- 4 months ago
Get the family on board for Episode 5. Richard tests three new family hatchbacks: the Vauxhall Astra, Mazda 3, and Volkswagen Golf. Jeremy takes a classic MG ZT out for a spin. But things get wild when Richard is struck by lightning while in a VW Golf! The presenters also race a Porsche, Jaguar, and BMW 6 on a Welsh beach, with Denise Van Outen and Johnny Vaughan guest starring. Utter mayhem, charm and motoring value.
Follow for more episodes and see our existing playlists
Follow for more episodes and see our existing playlists
Category
🚗
MotorTranscript
00:00Tonight, for a Herd's wardrobe on our track, Richard gets whacked with 800,000 Volts,
00:12and we take three cars to the birthplace of British Speed.
00:19Hello and welcome. Now, a couple of months ago, a whole load of new family hatchbacks
00:25suddenly arrived on the market, stuff like the Vauxhall Astra here and the new Volkswagen Golf,
00:30and obviously, we reacted immediately. We worked tirelessly through the night sometimes,
00:36thinking up excuses for not bothering to test them.
00:41Eventually, the producer told us to stop being so stupid, so we drew straws, and Hammond lost.
00:48First off the blocks is the new Vauxhall Astra, the Model T for the modern sales rep.
00:57It's always been a bit of a nothing car, the Astra, the third cousin whose head is obscured in the back of the wedding photo.
01:06You just don't care if it isn't there.
01:09But this new car is trying much harder to get noticed.
01:15There's some interesting touches on the outside, and more of a club-class feel on the inside.
01:20Look at this console. Climate control, CD stacker, colour screen.
01:25It's got the lot in here. It's like a middle manager's dashboard fitted into a junior rep's car.
01:30In fact, every car gets ABS, CD player, and a clutch of front and side airbags as standard.
01:41But where they really have pulled out all the stops is in trying to make the Astra drive as well as the Ford Focus,
01:47which is by far and away the best driving of all these hatches.
01:52To bring it up to scratch, what Vauxhall have done is smother the chassis in electronics and computer devices.
02:00It is a good compromise between a little bit of sportiness and actually plenty of grip.
02:08It certainly doesn't feel as dull and heavy as a, well, an Astra.
02:13And, you know, it's not bad.
02:16And that, I'm afraid, is its problem.
02:20It's not bad.
02:21But it's still not as good to drive as the Focus, and nor does it look as wild and bold as the Renault Megane.
02:27The new Astra could have, should have been an exciting car.
02:31It should have stood out, but sadly it remains a pleasant all-rounder for pleasant people.
02:40Next up, the Mazda 3.
02:44This is one of those cars they just couldn't stop designing.
02:49Oh, I'll just add another line here and a crease there.
02:52But again, hardly a design classic.
02:56But what it has got going for it is the price.
02:59That Astra was a 1.6, and it cost £14,400.
03:03For the same money in the Mazda, you get a 2-litre engine.
03:07And you get traction control, climate control, ABS, CD, alloys.
03:12You get the long.
03:13So, it's cheap.
03:17Unfortunately, it also feels cheap.
03:20What's the opposite of premium?
03:22Because that's what it feels like in here.
03:26At some point, some fool has let an accountant loose with it.
03:30And that's always bad.
03:31There's none of what marketing people call surprise and delight.
03:39It's just a bit, yeah, really.
03:42Apart from this, when you turn the stereo on, these cool lights go across.
03:47Look at that!
03:48And then when you turn it off, they go the other way.
03:50That's great.
03:51That's the best bit.
03:52So, there we are.
03:54The Pleasantville Astra.
03:57And the all-you-can-eat family bargain bucket Mazda 3.
04:04But you won't be interested in either of those,
04:07because there's a new version of the car that everyone always buys with their own money.
04:12The hatchback daddy.
04:14The new Golf.
04:17Now, don't go looking too hard for any big changes in the shape,
04:21because you'll just strain your eyes for nothing.
04:25Not only do the looks remain almost the same,
04:27so do the high prices.
04:29The 1.6 SE costs £15,285.
04:35That's two grand more than the Mazda.
04:38But hang on, it isn't as bad as it sounds.
04:41For that, you get a single-shot CD player.
04:43You get air conditioning, ABS, alloys.
04:46In other words, almost the same kit as the Mazda.
04:49And if you're talking value for money, there is something more important.
04:55This is a Golf, so it'll hold its value better,
04:58which means you should get your cash back at the other end.
05:04It's been around for 30 years now.
05:07When you've sold 22 million of something,
05:10you don't change the recipe.
05:12You just try and tweak it, make it a bit better.
05:14So this new model is also more fun to drive,
05:18and it's bigger inside.
05:23And when the big stuff is sorted,
05:25we come down to the attention to detail.
05:28If, for example, you dent the bodywork on the new Golf,
05:32you can now simply change the outer skin
05:36rather than incur the cost of getting a whole new panel.
05:41Like the game, it bores me to tell you,
05:45but the Golf is the one you'll want to buy.
05:48Good shot.
05:49It's not exciting, but VW have had so long now to work on it
05:55and to get it just right
05:59that the others simply can't dent the appeal.
06:04If I can just sum up, then, on these three new cars,
06:07the Golf is still the one you want to be in.
06:11So which would you buy, then?
06:12Volkswagen, Vauxhall or Mazda?
06:15Ford Focus.
06:16To be honest, that works.
06:16Well, I mean, I'd think about the Rena-McGann,
06:19but then I'd still be thinking about it
06:20as I pulled up outside the Ford dealership.
06:22I just would.
06:23Ford is very good, but getting on a bit now.
06:25It's six years old now,
06:27but it is still, by far and away,
06:28the best one to drive of all these family hatches.
06:31Tell you what worries me is Mazda is owned by Ford these days,
06:35and that Mazda you drove, the...
06:36Three.
06:37Three.
06:37Yeah.
06:38If you peel away the body and take the badge off it,
06:40that is the new Focus, which is coming along in...
06:42That four months.
06:43Four months' time.
06:44So what we're saying is,
06:45if you're looking for a sensible family hatchback,
06:47get down to the Ford dealership
06:48and buy a Focus now before Ford ruin it.
06:53And now, the news.
06:55And the big news this week is that the price of petrol
06:57has passed the £1 per litre mark.
07:01Oh, I know.
07:01But, it's bad, it's bad, but it's a good time for Jaguar to launch the new S-Type diesel,
07:07which has a 2.7 litre V6 turbo diesel and does 40 miles to the gallon.
07:11It is a very good time, but I'm not sure, no matter how good the engine is,
07:15that I'd go for that one.
07:16Yeah, you see, we're missing something, aren't we?
07:17Let's be absolutely honest.
07:19It is, as Jeremy's demonstrating, hideous.
07:23Look, it does look exactly like that.
07:25It is hideous.
