Handling Workplace Bullying

Someone sent an email early this week: “Being around new people makes me quite uncomfortable. Until now, my job was fully remote, which suited me well. We’ve recently shifted to a hybrid model, and I’ve realized that I become overly conscious. My seniors have also started treating me like a pushover by assigning unnecessary deadlines and putting me under pressure, even when there’s no urgency. How can I stand up for myself without damaging my work relationships?” She further explained: - I believe I am an introverted person and have always been that way. - I often view myself as inferior to others in social or official gatherings. - The way some seniors speak to me, often with a very authoritative tone, makes me feel disheartened. - I think a part of me holds back out of respect. I replied: You’re not broken. But you are stuck in a story that no longer serves you. You call yourself an introvert. But introversion isn’t the issue here. Avoidance is. You're avoiding them because you're afraid of not measuring up. That’s self-doubt disguised as personality. You feel inferior in social settings because others have seen more, done more. Sure. But here’s the truth: Nobody ever learned how to swim by standing on the shore and watching others talk about the ocean. You’ll learn by showing up as you are, not by waiting till you become "enough." Now to the workplace. You say you don’t push back because you don’t want to be disrespectful or argumentative.  Being assertive is not being disrespectful. And being silent is not being respectful. It’s being invisible. You are not helping your future self by avoiding temporary discomfort today. Here’s what I would do: - Pick one moment this week to say something you normally wouldn’t. Start small. But start. - Script your pushback: “I understand the urgency, but I’ll need until X to do this well.” Firm. Respectful. Clear. - Stop apologizing for not knowing enough. Nobody knows everything. You’re allowed to ask. You’re allowed to not have been everywhere. You’re allowed to learn in real time. This version of you - the quiet one, the one who makes herself smaller - is a story that needs to stop. Time to write a better one. Image via Colby Kultgen and Ben Meer 

Losing control for seconds can cost you credibility for months. 10 real-world examples – and smarter ways to respond. Anyone can look confident when things are smooth. The real test comes when you’re triggered – and still choose calm. Here are 10 common scenarios where people “lose it,” how it hurts them, and what to do instead: 1. A colleague taking credit ❌ Angry confrontation creates drama. ✅ “I’m glad this project is moving forward – here’s the part my team and I led.” 2. Critical feedback in meetings ❌ Getting defensive makes you lose credibility. ✅ Pause, thank them, and say you’ll reflect before responding. 3. Being interrupted ❌ Snapping back makes you look insecure. ✅ Hold steady, let them finish, then calmly return to your point. 4. Not being acknowledged for your work ❌ Complaining looks like insecurity. ✅ Document wins and weave them into conversations strategically. 5. Tough questions from senior leaders ❌ Panic mode signals you’re unprepared. ✅ Take a breath, ask clarifying questions, and answer with structure. 6. Office gossip ❌ Emotional reactions make you look complicit. ✅ Stay neutral and redirect to constructive topics. 7. Email criticism late at night ❌ Instant replies often escalate. ✅ Sleep on it - reply with calm logic in the morning. 8. Microaggressions or subtle digs ❌ Snapping back gives power to the other person. ✅ Respond with calm clarity: “Let’s keep this professional.” 9. Team mistakes under your watch ❌ Outbursts erode motivation. ✅ Focus on solutions first, feedback later. 10. Unexpected rejection (role, idea, proposal) ❌ Taking it personally shows lack of resilience. ✅ Ask, “What would strengthen this for next time?” Your reputation doesn’t collapse from one bad decision. It collapses from one bad reaction. Which of these 10 do you catch yourself in most often? - - - 🔔 Join 9,670 leaders getting my 21-page Executive Presence Workbook: - 10 levers including confidence, communication, strategic thinking - Practical exercises to build credibility, influence, and presence - The same system that helped my clients land Director+ roles 👉 Link below to join.

