- 4 months ago
Season 4 closes with Episode 10’s mix of practicality and spectacle. Jeremy takes the new BMW X3 off the beaten path, while Richard tests out the newest Corvette C6 on the track to see how it handles turning. James hits an antiques fair with the Volvo V50 Estate, asking how much you can haul. A highlight: the “Car Olympics” long jump challenge with some surprising results. Guest: Patrick Kielty. Fun, variety, and all the things that made Top Gear a classic.
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MotorTranscript
00:00Tonight, James tries to get a sofa in a Volvo estate.
00:07The hamster goes to see the vet.
00:10And I go off-road in a BMW that can't.
00:19Hello, good evening, and we start tonight with a question.
00:22Why do people buy four-door saloons?
00:24I mean, these days, the family motorist is presented with a bewildering array of options.
00:30You've got MPVs, mini-MPVs, mini-off-road MPVs, SUVs, SUV off-road Koopsters.
00:37I mean, the list goes on and on.
00:39And frankly, we can't understand why the traditional boring four-door saloon hasn't been consigned, with Terry and June, to the history books.
00:48But still, they keep on coming, and the latest to stick its head above the parapet is the, er, striking 407 from Peugeot.
01:01I mean, look at that.
01:03You're not going to lose it in the Little Chef car park, are you?
01:07No matter how hard you try.
01:09It has a mouth that's wider than Will Young's, and a super slippery bonnet.
01:15But there's a reason for this frontal madness.
01:18What you're looking at is the future.
01:20Because this is one of the first cars whose shape has been dictated by new laws to protect pedestrians.
01:28You see, that's why it's all soft and roundy here and here, so that if a pedestrian walks into you, they can dust themselves off and carry on staggering home from the pub without injury.
01:40Inside, it's business as usual.
01:45Big French comfy seats, and a big French dashboard covered in buttons.
01:51They've just machine-gunned it.
01:53I daren't press a single one in case I fire an oil slick out the back or launch a satellite.
01:59And these French switches are swathed in that fantastically flimsy French plastic.
02:06Do you know what it is?
02:07It's French.
02:08But at least it's not trying to be German, which is good.
02:11The engine is typically French as well.
02:14A 2 litre, 136 horsepower diesel.
02:17It's got a turbo, which takes ages to kick in.
02:21But it's also got low emissions.
02:23Which is all good news when it comes to company car tax.
02:26Which is important because only company car drivers will be driving these things.
02:35It's on the money for value, too.
02:37Even the BOGO one comes with climate control, traction control, seven airbags, and all the usual electrical bits for just under 15 grand.
02:49So it's well priced, full of French character, and it cuddles pedestrians.
02:54But these days, that's not enough.
02:56No, these mass market saloons each have to have a special selling point if they're going to stand out from their rivals.
03:03The big thing about Peugeot rep saloons has always been fantastic ride and handling.
03:09And if this car hasn't got that, then forget it.
03:12Peugeot know this, and they've pushed the boat out with a brand new double wishbone front suspension.
03:17It's like you get on a Ferrari or a race car.
03:20But is it any good?
03:22Well, you're never going to find out on the A1.
03:26So this is Croft Racing Circuit.
03:292.1 miles of fast straights, tricky chicanes, and one of the tightest hairpins in the country.
03:36And these are radical racers.
03:39They go from 0 to 60 in 3 seconds.
03:41The fastest track car ever to lap the Top Gear circuit.
03:45Now, usually they race from a rolling start.
03:48To do a rolling start, you need a pace car.
03:52And that is going to be me in this.
03:56A diesel pace car.
03:58No extra power, no slick tyres.
04:00In fact, the only modification I've made is this.
04:06A rep car leading a pack of race cars.
04:09This really is Keith from McCann's running in the Olympics.
04:15Okay, there is no better way to test the handling of this car.
04:18If I crash and everyone piles into the back of me, we'll know it's no good.
04:22Nothing like a bit of pressure.
04:25I can actually feel them physically breathing down my neck.
04:29Right, let's see what this car's made of.
04:31Control to safety car.
04:33Why are you breathing?
04:35This is it. We're away.
04:39Now, I've got to get away to a bit of a sharpish start.
04:44Because those fellas...
04:45Well, I've got their legs on me, to be honest.
04:48They're all over the back of my car!
04:53Now, the safety car lap needs to be done at about 70 miles an hour.
04:57We can all do 70 miles an hour on the straights.
05:00The difference is the radicals can do 70 miles an hour for gaunt.
05:05Double wishbones, don't let me down!
05:08No, no squeal and no lurch.
05:11Ooh, around that bit.
05:12Trash and control interfering.
05:14I have to say, this clever suspension is keeping me very flat and very level.
05:19Fluid is the word I'd use. Very French.
05:24This is very tight, this bit.
05:26No understeer.
05:27That's partly because I think the trash and control went...
05:32I can't turn off!
05:33It's embarrassing as they're all chasing me!
05:36Now, this is reputedly one of the tightest hairpins in racing.
05:43If we get round here...
05:45Hey!
05:46This thing's alright!
05:49I thought I'd better pull over at this point and let them do the rest of the race without me.
05:59But that was okay, because I'd already found out what I wanted to find out.
06:03Well, the Peugeot Saloon always had one big selling point.
06:09And it still has.
06:11This is a very good looking car.
06:13I think so, yeah, fantastic.
06:14And it handles well?
06:15It does.
06:16And it irons out creases and potholes in the road?
06:18Yep, it does.
06:19Very well indeed.
06:20A couple of things though.
06:21One thing you wouldn't have noticed, if you drive it and you're tall...
06:23Oh, right.
06:24...your knees around your ears.
06:25I didn't notice that, it has to be said.
06:26Not comfortable behind the wheel.
06:27And also, the turbo lag is horrific.
06:29Yeah, it is.
06:30I had before, hard down the other day, in second gear, going up a ramp, not steep.
06:34I could have walked up it.
06:36Okay?
06:37It just stopped.
06:38It just ground too hot.
06:39It's very, very heavy.
06:40That's half the problem.
06:41So for the diesel one, that is a problem, really.
06:42Yeah, I mean, my hair grows faster than this goes.
06:45It's that slow.
06:46No, it is.
06:47It's that slow.
06:48Does that grow or is it just permanent?
06:50No, it's mowed.
06:51That's what it is, yeah.
06:52Yeah.
06:53Especially daisies growing in it somewhere.
06:55Basically, what it boils down to, basically, if you're small and you want a 407, buy the
06:59petrol engine one.
07:00Yeah.
07:01But if you're tall and you want a diesel engine car, just don't bother.
07:05Buy something else.
07:06Yeah.
07:07And now, the news.
07:08And we begin with news of a new Citroen, the C4.
07:10Here it is, in its most practical five-door guide.
07:14It's also going to be available as a rather coupe-like two-door.
07:18Prices are going to be for about £12,000.
07:20It's going to be on sale in the autumn.
07:21The most interesting thing about this car, though, is a new safety system.