07:26I think it looks like a dead cod.
07:28It does look like something washed up on a beach.
07:29Can anybody think of a car currently available that's uglier than an S-Type Jag?
07:35But, Multipler, you see, no, Multipler's fine.
07:38Changed.
07:40Who said thank you?
07:41Have you got one?
07:42There's someone, you own a Multipler.
07:44The owner of a Multipler.
07:50She's here.
07:53Honestly, I really do believe that is the ugliest car that money can buy.
07:56Great new engine, we don't care.
07:59Sticking with Jaguar, in the studio here, we've got the new Jaguar limousine.
08:02Now, interestingly, Jaguars say that that car isn't just a stretched version of the XJ.
08:09Really?
08:09Hang on, how is it different? Is the front different?
08:12No.
08:12Is the engine the same?
08:13Yep.
08:14Gearbox the same?
08:14Yep.
08:15Dashboard?
08:15Yes.
08:16Wheels?
08:16Seats?
08:16Yes.
08:17Try the length.
08:18So it's a bit longer?
08:19It's five inches longer, which gives you more rear legroom.
08:22So that's it?
08:23That's it.
08:23They're all doing this now, aren't they?
08:24BMW, Audi, Mercedes, they've all made slightly longer cars, versions of cars that already are
08:30long, and they're all useless because they've all got air suspension, which does not work.
08:37Absolutely.
08:38It doesn't work.
08:39Something I've just thought about, though, is that car's got an extra five inches in it
08:43so that you get better rear legroom, yeah?
08:45Yeah.
08:45Yeah.
08:46Why don't they just make them all that long?
08:47Because you don't buy a Jag because you want a small car, do you?
08:50Some of us don't need legroom.
08:54Well, it's true.
08:56Can I just move on?
08:57Last week, the Porsche Carrera GT came here.
09:00It did.
09:01Blitzed the new lap record.
09:03One minute, 19.8.
09:05Unbelievably fast.
09:06And I actually thought, right, nothing will ever beat that.
09:09That's it.
09:10Not so.
09:11We've had news from Sweden from Koenigsegg, who, you probably remember the Koenigsegg, the
09:17old one, came here.
09:17They've now updated it, I think we've got a picture of it here.
09:20Look, there it is.
09:21Oh, that looks good.
09:22It does look good.
09:22They've got new air vents, otherwise it's basically the same.
09:25But underneath the back, they've sort of fiddled around a bit.
09:28And do you want to guess how many brake horsepower that's got?
09:30Well, it was 600 and...
09:32Was it about 620 brake horsepower before?
09:34Something like that.
09:35680.
09:36No, 700.
09:39806 brake horsepower.
09:41That's all the power in the world.
09:42That's ridiculous.
09:43I know.
09:43You could actually make the world revolve the other way.
09:46Yeah.
09:46In one of those.
09:47Really quickly.
09:48Top speed?
09:49Have a guess.
09:50225 miles an hour.
09:51Yeah.
09:52227 miles an hour.
09:53No, 245 miles an hour.
09:57245.
09:58The problem we're going to have with that is obviously we're going to have to get it here
10:01and try it out.
10:02It's not the tracks, it's not big enough.
10:04No, we need to expect it.
10:04In fact, there are only, I think, three places in the world where you can drive a car at
10:08that speed.
10:09Nardo is a test track in southern Italy.
10:11Fort Stockton in Texas.
10:13And the M50 heading to Ross.
10:16But only at night.
10:18Oh, yes.
10:18Don't do it during the day, they'll catch you.
10:20That'd be silly.
10:20That would be stupid if you did it during the day, you know, it'd be ridiculous.
10:23And what's next?
10:24I'd like to talk briefly for Cannabot Bikes.
10:27Steady.
10:28It's only just quickly, okay?
10:29News from America, land of the free.
10:33They've announced in Florida that it's now legal, that's legal for bikers to ride their
10:38motorcycles without a crash helmet as long as they can prove they've got $10,000 worth
10:42of health insurance.
10:44Well, that's just stupid.
10:45Apart from anything else, what's the point of insuring Americans head?
10:48There's nothing in it.
10:49There's another issue as well, because Americans ride Harley-Davidson predominantly.
10:54Mostly they do, yes.
10:55How do you fall off one of those?
10:57Well, they're not quick.
10:58Exactly.
10:59Well, they're not about that.
10:59You might as well just sit in a sedan chair.
11:01It's an armchair going at walking speed.
11:03Look, you're not just starting Harley-bashing.
11:05It's just old and corny.
11:06They're great.
11:06It's about laid back, boots in the breeze, feeling good.
11:09You arrived this morning here on a Harley-Davidson, didn't you?
11:13My first Harley experience, yes.
11:14You came on a?
11:15A Moto Guzzi.
11:17Motorbike.
11:17Yes.
11:18For those of you who are intelligent.
11:19Um, I actually took a photograph of these two just after they'd arrived.
11:23Would you like to see it?
11:24Yeah.
11:25Put it up.
11:30Granted, that's not how we looked in our minds.
11:32It's fun to stay at the YMCA.
11:35Now, look, but that's an illustration of why we don't want to wear crash helmets.
11:39You will kill yourself, but at least when they lay you out at your funeral, you won't have helmet hair.
11:42I suppose you could all dress up as Red Indians and construction workers.
11:46That's another option.
11:48Well, you don't know.
11:49I'll finish that.
11:50Oh, God.
11:51I'll tell you a good one.
11:52A couple of weeks ago, Hammond announced he wanted to buy a Dodge Charger.
11:56Hasn't got enough money, and so we very kindly invited the viewers to send in ideas if they needed something opening, you know, shop or whatever, or jobs doing around the house, and then you could earn something.
12:07And we've had a lot, a lot of suggestions, okay?
12:13Chap here will pay you £30 to paint his mum's fence.
12:18Is it a big fence?
12:19Live in Lincolnshire, so possibly.
12:21Don't want to do it.
12:22You won't do that?
12:23No.
12:24Next one, this is from Mistress Goth from the email.
12:29She wants you to be her dungeon bitch.
12:35I'm joking.
12:35Dungeon bitch, okay?
12:38He says, no, no, she says that you won't have to walk around on your knees.
12:41He's so short, he'd be a perfect footrest.
12:46Again, I'm thinking no.
12:47Okay, well, just before you make your mind up, we've got a photograph.
12:50We've actually went onto our website, and here's the picture.
12:53Oh, my.
12:54She is a sturdy girl, isn't she?
12:57If she's looking for a hat stand, I'm available.
13:01For £30.
13:02You don't want this Dodge very badly, do you?
13:04Well, not that badly, no, to be honest, no.
13:06Now, Britain's last major mass manufacturer has a new flagship out, and we've got it here.
13:14It's the MG ZT260, which sounds very exciting, but it looks exactly like a Rover 75.
13:21And we know what that means.
