.
28:06Yeah, yeah.
28:07And how did that one go?
28:08That...
28:09I wrote that one off.
28:10Well, I didn't write it off.
28:11Obviously, the idiots who hit me wrote it off.
28:13Yeah.
28:14Admittedly, while I was singing along to Three Times a Lady,
28:18and doing my lipstick.
28:20The comedor?
28:21Oh, and doing your lipstick when he crashed into you.
28:23Yes.
28:24Stupid man.
28:25He was busy driving or something.
28:27Actually, I think we managed to get with knock for knock on that,
28:30whatever the hell knock for knock means.
28:32I thought it was sexual, but badly, it's a legal term.
28:35It means you weren't putting lipstick on at the time.
28:38Right.
28:39Oh, I must have lied.
28:40Oops.
28:41What annoys you most, then, on the road, as you drive around?
28:45Um, God, a couple of things.
28:47I mean, probably road rage is a thing, probably, for me.
28:52I don't, I've grown out of road rage.
28:54Do you know what I mean?
28:55When I was younger, I used to give the finger and, in fact, take the finger.
28:59Uh, but, uh...
29:00Sorry.
29:01First days are gone.
29:02When other people do it, you're too boring.
29:07Um, I was sort of involved in, uh, some road rage incidents.
29:10One, in particular, when, um, I was in, uh, the Swiss cottage, uh, triangle,
29:14which is always packed full of cars, basically.
29:17You never go anywhere in that.
29:18And, uh, I got into an altercation with another woman.
29:22And, and again, I felt safe because she was another woman.
29:24I thought, well, okay, we're on the same ground.
29:26She actually had kids in the back of her car.
29:28Um, and it started getting a bit out of control.
29:31I was going for the, now, look, we're two, you know, I was going for the Islington angle
29:35of, you know, we're two grown women.
29:37Surely we can sort this out in a pleasant way.
29:40Um, you know, perhaps you can come over for coffee.
29:42And we can draw a diagram of the, of the crash that you almost, um, made happen.
29:47Uh, at what point I realized that she was actually driving at me.
29:50Um, and I was going, now, listen, are you really, oh.
29:55Oh, I see you're actually going to run me over.
29:59So I had to do a sort of, uh, hurl myself over the bonnet of my, um, Honda Prelude,
30:05if you want to know.
30:06Um, and, uh, uh, you know, there was tears, there were witnesses,
30:10and I was running around taking numbers of everyone.
30:12Went up to the local police station, and they, not very politely,
30:16asked me to leave.
30:18Um.
30:19Why?
30:20Well, I wanted to just sue her, them, every, Honda, for their awful bonnet.
30:24Um, and, uh, you know, I just couldn't understand it.
30:27Anyway, their, their excuse is that I said, she, it was attempted murder,
30:30was my point.
30:31I went in and said, here's the crime, it's attempted murder,
30:34because she tried to run me over.
30:35And their point was, you shouldn't have been in the middle of the road, madam.
30:38She's a car, you're a girl.
30:40It's the police, you see, they're unused to modern conditions.
30:43Now they've got so many speed cameras.
30:45They're unaware that actually there are cars on the road,
30:48and they get close to one another from time to time.
30:50Well.
30:51Because they're so busy catching burglars.
30:52Making a great job of it.
30:53Yes.
30:54Um, okay, listen, you came here to be our star in a reasonably priced car.
30:59I haven't asked you a single question about cold feet.
31:02That's pretty impressive.
31:03Great.
31:04I know.
31:05I thought you'd be pleased.
31:06How was it out there?
31:07Oh, I'm so nervous.
31:08Why do I care?
31:09It's pathetic.
31:10They're just, they're, there's bits of post-it notes over there,
31:13but it means so much.
31:14They're bits of post-it notes, but this is, these are the celebs of Britain,
31:16and their times.
31:17It's like, Richard Whiteley isn't as good as Harry Enfield.
31:21Ooh.
31:22That's what those two times tell us he's a better person than Richard Whiteley.
31:25Because he's fast around our track.
31:28I so don't want to be the worst girl.
31:31The worst, who is the worst girl?
31:33Anne Robinson at 1 minute 57.
31:35You want to be faster than Anne?
31:37Yeah, well, you would do, wouldn't you?
31:38Yeah, and that would be, who's the next?
31:41God, we, it's not really a girly board, this, by the looks of it.
31:45No.
31:46We've lost, I can't find Tara.
31:47Tara Palmer Tompkins, there she is, 154.
