Examples of poor email segues

Everyone says recruiters are stupid. But this is what I get in my inbox: Example #1: "Hi there Kūl Team" Spelled my company wrong. First line. Example #2: "I'm a graphic designer seeking opportunities" I work with product designers & UXR only. It's all over my pages. Example #3: "hello lena hope this finds you well" Zero capitals. Zero attention to detail. Example #4: "Can you help me find a job with visa sponsorship?" I am not an employment agency. I do not look for roles for people. I hire for companies. Example #5: "Hi, What services do you offer?" This one is just a no for me. If this is the amount of effort you put into everything you do - we wont work well together. FACE IT: NO ONE HAS TIME FOR LOW-QUALITY MESSAGES I get 50+ messages weekly. Each one takes time to read. Bad ones waste everyone's time. LET'S FIX YOUR OUTREACH Bad: "Hi there Kūl Team" Better: "Hi Lena, I saw ku:l is working with Series B startups" Bad: "I'm a graphic designer" Better: "I'm a product designer with 5 years in fintech" Bad: "hello lena" Better: "Hi Lena" (yes, capitals matter) Bad: "Can you help me?" Better: "I saw you placed designers at [Company]. My experience in [relevant area] aligns with similar roles. Would you keep my portfolio for the future openings?" Bad: "What services do you offer?" Better: "I read that you help with portfolio reviews and job placement. Which would suit someone targeting staff-level roles? I stuggle with X and need help with Y." THE FORMULA IS SIMPLE 1. Spell my name/company correctly 2. Know what I actually do 3. Be specific about what you want 4. Show you did 2 minutes of research 5. Ask specific questions. That's it. YOUR MESSAGE COMPETES WITH 49 OTHERS Make it count. Make it relevant. Make it easy to say yes. You have limited time to get noticed. Be strategic with every word you send. P.S. Still sending "I'm interested"? The person who wrote "I saw your post about Series B hiring. Here is my work that showcases relevant experience" just got my attention.

Do not make this follow up email mistake if you actually want people to reply. Stop using language that apologizes for your existence while pretending to be polite. If your email opens with any of these, you already lost. ❌ "Hope you’re having a great week!” ❌ "How have you been?" Those are not well wishes or curiosity-driven questions. They are update requests wearing a Hallmark mask. If you genuinely want to wish someone well, do it without tying it to your sales agenda. Once you attach it to a follow up, it stops being kind and starts being transparent...in a bad way. Now let us talk about the holy trinity of weak follow ups. ❌ "Just circling back around..." ❌ "Just touching base..." ❌ "Just checking in..." Cars circle back. Baseball players touch base. Parents check in. You are none of those things. You are a professional asking another professional for an update you already agreed on. The word “just” is doing all the work of shrinking you so you do not have to be direct. That is not polite. That is scared. Here is what direct and human actually sounds like. “𝘏𝘪 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦. 𝘈𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘧 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘰. 𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴, 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳?” Clear. Respectful. No groveling. No verbal bubble wrap. - I'm Steve. I write unapologetic content about sales, marketing, business ideas that work, and the parts of my life that taught me the hard way. Click Follow if you prefer clarity over comfort. - Check out the comments for the follow-up line that makes me vomit.

I've seen one poorly worded email destroy a business relationship. As a lawyer and business owner, I know how these 10 phrases can make you sound unprofessional, even when you don't mean to: 𝟭. "𝗜𝗳 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗠𝗶𝗻𝗱" - Creates unnecessary formality and can make your request harder to say yes to. ➔ Better Alternative: "Would you be able to help me with..." or simply make your request directly. 𝟮. "𝗙𝗬𝗜" (𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗜𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻) - Can sound condescending, as if you're educating someone who should already know. ➔ Better Alternative: "I wanted to share an update on..." or "Here's what happened with...". 𝟯. "𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗕𝗲 𝗮 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗻" - Ironically highlights that you're about to be exactly that. A pain. ➔ Better Alternative: "I have a quick question about..." or just ask directly. 𝟰. "𝗜 𝗞𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗬𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗦𝘂𝗽𝗲𝗿 𝗕𝘂𝘀𝘆, 𝗕𝘂𝘁..." - Acknowledges their busy schedule while still adding to it. Comes across as manipulative. ➔ Better Alternative: "When you have a moment, could you please..." or "At your convenience...". 𝟱. "𝗜 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗪𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗣𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗬𝗼𝘂" - Sounds casual in a way that might not match the professional context. ➔ Better Alternative: "I wanted to reach out regarding..." or "I'm following up on...". 𝟲. "𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗔𝗱𝘃𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲" - Assumes compliance and can pressure the recipient into saying yes. ➔ Better Alternative: "I'd appreciate your help with this" or "Thank you for considering this request". 𝟳. "𝗣𝗲𝗿 𝗢𝘂𝗿 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗰𝘂𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻" - Overly formal and can sound accusatory if there was disagreement. ➔ Better Alternative: "Following our conversation..." or "Based on what we discussed...". 𝟴. "𝗜'𝗺 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗦𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗜𝗳 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝗦𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲" - Shows lack of confidence in your own communication and ideas. ➔ Better Alternative: "Let me know if you need any clarification on..." or present your idea confidently. 𝟵. "𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗛𝗲𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗢𝘂𝘁" - Overused corporate speak that adds no real value. ➔ Better Alternative: "Please contact me if you have questions about [specific topic]". 𝟭𝟬. "𝗜'𝗺 𝗚𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗚𝗼 𝗔𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗔𝗻𝗱..." - Unnecessarily wordy and can sound like you're asking permission for something you've already decided. ➔ Better Alternative: "I will [action]" or "The next step is to...". ⚖️ Clear, direct communication always wins. Your emails should be confident, specific, and respectful without unnecessary fluff or apologetic language. What other email phrases drive you mad? Drop them in the comments below! 📌 Save this post for your next important email. Better yet, share it with your team. ✅ Follow Walter Silvester for more professional communication tips that protect your reputation.