13:31The Rover 75, a car that's always sold with a queue of vehicles in its wake, unable to get past.
13:38You'll never see one of these things going along at more than 37 miles an hour.
13:49Really, it should have a wood-burning stove instead of a heater and mullioned windows, and perhaps a thatched roof.
13:58Rover, therefore, decided to do this faster, bigger-engined MG version, but unfortunately, they're not exactly well-funded at the moment.
14:06Obviously, they didn't have enough cash to design their own engine, so they bought one from Ford.
14:15It's the 4.6-litre V8 from a Mustang, and it's a terrible engine.
14:22It's got two valves per cylinder.
14:24It's made out of volcanic rock and pig iron.
14:27It produces carbon dioxide in lumps the size of houses.
14:31It produces less power for its size than the engine in a deumatiz.
14:34And if you push it, it does about nine miles to the gallon.
14:39It's rubbish!
14:42And they couldn't hook it up to the front wheels like they do with the engines in normal Rovers,
14:47so they had to send the power down a prop shaft to the back wheels.
14:52And that meant designing a new floor and new suspension.
14:56And then they really were out of money.
14:57I mean, they went through their pockets, they looked down the back of the sofa,
15:00they raided the kids' money boxes, but there was nothing.
15:02Nothing left at all to change the styling.
15:05So, they've ended up with a brand-new car that looks exactly the same as the old one.
15:17That doesn't matter on the outside.
15:20Apart from the new radiator grille, which looks like a Victorian half,
15:23it's not such a bad-looking old Hector.
15:32But it does matter on the inside.
15:35It's got an old-fashioned dash, old-fashioned dials, the wheel from a ship.
15:40There's not much space in the back, and now there's a thumping V8 under the bonnet.
15:44There's nowhere to put my left foot either.
15:47There are other problems, too.
15:56It isn't that powerful, it isn't that fast, it isn't that well-equipped.
16:00And the top model costs £33,000, which is a lot.
16:05Especially as it'll depreciate as fast as last year's laptop.
16:09And yet, there is something about it.
16:21First of all, the engine.
16:23It may be a gammy leg, but Rover's boffings have worked wonders with it.
16:27It sounds nice in a muted, rumbly sort of way, and it is surprisingly smooth.
16:33Think of it as Louis Armstrong.
16:35And look at this.
16:43I'm doing 40 miles an hour in fourth gear.
16:46Put my foot down, and it takes 5.5 seconds to get to 60.
16:52Now, okay, stay in fourth.
16:55Put my foot down again, and it's 5.5 seconds to get to 80.
17:01There.
17:03Foot down again, and to get to 100.
17:075.5 seconds.
17:08You never need to change gear.
17:11Ever.
17:16And there's something else, too.
17:18God knows how they've managed it with nothing more than a socket set and a gift voucher from Halfords.
17:23But they've made a car which handles like nothing I've ever driven.
17:29Run, rabbit, run, rabbit, run, run, run, run.
17:35Don't give the armor.
17:38Everything happens in slow motion.
17:40When the back steps out of line like that,
17:43you've got time to read the instruction manual to find out what you should be doing about it.
17:48Run, rabbit, run, run, run.
17:51From the outside, this looks dramatic and frightening.
17:55But from the inside, it's as relaxing as a head massage.
17:59You soon forget that your left leg's coming off,
18:03and that you're driving around in Dr. Finley's underpants.
18:07And you forget also that the engine was made out of stone by people who at the time hadn't even discovered fire.
18:15You forget all this because it's just so unbelievably calm.
18:20You've got to remember that the Spitfire, the World War II fighter,
18:38was designed and developed for just £12,500.
18:42And this car is another example of that British plumb.
18:49I'll tell you what this car demonstrates better than anything else.
18:58Inpecunity?
18:59It's the mother of ingenuity.
19:01Would you buy one?
19:08The problem is, is that it's Rover.
19:10Every time you open a newspaper now, there's a story in it saying,
19:13ooh, Rover's in trouble.
19:14So what I want is for those four guys who bought it from BMW
19:18to stand up and say, look, we're fine,
19:21and we're going to be here in five years,
19:22or you can stab us all in the heart.
19:24Right.
19:26So if they offered this, frankly, industry-leading warranty
19:30that allowed you to kill the boss, would you buy one then?
19:32I don't know.
19:33It's very likable.
19:34It's got charm, isn't it?
19:35Yeah.
19:36And charm is what we like.
19:37I know.
19:37It's very difficult to achieve.
19:39I know.
19:39It's not like sort of engineering excellence.
19:41I know.
19:41But the problem is, is that in every quantifiable way,
19:44price, performance, economy, space,
19:46it's completely thrashed by BMWs and Audis and Mercs.
19:50Should we give it a crack on the track?
19:53Good plan.
19:55Let's hand the old crate over to our resident test pilot,
20:01Stiggles.
20:03Ooh, surprisingly energetic wheel spin off the line, Anna.
20:07Gentle canter to the first corner.
20:10Frankly, the Stig's mother could drive this lap.
20:12Actually, that's unlikely, since he was raised by wolves.
20:15The Stig's got his power ballads on,
20:21although I think that today Roger Whittaker would be more appropriate.
20:25Through Chicago there, gentle bout of understeer,
20:28and yes, lovely steaming cup of oversteer on the way out.
20:33Nice.
20:34Through Hammerhead, will it understeer?
20:36Yes, that's understeer.
20:37Stig gets back on the pass, and nice soothing oversteer.
20:40Oh, he's missing you and all.
20:44Down to the follow-through.
20:46Lots of tyre squeal.
20:47The old deer's not happy.
20:50Going past the tyre wall, looking smooth, relaxed, frankly.
20:54Rather slow.
20:56Nearly at the end now, Duchess.
20:57Tidy through the penultimate bend.
20:59Ooh, he's almost on the grass there.
21:01Into Gambon, and here we come up to the line.
21:05I want it to be good.
21:07Got the time here.
21:08Come on.
21:08It's not good.
21:10One minute, 33.7.
21:14That's a very charming time, isn't it?
21:16It's a charming time, yeah.
21:18It's just not quite good enough, which kind of sums the car up, really.
21:22So let's move on, shall we, and meet our guests.
21:25We actually got two of them this week.
21:27They were the king and the queen of breakfast television.
21:30Since then, she's gone on to be a Broadway star and a queen of the West End.
21:35He, meanwhile, has got a job on a local radio station.
21:38Ladies and gentlemen, Denise Van Outen and Johnny Vaughan.
21:44Thank you very much.
21:46Oh, how nice to meet you.
21:49All right, gentlemen.
21:49How are you, Denise?
21:53Have a seat.
21:54Can you sit here?
21:55Can you sit there?
21:56Okay.
21:56Back on television together.
21:58Yeah, how about that?
21:59First time, I think, isn't it?
22:00First time since you left the big breakfast.