07:25It can detect when you're in your lane on the motorway.
07:28It knows where the white lines are.
07:30If you stray out of your lane, it thinks, well, you could be asleep nodding off or whatever.
07:35It vibrates the driver's seat.
07:37I'm sorry.
07:38Hang on.
07:39If you cross the white line, your seat vibrates.
07:43She's going to spend her entire time on the hard shoulder.
07:46I mean, seriously, if you're on the motorway and you're following one of those things,
07:50and it's straddling the white lines, look in the mirror.
07:52She'll have her eyes crossed, like, for mile after mile.
07:56Pulling women out of bridge parapets.
07:58No idea what a big grin on their face.
08:01Very briefly, Aston Martin DB9.
08:03We're big fans of that car on this programme.
08:06We all love it, do we not, chaps?
08:08Good news, or exciting news, anyway.
08:10They're going to be making a racing version of it.
08:12Here it is.
08:13I just want to show you it, really.
08:14I mean...
08:15Isn't that just stunning?
08:17It's fantastic.
08:18That looks gorgeous.
08:19Glorious.
08:20Now, we've been having a bit of a go at caravans lately, you especially,
08:22saying they don't stop and let people pass.
08:24They go too slowly.
08:25We've had a response from a viewer.
08:28Here it is.
08:31Up yours, Jeremy Clarkson and Top Gear, a caravan.
08:34Well, you see, I've lost interest in caravans now, to be perfectly honest,
08:37for one very good reason.
08:38There's only half a million of them in the country,
08:40and I've got a new problem, which is horses,
08:43because there are one million of those.
08:46Now, I want to say, at this point, I like horses very much.
08:49Bit of relish, they are delicious.
08:52I like to ride horses, personally.
08:54You can ride them.
08:55It is possible to ride a horse, and that's probably fun, too.
08:58It is.
08:59Trouble is, yesterday, I was coming to work,
09:01seven miles of a road, a horse box in front of me,
09:05never once exceeded 20 miles an hour.
09:07Now, you've got a huge queue, lots of impatient people all on the wrong side,
09:10trying to overtake, very dangerous.
09:12And you know that there's a 25-year-old girl in the horse box,
09:15and she's only really worried about the pet in the back.
09:18Now, we've got to do something about this.
09:20It's very, very annoying.
09:21Yeah.
09:22But what can we do?
09:23Well, I think the solution is make horse boxes faster.
09:27But you see, you can't.
09:28Put a bigger engine in.
09:29It's not bigger.
09:30No, you can't, because the horse is going to fall over.
09:32Pack it in.
09:33Just jam it.
09:34What with?
09:35Oh, the horses.
09:36Put more horses in.
09:37Put, like, four horses in it.
09:39What, Shetland ponies sort of wedging it so it stops it?
09:42Pack them in like that.
09:43Hang on, no, he might be right.
09:44We could be clever about this.
09:45I think horses might interlock if you put one horse...
09:48No, they might.
09:49What do you think about it?
09:51They're thin at...
09:52No, they're thin at the bottom and fat at the top.
09:55You're not a vet, are you?
09:56No, I'm not.
09:57But if you put the other ones in upside down...
09:58Yeah, no, I know where you're going.
09:59Look, you're being silly.
10:00I have a plan, okay?
10:02You know when you go to Dixon's and buy a television,
10:04it comes in like a polystyrene thing.
10:06But if you've got a horse-shaped two pieces like that,
10:09with a handle on it...
10:10That's stupid.
10:11How's it going to breathe in there?
10:12That's a rubbish idea.
10:13That's a rubbish idea.
10:14Okay, no, how about this?
10:16Brush the horse vigorously,
10:18and then have a velcro-lined horse box and show it inside.
10:21But how are you going to get it out at the other end?
10:24So it'll just stick to the wall?
10:26Yeah.
10:27Well, then you'll tear its skin off when you try and take care of all these skinless horses.
10:31What a bald horse.
10:32Oh, that's not nice, am I?
10:33No, maybe not.
10:34I don't know.
10:35Has anyone else got any thoughts on what we could do?
10:37What?
10:38Make it sit down.
10:39No, I can't sit down.
10:40What? I'm deaf.
10:41Make it sit down.
10:42Make it...
10:43Can you make a horse sit down?
10:44No.
10:45What, are you going to give it a little chair with a lap strap?
10:47Click.
10:48Anyone else got any thoughts?
10:49Two horses.
10:50Two horses.
10:51This sounds good.
10:52One of my life location so you don't have to move them.
10:54Two horses!
10:55You own two horses.
10:56You have one where you live and one where you're going.
10:58That's...
10:59And then you don't have to move them.
11:00Woo!
11:01That's...
11:02What's up, man?
11:04No!
11:05That is brilliant.
11:08That is brilliant.
11:09Now, we've had an idea.
11:10You know that programme Restoration?
11:12They take old houses.
11:13You look at a whole load of them and they think, well, they're all falling down.
11:16But you can vote, the viewers, on which one should be saved.
11:19And then they do it up.
11:21Could we do that with some old cars?
11:23Yeah.
11:24It's a simple idea.
11:25Basically, what we want you to do is, if you write in and tell us about an old car that
11:29you've got in your garden with moss growing out of it, or maybe just a car that you know
11:32about if it's not yours, tell us what the car is and your reason for why it should be saved
11:38and restored.
11:39And then next series, each week, we'll have a look at one of the cars and hear its story.
11:42And at the end, you can vote for it.
11:45And then the series after that, you can see it all restored and spangly.
11:49I think it's a good idea.
11:50We're not looking for, we're not looking for, I met my wife in a Morris Marina and can we do that?
11:53No, that's rubbish.
11:54Or, you know, if you've just been lazy and let it go to rock, that's your problem.
11:56We are looking for really good stories like it was a getaway car or Stalin owned it or something like that
12:00or something like that was a one-off.
12:01Yeah.
12:02So do write to us at, it's a rip-off, isn't it?
12:05So, I don't know, Restoration rip-off.
12:07That's good.
12:08Top Gear, BBC, Wood Lane, just down the corridor from Restoration itself.
12:14In fact, London, W12.
12:16Yeah.
12:17Or go on your interweb.
12:18Yeah.
12:19Oh, now, big story this week, of course.
12:22When the Berlin Wall fell over.
12:23As it did.
12:24We all thought the Russians had come over here and buy potatoes, shoes perhaps.
12:27The basics.
12:28They bought the south of France, they bought Chelsea, and this week they bought TVR.
12:33Now, we think, yeah, they have.
12:35They have.
12:36We think this is a marriage.
12:37It's very sad, obviously, because, you know, another British car manufacturer has fallen into foreign ownership.
12:42But, Russian TVRs.
12:44Picture that.
12:45I mean, think of the names.
12:46You've got a black car, Red Star, TVR Spetsnat.
12:49Yes.
12:50The TVR Molotov.
12:52TVR Kalashnikov.
12:53TVR Gagarin.
12:54Yeah.
12:55We've got a really thirsty one called the TVR Yeltsin.