31:49Oh, she's probably had a Ferrari since she was about nine.
31:53So, I won't beat her, will I?
31:56I have no idea at the moment, but would you like to find out?
32:00Yes.
32:01Would you like to see?
32:02Yes.
32:03Here it is.
32:07Well, that's an ambitious start.
32:08Are you a fast driver normally?
32:10No, not at all.
32:11Are you really cautious?
32:12Captain Cautious.
32:13Oh!
32:14That was oversteer in a front wheel drive car.
32:18Well.
32:23Too fast through there.
32:24It's really like a virgin.
32:26A virgin.
32:27Oh.
32:28Oh.
32:29No!
32:30You look like Captain Cautious behind the wheel, but that, look at that!
32:33Oh!
32:34Oh!
32:35Oh!
32:36Oh!
32:37Oh!
32:38Oh!
32:39Oh!
32:40Oh!
32:41Oh!
32:42Oh!
32:43Oh!
32:44Oh!
32:45Oh!
32:46Oh!
32:47Oh!
32:48Oh!
32:49Oh!
32:50Oh!
32:51Oh!
32:52Oh!
32:53Oh!
32:54Oh!
32:55Oh!
32:56Oh!
32:57Oh!
32:58Oh!
32:59Oh!
33:00Oh!
33:01Oh!
33:02Oh!
33:03Oh!
33:04Oh!
33:05Oh!
33:06Oh!
33:07Oh!
33:08Oh!
33:09Oh!
33:10Oh!
33:11Oh!
33:12Oh!
33:13Oh!
33:14Oh!
33:15Oh!
33:16Oh!
33:17Oh!
33:18Oh!
33:19Oh!
33:20Oh!
33:21Oh!
33:22Oh!
33:23in, and this is your first few laps, two minutes and four seconds, which is Whiteley-esque.
33:31Right.
33:32Not the worst, but not something you can go home tonight and shout about, frankly, two
33:37minutes, four seconds.
33:38But then when we actually got the clock out for your official lap, the one we've just
33:42seen, you went round in one minute, 53.3 seconds, which means...
33:53...which means you're faster than Tara, who's had a lightning jet since she was four,
34:07in fact.
34:09You are actually...
34:10Actually, can I say, I'm up further than that.
34:13Have I done it wrong?
34:14Yes.
34:15I've done it completely wrong, look.
34:18You're absolutely right.
34:19Don't cheat me.
34:20You're as fast as Vinnie Jones.
34:23You've beaten Steve Coogan, and you're a better person than Stephen Fry.
34:37Yes.
34:39Who also, he was on a mildly moist track.
34:42I would bid for a mildly moist.
34:43Was it mildly moist, Al?
34:45It was.
34:45So that's a mildly moist, 153.4.
34:48Anyway, thank you very much for coming here today.
34:50Ladies and gentlemen, failure, please.
34:51Now, for those of you who've just joined us, we are in the middle of a race, okay?
35:04Here's a board showing you what's going on.
35:06It's between James and Richard on that fast train service down from the studio here in Surrey
35:12to Monte Carlo, and I'm driving an Aston Martin DB9.
35:16Now, when we left the action, okay, I was sort of here, heading toward Dijon, and they
35:23were rushing through Paris to catch the TGV Express.
35:27You've caught it, then.
35:32We'll be accelerating up to 200 miles an hour and leaving you behind in a dust.
35:36Will you get 200 miles an hour out of your head?
35:39The train does not go 200 miles an hour.
35:4286, then.
35:43That's not as fast as a DB9.
35:45It's a lot faster than you're going to be going.
35:47Enjoy your trip.
35:48I think I'll have another bottle of Diet Coke now.
35:51Yeah, we'll maybe order the wine as soon as we get underway.
35:53Talk to you later.
35:54Bye-bye.
35:54We're not actually the first people to do this, you know.
36:04There's this racing driver here called Wolf Bonato.
36:08Somebody challenged him to get from Cannes to England in the time he took the blue train,
36:13which was the famous posh tourist train from the south of France, to get from Cannes to Calais.
36:18He got to the Conservative Club in St. James's, London, four minutes before the train reached Calais.
36:27What did he go in?
36:30A Bentley Speed 6.
36:32A 37-foot-tall curly-haired yacht.
36:35No, interestingly, that's one difference, is that he was a rather dashing chap.
36:38I'm now about halfway into the journey.
36:50No backache, not uncomfortable, I'm not tired, my ears aren't bleeding.
36:54So this car is as comfortable as an Aston should be.