22:01Since in three years, I do believe.
22:03Yes, it is.
22:03And you can sense the thrill amongst the crowd for that as well.
22:08And they better get used to it, because you're back full-time now, Saturday nights.
22:12Oh, the plug bit.
22:13When are we back?
22:13We're back 3rd of July, Saturday nights at 7 p.m. on BBC One.
22:19It's a sort of big date generation game party house, isn't it?
22:23Yes.
22:24Exactly right.
22:25Now, Denise, you're a first lady of Essex, really.
22:28So when you grew up, motoring-wise, was it like XR3s?
22:31Yeah, definitely.
22:32I used to.
22:32I went out with a guy once who had the XR3i Cabriolet.
22:36Once, being the product work.
22:38That is true.
22:39And this other guy once.
22:40I went to a nightclub in Romford, and he drove so fast that he frightened the life out of me.
22:44Did you ever feel the need to kind of join in on that?
22:47No, I was quite happy being a passenger at the time.
22:50You didn't have a car?
22:51No, I did.
22:51My first car, actually, was a Metro that I...
22:54Oh, a bad car.
22:54On the stilettos?
22:56Yeah, no, I used to wear...
22:57I did actually once go out on a date with a guy,
22:59and I was wearing a pair of 70s knee-high boots
23:02when they sort of came back into fashion about 10, 12 years ago.
23:05And they had a platform on them,
23:07and I was driving in those because I didn't want to take them off.
23:09It's a perfect driving show.
23:11But I did want the guy to see that I was actually much shorter than he thought I was
23:14because he thought he was going out with a leggy blonde.
23:16So I drove in my shoes, and the car was a write-off.
23:19Oh, you...
23:20You wrote it down?
23:22No, seriously.
23:23Good work.
23:23Because I look at sometimes, I look at girls walking down the street,
23:26how are you going to drive a car?
23:28No.
23:29There is a big shoe issue.
23:31Well, you know girls, don't you?
23:32You always have your driving shoes.
23:33Do you have driving shoes?
23:34Well, do you change...
23:34I've got a comfortable driving shoe.
23:36I've got a little ballet pump that I slip into normally if I'm going to drive.
23:39Is that what you're doing when you come out of a petrol...
23:41Have you noticed this?
23:43You're in a petrol station, there's a car in front,
23:44a woman comes out of the pain for it, gets in, closes the door,
23:47five minutes go by.
23:49What are you doing in there?
23:51They're changing into ballet pumps.
23:53Exactly.
23:53In our defence, there are things to do.
23:55You have to do your make-up, check your look okay,
23:57change your shoes, check your text messages.
24:00I like to have the car rolling before the door's shut.
24:02Are you going to...
24:03Yeah, no, really quick back in.
24:05Now, Johnny, your car history's way different than that.
24:09You've now got a Maserati.
24:11Yeah, I've got the Maserati.
24:12I've got the, actually, the previous model,
24:13the last proper Maseratis, the 3.2 V8, bi-turbo,
24:17with the boomerang rear lights.
24:19Do you know what's meant by the boomerang rear lights on a previous...
24:22Of course they do.
24:23There you are.
24:24They're heavy-knuckled petrol heads to a mask.
24:26Okay, well, have a look.
24:27Here you go.
24:27On the old Maserati, it had lights, very thin lights,
24:30that curved around with the shape of the wing.
24:32LED as well, which is nice.
24:32Yeah, on the new one, they've just put light,
24:34they've got them off a marine.
24:35Well, let's have a look.
24:36Let's have a look.
24:36Here's the new one.
24:37This is on the 4.2, this is the one designed.
24:39Have a look at that.
24:40Now, you know the reason why they've done that?
24:42The reason why they did that?
24:43They asked an American focus group about rear lights.
24:47So they all look like a Maserati Honda Civic kind of thing.
24:49They've made them look like burgers.
24:51Yeah, they've made them look like burgers.
24:52Brilliant.
24:53They've made them look like...
24:54We couldn't have done that.
24:57No, we couldn't.
24:57I wouldn't have thought of that.
24:58It's the Essex thing.
24:59Kebabs.
25:00Yeah, that's it.
25:01Kebabs as well.
25:02But my point is,
25:03when does a confident Italian car manufacturer
25:05start listening to American focus group
25:07when it designs a car?
25:08Kind of drove me mad.
25:09And that's why I haven't got the new 4.2,
25:11whatever it's called,
25:12the big long Italian word.
25:13So you're stuck with the old one?
25:13I'm stuck with the old one.
25:14Because I like the engine noise as well.
25:16Because you are from a family of engineers.
25:19Yeah, I am.
25:19All my family are engineers.
25:20But our big kind of name drop engineer in the family
25:22is Harry Mundy, who is...
25:24We've got a photograph of him.
25:25Here's Harry Mundy.
25:26Okay, I want to bring him up.
25:27Here he is, on the end, the little chap.
25:29Now he's your...
25:29Now you know.
25:30Uncle, okay?
25:32Yeah.
25:32He designed the...
25:33He designed the 5.3 V12 Jaguar.
25:36He was Jaguar's chief engineer from 1963.
25:38That's impressive.
25:39So he designed the...
25:40Yeah.
25:40The V12.
25:41I guess better, he also designed the...
25:43He designed the Coventry Climax.
25:45Whoa.
25:46Yeah.
25:47Yeah.
25:47It's a great name for a film.
25:49It's a great name for a car.
25:50It's a great name for a girl.
25:52It's a great name for a girl.
25:53A pole dancer.
25:54And now, ladies and gentlemen, Rhythm is a Dancer and...
25:57Up on stage, Coventry Climax.
25:59She's went wild, fellas.
26:01Oh yeah, she's doing it for you.
26:02Do you have any idea what we're on about at this point?
26:05I'm completely lost.
26:06No, but I think we re-found her at Coventry Climax.
26:07You did.
26:08I got that one.
26:09But you went out with JK for...
26:10Yeah.
26:10But surely some of his enthusiasm, which is legendary, rubbed off on you.
26:15Yeah, I mean, I used to enjoy going out in the cars with him, but I'm not one for really flash cars.
26:19I don't really sort of get that.
26:20I like a car that can just get me from A to B.
26:22Really?
26:23Yeah.
26:23I've got the new Audi A3 on order, which I think is a good little practical car.
26:27What have you got a hatchback for?
26:28I'm not very good at parking, so I need something quite small that I can slip in nightly.
26:32I bet you do like it.
26:38I'm looking forward to BBC One, 6 o'clock live as well, isn't it?
26:41Yeah.
26:42No, I'm excited about my new car.
26:43Why don't you like them?
26:45A3s.
26:46It's like water.
26:47But they do a sporting version.
26:48Don't they do an R version or something?
26:49Well, of course they do, but you're not having the R version, presumably.
26:51I am, yeah.