12:59Think of that.
13:00See where you're going with that.
13:01That's a good name.
13:02However, I have thought that there might be one big problem, okay?
13:05Now, there's the new TVR coming out very soon, the Cigaris.
13:08Have you seen it?
13:09I think we've got a picture of it, okay?
13:10There it is.
13:11Now, we've got to road test that.
13:13I know.
13:14If you don't like it, we've got a problem.
13:16See, if you don't like a BMW or a Ford, what happens?
13:18Well, they write you a sniffy letter and something.
13:20A sniffy letter.
13:21We laugh at it, put it in the bin.
13:22Yeah.
13:23Okay?
13:24If you don't like that, what's going to happen?
13:25You're going to get a knock on your door at three in the morning and two big blokes and a black car outside.
13:29You're right, actually.
13:30Okay, I'm sliding toward the circular saw.
13:32It's got great handling.
13:33Turn it off.
13:34Turn it off.
13:35I love the dashboard.
13:36Now, cut me down.
13:37It's scary.
13:38I don't like it.
13:39I will get him to road test it.
13:40Yes, you can do that one.
13:41Yeah, but I don't really like TBRs, though.
13:43Okay.
13:44Fair enough.
13:45The late James May there, making one of his final remarks on Top Gear.
13:52Don't answer the door.
13:53What else have we got?
13:54Oh, I know.
13:55Yes.
13:56We've had word from Peugeot.
13:58They tell us that they have come up with a new small car which they say is as revolutionary as the introduction of the hatchback in the early 1960s.
14:10Does it fly?
14:11No, it doesn't fly.
14:12We've had a look through all of them here.
14:13It says it's got four seats and the ones in the back fold down.
14:17It's not that radical.
14:18And it's got airbags in the steering column.
14:20How do they do that?
14:21And you can have it with a 1.4 or a 1.6 litre petrol engine or a diesel.
14:26It doesn't sound that groundbreaking, really, does it?
14:28No, it doesn't.
14:29We were a bit perplexed, so we've had it shipped over from France and it's here.
14:33Now, it's got two doors, one on each side, which isn't particularly revolutionary, obviously, but watch this.
14:40Hey, I love that.
14:42It's good, isn't it?
14:44Now, sliding doors, very convenient in car parks, very entertaining for small children, but the thing I like is that they make the noise of the Star Trek doors on the bridge.
14:53No, they don't.
14:54Yes, they do.
14:55Make the noise made by the Star Trek bridge door.
14:57Well, it goes sort of...
14:59No, they don't.
15:00Try again.
15:01Well, it...
15:02All right.
15:03It's sort of...
15:04No, no, no.
15:05Anyone?
15:06Have a go.
15:07No.
15:08No, it isn't that at all.
15:09None of you got it.
15:14He's right.
15:15That's very good.
15:16The other thing about these doors is I wonder if they're available on the Ford GT.
15:20Just a thought.
15:21The best bit about this car, though, for me, is the interior, because...
15:26Just put that down.
15:27When you're bored with it, okay, all the bits come off like that, and then you pop down to the Peugeot dealership, buy new coloured ones like that,
15:35and you can do the same with these kind of mats here and the seat upholstery and the door linings, and basically you've got a whole new car.
15:41Now, if you look at the back of it, the badge seems to say 1007, but actually we can't call it that, apparently.
15:47All the James Bond people have gone on to Peugeot and said no, because they own 007.
15:51We have to call it the 1007.
15:53Which isn't a particularly snappy name, but I do think this is a great little car.
15:58I really do.
15:59When's it on sale?
16:00Next May.
16:01£10,000.
16:02Very good.
16:03OK, we've got to move on now and talk about our studio, which, as you've probably noticed over the years, isn't what you'd call homely.
16:09So we decided it needed brightening up and sent James on a shopping trip.
16:14And to help me bring something back, I have this, the Volvo V50 Estate.
16:20Surely the perfect car for transporting a priceless objet d'art.
16:26I'm on my way to Newark Antiques Fair, the biggest in Europe.
16:31The Volvo Estate is part of the very backbone of our society.
16:35It's used by Middle England to transport little bits of England all over England.
16:40It's like the Eddie Stobart of the chattering classes.
16:43And from the driving seat at least, this new one is a very good place to be.
16:48The seats, very comfortable, a great relief if you've just come from your post sauna birching.
16:54And this dashboard, there's a lovely Swedish logic to it.
16:57Look at these buttons here.
16:59Volume, tuning, fan, temperature.
17:02No argument.
17:03In fact, the only slightly odd bit is that the ignition key goes up here on the dashboard.
17:07But you know what?
17:08It's a really good place for it.
17:11There's a touch of IKEA to all this, but, reassuringly, an expert has put it all together.
17:17They've even got a bit tate modern.
17:19Look at this centre console, for example.
17:21Not only is it floating in outer space, it's also see-through.
17:25Except there isn't actually anything to see.
17:27At least let me look at some wiring or something.
17:29Check the soldering.
17:31We don't laugh at Volvo Estate drivers anymore.
17:34We have Rover drivers for that.
17:36And one of the reasons we're not laughing is versions like this one, the T5.
17:41222 horsepower.
17:43A turbocharger thrown in.
17:45150 miles per hour.
17:48Crivens.
17:49So, comfy seats, nice buttons, decent performance.
17:55It's even quite good fun to drive.
17:57But none of this actually matters in a Volvo Estate.
18:00What matters is how big a piece of junk I can fit in the back.
18:06The old chief designer of Volvo once told me that estates are boxes on wheels.
18:11They're for carrying stuff.
18:12That's all there is to it.
18:13And he said that Volvo made the best.
18:15Boxes on wheels.
18:17Well, I'm afraid this box has gone a bit pear-shaped.
18:24Have a look at this.
18:26That load space is smaller than it is on a BMW 3 Series Estate or an Audi A4 Estate or even the new Jaguar X-Type Estate.
18:34The Jaguar's got about 30 litres more with the seats up, which I reckon is probably about that much.
18:39But with the seats down it's got 100 litres more.
18:42And that's probably enough for, I don't know, a charming Victorian blanket box or something.
18:47Now that's not really good enough because space is what a Volvo Estate is supposed to be about.
18:55I mean, what's going on?
19:00Here we are.
19:01The Newark International Antiques and Collectors' Fair in Nottinghamshire.
19:04This is the biggest antiques fair in Europe.
19:07If I can find something suitably tasteful and big here, maybe the Volvo can redeem itself.
19:12First, though, I'm going to need some help.
19:17This is Tim Wannacott. He's from Bargain Hunt. Welcome to Top Gear.
19:22And he's going to help us find something tasteful at a reasonable price.
19:25I think you've found something already.
19:26I have indeed.
19:27Take this on board.
19:28It's solid silver, a little late Victorian Edwardian timepiece, all complete with its hinged door.
19:34Nice movement.
19:35Can I just stop you there?
19:37Yeah.
19:38It's not really big enough.
19:40I'm not really interested in period or patina or porcelain dolls or even an old propeller.