37:02One thing I cannot stand about this car's big brother, the Vanquish, is its flappy paddle gearbox.
37:09It doesn't work, and it breaks all the time.
37:12And that's because the paddles are attached to a manual gearbox.
37:17Whereas in this, they're attached to a six-speed automatic.
37:22You don't get a gear lever, nothing at all.
37:26All the gears are selected by buttons on the dashboards.
37:28You push D, and then it's a completely normal automatic, just like any other auto you've ever driven.
37:33However, when you pull one of the paddles, like so, it changes down.
37:39Pull it again, blips the engine, drops it into third, and then you're off!
37:44Like a scalded cock!
37:56There's his location on the mare.
37:58How has he done that?
37:59By going very, very quickly.
38:00He must have absolutely caned it from Leon.
38:05And that thing must be on fire.
38:06Yeah, the phone has been glowing red.
38:09This gearbox works near a double-deal-clutching.
38:15Oh, in an auto!
38:18And it's not only the gearbox that impresses.
38:22Because it's so light and modern, I thought that it would flow from bend to bend, like a Ferrari or a Porsche.
38:29Like it doesn't really need your help.
38:32But actually, they've made the steering quite heavy.
38:35It feels like there's a big lump up there.
38:37A great big solid British suet pudding of an engine.
38:41And that means when you kiss an Apex just right, and you will, because the handling is brilliant, you feel like you did it, like you're responsible.
38:50It was all your own work, not the car's.
38:53It flatters you.
38:57Unfortunately, however, it doesn't matter how good the car is.
39:00It's choked by the French speed limits.
39:02The Aston was reined in so badly, in fact, that with 200 miles to go, the train tore past.
39:12We're all right.
39:14We're all right.
39:16Now, the fight really hops up.
39:20I love today.
39:22Today's a big tick in my life box.
39:25I think, yes, that was a good day.
39:27It would be even better, though, if I would win.
39:33So, let's get on with it.
39:43I have just one slim chance.
39:46They've got to go further than me.
39:48They're on a train which is going to wiggle around now, going where it wants to go, not where they want to go.
39:56Me, on the other hand, I am proceeding directly, no more fuel stops, to Monte Carlo.
40:04So, don't bet on the train just yet.
40:06Now that I'm down in the south, on the twisty motorway, going up to Monte Carlo,
40:15the car's changed from being a comfortable long-distance cruiser into being this kind of savage sports car.
40:22It feels like a brute, which is exactly what an Aston should feel like.
40:28With 100 miles to go, the train slows down along the coast, and the gap is starting to shrink.
40:34And at Nice, even though we're just 15 miles from Monte Carlo, we need to make another train change.
40:43Stop hating now.
40:45I don't just like this car.
40:49I love it.
40:50And right now, Jeremy's going...
40:52It feels like motoring perfection.
41:01If you don't mind just getting out of the way, Frenchie, I've got a train to catch.
41:06Keep going up.
41:26Go!
41:27This is it, this is it.
41:30Oh, James.
41:31To lose it now!
41:32It's a sodding bag.
41:37Come on!
41:38Last bit, it's down here.
41:39It is down here.
41:41Come on!
41:44Oh!
41:45Oh!
41:47Why did we bring a map?
41:49James, come on!
41:53Oh, that's bad.
41:54Oh, I haven't the heart to tell him.
42:02It's all over, mate.
42:03Oh, cock.
42:07Evening.
42:08I don't know if you've noticed something here.
42:10You two look very stressed and tired.
42:12I'm very relaxed.
42:13There is a degree of perspiration going on.
42:14I think the important thing that we've proved today is that no matter how good public transport is, no matter how much it runs like clockwork, it'll never be a match for a car.
42:24And what a car we used to prove the point.
42:30The fly-spattered DB9, which isn't just better than a train.
42:37It's more lovable and it's more rounded than a Bentley Continental GT.
42:41It's better than a Ferrari 575.
42:44It's better than a Vanquist, principally because it's got a better gearbox and it's prettier.
42:48And at £103,000, it's considerably less expensive than all its rivals.
42:54But you know the best thing about it?
42:57It's a proper plucker, 100% real, fabulous, glorious, exquisite, magnificent Aston Martin.
43:11So we have managed to clear that up, OK?
43:13An Aston is better than a train.
43:15Now it's time to clear up the Aston Martin range.
43:18It used to be very simple because they only made one car.
43:22No, really, they only did make one car.
43:23But now they've got Ford money.
43:25Look at this, they make three.