Has the Challenger Sale gone too far? I get 100s of emails and DMs a week, most are bad. But I was on a sequence with a startup for months that represents the ABSOLUTE WORST of sales “best practices”: The below email sequences comes from an employee engagement company: ——— Subject: Quick way to boost team morale at Retention Hi Santosh, I wanted to share a simple way to enhance team morale at Retention. Our platform lets managers reward employees with fun badges, notes, and micro-rewards like coffee coupons and gift cards—boosting engagement and productivity. Would you be open to a quick chat to see how this could fit your engagement strategy? Best, ——— I ignored the email, of course. And I expected the sequence to stop after 3 emails or so. But it didn’t... After 15 emails, the AE began pleading. That I should AT LEAST let him know this was not a good fit. So, of course, I did. “Thank you for your persistence but I am afraid this is not a good fit for us. You can stop this sequence now.” The AE promptly wrote back: “So if I hear you right, you are NOT interested in your employee’s well being or in improving their mental health?” ——— WHAT??? Is this how we are "challenging" our buyers? Guilt trips? Moral blackmail? That’s not cool! In another recent sequence, an AE from a company selling tools to manage channel partner programs responded to my objections by saying: “Given your scale, it sounds highly irresponsible to not use a tool like ours to manage your channel program. You are basically leaving a lot of money on the table.” Again... WHAT??? I don’t appreciate being called “highly irresponsible” by an AE that hardly has any context on our business. Trying to sell too soon, especially over cold email, rarely works. Slow down. Give marketing a chance to connect first. ——— Here are my 6 tips for prospecting to executives: 1. Please refrain from calling executives an IDIOT if they don’t agree with you 2. Challenging your buyer on preconceived notion does not involve guilt tripping them into buying your SaaS 3. There is a lot of information available online on individuals and companies. I've posted on Linkedin weekly. I've been on multiple podcasts and hosted a ton of live events. You can easily research the core problems my business is facing BEFORE you reach out. 4. Develop rapport around insights and deliver value through content. 5. Focus your energy on how you can help our business GROW not on how you can make a quick SALE 6. Don’t expect to automate your way into a relationship with 20 touch sequence

🚨REALLY BAD EMAIL🚨 Hope everyone had a great weekend. Let's start the week off with some violence. Do you know how many sales emails I get every day? Too many. And yet this one managed to stand out for all the wrong reasons. Let’s break it apart: 👉 No personalization. Not even a little. The email opens with “Hi.” That’s it. No name, no mention of my business, not even a poorly mail-merged “Hi [First Name].” Come on. You’re writing to a human, not a brick wall. If you want my attention, make me feel like you’ve done even five seconds of research. Mention my business, reference a specific challenge I might face, or at least throw my name in there. Anything to show you care. 👉 “Actionable estimates”? What even is that? The email assumes I know exactly what this means. Spoiler: I don’t. Are you sure you’re targeting the right industry? Because this phrase feels so generic it could mean ten different things to ten different people. If I can’t immediately connect your offer to my business, it’s a fail. 👉 What do you actually do? Are you running ads? Building funnels? Helping me get more quotes? There is no clarity here. Vague pitches don’t work. If you can’t explain your value in one sentence, I’m not spending the time to figure it out. 👉 Ending with an Einstein quote? Seriously? Instead of signing off with your name or company info, you just threw in an Albert Einstein quote. What am I supposed to do with that? Am I imagining the rest of the email? Because it feels like you’re asking me to. 👉 No proof, no trust. Where is your social proof? Do you have case studies, testimonials, or even a quick example of how you’ve helped businesses like mine? Cold emails without any proof are like asking me to jump without showing me the parachute. 🔥 The Takeaway If you’re going to send a cold email, at least do the basics: 🖋️Start with personalization. Show me you’ve done your homework and are contacting me specifically. 🖋️Be clear about what you’re offering and how it applies to my business. 🖋️Include proof. Show me why I should trust you. 🖋️And skip the Einstein quotes. Just tell me who you are and why you’re reaching out. Your cold email is your first impression. This one? Straight to the trash. #SalesFail #Sales #DoBetter