19:46I just want something that will completely fill my Volvo's boot.
19:50The frame.
19:51Oh, hang on.
19:52What?
19:53Pinball.
19:54You're joking, aren't you?
19:59Is the vast majority of it complete tether?
20:01Yeah, look at that.
20:02I like that.
20:03You do?
20:04Yeah.
20:05You're at home.
20:06Ten pounds worth.
20:07I might have it anyway.
20:08Now, I like the idea of that.
20:10Do you?
20:11It's ready to go.
20:12Is it wormy?
20:13It could be yours.
20:14Not sure.
20:15Not you.
20:16Yes.
20:17What?
20:18Yes.
20:19That is very top gear.
20:20Look at that.
20:21It's leather, sort of.
20:23It's button backed.
20:24It's gentlemanly.
20:26Oh, and it smells like an old Rover.
20:29Let's have a look.
20:30This beautiful Chesterfield should fit nicely in our Swedish estate.
20:33I'm not quite sure where the quality is there, but if you like it.
20:36I love it.
20:37You do?
20:38How much?
20:39Um, I can do a few for 70.
20:41What about 50?
20:4270 has got to be.
20:4450.
20:45Come on.
20:46Carry it away for 50 pounds.
20:4760 pound is yours.
20:4860 pound.
20:49What about 50?
20:50It's a bit of difference.
20:5155.
20:5255, you've got a deal.
20:53If it'll fit in the car, then it's a deal.
20:55Yeah.
20:56Right.
20:57No worries.
20:58Done.
20:59Right.
21:00Bring it round.
21:01Now for the moment of truth.
21:02Four.
21:03Two.
21:04My hands are slipping on the leatherette.
21:07Hang on.
21:08I might have to tip the cushions a bit.
21:12Go on.
21:13Give it a push.
21:14Yes.
21:15Fantastic.
21:17Hang on.
21:20No.
21:21Is that at the end?
21:22Yeah.
21:23For Pete's sake.
21:24That would have gone in a Jag or an Audi.
21:31Look.
21:32Just look.
21:33Just forget it, mate.
21:34It isn't going to fit.
21:35Right.
21:36So then, James, what did you buy to brighten up our studio?
21:39Are you ready?
21:40Yes.
21:41Go on.
21:42How about that?
21:43Wow!
21:44That's fantastic.
21:45That's fantastic.
21:46It's a...
21:47I was thinking of you when I bought it.
21:48I could have a different hairstyle of you.
21:50Actually, I've had a better idea.
21:51Where's that hair bloke earlier on?
21:52Hair!
21:53Come here.
21:54Come on.
21:55Quick, come through.
21:56Come on.
21:57Make way.
21:58Make way.
21:59Quick, quick, quick.
22:00Come on.
22:01Get yourself in there, mate.
22:02Look.
22:03Oh, look at that.
22:04We'll put that down there.
22:06Sorry, mate.
22:08Do you mind if we just discuss the car momentarily?
22:12Because I drove one of these ones the other day.
22:14It was a diseasal version, okay?
22:15And I thought it was a bit thin, a bit reedy.
22:19You're right, actually, because that T5 is quite good fun, but the rest of the range is a bit boring, to be honest.
22:25And the Jag that you had last week, the X-Type, the X-Type estate, is more practical, obviously.
22:31It's got a nicer engine.
22:33It's more fun to drive.
22:34And actually, it costs pretty much the same money.
22:36And if you'd have taken the X-Type up there, we could have had that green sofa and you wouldn't have been humiliated so much.
22:42Yeah.
22:43Jaguar has built a better estate than Volvo.
22:45What does that mean?
22:46I don't know.
22:47Weird.
22:48Anyway, we've got to move on.
22:49It's time to meet our guest.
22:50Now, he was one of the participants recently on the Sport Relief Program in which a number of people drove round a racetrack, okay?
22:57Most of the participants were very happy to have lost, but not this one.
23:00Complaining, accusing me of cheating.
23:03So, he's here.
23:04Please welcome former chat show host and whinger, Penny Keelty.
23:13How are you?
23:14Hi, big man.
23:15You well?
23:16Yeah.
23:17Thanks for that lovely intro, by the way.
23:21No problem.
23:22Good sense of fair play, I can see.
23:24The fact of the matter is, man, you're lost.
23:27Okay, all right.
23:28Let the audience decide here, okay?
23:30Let's, let's, have we got a clip of this or should we discuss this further or?
23:34You want to discuss it?
23:35What's your problem with the way that I overtook you?
23:37Apparently, apparently in the world of motorsport, if there's a yellow flag, you're not allowed to overtake.
23:43True.
23:44Unless you're a rather tall man with kind of fuzzy hair.
23:47No, you can't overtake.
23:48The thing is though, there was an accident in this race for sport relief, okay?
23:52Yes.
23:53There was a waved yellow flag.
23:54Paddy, slowed down.
23:56Being the gentleman.
23:57Absolutely.
23:58I slowed down behind him.
23:59We went past the accident.
24:00Now, what you didn't realize was, well actually, you're supposed to have then a green flag that
24:05waves.
24:06Right.
24:07Where was the green flag?
24:08You see, I knew, and you didn't know, we'd forgotten to bring any green flags.
24:12So, when we went past the accident, I just put my foot down and, well, we've got a clip.
24:16Okay, let's hope I look at this then.
24:17And watch how he reacts, okay?
24:19Okay, make your own mind up.
24:20Here we go.
24:21Which car was mine?
24:22That's mine, in the garage, catching you.
24:24That's me in front.
24:25That's me in front.
24:26You started ahead of me.
24:27High, slow.
24:28Yellow flag.
24:29This is under the yellow flag.
24:30We go past the accident, which was there.
24:32I'm thinking, what are you doing, man?
24:33Put my foot down.
24:34There you go.
24:35Oh!
24:36F**k!
24:37You can't drive around under a yellow at 20 miles an hour for the whole race, because
24:45otherwise no one would ever overtake you.
24:47You're the only man I know who's actually confuses his own opinion with fact.
24:52Anyway, let's talk about chat shows.
24:55Yours has been axed.
24:56And, um...
24:59Well, I would say mine's finished, but as you know, Jeremy, chat shows kind of rise and
25:04fall in the standard of the guests.
25:05We had you on, didn't we?
25:06Yes.
25:07It's a good point.
25:08Now, actually, I was going to bring this up, because one of the things I noticed with
25:11chat shows, because I had one briefly...
25:13For a little tiny bit, yeah.
25:14For a very little tiny bit, yeah.
25:15I thought I'd try something different and then just ended up back where I started.
25:18Yeah.
25:19But the point is, is that it just goes to the point where you are only interviewing other
25:24chat show hosts.
25:25It's just, you've got Jonathan Ross comes on yours, and then you've got Frank Skinner's
25:29got Michael Parkinson.
25:30I'm now on yours.
25:31You were on mine last year.
25:32We both went on Parkinson.
25:33Exactly.
25:34Yeah.