26:52Oh, yeah, I mean, she knows she's having that.
26:53Who the hell is this?
26:54This is the girl who got me for a birthday present.
26:55You know it.
26:56I did, actually, and I've never seen them.
26:58No, I put them on the car, but I sold the car.
26:59What?
26:59What?
27:00What are they?
27:01I bought you as a big breakfast leaving present.
27:03Alloys.
27:04What an Essex girl gets some.
27:06No, she bought me AMG Alloys because I bought a CLK 320 when it first came out, but Denise very kindly bought the AMG wheels for it.
27:13And then you sold the car.
27:14No, I didn't.
27:15I took the AMG wheels off before I sold the car.
27:17Right.
27:17And funnily enough, I just got 580 quid for them on eBay.
27:21Seriously, yeah, yeah.
27:22Yeah, I'm doing it for you.
27:24Your lap.
27:26I beg your pardon.
27:27Not now, Jeremy.
27:28Everybody dance now!
27:31That's enough.
27:32Would you like to see a little shot?
27:34We've got to.
27:35I do like to talk.
27:35Are these two having a bit of a practice?
27:36It can't be the slowest ever, though.
27:38Remember, we're not going to show you the lap.
27:39I'm just going to show the ladies and gentlemen a bit of a practice.
27:41He did it really well.
27:42I was really impressed, actually.
27:43Really well?
27:44Yeah, he was really good.
27:45This is by Essex standards, isn't it?
27:46Yes.
27:46Okay, let's have a look at some of Johnny's really well driving.
27:51Here we go.
27:51There's this.
27:52Oh, it's coming down to that very difficult corner.
27:54Everybody goes off.
27:59Oh, my God.
28:02Yes!
28:06That frightened you there, didn't it?
28:08No, it didn't.
28:09It did.
28:09I can't believe it.
28:12That was really good, was it?
28:14Because they lost me to give it a bit of wheel spin for the crowd.
28:16They said it was too boringly brilliant.
28:18Do you know what?
28:19Actually, I did feel Johnny's heart after that, and it was going so fast.
28:22Do you know what's really lovely?
28:23It's crashing like that and going through there.
28:25You know that feeling you get when you're crashing?
28:26It's awful.
28:26It's a place you go to.
28:27It was so nice to be able to do it in a carefree environment.
28:30You should rename this whole area Stag World.
28:34Just for men to roam free.
28:36You can come here and just crash cars.
28:38And in here, all these poles will have ladies going up and down.
28:41And it's just marvellous.
28:42There's people being sick and other guys paintballing while you drive.
28:46It's just clarky Stag World as a franchise.
28:48And it's actually a family day out that dads will actually bloody enjoy.
28:53Because when I see the words, a family day out.
28:55There's one boy.
28:59Who's not enjoying it.
29:00How did he do anyway?
29:02I'm enjoying it.
29:02I don't know.
29:02Well, we're going to see it.
29:03He's slightly mocking.
29:04I don't think we did that well.
29:05Well, we're going to find out.
29:06Because after the spin, we then got the stopwatch out.
29:10And here we go.
29:14Tell me.
29:20There's a smell of burning.
29:21Do you get that?
29:22Do you get me?
29:25It's completely the wrong line.
29:26It's not the wrong line.
29:27Actually, it's perfect.
29:28You're really proud?
29:32Proud of you.
29:33Well, Essex Guard is proud of man and car.
29:35That's the most manly thing that's ever happened to me ever in life.
29:39Oh, my.
29:40Come on.
29:41That is how you test a vehicle.
29:44Here's a tip.
29:44Change gear before you get to a corner.
29:47Ready?
29:49Beautiful.
29:50Stopped.
29:51There's the gear thing.
29:55This is like a night out in Essex.
29:57Take you for a drive around Essex's country roads, love.
30:01Yeah, I'll take you for a lovely drive, love.
30:03If this was a Sunday afternoon, you would take me for a little spin and you'd laugh.
30:07I'd definitely go home and put out.
30:12You put out for that sort of driving?
30:14Why don't you use all the roads?
30:16If I could follow this up with, like, two hours of doughnutting on a Sainsbury's car park.
30:25Suddenly, we wake up for the last corner.
30:30That's how you do that.
30:32That is how you do that.
30:34You know it.
30:37You know it.
30:38I thought you did a really good job, actually.
30:39I thought it was a good job.
30:40A good job.
30:41Well done.
30:41Because they all had lots of practice.
30:42That was my first time around.
30:43Now, you see, that's just not true.
30:45Because we saw your first time around.
30:46Ended up going backwards.
30:47Yes, it was a lie.
30:48Easily discovered.
30:49Well done, Jeremy.
30:50Where do you think you've come on there?
30:51I'd probably, I don't know.
30:53I don't think it's that fast.
30:54Above Jordan.
30:54I'd say probably, maybe, I'd hope to have made just above Enfield.
30:58Between Enfield and Vegas, maybe.
30:59No, no, no.
31:00No.
31:01You're way faster than that.
31:02What do you think, Denise?
31:03Between Gordon and Borderman.
31:05Gordon and where are we now?
31:07Oh, Gordon and Borderman.
31:08Yes.
31:09Now, that's ambitious.
31:12One minute.
31:13Yeah.
31:1753.4.
31:19Which, frankly, is dreadful.
31:21It's not that bad.
31:22It's dreadful.
31:23It's serious.
31:24I mean, he didn't say that to Vinnie Jones, but we got 153.
31:26Don't argue with me.
31:27I'm really surprised, actually.
31:27I thought you were much faster.
31:28I thought you were much faster.
31:29All fairness.
31:29In my defense, in all fairness, this was the problem I was having.
31:32It's the fact that I was also carrying quite a weight in the car.
31:35I had to add a passenger.
31:36And that's the only person I'm listening.
31:39No, not you.
31:40Not you.
31:41Not you.
31:41But Denise Van Outen's makeup bag.
31:44It's a fair point, Johnny.
31:46It's a fair point.
31:47No, seriously.
31:47That is true.
31:48That's where the passengers are.
31:49It's true.
31:50A car as underpowered as that.
31:51You know, actually, the weight of Denise is as slight and beautiful as she is.
31:55I've altered it.
31:55That extra seven and a half odd stone.
31:57That really makes it.
31:58There you are.
31:58I've moved you up now by 0.2 of a second.
32:00Yeah.
32:01Can I just say.
32:01Is that how you adjust?
32:02As randomly as that?
32:03Yeah.
32:04That's it.
32:04There's technicians out there doing power to car weight ratio.
32:07No, it's not the timing.
32:08And that comes down to Clarkson with his chubby fingers moving me above.
32:12It's pathetic.
32:13The timing is done on the shit.
32:15You just shaw them.
32:16Anyway, the thing is, is that you do have one distinction.
32:20There's only been David Soule who came here with his American ways and bust a car.
32:26Yeah.
