Improving Emotional Regulation in the Workplace

5 Ways to Take Criticism Without Shutting Down: (high performers hear it differently) Most people hear criticism as an attack. High performers hear it as intelligence. Here's how they do it differently: 1/ Pause Before You Respond → Your first reaction is always emotional. → Count to three before speaking. → Defensiveness lives in the immediate response. → Wisdom lives in the pause. 2/ Ask "What's the Outcome They Want?" → Criticism isn't about you being wrong. → It's about them wanting something better. → Focus on their goal, not your ego. → This shifts you from defense to problem-solving. 3/ Repeat Back What You Heard → "So you're saying [specific behavior] is creating [specific problem]?" → This forces clarity instead of assumptions. → Most criticism fails because of misunderstanding. → Confirmation prevents escalation. 4/ Mine for the Specific Behavior → Don't accept vague feedback. → Ask "can you give me an example of when I did that?" → Specifics are actionable. → Generalizations just create resentment. 5/ Thank Them for the Risk → Giving criticism is uncomfortable. → Acknowledge they could have stayed silent. → "Thank you for caring enough to say something." → This creates safety for future feedback. Defensiveness kills learning. Curiosity accelerates it. The criticism you resist is often the growth you need most. ♻️ Repost and follow Justin Bateh, PhD for more.

When I debrief teams on their psychological safety scan results, I see the same dynamics over and over again: The loudest voices often dominate the room, while the most thoughtful contributors hesitate to speak up. Not because they lack insight, but because the environment makes it risky to challenge ideas, ask questions, or share unconventional perspectives. Here are 3 steps to foster team psychological safety: 1️⃣ Establish ground rules for inclusive discussions Create norms that actively encourage everyone to contribute, such as asking quieter team members for their input or setting a “no interruption” policy to give space for reflection. 2️⃣ Celebrate constructive dissent Normalize disagreement by framing it as an opportunity for growth, not conflict. Leaders can model this by asking, “What might we be missing?” or “Who sees this differently?” 3️⃣ Reinforce learning over perfection Create a culture where mistakes and questions are seen as stepping stones, not setbacks. Praise team members for their willingness to take risks and share ideas, even if they’re not fully formed. The result: 🧠 A team that doesn’t mistake confidence for competence, speed for depth, or volume for value. Instead, it’s one where collective intelligence thrives. P.S.: How does your team ensure that thoughtful voices are heard and valued?

Over the past 20 years, I've had the opportunity to work with the world's best leaders. Here’s the truth I’ve seen across every industry, team, and culture: Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t fear criticism. Most people don’t struggle with criticism because of the words being said; they struggle because of the emotions those words trigger. They use it. They turn feedback into fuel. Here’s how you can handle criticism with emotional intelligence: 1) Don’t react Work on self-regulating. Pause for 2–3 seconds. Breathe. Let the emotional spike settle. Instant reactions destroy clarity. Regulated responses create it. 2) Separate the message from the emotion. Ask yourself: What part of this feedback is valuable? What’s not? Self-awareness turns defensiveness into insight. 3) Assume positive intent, even when it’s hard. Most people aren’t trying to attack you. They’re trying to be heard. This mindset shift can transform high-performing teams. 4) Get curious, not combative. Say: “Help me understand what you’re seeing.” Questions lower tensions; curiosity opens doors. 5) Take ownership of your part. Emotionally intelligent leaders reflect, adjust, and move forward. 6) Use criticism to grow your leadership presence. Every piece of feedback is data about: • How you’re showing up • How others experience you • How you can communicate more effectively Criticism is an opportunity reflect, grow and respond with confidence. If you want to lead with influence, trust, and emotional maturity, mastering this skill is non-negotiable. What’s one strategy that has helped you handle tough feedback more effectively? Follow me, Christopher D. Connors, for more insights on how to lead with emotional intelligence.

Organisational change is happening at a scale & pace we've rarely seen previously in the health & care sector. It is stirring up profound anxiety within teams. For leaders, understanding the powerful psychological undercurrents at play in driving group behaviour in times of change is as least as critical as managing the operational aspects of transition.  How do we do lead this change process with our teams in evidence-informed ways?  Heidi Pickett suggests following a process based on Bion’s group dynamic theory. Bion sets out 3 typical behaviours—dependency, fight-flight, & pairing – that block teams from moving forward. "Dependency" means over-reliance on leadership for answers, leaving team members passive & hesitant to act. "Fight-flight" manifests in blaming, conflict, or withdrawal from the challenge at hand. "Pairing" leads to an expectation that a “saviour” or magical solution will emerge to solve the group’s problems, neglecting participation & collaboration in the team.  Bion’s insights can help us move beyond managing tasks to working with meaning & emotion. This can significantly reduce group anxiety during organisational change. Here’s what leaders might do, based on Bion’s framework: •Don’t suppress anxiety but recognise the undercurrents of the group •Openly discuss the dynamics of the team & facilitate dialogue •Set clear goals, expectations & boundaries, reducing uncertainty fuelled anxiety •Build trust by communicating transparently •Encourage participation & ownership, encouraging people to take initiative •Engage the wider group in problem-solving & decision-making •Model emotional stability & help “hold” the team’s anxiety •Encourage group reflection & diverse perspectives & discourage “groupthink” An overview of Bion’s theory: https://lnkd.in/eiipZfxD By Psychology fanatic. Another superb graphic from Heidi Pickett.