25:35That show's moving around.
25:36So who was your worst guest?
25:37I would say, probably the worst guest was Oliver Reed.
25:40Really?
25:41Yes.
25:42The fact that he'd been drinking from 12 o'clock in the afternoon.
25:46On the day in the dawn.
25:47And the show went live at half nine.
25:52Not really a good look.
25:54The opening line was, well, Oliver, welcome to Ireland.
25:57How long have you been here?
25:58And he said, young man, how long is your dick?
26:02Yeah.
26:03Let me move into interview mode now, if I may.
26:08Okay.
26:09Am I watching the master here?
26:10Yeah.
26:11Here we go.
26:12Watch and learn.
26:13Okay.
26:14You've got a Porsche Cayenne.
26:15Any particular reason for that?
26:17He's stumped.
26:19Yeah.
26:20Okay.
26:21Can I just tell the people here, okay?
26:22Whenever we were doing stars and fast cars and he said, so what are you driving now?
26:26And I said, uh, Porsche Cayenne.
26:28And he went, two words, Graham Norton.
26:31Now, what is that meant to mean?
26:33Is it meant to mean it's a slightly camp choice?
26:36What were you trying to hint at there, Jeremy?
26:38I'm merely saying that Graham Norton has one.
26:41Yes.
26:42Are you still driving the Mercedes that Dale Winton drives?
26:45Oh, yes.
26:46No.
26:47You see, you...
26:49It's...
26:50Oh, dear.
26:52It can...
26:54I think he's, uh, there's just two words I've got to say to Dale Winton now.
26:57I think it's Aston Martin.
26:59That's very true.
27:00He actually changed because he thought that your car was too camp.
27:04Sorry, look.
27:05Actually, I've done Graham Norton later in the show.
27:09I've mentioned it.
27:11Mentioned him.
27:12I kind of mentioned him.
27:13I think we're all looking forward to that one.
27:18Yes.
27:19But the big news, of course, is that yesterday you bought a DeLorean.
27:24What in the name of all that's holy possessed you to do such a thing?
27:34Okay, look, I'm from Northern Ireland to start with.
27:36Right.
27:37So if you're from Northern Ireland and someone actually tries to build a sports car factory in Belfast in 1980,
27:43when Belfast is more like downtown Baghdad, then manages to come over,
27:48build something which I think is actually aesthetically quite pleasing.
27:51Well, we've got it here, the very one you bought.
27:52There it is.
27:53Yeah.
27:54In the process, manages to take Margaret Thatcher for a hundred million and still has time to end up in a hotel room
28:00with a suitcase full of snow that Alberta Tomba couldn't ski down.
28:03I think it's a bit of a hero.
28:06For me.
28:07You know, obviously, it doesn't drive that well.
28:10It sort of drives like a double-decker with marmalade wheels.
28:13It's...
28:14Build quality, not best.
28:17Engineering-wise, it's not particular.
28:19I mean, it was a Renault engine.
28:21Yes.
28:22Jaguar back brakes, Cortina front brakes.
28:24And then a Lotus Esprit.
28:25Easy no.
28:26Lotus Esprit kind of chassis.
28:29Yeah.
28:30Well, you see, the thing about it is that in Belfast, we don't really have a great engineering history.
28:36You know, the last thing we built before the DeLorean went down with Kate Winslow and Leonardo DiCaprio hanging off the back of it.
28:42So...
28:43They're still very proud of that, though, in Belfast, aren't they?
28:46No, they actually are.
28:47Belfast is the only place where the taxi drivers pick you up and when you're driving past the shipyard, go,
28:52that's where they built the Titanic.
28:54And you should have gone, shut up about it.
28:56It didn't even make it on its first trip, man.
28:58Now, you grew up, of course, in Northern Ireland.
29:01It can't have been that easy driving in those troublesome times.
29:05Yeah, I've had a few crashes.
29:08Go down well?
29:09Not when I crashed into the parachute regiment, they were having a checkpoint just outside my village.
29:15Really?
29:16Yes.
29:17The boys had their little checkpoint pulled across with their armor-plated Land Rovers.
29:21I was in my mum's armor-plated Volvo.
29:24The damage to theirs was this.
29:26The damage to mine was just cataclysmic.
29:29And whenever you actually have an accident and you get that sort of terrible slow-motion feeling where you think,
29:34I'm gonna die.
29:36And then you stop and you go, I'm okay.
29:39Imagine that feeling, I'm okay.
29:42And then you hear this sound.
29:44Yeah.
29:45Yeah, exactly.
29:46Of course, you're in London now.
29:47I am in London, slightly different, trying to drive a car with a Northern Ireland registration through the streets of London.
29:56You've still got Northern Ireland plates?
29:57I do.
29:58Always good for parking in the Royal Borough of Chelsea.
30:02Just pull in anywhere you want and just go, I'll be back in five minutes!
30:07That would work.
30:09And of course, LA as well.
30:11You're over there a lot.
30:12Yeah.
30:13Do they think that accent's just Martian?
30:17I mean, can they understand what you're on about in America?
30:20No, let's be honest.
30:22Have you heard Brad Pitt?
30:23What was that film Brad Pitt was in?
30:25Oh, you see, Brad Pitt, Americans trying to do Irish accents are different.
30:27He's hysterical.
30:28Well, you see, they go around the whole sort of 26 counties of Ireland.
30:31I love whenever I come over here, right, and people say, where are you from?
30:35And because I'm from Northern Ireland, and I say I'm from Ireland.
30:38So they always do a cork accent.
30:40So they'll always say to me, so Paddy, where are you from?
30:43And I go, Ireland.
30:44And they go, tap at them Ireland to you.
30:46And I say, where are you from?
30:47And they go, Essex.
30:48And I go, why aye, man.
30:53Ours is quite a big country too.
30:56I think it's about time we had a look at your lap.
30:58Do you think?
30:59Yeah.
31:00Do you think Paddy's lap?
31:01Yeah.
31:02Where do you think you'd like to come on there?
31:04I don't know.
31:05Erm.
31:06There's quite a nice little gaggle of 1 minute 50 bods here.
31:09Where's Alan Davies?
31:10Where did, where did...
31:11Alan Davies is there.
31:131.54, but it was mildly damp when he came.
31:16Ah, okay.
31:17And it's bone dry and boiling hot.
31:19Yeah.
31:20Anywhere kind of in the top half, because things didn't really go to plan.
31:24Top half?
31:25Not a lap.
31:26Shall we have a look at Paddy's not to plan lap?
31:28Here we go.
31:31A fine start.
31:33Now the Stig tells me that you have phenomenal car control.
31:38Seriously, I'm not joking.
31:39Does he?
31:40Yeah.
31:41And enormous bravery.
31:42He didn't say bravery, but nevertheless.
31:44Here we go.
31:48That is very, very good.
31:51Very good.
31:52Rig, a second.
31:54Grimly determined is how I'd describe you.
31:59I would, but since...
32:00No, that's poor.
32:01Too much, too much understeer.