43:27And they all look exactly the same.
43:30But there are subtle differences.
43:31This is the Vanquist, £160,000.
43:34V12 engine, V silly gearbox, V popular with footballers.
43:38This is the DB9.
43:41Very, very fast, same engine as that.
43:42We've got £103,000 for the hardtop and £107,000 for the convertible version.
43:48And then next year, we're getting this, the AM V8 Vantage.
43:52That's going to be £70,000.
43:55Go against the 911 and there'll be a convertible version.
43:59So really what I'm saying is the three best cars in the world are all British.
44:03Right, big moment, new series, and it's the return of The Cool Wall.
44:16I'm very pleased with you.
44:19It's brilliant to see it back.
44:22Let's get some new stuff on the wall.
44:24And first of all, we saw it earlier on, the City Rover.
44:27Seriously, I'm cool.
44:28Well, we all agree it's rubbish.
44:31I mean, the problem is it's not even a real Rover,
44:33so it's actually trying to be something that's uncool anyway,
44:37which, frankly, it's got to be...
44:38Is it uncool or is it...
44:40Is it seriously uncool?
44:42Normally, I like to argue with the audience, go around, have a bit...
44:45No, you're right.
44:46That is seriously uncool.
44:48What's next?
44:48I've got one, the Ford Fiesta ST.
44:51We saw that earlier on in the program.
44:53Well, now, you see...
44:54What do we think?
44:55I'll come over here this time.
44:57What do we think on that?
44:58Uncool.
44:59Unc...
44:59Why?
45:00It's a Ford.
45:06We've established on this show, right, Fords are fine.
45:09You try to get that into your thick skull.
45:12You, what do you think?
45:13I think it's in between cool and uncool.
45:15Actually, while I'm here, City Rover, what do you think of that?
45:16Are you actually an Indian?
45:19Yeah.
45:19Well done, mate.
45:21I mean...
45:22What a hell.
45:24Yeah.
45:25It could be cool in a few weeks' time and, you know...
45:28It could be cool in Bombay.
45:30No, it could be cool here in a few weeks' time and it's probably retro or something.
45:33Retro or something.
45:35Yeah.
45:35Because were you living...
45:36Have you ever lived in India?
45:37Yeah, I have.
45:37Okay, do you remember when Rover sold you the Montego?
45:40That is payback, isn't it?
45:43The Montego Diesel?
45:44What do you think of the Ford, anyway?
45:46I think it's cool.
45:47You think it's cool?
45:48Apart from the name.
45:48Apart from the name.
45:49The ST or quite.
45:51Which is a problem.
45:52It's a difficult one because it's a small European hatchback which should mean it goes this way,
45:57but it just doesn't...
45:59No, it's not just that.
45:59It's the XR2, isn't it?
46:00Yeah, it's an XR2 and it's not just...
46:01You see, the thing is, they've now told me before that I'm getting the GT, so I can say what I like.
46:07You haven't...
46:08That's uncool.
46:08Yeah.
46:09Right, this is a very easy one.
46:11Oh, I agree again.
46:13Very easy.
46:13Ferrari 612 Scalietti.
46:15Now, this is a sophisticated, elegant, four-seater Ferrari.
46:19Places the 456.
46:20Absolutely beautiful.
46:21This clearly is cool, if not sub-zero.
46:25As we said in the last series, this was styled, and I'm not joking, by a man called Ken.
46:31That is a problem.
46:32Now, Ken is a good name if you're a football referee, it's a good name if you're a plasterer.
46:37But a Ferrari designer, it's not cool.
46:40No, there's been some cool Kens down there.
46:42Name a cool Ken.
46:43Yes.
46:44Um, Ken Holm?
46:47Ken...
46:47Ken Livingston?
46:49Oh, thanks for helping me out.
46:50Okay, stress.
46:51Anyone...
46:51Can anyone think of a cool Ken?
46:54Kenny Ball.
46:56It's getting worse.
46:57This is really difficult.
46:58We've got one over here.
46:59Well, actually...
46:59Who?
47:00Bobby and Ken.
47:01Bobby and Ken.
47:02He doesn't even have a penis.
47:05He has a mound.
47:07It's styled by Ken.
47:08That makes it uncool.
47:10But, I think we could solve this.
47:12If, maybe you are a Ken, and you think you're cool, so write to us at...
47:18There might be.
47:19I'm a...
47:19Send us a photograph.
47:21Send us a photo of yourself being cool, to I'm a Ken and I'm cool.
47:26Top Gear.