Struggling with team member who gets defensive to feedback? I feel you. It's really tricky to address. Here's the scenario (which is fictional and any resemblance to an actual person or event is purely coincidental): Your team member's attention to detail is poor, and they keep making errors. You want to help them improve, and you know you need to address it because it's impacting the team's credibility. But every time you bring it up, they get defensive, blame others, or make excuses. Where leaders often go wrong is that they double down on trying to solve the attention to detail problem. They approach it from all different angles, but get the same response each time. Instead, they need to identify the real problem which is (drum roll plz): defensiveness. You can't solve the attention to detail issue until you solve the defensiveness issue. So you need to switch gears and focus on that, which brings us to the messy part...How do you even address defensiveness? Step 1) Ask them how they like to receive feedback Before you have the conversation, ask them how they prefer to receive feedback so you can tailor it to be more likely to land well. Step 2) Speak to their goals Connect the conversation back to their career or personal goals and how defensiveness will hold them back from getting there. Talk about the impact of the behaviour and share examples of how it sounds and what it looks like when it shows up. 3) Spell out the behaviours you need more of: curiosity and ownership The antidote to defensiveness is curiosity. That's the first behaviour you need to build with this person. When people stay curious, they are far less likely to become defensive. The next behaviour is ownership. Invite the person to own their part and talk through what curiosity and ownership look like in practice. Sometimes that can sound like: Can you help me understand what you’re seeing? Can you give me a specific example? What would you like me to do differently next time? Step 4) Get future focused In the conversation, speak to the antidote behaviours you want to see more of in future. As they build more curiosity and ownership, the less defensiveness you'll see. #leadership #peopleandculture #HR

Regulating your nervous system is a career builder. Our brains were originally wired for survival. When we perceive a threat, our cave-person amygdala activates a fight or flight response. This mechanism evolved to keep us alive, not to help us reason through a tough meeting. In modern work environments, critical feedback or public disagreement can be misinterpreted as a threat to status or safety. Once that alarm is triggered, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for reasoning and self-regulation, goes partially offline. The result is an emotional reaction that can feel disproportionate to the “real” situation. Withdrawing under pressure is a natural instinct. When the nervous system is flooded, shutting down can feel like a safe option. However, in an important meeting or decision, withdrawal can create more problems. It can erode trust and leave conflicts unresolved. Over time, repeated cycles of this can create feelings of chronic stress. “I don’t want to go to this meeting.” Managing reactions to feedback and conflict is about regulating your nervous system in the moment. One effective strategy is to pause before responding. Even a slow breath can reduce physiological arousal enough for the prefrontal cortex. “You got this.” Another is cognitive reframing: consciously labeling feedback as information, not a verdict. Asking a clarifying question, such as “What would good look like here?”, can shift the interaction from threat to joint solving. Staying engaged during the heat is a learned skill. Over time, practicing staying calm and engaged can retrain the brain to handle workplace friction. The goal is not to eliminate all emotional reactions, but to respond more deliberately, especially when the instinct to withdraw feels strong.

Most teams don’t get better because they don’t take time to debrief. Last year, I had the honor of doing a bunch of leadership development work alongside my dear friend and amigo, Michael French. He’s a multi-time founder with successful exits, a fantastic family, and a heart of gold. One of the most powerful tools we taught together (really he, Michael O'Brien, and Admiral Mike McCabe taught, and I amplified in my sessions) was the concept of a Topgun-style debrief — and then we practiced it ourselves after every single session as a group. It’s a simple but transformative ritual. After every experience, we’d ask each other: What went well? What could have gone better? And what actions will we take to be even better next time? That’s it. Just three questions. But when asked in a space of trust, it opens the door to continuous improvement, honest reflection, and shared learning. The coolest part? Michael started doing it at home with his son — and now his son comes home from school excited to debrief the day with his dad. That’s when you know the tool is working. The origins of this approach go back to the Navy Fighter Weapons School — better known as Topgun. In the 1960s, Navy pilots were underperforming in air combat. So they changed the way they trained. But more importantly, they changed the way they debriefed. They created a culture of constructive, positive, inclusive performance reviews — grounded in trust, openness, and the pursuit of excellence. Led to a 400% improvement in pilot effectiveness. The philosophy was clear: the debrief is not about blame or fault-finding. It’s not about who “won” the debrief. It’s about learning. It’s about getting better — together. The tone is collaborative, supportive, and often informal. The goal is to build a culture of reflection where people feel safe enough to speak, to listen, and to grow. Most organizations only do debriefs when something goes wrong. But if we wait for failure to reflect, we miss all the micro-moments that help us move from good to great. Excellence isn’t a destination. It’s a mindset. It’s the discipline of always being open to improvement — even when things are going well. Especially when things are going well. So here’s my nudge to you: give this a try. Whether it’s with your team, your family, your partner, or just yourself at the end of the day — ask those three simple questions. What went well? What could have gone better? And what actions can we take to be even better next time? Let me know if you do. I’d love to hear how it goes.