Nobody deserves to be insulted or belittled. Too often, we stay silent and wish we'd spoken up. Or we react emotionally and regret it later. There's a better way to respond with calm, clarity, and strength. 7 ways to handle insults at work: 1. Seek Clarification ↳ Make them reflect on what they said ↳ Did you mean to embarrass me just now? 2. Set Boundaries ↳ Clearly state what behaviour isn't acceptable ↳ That tone is not ok with me. 3. Use the Pause Technique ↳ Strategic silence followed by a calm response ↳ [Pause] Let's take a step back and approach this differently. 4. Mirror With Professionalism ↳ Reflect their behaviour so they confront it ↳ I'm hearing frustration. Is there a bigger issue? 5. Redirect to Solutions ↳ Shift from personal attack to problem-solving ↳ Let's focus on next steps, not assigning blame. 6. Use Humour (if it fits your style) ↳ A light touch can defuse tension ↳ That's one way to start a Wednesday meeting! 7. The Direct Approach ↳ The clearest response is often most powerful ↳ That was inappropriate. Let's restart or pause here. You don't have to shrink to keep the peace. Stand your ground with calm power. ♻️ Repost to help your network ➕ Follow Dora Vanourek for more

Most people try to confront manipulators head-on. That’s exactly what they want. Manipulators thrive on emotional reactions, public conflict, and confusion. The moment you engage emotionally, you’re playing on their terms. The professionals who handle manipulators best do something very different. They become boring, boundaries, and strategic. Here’s how to protect your career and your sanity when dealing with a manipulative colleague or leader: 1. Lock down your information. Stop oversharing. Manipulators collect personal details, insecurities, frustrations, mistakes, even your career plans, and use them later as leverage. Keep conversations professional, factual, and surface-level. 2. Document everything. Memory isn’t protection; documentation is. Send follow-up emails. Save messages. Keep records of decisions and agreements. When someone’s story changes later, written evidence speaks for itself. 3. Don’t take the emotional bait. Manipulators often use tactics like DARVO: Deny → Attack → Reverse Victim and Offender. Suddenly, they’re the victim and you’re defending yourself. The best response is calm neutrality. No over-explaining, no emotional reactions. 4. Set small boundaries early. Manipulators test people. A delayed response, a small favor, a request outside your role. If you consistently hold small boundaries early, they quickly realize you’re not an easy target. And most will move on. 5. Protect your reputation, not your ego. Trying to expose a manipulator publicly often backfires; the smarter strategy is consistency. Deliver strong work. Stay professional. Build credibility. Over time, patterns reveal themselves. You don’t need to outplay a manipulator; you need to out-discipline them. Boundaries, documentation, and detachment. And one more rule: If someone consistently leaves you feeling confused after conversations, trust that signal. Confusion is often the first sign of manipulation. Comment ELITE for my newsletter on corporate dynamics, most professionals only learn the hard way 📩 #corporatetruths #workplacepolitics #careeradvice #leadership #corporatelife

Difficult people aren't ruining your day. Your lack of a strategy is. You don’t need to argue. You need a system. Here's a proven system to handle difficult people without losing your mind: 1/ Don't Take the Bait  ↳ Not every comment deserves a comeback. Silence is a power move. 2/ Their Chaos ≠ Your Problem  ↳ You're not responsible for fixing their drama. Let it stay their drama. 3/ Set Boundaries Early  ↳ Be kind, but firm. "That doesn't work for me" is a complete sentence. 4/ Don't Match Their Energy  ↳ They're chaotic? You stay calm. That contrast speaks volumes. 5/ Stick to Facts, Not Feelings  ↳ Document everything. Facts end arguments, emotions extend them. 6/ Stop Playing Therapist  ↳ It's not your job to decode their behaviour. You've got bigger things to do. 7/ Use Strategic Pauses  ↳ Sometimes the most powerful response is: "Let me think about that." 8/ Exit Toxic Convos  ↳ Shift the topic or walk away. Your mental bandwidth is currency. 9/ Stay One Step Ahead  ↳ Difficult people are predictable. Learn their patterns. Prep your responses. Turn every ambush into a non-event. 10/ Debrief With Your Circle  ↳ Don't carry that weight alone. Process it with someone you trust. Why this matters: The average professional spends nearly 3 hours every week dealing with difficult people. That's a full workday each month lost to workplace drama.* But the real cost? – Your peace of mind. – Your team's morale. – Your best work. Save this system. Test it tomorrow. Watch what changes. ♻️ Share this with someone who needs it today. 🔔 Follow Mostyn Wilson for more evidence-based leadership strategies. __ * – *Source: CPP Global Human Capital Report