47:27Yeah.
47:28Wood Lane, London, W12.
47:30I don't know the rest.
47:30Something cute.
47:31Seven TS.
47:32Seven TS.
47:33Seven TS.
47:34So, that leaves us with this.
47:36Sub-zero.
47:37Aston Martin, DB-9.
47:39Okay?
47:40Can I hear anything other than sub-zero?
47:42No.
47:43Any advance on sub-zero?
47:44Sub-zero.
47:45Sub-zero.
47:45Minus 40.
47:46Minus 40.
47:48Do you know, you're all wrong.
47:50I'm cool.
47:51It's not sub-zero.
47:54I'm cool.
47:56We have had to build a new section for it.
47:59The DB-9 section.
48:01And it's a fridge.
48:04Oh, there it is.
48:06Excellent.
48:07Now, sales of the Lotus and Lease have plummeted in recent years, and Lotus decided to increase
48:22those sales.
48:23Let's start selling it in America for the first time.
48:27But to do that, they had to put a new engine in it to meet all the daft American engine emissions
48:31rubbish.
48:32So, they got one out of a Toyota.
48:34And don't mock, because it is an amazing combination.
48:39Toyota Celica engine in a little car like this.
48:43Worked brilliantly, so they thought, hang on, that goes well.
48:46Why don't we do a hard top, hardcore version?
48:56This is it.
48:58The Exige.
48:59It weighs less than a ton, but you get 190 brake horsepower.
49:07That's like putting a Saturn V rocket in a food blender.
49:18It does 0 to 60 in 4.9 seconds.
49:24Flat out, you'll be going 147.
49:29And it's actually quite a sophisticated engine.
49:37You get two camshafts, one for economy and one for power.
49:41And there's a Lotus computer which manages the transition between the two.
49:46You get to 6,200 RPM when a normal engine would be running out of steam.
49:54Here we go.
49:54And there's actually a step, a jerk, as it goes on to the power cam.
50:01And you get even more.
50:02And the best thing is that when you drop down a gear to go round a corner on a track like this,
50:13when you're really going for it, it always stays above that magical 6,200 RPM.
50:19So, you've always got the power.
50:26But, strangely, speed is not the key to this car.
50:31And despite the rather steep £30,000 price tag, nor is sophistication.
50:36Certainly, you don't look very sophisticated when you're getting out of it.
50:43And then there's the interior you've left behind.
50:47Yes, you've got a stereo that plays your MP3s and air conditioning and electric windows.
50:53But all these things are optional extras.
50:55And so are the carpets, and so even the sun visors.
50:59To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you need to look through the rear window.
51:06Back there, you've got chicken wire, bako foil, and Tupperware.
51:11It's kind of like peering into one of your granny's old kitchen cabinets.
51:14So, if it's not built for speed or comfort, what's this car for, then?
51:24Well, um, this.
51:30It corners like a housefly.
51:33It's not just better than an Elise.
51:35It's better than just about anything.
51:37And here's why.
51:44The front splitter and the rear spoiler work together to create real downforce like you get with a Formula One car.
51:53Its tyres are as slick as the law allows, and you get racing suspension.
52:00And that locked together, and the effect is astonishing.
52:06Everything just goes mental.
52:08To come up with something to match it, you have to think vertically.
52:14This might do the trick.
52:26It's an Apache helicopter gunship.
52:30It's not the fastest helicopter in the world.
52:33It'll only do 163 miles an hour, and nor is it the most maneuverable.
52:39But it is the ugliest, and it does pack the deadliest punch.
52:44It carries 12 Hellfire missiles, 72 rockets, and it has a cannon which points wherever the pilot is looking and fires 10 high-explosive rounds a second.
52:56The thing that interests me most of all about the Apache, though, is its radar.
53:03Because, you see, it can pop up from behind a tree or a hill, 8 kilometers away.
53:07It'll have a look at the battlefield.
53:09It'll recognize 256 targets, prioritize the 16 most dangerous at that given moment, and destroy all of them.
53:18And it'll do all that in 28 seconds.
53:22Great, but in a single lap of our track, can it get missile lock on our Lotus?
53:30The best helicopter gunship in the world, flown by the best pilots in the world, the British Army.
53:35If you like to get more, I'll tell you how you live.
53:38Against the best handling car in the world, driven by an idiot.
53:42They'd win easily if they went a long way away, but we've instructed the pilots to stay within the confines of the track.
53:52Let's go.
53:55The target is, I didn't find.
54:00Oh my God, that is not something you see every day.