32:05Was that flat out through there?
32:06Pretty much.
32:09Flat out through there?
32:10Yeah.
32:11Brave man.
32:12Oh, definitely flat out through there.
32:14See, that's the sort of car control we're talking about.
32:17And then into the final corner...
32:18Then it goes a bit...
32:19Look!
32:20Well...
32:21Yeah.
32:22Right.
32:23Yeah.
32:24Here we go, then.
32:25Go on, then.
32:26One minute.
32:2748 seconds dead.
32:28A pretty good time, I think, for your time.
32:50Does that actually mean that because there was no yellow flag that I actually beat your time, Jeremy?
33:01Yep.
33:02There was one fundamental difference, though, between your lap and mine.
33:08Apart from the two seconds.
33:09Yeah.
33:10Which is that when I finished, I got out and the car was perfectly serviceable.
33:14Who'd like to see Paddy's...
33:17I don't think we really need to go there.
33:19That looks okay to me.
33:20Yeah, it looks okay, but I don't think we should end it there.
33:22Well, we'll take a vote.
33:23Do we end it now?
33:24Or do we have a look at Paddy's practice lap?
33:27Hands up.
33:28Oh, I'm sorry, mate.
33:29They really want to see it.
33:30And it's kind of a democracy here, you know.
33:32So let's have a look.
33:33Here we go.
33:34It's second to last corner.
33:36Always the tricky one.
33:39Kept your foot in it.
33:40Brave.
33:41But foolish.
33:43Because...
33:47And that was the end of the entire front suspension there.
33:55Yeah.
34:02Can I get to keep this?
34:03You can keep?
34:04That was all that was left of it.
34:05Because then we put you in the other car and then what happened?
34:07I stuffed that as well.
34:08You stuffed that as well.
34:10You've come here, you've broken both cars, but it's been an enormous pleasure nevertheless.
34:13Yes.
34:14Yes.
34:15And I'll see you around soon, ladies and gentlemen.
34:17Paddy Keelty.
34:21Well done, mate.
34:22I like that.
34:23That's amazing.
34:28Now...
34:29Now, the Olympic Games are nearly here and we are almost excited.
34:34Just as the stadium is almost built.
34:37The problem with the Olympic Games, though, is there's no cars in them and that's no good at all.
34:41So we thought we'd have some games of our own.
34:45Obviously, if you're gonna have an international games event with cars, certain disciplines are out of the window.
34:53Fencing is tricky.
34:54Table tennis is impossible.
34:56Swimming, of course, fraught with technical difficulties.
34:58In the marathon, well, that's just too easy.
35:00So, after much thought, we've settled on this.
35:05The long jump.
35:07So, let's meet the car competitors.
35:10From Great Britain, the Austin Maestro.
35:14From France, the Citroen 2CV.
35:17From the United States of America, the AMC Pacer.
35:22Representing the Czech Republic is the Skoda favourite.
35:28And here for Russia, the Lada Riva.
35:33Each competitor car will start from here.
35:36Now, they all have exactly the same run-up, so this should be a good test of acceleration.
35:40And it should reveal a lot about power-to-weight ratios.
35:43So, they start from here, they hammer down there, sprinting towards that point in the distance,
35:48from where they launch into the pit, for their attempt at the long jump.
35:53So, let the games begin.
35:56Bring forward the first competitor.
35:58From the Czech Republic, the favourite.
36:00The Skoda favourite, in fact.
36:02At 11 years, it's the youngest competitor here today.
36:06So, is its 1.3 litre engine up to the job?
36:10Oh, that's monstrous!
36:12The length of the jump will be measured from where the back wheels land.
36:16And the Skoda has opened the games with a very respectable 9.29 metres.
36:22Quite a target for the others to go for.
36:30The AMC Pacer is the oldest and heaviest competitor.
36:33But it's also the most powerful, with nearly 4 litres of engine.
36:39Oh dear.
36:40Despite that big engine, its acceleration doesn't look good.
36:44What a splash!
36:45That nearly emptied the sandpit.
36:48The jump, though, is pathetic.
36:51So, the AMC struggles to cover 6.2 metres.
36:55Next up, from France, the 2CV.
37:01With 600cc under the bonnet, it's the smallest capacity car, but also the lightest.
37:07So, has it got the power-to-weight ratio just right? Let's see.
37:11Oh, that looks good!
37:12And where's he going now?
37:13Well, I don't know.
37:14The front's looking like they were making a bid to go straight back home there.
37:18In the end, the plucky 2CV manages 7.78 metres for France.
37:24From Russia, the Lada Riva Estate 1.5.
37:34Plenty of room in the back of this car, of course, but has it got the grunt to take it over the line?
37:39Lord, it's flying!
37:43The Russian, they're just throwing caution to the wind. I mean, Kayleigh, that was determination.
37:52And that effort's paid off with a massive jump of 10.85 metres for the Russian.
37:57The Austin Maestro 1.3 now. It's always been underpowered.
38:09It's gonna be the underdog.
38:11But there's always hope. Who knows what it might pull out of the hat.
38:18Come on, Great Britain.
38:23Ooh, that looks good! And a nice exit, too.
38:27And the result for Great Britain, 8.34 metres.
38:34So, here we have the results.
38:36In fifth place, America and the ANC Pacer.
38:41In fourth, France, the 2CV.
38:45In third place, it's the Brit, the Austin Maestro.
38:48In second, the Czech Republic.
38:50But in first place, with a massive 10.85 metres,
38:53from Russia, the Lada Riva Estate.
38:56A true champion.
38:57So, are you sure that all those measurements were accurate?
39:09Oh, yes. Scientifically rigorous, that was.
39:11Well, this is very impressive.
39:13I mean, in this series, you've told us that the best car to be electrocuted in is a Golf.
39:18Yeah.
39:19The best car to drive behind a 747 at takeoff is a Ford Mondeo.
39:22It's a Ford Mondeo every time.
39:23And now that very informative film there.
39:26Yes, you think so?
39:27No.
39:28Yeah.
39:29What we do, actually, is talk about the world of advertising.
39:31Now, this is a world in which nobody sits at home playing Scrabble.
39:35No.
39:36You never see him bell ringing, for instance.
39:37You don't.
39:38Here's what happens.
39:39Look, they ski off sheer cliff faces and then climb up them again.
39:42What's that one doing?
39:43He's fallen off one.
39:44He's fallen off a mountain.
39:45And then you go down some kind of white water in a...
39:49Big dinghy.
39:50So, really, if you're gonna live this kind of life, what you need is a sports utility vehicle of some kind.
39:58There are many from which to choose, and in Adland, this is what they'd all be doing.
40:03Pulling jet skis from lakes and doubling up as rugged picnic tables.
40:08But, while this may work in the world of commercials, where there are many lakes and endless sunshine,
40:15what we actually have in England are gravel pits.
40:21And drizzle.
40:23What's more, in Adland, everyone is beautiful and looks good in sporting clothes.
40:28Whereas in the real world, most of us look... ridiculous.
40:33Hi there.