Earlier in my career, I faced blatant harassment and discrimination. When it became unbearable, I sought advice from two mentors. One urged me to document everything for potential legal action. The other advised me to quit quietly to avoid harming my career. I took the latter’s advice. Looking back, I regret it. At the time, I had options. The risk of “blowing up my career” wasn’t as dire as I believed. But my silence cost me - both my self-respect and my sense of agency. Worse, it left others without an advocate. And as Audre Lorde warned, silence didn’t protect me; I faced discrimination again. Years later, I was about to repeat that advice - until Sarah Kunst stopped me. She reminded me that telling people speaking out will ruin their careers makes them stay silent, and nothing changes. I had to ask myself: Was my fear greater than my actual risk? As a white woman, speaking up would have been far safer for me than for Kunst, a Black woman who had already overcome greater barriers. Yet she took the risk, challenging a powerful predator - and not only did she survive, she thrived. It made me realize how important it is to recognize when I have the privilege to act and to use it in a way that creates change. This isn’t to say speaking up is always safe. Many have suffered career consequences for confronting harassment. But looking back, I see the power I had and wish I had used it. If you’re in this situation, here are seven steps that can help: 1️⃣ Document what happened 2️⃣ Build solidarity by finding allies 3️⃣ Locate the exit nearest you 4️⃣ Have a direct conversation 5️⃣ Report the issue to HR 6️⃣ Take legal action 7️⃣ Tell your story publicly If you have privilege, use it to amplify voices that might otherwise be ignored. The reality is that not all stories get the same attention. Being aware of that allows us to create real solidarity and drive meaningful change. You are not alone. If you’ve spoken up - or chosen not to - what helped you decide? Read the full blog in the comments. #SpeakingUp #WorkplaceJustice #CareerGrowth #RadicalCandor

💥 “Jingjin, what are you wearing right now?” Twelve years ago my Division VP called while I was prepping for a QBR. “I need you to jump into a client meeting this afternoon,” He said, one of the world’s largest automotive OEMs, high stakes, 6 hours to prepare. Then the pause. “What are you wearing right now?” 🧭 I thought he meant dress code. He didn’t. He lowered his voice: “The president has a reputation for hitting on women. I want you to be prepared.” Translation: deliver the work and survive the room. 🧪 I had 6 hours and 2 checklists. First: deck, storyline, numbers. Second: don’t get blindsided. I pulled in a junior male as a wingman, shifted the meeting to a glass-walled room, and rehearsed simple, steady lines I could drop without flinching: “Let’s stick to the agenda.” “We’re here for the deal.” The meeting landed. No comments. But the aftertaste stayed... the quiet tax is the mental tab women keep open while doing the actual job. 🧊 That call taught me a rotten lesson baked into leadership: Women are asked to calculate risk before we contribute value. We speak while scanning exits. We present while monitoring tone. None of this shows up in KPIs, but it drains authority like a leaky valve. 🪫 Here’s the part we rarely say out loud: running two operating systems, delivery and defense, dilutes presence. You’re not “overreacting.” You’re making the invisible visible. And visibility is the first step to power. 🛠️ What I wish someone had told me then: 1. Bring your buffer. Don’t be afraid to request someone in the room with you, not to assist you technically, but to dilute the power imbalance. It’s not weakness. It’s strategy.    2. Pre-empt boundary crossing. If you’re warned someone is inappropriate, name it before it happens. “Just to clarify, I’ll be focused strictly on business today.” Let them know they won’t get away with casual harassment cloaked as banter. 3. Control the setting when you can. Suggest public venues, group meetings, or shorter time slots. Private dinners and “casual drinks” are not neutral spaces. Stop feeling guilty for adjusting logistics to protect your dignity. 4. Write it down. Date, time, words, witnesses. Not to be paranoid, because patterns persuade even when people don’t. ⚖️ If you’re still wondering whether equity has arrived, ask who must plan their safety before they speak, and who just gets to speak. 🌀 That’s why Uma and I built ㊙️ The Private Circle ㊙️ A 3-month, high-touch strategic space for 5 senior executive women. Not “women supporting women.” A crucible. $3,998, by design, for leaders with skin in the game who want to change how power moves through them. 🚀 November intake is full, but we may run a parallel intake. If this is your season to stop leaking power, read the details and DM me https://lnkd.in/g7SSRnvG 👊 The work and the room. Master both, and then redesign the room.