32:27Respect.
32:27Yeah.
32:27So we just see.
32:29And I saw respect.
32:30So we just see.
32:30And not just broke it.
32:32Didn't own up to it.
32:34Didn't.
32:35Unfortunately, I couldn't not own up to it.
32:37Because I simply wouldn't move off.
32:38Well, can we just see this attempt here, okay?
32:41Watch this for sheer bad manners.
32:43Oh, look.
32:44It's just humiliation.
32:51Oh, it's gone.
32:57It's gone burning.
32:58Something's happened to the car.
33:03Just get out of the car.
33:05Act like nothing's happened.
33:08Ladies and gentlemen, Denise and Shelley.
33:13Denise, thank you so much.
33:20I do all that stuff.
33:21Thank you so much.
33:22Thank you very much.
33:22Thank you all of you as well.
33:26Now, now, did you know that in this country, more people are struck by lightning than are
33:37crushed by reptiles or injured as the result of a prolonged stay in a weightless environment?
33:43Yeah.
33:44It turns out lightning really is a hidden menace.
33:47Your point being what?
33:48Well, this.
33:49What happens if you're struck by lightning in a car?
33:52Oh, you'll be all right, though, because you've got rubber tires.
33:54Ah, not necessarily, you see.
33:56Because car makers don't test for this sort of thing.
33:59So, after being pelted by golf balls, Top Gear arranged for a car to be struck by lightning.
34:05With me in it.
34:06There are very few places in the world that have the technology to blast a car with lightning.
34:15Two of those places are in Holland and Germany.
34:18But only one of those nations is laid back, liberal, and fun-loving enough to let me actually
34:25sit in the car whilst they hit it with 800,000 volts.
34:29Yep.
34:29It's those zany Germans.
34:36This is the Siemens high-voltage lab in Berlin.
34:39Normally, this place builds and tests high-voltage equipment for power stations and the national grid.
34:46These transformers can generate almost 2 million volts of pure electricity.
34:53But today, they're going to use that electricity for something else.
34:58To make lightning.
34:59They're going to zap me and this car with 800,000 volts, which is a lot.
35:07Stuff in your house runs on 240 volts.
35:10If it hits me directly, they'll clear me away with a shovel.
35:13You might be thinking that the tyres are going to protect me by insulating the car from earth
35:19because they're rubber.
35:20No.
35:20If the electricity can make it from the sky to the car, it can make it from the car to the ground.
35:26What's going to protect me is this.
35:29The body shell itself.
35:30Like all cars, the new Golf's body forms a Faraday cage.
35:35And a Faraday cage is something that attracts electricity and then sends it shooting around the outside
35:40so that whatever's inside shouldn't be harmed.
35:44But the problem is, this isn't like brakes or airbags.
35:48Car firms don't test for lightning strikes, so I've no idea how it'll go.
35:53Right.
35:54My life is now in the hands of A-level physics.
35:57The lightning will come out of these transformers, along the wires, and then shoot down to the car.
36:09What was that?
36:15Okay, I'll start to raise the voltage now.
36:20You're starting to raise the voltage.
36:26200,000 volt.
36:27We did have a briefing with the scientists, and he said,
36:34keep my hands together towards the center of the car and away from any metal objects.
36:39But it's a car.
36:41It's made of metal.
36:44400,000 volt.
36:47I can hear a noise.
36:48I can hear a buzzing there.
36:53600,000 volt.
36:55It's really buzzing there.
37:00And I don't know what's going to happen when it does come.
37:02I'm about to be hit by lightning.
37:03I know I am.
37:06It's building.
37:06It really is building.
37:07It builds a tension with it.
37:08It's quite a strange...
37:12You can almost feel the tension.
37:13Oh, that's scary.
37:23That's...
37:24I'm being hit by lightning.
37:30My hands are buzzing.
37:38Hey!
37:39Oh, now it's doing stuff to my car.
37:44I've got error up on the dashboard.
37:46Handbrake light flashing.
37:59Adolf just kept piling on the power, but this guinea pig refused to burn.
38:04So it works.
38:09Assuming I'm not now talking to you with wings in a harp.
38:12I'm alive.
38:15The question is, is the car?
38:17Well, the electric windows work, obviously.
38:20Lights, they work.
38:22Stereo.
38:23That's nice.
38:24Lovely.
38:25Indicators.
38:26I mean, everything.
38:27And it starts.
38:29It still works.
38:31Amazing.
38:31So, were you killed to death, then?
38:46No, I wasn't.
38:47But I did prove that if you do live in, I don't know, that thunderstorm valley in Oklahoma,
38:52and you crash into a substation in your car, everything's going to be fine.
38:56Good.
38:56Another top gear, top tip there.
38:58Very useful.
38:58Let's do the Cool War, shall we?
39:00Yes.
39:01Porsche Carrera GT, came here last week, as you know, blitzed our track.
39:07Fabulous car.
39:07119.8, fastest thing ever.
39:10Yep.
39:11Brilliant car.
39:13What are we saying?
39:14Sub-zero, def.
39:15Sub-zero.
39:16Sub-zero.
39:16Sub-zero.
39:17Sub-zero.
39:18I'm completely wrong.
39:20No.
39:21Jeremy.
39:25It's vulgar.
39:27Listen to them, they're right on.
39:29It's not vulgar.
39:30It's a vulgar car.
39:31It's beautiful.
39:32If you turn up to pick up Kristin Scott Thomas in that, she's going to say, you're showing
39:38off.
39:39Yes, she is.
39:40You're right.
39:40And you're going to go, I am, actually.
39:41It's just a hypercar.
39:42Disagree.
39:42None of those hypercars can be cool.
39:45So, what about this, then?
39:46McLaren.
39:47SLR.
39:49Sub-zero.
39:50Uncool.
39:52Uncool.
39:52Wrong.
39:53Cool.
39:55Hang on.
39:56You agree?
39:56Hang on a minute.
39:57You agree?
39:58Yeah, I think it's cool.
39:59You think it's cool?
40:00What did you, you've got an opinion on anything?
40:02It's cool.
40:04Anyone, who said it was uncool?
40:07Hold on.
40:08Wait a minute.
40:08Wait a minute.
40:09Why do you think it's uncool?
40:10Because it's as vulgar as the Porsche.
40:12In fact, it's less good looking than the Porsche.
40:13I saw it going around the track and it's ghastly.
40:16He's so rude.
40:17Just hang on a second.
40:19According to these new, again, added rules of cool, according to Clarkson, you said hypercars
40:25like this and like that are uncool.
40:28So, according to what you've just said, it belongs down.
40:30I mean, if you turn up to pick Kristin up in that, she's going to think it's a Merc, like
40:35a C-class diesel.
40:36No, she's a mean.
40:37Not.
40:37You have to be a monumental car bore to know that's a McLaren.
40:43You do.