40:35I'm Jeremy.
40:37Good God.
40:38And you are?
40:39Sparky. How's it going?
40:40Sparky.
40:41Well, thanks.
40:42I first tried this in 82.
40:43I've tried it every single year since, and I cannot do it.
40:46Just relax.
40:47I am relaxed.
40:48See how relaxed I am.
40:51Right!
40:56Oh, this is great.
40:57I love this so much.
41:00You...
41:01Do you have any idea?
41:02And it's raining.
41:03I might fall in in a minute just to dry off.
41:10Oh, yes!
41:16This is horrible.
41:17Whatever you're doing now, which I guess is sitting in front of the television, eating crisps, it's a lot more fun than what I'm doing now.
41:32So, let's be honest.
41:34The real reason why we buy off-roaders is because we want to feel like a wind surfaced while we're doing the school run and the shopping.
41:46The trouble is, there's something wrong with all of them, really.
41:49The Mitsubishi Shogun is far too agricultural for most people's needs.
41:53The Land Rover Freelander has serious reliability issues.
41:57The Nissan X-Trail, I quite like that, but it is a Nissan.
42:02Then you've got the Lexus, which is bleeding expensive.
42:05The Jeep Cherokee, which is awfully thirsty.
42:07The Toyota RAV4, which is a bit Graham Norton, if you know what I mean.
42:14And then there's always been a bit of a gap before you get to the sort of big daddies, the Range Rovers and the BMW X5s.
42:22But it's a gap that I'm delighted to say has now been filled.
42:28This is the plug, the BMW X3.
42:32Like the X5, it handles beautifully.
42:37But unlike the X5, you sit fairly low down.
42:40Now, sure, that means you can't lord it over other motorists with a commanding driving position.
42:46But because you're so low down, it feels like a normal car.
42:49In fact, it feels better than a normal car.
42:51It feels like a seriously well-sorted sports saloon.
42:57And because it has the same sort of electronic four-wheel drive system as a Mitsubishi Evo 8, it grips well, too.
43:07The gearbox is a bit dim-witted, but the engine more than makes up for it.
43:12It's got a good growly bass note and some fairly serious punch as well.
43:18Then there's the question of value.
43:23An X5 3-litre Sport is £37,000.
43:28An X3 3-litre Sport with exactly the same engine is £33,000, £4,000 less.
43:36And don't think you're getting any less space, because in terms of length, there's only two inches in it.
43:41If you can manage without a top speed of 137, you can buy a 2.5-litre version for £29,000, and that's pretty good.
43:52In fact, this is shaping up to be a pretty good car.
43:57So, fantastic achievement. Well done, BMW. Top of the class.
44:03No, because, you see, there are one or two problems.
44:08First of all, it has a truly dreadful, jowl-wobbling, bone-shaking ride.
44:19You honestly couldn't possibly live with it. You really couldn't.
44:24I mean, I know this road is as smooth as silk.
44:29And yet, the X3 is finding huge potholes and massive mountain ranges to bump over.
44:35The last time I was this uncomfortable, I was on a windsurfer.
44:43And it's not just the ride, either.
44:46You may have noticed by this stage that the styling's a bit iffy as well.
44:51It has the grace and the architectural merit of a 1950s secondary school.
44:56It is ghastly.
45:00And inside, things get even worse.
45:03It's an unremitting sea of dreary grey drizzle.
45:07BMW say everything is made to be recycled, but to be honest, everything feels like it already has been.
45:14One of the things that worries me is that this car isn't made by BMW.
45:21It's made by a subcontractor in Arnold Schwarzenegger's hometown, actually, in Austria.
45:26And I think they've used some of these melted-down dumbbells to make these bumpers.
45:33Very cheap.
45:35And look at the shape of this rear window.
45:38I mean, what happened here? Did the designer sneeze, perhaps?
45:41Achoo!
45:42It really is a very hard car to like this.
45:47And it gets worse when you take it...
45:50out there.
45:53This isn't a particularly tough off-road course.
45:57Come on, come on, kick on.
45:59And at first, everything seemed to be fine.
46:06Come on!
46:09No, this isn't going to work.
46:13I've got to say, it's got reasonable traction, reasonable...
46:17When I say reasonable ground clearance, what I was going to say is really appalling ground clearance.
46:24We are, um, teetering. That's the word I'm looking for now.
46:28I dread to think what the underside looks like.
46:31Basically, the X3 was like a yachting dog, endlessly dragging its bottom along the ground.
46:37Now, you see, at this point, the most useful thing you can have in a four-wheel-drive car is a sound recordist.
46:46Get out, go push.
46:51Come on, man! That's it, he's... Look at that, he's a horse of a man!
46:55The X3's on-board computer is supposed to send the engine's power to whichever wheel has the most traction.
47:03Worked on the road, but... not here.
47:06Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
47:15Can you bring a Range Rover and a rope?
47:17We need a tractor.
47:25We need a tractor.
47:35After Thunderbird 2 had pulled me out, I only had a hundred yards of rough stuff to go before I was back where the X3 belongs.
47:42On the road.
47:49I don't believe it! It's happened again!
47:52It's happened again!
47:55Oh, my door won't open.
48:01I haven't even got a sunroof to escape out or I'm going to be in here forever!
48:05And I've got to wait for, basically, wind erosion to blow away the soil before I can get out.
48:12All I have for sustenance are these mints.
48:18And all there is to do in here is think that, really, this isn't a particularly good off-road car.
48:23As off-road cars go, this is not... not a good one.
48:35Oh, dear. Oh, dear. That bad.
48:39Afraid so, yeah. And it's not just the ride and the cheapness and the materials and the styling, but the thing is, is that you've got no high driving position and it's no good off-road.
48:48So I can't see the point. Why don't you just buy a five-series estate?
48:54Yeah, I mean, it's just going to have the same number of seats. It's going to be a lot more comfortable.
48:58A lot, lot, lot, lot, lot more comfortable. It's almost exactly...
49:01Cheaper, presumably. No, it's the same price. It's faster. It's more economical.
49:05And people, if you have a car like that, won't hate you.
49:08No, for driving it off. I mean, it's not exactly beautiful.
49:11No, it's not beautiful, but compared to this...
49:12Granted, compared to that, it is beautiful. But what if you are one of the, you know, the one in a million who do want to go hang gliding on a mountain bike off a cliff or whatever?
49:20Oh, perfect. Easy solution. I give you this Land Rover, okay?
49:25Right. No, no, no. Now, we've had... you can buy one of these for what? 19,000, 20,000 pounds, okay?
49:304,000 pounds. We'll kit it like this with the lights and the seats and the aluminium and the big wheels and so on.
49:34And the great thing about this is, it will go off-road, because it has the three big deals. It has the...
49:41Big chunky tyres. Big chunky tyres. Lots of ground clearance.
49:44So when you get stuck, you pull a lever and there's a g-doom noise as a big bit of metal moves, and then you keep going.
49:50I mean, in this thing, okay, on all those stupid SUVs, they're all ridiculous. It's not just this one.