WHAT'S in your backpack of baggage that stops you from climbing up the career ladder? These are your limiting beliefs ... Most of us rock up to work with a mental backpack filled with invisible baggage. The backpack is filled with limiting beliefs – well-worn but wildly unhelpful thoughts that convince us we are neither capable, qualified nor good enough. The beliefs sound innocent enough – I am not leadership material. I have never been great at presenting. I am too old to learn new tech. I am just not a people person. These are not facts but stories – often outdated – that we continue to tell ourselves as if they have been carved in concrete. In the workplace, these beliefs breed quietly but spread quickly. A colleague declines to speak up in a meeting, convinced their ideas are not worth sharing. An employee knocks back a promotion, certain they are not ready.  A manager refuses to delegate, secretly believing no one else can do the job as well.  E ven seasoned staff can get stuck in the mental mud of “it’s too late to change direction now”. Limiting beliefs are particularly fond of finding comfort in past failures. One botched presentation becomes proof that public speaking is off the table for life. A clunky first go at managing a team cements the belief that leadership is not in the DNA. Add a sprinkle of perfectionism and a dash of imposter syndrome and the mental mix becomes downright paralysing. Left unchecked, they quietly dictate which roles we apply for, meetings we speak in and chances we take. This is why we need to challenge limiting beliefs about ourselves. It starts by catching them in the act. The flicker of hesitation before suggesting an idea? The mental ‘no’ before even considering a new opportunity? That is the belief at work. From there, it is about reframing. Instead of “I’m not ready” try “I’m learning”. Rather than “I’m terrible at networking”, try “I’m improving every time I try”. A small shift in language can lead to a big shift in confidence. Behaviour breeds belief, not the other way around. When limiting beliefs run the show, workplaces shrink. They become places of hesitation rather than action, doubt rather than direction. But when those beliefs are challenged, cracked open and rewritten, something shifts. Confidence grows. Potential emerges. The ceiling lifts. The biggest barriers at work are rarely budgets, restructures or skill shortages. It is the stories people tell themselves – quietly, constantly and usually without question. #management #leadership #HR #work #workplace #aimwa #impostersyndrome #careers Cartoon used licence: CartoonStock

Have you ever experienced leaders who throw disdain at you? I have had. So many of us have. It’s an uncomfortable reality of professional life. As much as we expect leadership to embody guidance and support, sometimes we encounter those who, rather than uplift, seem to undermine or dismiss us. In these moments, it’s easy to feel demotivated, frustrated, or even question our abilities. But, there are ways to navigate through such challenges with resilience and grace. Here are a few thoughts: 1.⁠ ⁠Stay anchored in your self-worth Don’t let someone's negative perception define your self-image. Stay rooted in your strengths and past achievements. Confidence in your own capabilities can act as a buffer against the negativity. 2.⁠ ⁠Seek constructive feedback Not all negative behavior is without value. If possible, sift through disdainful comments to see if there is constructive criticism hidden beneath. It could be an opportunity for growth, despite the delivery. 3. Lean on your support system Turn to your trusted peers, mentors, or colleagues for a reality check. They can offer a balanced perspective and provide much-needed encouragement when you're feeling low. 4. Focus on learning Even from poor leadership, there are lessons to be learned. Observing what you don’t want to emulate can shape you into the kind of leader others look up to. 5. Know when to escalate or move on If the behaviour persists and affects your mental well-being or productivity, it might be time to have a candid conversation or escalate the issue. And if things don’t improve, consider if it’s worth staying in an environment that doesn’t respect you. No leader’s disdain can define your journey. It’s not about avoiding them, but about growing through the challenges they knowingly or unknowingly present. Believe you me, you would have a lot to be thankful about when you succinctly manage to learn from such experiences and / or encounters.