40:43It's as spangly as a giant disco glitter ball.
40:47Look at it.
40:47It's cool.
40:48It's cool and that's an end.
40:50The thing is.
40:51It's the end.
40:51But.
40:52It's the end.
40:54Discussion.
40:55Oh, he's scary close up.
40:57But you are talking rubbish.
40:59It's a cool car.
41:00Who said, you're right.
41:01It's a cool car because that looks like a Norby's automatic.
41:05It's got boot.
41:06Absolute.
41:06It's fine.
41:07It's rubbish.
41:08It's the same as that.
41:11It's the same as a city.
41:13To my mother, those two cars are indistinguishable.
41:17She cannot be seen.
41:19It's what?
41:20It's uncool.
41:20If the other one's uncool, that one's uncool as well.
41:23Absolutely right.
41:24This is a mutiny and you're going to end up on an island.
41:34You made up the rule.
41:35I made up the cool wall and now you're just applying your own rules.
41:40Right.
41:40Shall we move on?
41:41Another car.
41:42The Ford Sport Car.
41:44Has anyone got a car here?
41:45Yeah.
41:45This is the sport car that James drove last week, right?
41:49He raced a pigeon with it.
41:50Okay?
41:51He did.
41:52The thing is, is it's undoubtedly a sweet car.
41:56It is sweet.
41:58Certain rules with it.
41:59One, it's a Ford.
41:59So, that counts it out from cool.
42:02Second, it's not French.
42:04Because all French cars are cool.
42:05Little C2s.
42:06We've got the Fiesta here because the picture was taken in Paris.
42:09Yeah.
42:09That's why that's there.
42:11Because, you see, the thing about the French is, they're cool, but they're not sweet.
42:15You don't say to a French waiter, sweet guy.
42:18No.
42:18So, basically, if it were a sweet board.
42:22This is getting advanced now.
42:24Yeah, if it was sweet, and it were like sherry trifle, it would be up here, but it's not.
42:28It's a cool wall.
42:29So, consequently, an uncool car.
42:31Yeah.
42:32Fair enough.
42:33Fair enough.
42:35BMW 6 Series.
42:37Hmm.
42:37What do we think of that?
42:39Top zero.
42:40Uncool.
42:41Cool.
42:42Cool.
42:43We think this is a cool car.
42:45And it's a first.
42:46It's the first cool BMW on our wall.
42:49The question is, though, is it a good one?
42:52Well, we sent James West to find out.
43:02The 645i Coupe.
43:05Basically, a two-door five series.
43:09Unusually for a modern BMW, most of the styling is fairly uncontroversial.
43:14You could even call it pretty.
43:16I would.
43:17What's not unusual, though, is the way it drives.
43:24The engine is in the front, where it should be.
43:26The power goes to the rear wheels, as it should.
43:29And the whole thing feels like a piece of precision engineering.
43:33The engine is a 4.4-litre, 330-horsepower V8.
43:41But don't expect an uncouth American soundtrack.
43:45You might get...
43:46a bit of a V8 rumble.
43:51But, for the most part, it's just a smooth, civilised hum.
43:55This interior.
44:00Now, it's not particularly flashy or flamboyant.
44:02In fact, you could say it's rather boring.
44:05But everything works.
44:06Everything's somehow exactly where you'd expect it to be.
44:13It's spacious, too, for a coupe.
44:15And it has a large boot.
44:17This is an ideal car, then, for the businessman who needs to get home after a hard day at mill.
44:26Mind you, the owner of this particular mill won't like the 6 Series one bit,
44:31because this is Port Talbot, where they make 4 million tonnes of steel every year.
44:37None of which ends up in this car.
44:44It looks like steel, but it's actually a cocktail of weight-saving materials.
44:49This wing, for example, is made of plastic.
44:51And the bonnet, that's aluminium.
44:54The idea is to make it lighter and sharper to drive,
44:58more of an ultimate driving machine.
45:00So far, there's only one thing I can find wrong with it.
45:09Because this is a coupe, they've given it a firm, sporty suspension.
45:14Then they've fitted it with these rock-hard, run-flat tyres.
45:19So, you won't have to stop to change the wheel.
45:22But you might want to stop at the osteopath.
45:26So, what we have here, then, is a typical BMW.
45:30And coming up next, is a typical Hammond riposte.
45:34You really can't think about spending £50,000 or so on a sports coupe
45:39without at least considering one of these.
45:43The Porsche 911.
45:48For this kind of money, you're not going to get a top-end turbo,
45:51and it's not going to have four-wheel drive, either.
45:53You'll have to settle for the entry-level, simple, plain Carrera 2.
45:57And that's good, because it's the best of the bunch.
46:01Where the BMW is organised and sold up, this is raw and visceral and exciting.
46:07The BMW's a saloon in leisure wear.
46:10This feels like it was designed from day one to be a sports car.
46:14There's a sense of, well, completeness to this bottom rung of the 911 ladder.
46:24It's made like a gun.
46:26Everything is well-oiled and accurate and precise and tough.
46:33Changing gear is like loading another shell into a Lee-Enfield .303 rifle.
46:39The suspension on a 911 is...
46:46I'm trying to describe it.
46:48You feel everything at the steering wheel.
46:51I can feel the texture of the road in my hands.
46:54It's like reaching out and running my hands along the road.
46:58This, then, is a great car.
47:00Lovely, but I think it's time now to reacquaint ourselves with something a little less...
47:06...German.
47:08The Jaguar XK is eight years old now, and in here it's starting to feel its age.
47:23It's very, very cramped.
47:25It's made of all kinds of things from the far end of the periodic table.
47:29And although they have tried to keep it up to date over the years...
47:32...with lots of new bits of equipment like sat-naw and adaptive, active cruise control...
47:37...there was nowhere to put any of the buttons.
47:40So you can never find anything.
47:44On the outside, though, all is well.
47:46Over the years, they've lowered the suspension and fitted massive drug dealer wheels.
47:51There's been a bit of dental work at the front, a bit of Botox here, a bit of liposuction there...
47:59...and the old girl looks like she was born yesterday.
48:05They've even given her a new heart.
48:11Like the BMW, it has a big V8, a 4.2.
48:17But unlike the BMW, it has a supercharger.
48:20And that means you get 400 brake horsepower.
48:24That's 70 more than you get from the Beamer, and 80 more than you get from the Porsche.
48:30This car is seriously quick.
48:34This one has the optional handling pack, so you get sharper steering, spikier suspension and bigger brakes...
48:41...but I wouldn't bother with that.
48:43Because, really, it's not what Jags are all about.
48:45It's like playing five-a-side football in Blenheim Palace.
48:49What you want is the standard car, because then you've got something that's very, very, very, very fast...
48:55...and very comfortable at the same time.
48:57I have to say, I like this car more now than I ever have done.
49:04But, how does it stack up till St. Sherman's?