49:56You push a button and a light comes on. What good's that? It's just a light.
49:59It's a light. It's a light. How can electricity help? I want a lever. G-doom. And that's where you get in one of these.
50:06These are fantastic. They really are. So really, to sum up, if you're going to go extreme ironing, or whatever it is you do from Adland, get yourself one of these.
50:15It's a lot cooler than an X3. If you're just going to do, you know, say the school run, you want a practical BMW, get one of these.
50:21And if you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion, here's your car.
50:30Enjoy it. You could get a Mars in it, maybe.
50:33Now, you might have noticed this week there's a kind of interesting role reversal thing going on in the show.
50:38I mean, Jeremy's just been singing the praises of a Land Rover, and I'm now going to go spanking around our track in a big V8 sports car.
50:45Italy has Ferrari. Britain has Aston Martin. And America has the Corvette. In the pantheon of American sports cars, this is their greatest offering.
51:07It's been around for 51 years, and in America, they don't even have stuff that old in museums.
51:17And what a name, too. Corvette.
51:20And besides that iconic name, it actually looks like a sports car as we in Europe know it.
51:26And it's not the usual American enormous saloon with the engine out of a battleship.
51:31This has always been purpose-built as a sports car.
51:34And in half a century, the recipe has never changed. Always a swooping body. Always rear drive. Always fiberglass.
51:43This, then, is America's Porsche 911.
51:47But here in Europe, we already have a Porsche 911. It's called the Porsche 911.
51:53So we've never been too interested in the vet.
51:55But that's not going to put off the Americans from trying to sell them to us.
52:03And whilst a basic 911 will set you back £60,000, this costs a more modest £40,000.
52:10For that, you get a 6-litre V8 with 400 horsepower, and more importantly, 400 foot-pounds of torque.
52:20Now, that's enough to pull up all of those trees over there, and put them over there.
52:24Now, for the price, that may seem like a bargain. But sadly, there's also quite a lot of this car that's bargain basement.
52:32These plastics. Where are they getting them from? It's the same with every American car we drive.
52:40Well, these are the people who can land on Mars.
52:43And there's more misery to come when you're driving it.
52:47The clutch is making my left leg hurt, and the gear change has been taken straight out of a Victorian signal box.
52:52I'm changing gear.
52:57And then there's the chassis technology. The Corvette's rear suspension uses leaf springs.
53:04Let me make that live for you.
53:07If you went to your doctor's, and he got a jar of leeches out, you know what I mean.
53:13And I haven't finished yet. There's still the ride.
53:17Let me show you exactly what that means.
53:23Here we go.
53:25Oh, dear. Is this the pinnacle of American sports car icons?
53:30A plastic wedge with a horrible interior, clunky transmission, and suspension technology lifted from the Old Testament.
53:37Well, let's hope the Corvette can redeem itself with good old-fashioned grunt.
53:46Now, this has always been the party piece of the American sports car.
53:50So can this one follow in the tradition of its government and get up other countries' noses?
53:58What we've got here is a United Nations drag race, with Britain being represented by a 350-brake horsepower TVR 350,
54:05Japan by the Honda NSX, and from Germany, a 911.
54:11All with roughly the same power, all-purpose built for the job.
54:15OK, bit of spin off the line.
54:19The Porsche's gone backwards. The TBR is absolutely steaming ahead.
54:22Neck and neck with the NSX, the Japanese.
54:24Oh, this looks poor. A lowly third for the Corvette.
54:25The Brits! Oh, dear, they win.
54:27So, is this American any good at anything? Well, actually, yes.
54:30The head of display, that's cool. That's a very good thing. It shows your revs and speed and all sorts, which is useful.
54:37And here's something else interesting. A G-meter.
54:38Now, why would an American car need a G-meter?
54:43Well, here's a clue. The new Corvette is 5 inches shorter than the old one, and the wheels are a Holy Moor,
54:46and the wheels are a big car.
54:48It has a big car. There's a big car.
54:50Well, it's really important.
54:51So, I thought, yeah, this is what I was thinking.
55:03And if I was thinking, I was thinking, oh, its good to think what is a big deal.
55:07So, I'd be wondering, that's my name, which is the new Corvette?
55:09The new Corvette is 5 inches shorter than the old one, and the wheels are 26.
55:12one and the wheels are closer to the ends of the car and there's only one reason they did that
55:17to make it better at going round corners
55:30it feels small it feels nimble it's steerable it turns in quickly this is amazing look this is a
55:38corner we go round a bend they don't have these in america how did they know to do this it may only
55:45have leaf springs underneath but so did charlton heston's chariot and look at the fun he had
55:53when you really hammer it it starts to sound like a proper muscle car
55:58you know this seems to happen every time we test a car from the colonies it was the same when jeremy
56:10drove that australian holden they're a bit crude but really really big fun
56:18this one is like an american footballer it might look simple it might belch in sports bars
56:23but underneath there's quite an athlete
56:28can i just show you something do you mind if i just show you something look at this
56:32yes look at that hang on if you're a pedestrian this backs into you you'd be very pleased for that
56:39it's comfy and can i just bring something else up from the film yes leaf springs ah yes well basic but
56:46functional leaf springs like you get on a silver cross pram yes or a medieval ox car this is true but
56:54they work you're not seriously suggesting that this car could go around the track as fast as say a
57:02a russian tvr well let's find out it's time for some shock and awe with george w stick
57:09and away he goes loads of wheel spin off the line don't forget that's 400 snarling wild west
57:14horses fighting back question is will they make life difficult through the corners there's oversteering
57:19there a lot of oversteering which is a bit of a worry look at that
57:26oh yes a bit of starship there about almost as old as the corvette
57:32oh locking the front wheels into chicago there gotta admit it does get a bit frisky when you're
57:36braking very hard the corvette coming around to the hammerhead now lots of cars understeer here
57:42but not this one you can actually hear the stig feathering the accelerator around there trying to
57:47keep that back end in line
57:52he's heading up towards the follow-through now now the corvette should be very fast here the stig can
57:56really open up that big v8 oh that is properly quick now the first half of the lap the chevy was
58:03looking set for a solid time could have been in a high 120s will he hold on to that a bit messy there
58:09come towards gambon more oversteer through there and across the line in in what one down here yes
58:16yes 20 6.8 now that is a fast car i'm sorry you can't deny it clarkson look at that that's not
58:25bad it's faster than i mean it's nearly as fast as an evo it's a quick car i'll grant you that's a very
58:30quick a very messy lap but a very quick time so there we are if you want a a plastic left-hand drive car with
58:37vietnamese suspension here it is that's very fast whatever that is the end of the show i'm afraid
58:43and in fact the end of the series so we'll see you in the autumn thanks very much for tuning in
58:47see you then good night
58:57in fact you don't need to wait until the autumn to see the lads again weave some of the best of top
59:02gear next sunday at eight next tonight buildings fighting for survival they want restoration
59:08meanwhile over on bbc three now ordinary people trying to be spies
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