Struggling with team member who gets defensive to feedback? I feel you. It's really tricky to address. Here's the scenario (which is fictional and any resemblance to an actual person or event is purely coincidental): Your team member's attention to detail is poor, and they keep making errors. You want to help them improve, and you know you need to address it because it's impacting the team's credibility. But every time you bring it up, they get defensive, blame others, or make excuses. Where leaders often go wrong is that they double down on trying to solve the attention to detail problem. They approach it from all different angles, but get the same response each time. Instead, they need to identify the real problem which is (drum roll plz): defensiveness. You can't solve the attention to detail issue until you solve the defensiveness issue. So you need to switch gears and focus on that, which brings us to the messy part...How do you even address defensiveness? Step 1) Ask them how they like to receive feedback Before you have the conversation, ask them how they prefer to receive feedback so you can tailor it to be more likely to land well. Step 2) Speak to their goals Connect the conversation back to their career or personal goals and how defensiveness will hold them back from getting there. Talk about the impact of the behaviour and share examples of how it sounds and what it looks like when it shows up. 3) Spell out the behaviours you need more of: curiosity and ownership The antidote to defensiveness is curiosity. That's the first behaviour you need to build with this person. When people stay curious, they are far less likely to become defensive. The next behaviour is ownership. Invite the person to own their part and talk through what curiosity and ownership look like in practice. Sometimes that can sound like: Can you help me understand what you’re seeing? Can you give me a specific example? What would you like me to do differently next time? Step 4) Get future focused In the conversation, speak to the antidote behaviours you want to see more of in future. As they build more curiosity and ownership, the less defensiveness you'll see. #leadership #peopleandculture #HR

How to address belittling comments about age 😳👇 Belittling comments about age can quickly damage working relationships if left unaddressed. If you’re on the receiving end of a disrespectful comment about age, it’s often not easy to know how to address it constructively. It can be even more challenging if you’re managing the person making the comment. Here is what I would recommend: 1️⃣ Take a breath. These type of comments show emotional immaturity. You don’t need to match this type of energy. 2️⃣ Assert clear boundaries. For example: “I’m happy to talk about this further, and I do need you to speak to me respectfully. I may be younger [or older], and I still need to be treated with respect.” 3️⃣ Shift the dynamic by asking them a reflective question, something that encourages accountability without escalating the tension. This approach can also be adapted when the dynamic is reversed, if you’re older than your direct report and the ageism is coming from them. 💬 How would you approach a situation like this? I’d love to hear what you’d add to help shift the dynamic. 📌 Please remember the advice offered in this video is generalised and will not fit every situation. Therefore, please use your own judgement when using this advice and adapt it to suit your situation. ➕ Follow Claire Benjamin for more strategies on navigating tricky work dynamics

Lloyds Banking Group have warned 3,000 staff they’re at risk of dismissal as part of a new performance ranking process. (Very similar to old GE rank & yank process) On paper, it’s framed as embedding a “high-performance culture.” In practice, it raises a bigger question... Is performance management about helping people grow, or about removing them? (I really thought we were long past having to answer this) When reviews are tied to forced rankings and dismissal plans, they’re no longer about clarity, feedback, or development. They become judgment days. And that undermines the very culture they’re meant to build. The irony is high performance doesn’t come from fear. It comes from: ✅ Clear expectations ✅ Coaching and feedback ✅ Letting people know how they performed If there really are 3,000 underperformers, the issue may be less about individuals and more about whether the right performance processes have been in place over the years. The real difference comes when managers address underperformance in the moment - rather than saving it up for a once-a-year 'forced' reckoning through annual reviews. If we want to tackle underperformance sustainably, the design of the process matters as much as the intent. The question for all of us before tightening the screws... Are we building performance to grow capability, or just covering up for leaders who avoid the hard conversations in the moment? https://lnkd.in/gbF5axJR