54:04A gunship in your rearview mirror.
54:08Turn around and go the other way.
54:09When we're ready for that.
54:10I'm not exactly a tank, matey boy.
54:19Because this is black and plastic, it's hard to get radar lock.
54:24It's like an F-117 Nighthorn.
54:30It's not that I'm an overgrown schoolboy or anything, but this is really good fun.
54:36I can outbrake, and I can outturn the helicopter.
54:40But one and a half seconds after I've made the move, you look at me, war bearer, and boom, there it is.
54:48At one point, I hid beneath its soft American underbelly.
55:04I'm not going to lose, but it just blew me out again.
55:08I like it.
55:09The car is moving in the downfield.
55:11The helicopter is the ugliest machine I have never seen.
55:25It's so ugly, it's almost beautiful, not when it's in your rearview mirror.
55:41It's right behind me.
55:43Wow.
55:47So, did the chopper get missile lock on you?
55:50No, they didn't.
55:52That's how amazing this car was.
55:53I mean, I'm told by the pilot that in that kind of situation, they would have just used the cannon on me and cut me in half.
55:59Oh, nice.
56:00With the cannon.
56:00Nice.
56:01With the missile lock, this thing can actually evade it.
56:03It's phenomenal.
56:05That is incredible.
56:06But who'd like to see what happened when the helicopter did what it's supposed to do and pop up from behind some trees two miles away and have a go at him from there?
56:16Yes.
56:16Target, my line of sight.
56:21Target identified.
56:23Tracking.
56:24Radar locked.
56:26Missile armed.
56:28Firing.
56:30Two.
56:31One.
56:31Impact.
56:32I'm destroyed.
56:34Wow.
56:35Wow.
56:39That was almost perfect.
56:43Just one thing.
56:44How come you're not in little tiny bits?
56:45Think about it.
56:47This is the British Army.
56:48Here they are, in fact.
56:49The guys that were in flight.
56:50There's the guy that flew the helicopter.
56:52Well done, by the way.
56:52That was incredible.
56:56The important thing you have to remember, being British and not American, they don't shoot their allies.
57:01Oh, you're right.
57:02Yes.
57:02The Elise has managed to evade missile lock in the track.
57:07But how will it get on against all the other cars we have around here on the track?
57:12Time, I think, to move over to Defcon.
57:15Oh, Stig.
57:17Away he goes.
57:18Lots of wheel spin there on what is a slightly damp track.
57:22Now, straight line power could be the exceeders at Clint East Hill, but it really will make up for it through the bends.
57:28Look at that.
57:29The Stig's bought a sort of power ballad album, which he wants to play for us over this series.
57:41Hasn't affected his driving, though.
57:43Oh, he's pushing it!
57:44Okay, down to Hammerhead.
57:48See, look how it just sits on the lines, flat out.
57:50Look at that.
57:51Look at it.
57:52It's unbelievable.
57:55Coming to the follow-through.
57:56Is he going to lift?
57:57Is he going to lift?
57:58Absolutely flat out through the follow-through, which is unbelievable.
58:06Nearly slick tyres on wet tarmac.
58:09Should be tricky.
58:10Looking good so far.
58:12Can he keep it together?
58:13This is the penultimate corner.
58:14Is he going on the grass?
58:15No.
58:16Catch it all.
58:17The final corner.
58:19Oh, it's so deep.
58:21Time to cross the line.
58:23You've got to bear in mind that was a 1.8-litre car, Toyota engine, virtually slick tyres on a wet track.
58:30So it would be unbelievable if it went sort of faster than a Honda NSX Type R.
58:36You know, 131.6.
58:38Yeah?
58:38Yeah.
58:39And it would be ridiculous if it went faster than a 911 Turbo.
58:43Did it in 1.31 on a wet track.
58:46Yeah.
58:46It went round in 1 minute, 26.9 seconds.
58:52That's amazing.
58:58That's the sixth fastest car we've ever had here.
59:03And it's a 1.8.
59:04That's astonishing.
59:05And this has been quite an astonishing show.
59:07Oh, yes.
59:08Helicopter gunships, races to the south of France.
59:10And next week, it gets even more amazing.
59:13Because he tries to be black.
59:15He tries to be pink.
59:16And I get to drive much too fast round corners in the new McLaren Mercedes SLR.
59:21See you then.
59:22Good night.
59:22The rise and spectacular fall of John DeLorean.
59:32That's over on BBC4 now.
59:34We'll see you then.
59:46We'll see you then.
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