49:16Well, you've got the business jet, I've got the tornado, where's Hammond and the Messerschmitt?
49:21You did say 10 a.m., didn't you?
49:24Yeah.
49:25Well, where the hell is he, then?
49:34Eventually, he stopped fooling around on the Welsh mountain roads...
49:38...and joined us at one of the most remarkable places in the British Isles.
49:44Pendine Sands.
49:48It was here, 80 years ago, there was an epic duel for the land speed record...
49:53...between Malcolm Campbell and a chap called John Parry Thomas.
49:59They were both going for 180 miles an hour when Parry Thomas' car crashed horribly.
50:04They had to break the legs off his burned body to get him out of the wreck...
50:09...but it was hopeless, because his head had come off.
50:14Did you say his head came off?
50:16Absolutely. And they buried him in Surrey...
50:19...and then they buried his car here, underneath the sand.
50:23So, actually, speed is in the very soul of this place.
50:27Getting back to this head-coming-off business.
50:29Presumably what happened was the car dug in, flipped, rolled...
50:32Several times, yeah.
50:33...and it came off?
50:34Yeah.
50:35Couldn't the same thing happen to us?
50:36Oh, I shouldn't think so.
50:37Right.
50:43So, here we are.
50:45All three cars together on this enormous playground.
50:51And now we must decide which is best.
50:54All we learn to begin with is just how hard it is to drive a powerful rear-drive car on wet sand.
51:00They just go sideways, constantly.
51:03After many hours of arduous fun, I mean practice, we worked out that the Jag and the Porsche were a riot.
51:22And the BMW, well, that was a bit like watching your dad trying to dance.
51:31It's not bad, but it simply doesn't have the exuberance of the Jaguar or the poise of the Porsche.
51:49However, maybe things would be different in a straight line drag race.
51:56This will be a drag race with a difference because there's so little traction on the beach that there's every chance you can spin in a straight line.
52:12I'm fairly sure one of us, maybe all of us, will cross the line either backwards or upside down.
52:23And we're off.
52:24The rear engine in the Porsche meant it had better traction off the line, but the sheer power of the Jag meant it couldn't pull out much of a lead.
52:39That Porsche is completely planted.
52:42The car moves around a lot as you accelerate.
52:44And the BMW, that was nowhere.
52:50Come on, car.
52:52We'll go in a straight line.
52:55It isn't so much a test of how fast the car goes, but how able you are to hold it in a straight line on what feels more like sheet ice.
53:06I feel it snatching and grabbing as it gets grip and then loses it.
53:10Jag is in the lead.
53:14Hang on!
53:19No!
53:21Whoa!
53:23Hammond's gone!
53:24That's a big one!
53:31Hammond beat me going backwards.
53:35Let's not forget, though, that the BMW is the most spacious car here.
53:42most spacious car here with the largest rear seats and the biggest boot it's
53:47also the cheapest by six thousand pounds and it will look good in the pringle eyes
53:52world of your local golf club here though at Britain's birthplace of speed
53:57it is completely outclassed to find out if my colleagues shared this view we
54:03peeled off for a cup of tea
54:07so chaps if it were your money you had to go out tomorrow and buy one of those cars big two-door
54:16coupe a lot of money what's it gonna be for its drive and it is so far ahead of the Jaguar as a
54:22drive I'd have to have the 911 I mean I'm not really a 911 sort of person but I get in that
54:26car and I drive away I think wow this is really special but I'd have the Jack it's a huge car
54:32you're sitting in a tiny cabin you're using an immense amount of fuel but it's sort of it's
54:38all yours now I'll tell you at the moment the worry for me would be if you bought the 911
54:42at some point you are going to be on a country road enjoying that brilliant drive you're going
54:45to look in your mirror and you're going to see one of those Jags and think I'm going for that one
54:51tell you what I think is interesting here we haven't discussed the BMW it's boring it's like Munich
54:58actually but it is if you think about it you go to Munich you get a fantastic hotel the place
55:02looks great it's clean and tidy the services are good the food's great the lot of it you come home
55:06and you never think wish I was still in Munich it just leaves you feeling completely cold there's
55:12no magic in it boring completely boring so that's the goal you'd have the Jag yeah 911 it wouldn't
55:17have the 911 so go on casting vote go on you've got to spend money on one logic dictates I buy the
55:24Porsche it does but I wouldn't you'd go for the job I think I just I've just made my mind I have
55:30the job you see why I really can but it isn't it's a majority verdict yeah and and it's the Jag
55:44I wish it had more space I wish it had a limited slip differential I wish all the buttons made sense
55:50but you would never tire ever of the way it goes from 80 90 100 110 it's just like you've got this
56:03huge supercharger with a small V8 shoved on the back as a sort of afterthought that's what it's all
56:10about really with cars like this excitement and it's excitement that the Jag delivers in spades
56:20I would just like to say if I may at this point that the BMW arrived here this morning the Stig took
56:35it out and it set a blistering time one minute 28 point something so on the track at least it is very
56:41very fast this but it is still kind of cold and clinical and it is riddled with faults the seats
56:47are very uncomfortable the driving positions rubbish the satellite navigation is useless if
56:52you go for a manual gearbox the clutch is completely unmanageable even worse than it is in the Z4 the
56:57ride is appalling and I think I know why it costs six thousand pounds less than the Jaguar and the
57:04Porsche you know the designer of the five series died after he'd finished it this one died while he
57:10was doing it only half of it styled look I'll show you he's coming along here perfectly well nice
57:15straight line you got to here and lost the will to live look hmm and then someone else came along
57:21and just sort of plonked a big duvet on the back but at least it didn't manage to spoil our day
57:27because well when you said we were going to drive all the way out to that beach at the end of Wales
57:30which is 5,000 miles away or whatever yeah Nevada would have been more convenient easier I thought you
57:35were mad at first but when we got there what a place and what a day was such a lot of fun the best
57:42thing for me though is the Jag has these huge rear tires and everywhere I want have these kind of
57:4560-foot rooster tails coming off the back and this was particularly handy when you at one point got
57:51the Porsche a bit stuck in soft sand remember that yes I did who'd like to see how I helped him out
57:56with my rooster tails we've got a short clip of that there he is digging his car out
58:03I'm so sorry I'm so so sorry no you're not you're not you're not you're not sorry can I just
58:21point out that all of that sand and there was two and a half tons of it all of it went straight
58:28into my pants the lot actually talking of pants BBC schedules for the next few weeks next week David
58:36Beckham and his boyfriends will be kicking an inflatable sheep's pancreas around a field in
58:41Portugal and as a result we're going out at 10 o'clock yes then for the next three weeks we're back we're
58:48off completely no we're off completely then we're back for a month then off and we're off until the
58:52autumn all we really know for sure is that definitely next week it's 10 o'clock so we'll see you then good
58:57night
59:18you
59:27you
Be the first to comment